Railroad Man

Casey was angry. The fastidious little man in the three-piece suit and horn-rimmed glasses was fussing over the papers spread all over Casey desk. He couldn't hide his agitation when he said, "Come on Mr. Timmons, I have been back here in the station for over three hours. I was supposed to get off over an hour ago at 8:00, and I have a date.

Wilfred Timmons was cleaning his glasses when he said, "Don't be inpatient Mr. Jones. All of the paperwork has to be in order, fuel consumption logs, meal vouchers and expense reports. We are almost finished here. Everything seems to be pretty much in order except this one expense report and I cannot approve it."

"Which one is that?"

"This one from Clio's Cat House in Cleveland. It has to be itemized. 'For services rendered' is not acceptable. It must say what service you received, such as a hand job, anal sex or whatever."

"It was a blow job."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter now, I can't accept it. Besides, the blow job was $30 and you tipped her $30. We do not allow tipping of more than 15 or 20 percent. I'll have to disallow this item. Anyway, all you have to do is finish up the rest of your paperwork. You can be out of here in an hour or so."

An hour and a half later, Casey stormed out of the engineer’s office in the station, resigned that he was out the $60. He finally found his car and set off to see what he could salvage of his date.

He was almost to his destination when the red flashing light appeared behind him. He pulled over to the curb and waited while the big policeman got out of the cruiser. He watched in his rear view mirror as a burly cop walked up to his window with mincing little steps. In a very squeaky, yet somehow sexy voice, the cop said, "Gee, fellow, you sure were going way too fast back there. What's the matter big boy, is your pee-pee on fire? Where are you going in such a hurry?"

Never having encountered a policeman such as this before, Casey was taken aback. He decided he better be truthful. "I am on my way to Hannah's whorehouse. I had an 8:00 appointment and I am very late.

"Ooo, I'd like to help you out but I don't get off until midnight. I can't ignore your speeding but I will ease up a bit on the ticket. I will only site you for 50 miles an hour in a 20 mile zone rather than the 60 you were actually doing."

Casey was gloomy as he accepted the ticket. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it, you handsome devil." The cop reached in the window with his left hand, put it under Casey's chin, turned his face towards the window, leaned in and gave Casey a big kiss, right on the lips. "Ta-Ta, big boy."

Casey sat there stunned while he watched the big cop mincing his way back to the patrol car. He wiped his mouth and finally pulled away from the curb wondering, what the hell had just happened.

At last he got to Hannah's but couldn't find a parking spot. He circled the block three times and was pulling into a loading zone when the same patrol car pulled up alongside of him.

"You can't park there big boy, that's a loading zone."

"It's 11 o'clock at night and this is a cat house. What the hell are they going to load?"

"It doesn't matter, that is a 24 hour zone and if you park there I will have to have your car towed away. My brother has an all night parking garage three blocks down. He is still open."

Fifteen minutes later, his car entrusted to the parking attendant, Casey stood on Hannah's front doorstep. When he rang the bell, he could hear muffled voices inside.

"Who is it?"

"Casey, Casey Jones."

More muffled voices. "Oh, shit, not him again." Then louder, "Go away, we are closed."

"Come on, open up, I had an appointment! I'm just a little late. I am a good customer and I'm hard as a shovel handle and I really need to come in."

"Oh, all right, wait a minute."

Three minutes later, the door squeaked open and there on the threshold stood Hannah, all 5 foot 2, 300 pounds of her. "It's well after 11 o'clock and we are closed. All the girls have gone home except Mabel and me."

Casey was disappointed but trying to make the best of a bad situation he said, "Well, that's okay, you'll have to do."

Hannah's huge belly jiggled as she laughed and said, "Ha, don't you wish. You know I don't serve customers. I guess I can let you have Mabel, but you better be quick about it. Come in."

Casey was about to be seated when another woman walked into the room. He jumped to his feet, "Holey shit, she is ugly!"

"Nonsense, most men would want a woman with no teeth."

"Yeah, but she ain't got no hair either and I never saw anyone as skinny as that!"

"Well, it's her or nothing. Besides, she needs the money for her meditation. Did you bring a condom?"

Forty-five seconds later, Casey found himself standing on the front stoop as the door banged shut behind him. Dejectedly, he started walking down the street towards his car. Suddenly, in the next block, he saw the flashing red light of the police patrol car, stopped, probably giving someone a parking ticket. He glanced at his watch and checked the time. 11:45.

Hand in the air, he broke into a run.

"Officer! Oh, officer!"

30

Copyright © 09-04-2002 by E. J. Sheeran. All rights reserved. This work, in part, or whole, is not to be distributed, reproduced, transmitted or posted, in any manner, without the express written permission of the author.

For comments on this story contact me at the link below.