tagHumor & SatireRandy Land Ch. 02

Randy Land Ch. 02


"Sue, we'd best be going. We have a long walk to The Randy Palace."

Sue agreed and Fluffa offered to show them the way. The girls waved goodbye as the twins left the orchard. Fluffa took them to a trail paved with brightly colored stones. As they walked along it, he gave them advice. "Stick to the trail. If you go off it you could get lost. As you seek King Candy, you will meet many odd characters along the way. Be open to them and learn what they have to offer you. If you get lost or twisted around, ask for a ticket. The Éclair Express runs often and will take you somewhere on the path. You never know where, exactly."

Fluffa was about to part ways with them when the children spotted something extraordinary. The trees thinned and they saw massive striped pillars capped with rounded cone shapes. A dizzying array of sparkles glinted off of an enormous, rainbow-colored slide. It careened down the hill and looped around the valley below. The slide seem like so much fun! The children asked Fluffa what it was.

"The Rainbow Path? Are either of you queer?" Fluffa took in their befuddled expressions. "Best not to go that way. Now good luck!" Fluffa waddled back to the Gingerplum Orchard and the children were alone once more.

They walked in awkward silence, looking at peppermint saplings and jellybean bushes. Finally Billy spoke up, hoping to encourage his sister.

"Sis, I know you are worried about going away to school, but I'm sure it will be fine once you get there. And maybe being here will help you somehow."

A flush spread over Sue's neck and ears. "It has already helped, at least a little." She caught Billy's eyes on her and fessed up. "I scratched Fluffa's back, and before you know it he was... massaging me. You know, touching me. Down there." She traced the back of her hand over her skirt.

"You had sex with Fluffa?" Billy asked in surprise.

"Well, no. But I did come."

Billy was astonished to hear his sister talk so forthrightly about sex, but given recent events he shouldn't have wondered. "Sis, I fooled around with Sweetlea and Sugarplum as well."

"Fooled around? Fooled around how?"

"I touched their horns and they seemed to like it, and they touched my 'horn' too."

"Billy, are you telling me that Sugarplum and Sweetlea jerked you off?"

"No! No."

"So you didn't cum. Too bad, it was actually quite nice. Much better than I was expecting."

"Erm, Sis, I did cum." She looked askance at him. Billy wasn't sure how to explain that he had mounted the girls and fucked their pressed-together bodies like a rutting stag. "They let me rub my dick on them."

"My-oh-my! This has been an interesting adventure, hasn't it, brother dear." Sue was smirking at Billy, which riled him a little, but he was still glowing from the interlude in the orchard and let it go.

Before long it grew chilly and frost appeared on the ground. Frost became mounds of snow and the foliage disappeared from the trees. Soon naught remained but peppermint saplings, which grew larger and taller as they walked. The twins were thick in a forest of peppermint. Giant striped stalks of white, pink, and red dotted the landscape. It was just snow, and peppermint, and the path before them.

They'd walked for what seemed like forever, hills of snow muffling sounds and casting blue shadows across the path. The strong smell of peppermint wafted to them on cold breezes.

Eventually the children heard a curious sound echoing off the powdery hills. There was a crack, then a tinkle, followed by a subdued thud. Again they heard the sounds, louder this time. When the children came round a bend in the path, they found the source of the commotion. A peppermint man was hacking away at the trees with a peppermint axe. His limbs were striped white and glossy pink. A cone-shaped hat topped his cotton-candy hair. Pink pantaloons puffed around his waist and bottom.

He heaved with a mighty swing and felled a stout candy cane in a resounding tinkle of fractured peppermint. A sharp whiff of mint sailed to them on the wind. As the peppermint tree fell the man spied the twins and walked down the hill to greet them. He stood patiently, waiting for them to arrive. His round face was completely passive. His eyes were black beads which gave nothing away.

The children reached the man and the trio stood in silence, sizing each other up. After a time the gangly lumberjack asked "Have you come to see my cane?" Billy and Sue looked at each other quizzically.

"No. We are looking for King Candy. Have you seen him?"

The man thought for a minute, looking back and forth between the two. Though his eyes revealed no thought, Billy got the distinct impression that the lumberjack doubted them. "I have not seen King Candy in some time. Years, in fact. As long as I produce enough peppermint, I don't see anyone at all... unless it is visitors like yourselves."

The man waited for them to speak again. He looked particularly hard at Sue, who seemed to be wrestling with something in her mind. Finally she spoke.

"I am Sue, and this is Billy."

"I am Mister Cane. A pleasure to meet you, miss!" The peppermint man bowed low, swooping his arms flamboyantly. "And you, sir!" Mister Cane tipped the wide brim of his hat and inclined his head to Billy.

"There is something that brings us to your land besides looking for King Candy." Sue looked uncomfortable but pressed on, emboldened by her recent adventure with Fluffa. "It is a sensitive matter. May we go somewhere private?"

"Why Miss Sue," Mister Cane said, twirling his arms as he spun around, "You are standing in the most private corner of this realm! Nary a soul comes by this place unless something brings them here." It was true; there was no one for miles. But his words revealed that Mister Cane was oblivious to Sue's embarrassment. Nevertheless she continued.

"Mister Cane, my brother and I were talking when Fluffa the Fluffy Troll came to fetch us. I had been crying because I am so nervous. I am going away to college soon and... well, I don't know much about sex." Sue placed her hands demurely in front of her.

Mister Cane seemed satisfied now and perked up. "In that case, you should see my cane! People come to the Peppermint Wood from far and wide to see my cane. Would you like to see it, Miss Sue?"

Sue looked at Billy, who shrugged. Then she looked at Mister Cane and nodded. He parked his peppermint axe in a drift of snow and then unbuttoned a fly that was hidden in the folds of his pantaloons. Sue raised her hand to her mouth and was about to protest when a long shank of peppermint fell out of Mister Cane's fly. It dangled like a snake hanging from a tree. Coils of white swirled around its dark pink surface. A bulbous red gumdrop capped its end.

As Sue watched in fascination, the cane snapped itself into a straight line and then rose like a needle on a gauge. It bobbed in the air, rigid and pulsing. Being in the open like that, and having just met him, made Mister Cane's act of exhibitionism all that more shocking.

Mister Cane moved towards Sue on gangly legs until the red gumdrop bumped into her hands. In spite of herself, Sue reached out and gripped the bulbous head with her fingertips. She tugged it gently. Mister Cane watched her fledgling explorations. He was quiet for a time while she ran her hands up and down the rigid shaft protruding from his pantaloons. It seemed she needed some encouragement.

"You can lick my cane, if you want to. It won't hurt me. In fact, it feels wonderful!"

Billy suddenly became interested in peppermint trees and walked off. Sue tried to ignore her brother's presence and sank to her knees in the snow, which was cool and yielding, and not wet at all. She extended her tongue and flicked it timidly across the reddish-purple gumdrop bobbing in her face. It was sweet and more firm than it looked. Sue raised her eyes and looked at Mister Cane who nodded in reassurance.

Sue swished her tongue up and down the candy cane, relishing its minty flavor. Its white stripes were raised and rounded, like a swirl of frosting coiling around his purple shaft. They created pleasing bumps for her tongue to explore. She traced the embossed channel of peppermint between the stripes, swirling her tongue around and around his shaft until she bumped into the base. From inside his unbuttoned fly, Sue detected a cocktail of aromas: wood smoke, mint, and musk.

Sue placed the flat of her tongue under the base of Mister Cane's cane and cupped it. She ran her tongue all the way up, making sure to tuck her tongue tip into the groove between the shaft and the base of the gumdrop. Mister Cane jumped when she did this. He looked into Sue's eyes and stroked her hair.

"Is this how you eat a candy cane in your world?" he asked gently.

"Well, no, Mister Cane. Not exactly."

"What do you do, then?"

"First I unwrap it, which is devilishly hard. That cellophane is a real bitch to get off sometimes. I often have to rip it open with my teeth." Seeing his worried expression, Sue hurried on. "But your cane is already unwrapped. Next I lick it a little bit to get it wet, and then suck on the end. Sometimes, if the juice runs down, I lap it up and then keep sucking."

"Mmm, Miss Sue, that sounds wonderful! Why don't you try that now? After all, that is the least messy way to eat a candy cane." Mister Cane grinned at her wolfishly.

Sue grinned back and then capped his cane with her mouth. She let the rubbery gumdrop head bump against the roof of her mouth then pursed her lips around his shaft. Sue waited a moment for the saliva to build and then sucked gently. The gumdrop nudged backward along her palate and the shaft slipped deeper between her lips. Sue nursed the thick candy cane, enjoying the sweet, minty effluent that built up as she sucked. It filled her mouth, eked from between her lips, and ran down Mister Cane's swirled shaft. Sue gulped it down and then licked up the viscous drops that had escaped.

"Am I doing it right, Mister Cane?" Sue asked anxiously, mint juice dribbling from her lip.

"Oh, yes, Miss Sue. Yes indeed." Mister Cane stroked her hair again as he looked into the wells of her deep blue eyes. Then he guided her head back to his cane, rubbing the tip across her lips and nose before pushing it between her parted lips. Sue opened wide and relaxed her tongue, paying attention to the motions that Mister Cane was making inside of her. As he eased his peppermint rod in and out, Sue found the rhythm and started pursing her lips in time. She sucked and lapped her tongue around the base of his gumdrop prickhead.

Before long Mister Cane withdrew his prick from her mouth with an audible pop. She looked at him quizzically. "You have it right, Miss Sue! If you keep going I shall release my frosting, which means you have done a very good job indeed! Do you want to taste my frosting?" Sue was intimidated by this, but she did want to learn so she nodded. "Then tell me where you want it. It is neater in your mouth, but some women enjoy watching my frosting fountain spray."

Sue thought about this and decided she didn't want to choose. "How about both?"

Mister Cane laughed and agreed. He let Sue take over this time. She licked up and down his cane then popped it into her mouth. Sue wriggled her tongue back and forth beneath his prickhead and then slurped it deep into her mouth. She bobbed her pursed lips tightly around his cane and took a long, hard suck. Mister Cane smiled and exploded. Splurts of foamy frosting filled her cheeks, piling into the corners of her mouth and slithering along her tongue. Mister Cane pulled out his spewing rod and aimed the prickhole at her nose. White streams of frosting erupted like blasts from a can of silly string. They foamed up and congealed in the air, landing in thick drifts across her cheekbones and into her hair. Sue scooped up the frosting with her finger and tasted it. "Mmm, salty-sweet frosting. Delicious, Mister Cane!"

The peppermint lumberjack smiled and light glittered from his black button eyes. Sue looked at him with a flush in her cheek. "Is there something more, Miss Sue?" he asked coolly.

"Well, I enjoyed that very much and learned a lot. Would you indulge me further? I want to know about sex. Is there anything else your cane can do?"

Mister Cane danced a little jig and stopped with a flourish of his hands. "My cane can do many things!" The proudly straining rod suddenly drooped and looped into a circle, which Mister cane used to lift an old pail sitting nearby. Sue laughed with glee. Mister Cane moved forward and wriggled his cane in front of her. It slid like a snake between the buttons of her blouse and probed deep into her cleavage. Sue felt it writhe between her breasts and then worm its way back out. "But I think the question you are asking, beg your pardon if I'm wrong, is: can I fuck you with my cane?"

Sue drew her breath in a sharp gasp and searched Mister Cane's face. As always, nothing was there but a pasted-on smile. "Yes. I want you to fuck me with your cane."

"Why Miss Sue, what a lovely idea. Why don't you get comfortable? That's right, take off your panties. It is probably easiest to put your hands on the ground. Spread your knees and raise your bottom in the air. Don't look back. Close your eyes and focus on how it feels."

As she got ready, Billy was startled when Mister Cane waved him over and whispered into his ear. "I need you to guide my cane, Mister Billy. Use it to pleasure your sister. I don't know what movements please humans."

Billy was taken aback by this, but Sue was already waiting. Her red skirt was on, but Billy could see the pouting lips of her pussy and the blonde curls of her hair. Mister Mint bent his knees into round bows and nestled his gumdrop against her slit. He turned his placid face to Billy and waited.

Billy moved behind Mister Cane and gripped the base of his peppermint shaft. Billy waved it up and down, quivering the tip along the folds of his sister's pussy. Sue sighed and edged her bottom backward. She reached between her legs and guided Mister Cane's prickhead into her. Billy put his palm on the rock-hard globe of Mister Cane's ass and pushed the lumberjack forward. He kept his hand on the base of the rod and eased it in, then pulled it out, then pushed it back in more deeply.

"Ooh, Mister Cane! Your cane feels very nice. How it tingles!"

Indeed, Sue was tingling from the minty vapors rising from Mister Cane's rod. Her pussy felt like it was alternately on fire, then quenched in ice. As Billy stuffed the peppermint cane into her slit, Sue felt the ridges spiral inside her. Driven by desire, Sue fucked back against Mister Cane until her pussy had gripped as much of his cane as she could manage. The gumdrop head bumped against her cervix. Sue was as full as she could possibly be.

Billy pulled Mister Cane out slowly, listening to his sister's breathing and trying to gauge what felt good to her. He soon realized that she most enjoyed the moments when the gumdrop entered and left her body. So Billy tried to give his sister more of those moments. He grafted his body onto Mister Cane's and started thrusting his hips into Mister Cane's buttocks, which thrust forward in turn and drove his peppermint rod into Sue. Billy imagined that the trio resembled one of those desk toys with the clinking balls that swung back and forth.

Sue's arousal was growing by the moment. She was rutting with abandon, digging channels in the snow with her knees and hands. Billy reached forward and flipped up Sue's skirt and slip, exposing her bare ass to the cool air. Sue squealed and wriggled her ass deliciously. Billy's eyes were drawn to Sue in spite of himself. He stared intently at her nest of blonde curls and the crinkled lips of her twat, which were being stretched wide by Mister Cane's striped mulberry fuckstick. He watched the swirly stick slip deeper, then reverse. Sue's pussy lips inverted, pouting outward as they cleaved to his shaft. Billy watched the underside of Mister Cane's prickhead emerge from the folds of his sister. Without consciously intending to, Billy reached out with his hand to feel their union. He delicately flicked his fingertip over Sue's engorged clit.

That was the last straw; Sue bucked and moaned with bliss. Her exuberance did the trick for Mister Cane as well. He retreated from Sue's quivering body and held his peppermint rod aloft. It shook mightily and jettisoned foamy blasts of frosting which sailed across Sue's pert asscheeks and pooled in the depression at the small of her back. Some of the frosting dripped down over her anus and came to rest in the curly nest of her pubes. Sue reached between her legs and scooped up the mixture of her tangy lubricant and his minty ejaculate. She licked her fingers clean, sighing in satisfaction.

Mister Cane looked back at Billy and pointed down the path. Billy stepped away from the mint man and hustled down the trail a ways, becoming suddenly engrossed in peppermint saplings and snow drifts.

Sue regained her composure and looked up at Mister Cane. He gathered his peppermint cum from her backside and offered his finger to Sue. She slurped the frosting from his finger and beamed at him with a wide smile.

"Don't forget about your panties, Miss Sue." Mister Cane gave her some privacy and ambled over to Billy. "Thank you, Mister Billy. That could have been very awkward if not for you." He said it without a trace of irony, though to Billy the whole affair had been nothing but awkward. Billy sought a different topic.

"Do you know what lies ahead?"

Mister Cane was quiet for so long that Billy thought he'd gone into a trance. Sue walked up to them and looked back and forth, wondering what was happening. Mister Cane chose that moment to reply, startling the twins.

"I'm sorry, Mister Billy. It has been so long that I can't remember. "

"That's okay, Mister Cane. We will find our own way." With that Billy prepared to continue their journey but Mister Cane grew agitated.

"Wait! Night will fall soon. As bright as the sun shines in this land, so is the darkness absolute. Things come out then that fear the daylight. Even I with my trusty axe do not tread the darkened paths. No, my friends... no. You simply must stay the night in my cabin. It is warm there and I have good things to eat."

He took them to a rustic lodge over the next hill. A tendril of smoke rose from the chimney. They could not see the sunset, but the sky was growing ever darker. Sue and Billy were quite cold by now and they were glad when Mister Cane ushered them in and stoked the coals into a cheerful fire. The twins sat in overstuffed chairs and watched the dancing flames while Mister Cane readied some cocoa, biscuits, and jam. They ate in silence, minds awhirl with private thoughts. Billy fell asleep in his chair and Mister Cane draped a blanket over him. Sue dozed as well, but stirred when the lumberjack went into his bed.

He saw her wake and patted the mattress next to him. Sue trotted over and climbed into bed with him. She cuddled next to the peppermint man and said "Thank you for showing me such a wonderful time. I will never forget you, Mister Cane." She kissed him on the cheek and worked her hand into his pantaloons. Sue found his cane tucked along the bottom, coiled against his leg. She stroked it lovingly. Mister Cane made it dance inside his pantaloons. Sue giggled as she chased the wily thing around and finally captured it firmly in her hand. She tugged it and the cane grew larger, popping out of his fly and sticking up obscenely in the air. Glowing coals in the fireplace cast orange highlights on its glossy surface. Mesmerized, Sue stroked the cane and squeezed the gumdrop head through the O of her fingers.

"Can I practice again, Mister Cane?" Sue asked as she stared at his cane with wide eyes. Without waiting for an answer Sue leaned over and impaled her face with his peppermint prick. She loved its clean, minty taste and the way it stuffed her mouth. Sue bobbed her head up and down. She sucked and sucked, filling the lodge with wet, slurping sounds. Her mouth was thick with saliva and peppermint syrup; her tongue tingled as spirals of mint slid across her taste buds. Sue pursed her lips and worked her whole mouth around his shaft in massaging waves.

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