tagHumor & SatireRandy Land Ch. 05

Randy Land Ch. 05


Square Four

Sue and Billy waved goodbye to the traders as they crossed the path and headed south. The traders had dropped the twins right in front of Fluffa's orchard. The sight was bittersweet. On one hand the twins were in a safe and familiar place. But they were back to square one with nothing to show for it.

The twins went into the orchard and were immediately mobbed by the ill-behaved horde of annoying gingerbread boys. "What are you looking at? Scram!" Billy said as he raised the cherry red whip and cracked the air. The miscreants yelped in fear and ran off.

When they reached Fluffa's corner of the orchard he looked up at them in surprise, and then concern flooded his eyes. "Why Princess Sue! You are injured."

Fluffa set Sue down gently in the grass and left. He returned with a bucket full of water and used his furry paw to sponge down Sue's back. Sue removed her torn shirt so he could get to the wound. Fluffa wiped the dried blood and grime away.

While Fluffa tended to Sue, Billy explained their journey thus far. Fluffa listened intently, peering at Sue and Billy in turn as the story went on. Sweetlea and Sugarplum were also listening, and they puffed with pride and cooed at the twins' heroics. When Billy reached the end of his tale, Sue burst out in frustration.

"And now we are back here, no further along than when we started!" She looked at Fluffa with a mixture of shame and ire.

Fluffa sat back on his bottom and thought for a moment. "I would say you are further along than when you started. Not every journey moves ever forward. You've had powerful learning experiences. Sometimes you have to move backwards in order to move ahead. Now there is one thing we can try. Perhaps you are are experienced enough now to take the Rainbow Path. But be warned: if they do not accept you, better to start over again and take the mountain pass."

Sue put back on her ripped shirt and the trio set off. Before long they came to the pillars and brightly colored mayhem of the Rainbow Path. It seemed to be a giant slide into a deep tunnel. Far off, the slide curved and there were waving fronds near the bend. Billy could not quite make it out.

"Well, let's give it a try!" he said, and stepped forward. As soon as he stepped onto the platform between the pillars, a short fellow with wild red hair stepped out. He wore a purple vest and curled shoes, and held a brass whistle in one hand.

"Not so fast, stranger!" said the odd little fellow as he held up a hand in warning. "This path isn't for just anyone. Do you have a ticket?"

"Well, erm... no," Billy said uncomfortably. The man eyed him suspiciously.

Sue strode forward and faced the gatekeeper. "We don't have tickets, but I did recently fuck another woman."

"Yeah, and I blew another guy's cock!" said Billy.

The gatekeeper softened his stance and stood aside. "In that case, welcome to the rainbow path. Enjoy your ride!"

He ushered the twins to the top of the slide, got them settled, then kicked them down the slide with a great heave of his foot. The twins careened wildly down the slippery slope, their vision bedazzled by sparkles of rainbow colors, going faster and faster until Billy thought they would crash into the wall for sure. A turn was coming up and Billy cringed in apprehension.

Then waves of hands reached out from the walls to slow their descent. At first they merely arrested the twins' fall. But then the hands actually lifted the twins and oriented them to the next slide. Billy was surprised to find several of the hands groping him, cupping his balls and massaging his cock through his pants. Sue gasped as one of the hands goosed her, and another pair unbuttoned her lower shirt buttons. Before the twins could react to these intrusions they were off again, hurtling down through the rainbow tunnel on the never ending slide.

The next turn came sooner this time, and the hands were more exploratory. Arms emerged from the walls and floor; their hands snaked up Sue's ribcage and felt her breasts through her bra cups. One devious hand popped her bra strap and the groping hands rejoiced, pinching her nipples and rolling them. Simultaneously, the hands beneath her formed a litter, lifting her by the bottom and exploring beneath her skirt.

Billy found hands gripping his chest and thighs, and other hands unzipping his fly and reaching into his pants. In spite of himself Billy found his cock hardening. The hands responded enthusiastically, tugging at his engorged flesh and fondling his tender ballsack. Then the hands heaved the twins over the edge of the next slide.

As they swished down the slide, Billy looked over at Sue and found her flustered. He imagined his own face mirrored hers.

This slide was long. As they slid downward, hands fanned above them from the ceiling and just grazed their speeding bodies. Sue found her nipples and her panties to be the targets, while Billy was receiving feathery slaps to his cockhead. The waving hands were very accurate, and combined with the speed of their descent formed a decent vibrator. Billy found his cock was throbbing now, pent up and uncomfortable, so he unzipped his fly all the way and took his cock out.

Sue glanced over at him, taking in the sight of his rigid prick bobbing in an endless wave of groping hands which flew by like trees outside a car window. Billy was laying back on the slide, mouth open slightly, breathing hard. Sue was finding herself aroused as well, but not overly so. As the hands patted her nipples and panties, Sue relaxed and watched the hands spank her brother's cock.

She found herself thinking about Lord Lickerish and the way he had spanked her while she was tied to the pommel horse. In spite of herself, Sue became aroused. Her panties grew damp and she couldn't help but pretend that the hands slapping her now were really blows from his riding crop. The thought jolted Sue and she touched herself involuntarily.

Before they knew it the slide came to an end. The last section was a long curve that let the twins come to a graceful halt. Billy found himself sitting in the middle of the slide with his boner waving lewdly in the air. He reddened and tucked it back in, zipping up quickly. Sue smiled and pretended not to notice.

When they stepped back onto the trail, Sue looked back and forth. To the east she could just make out the dunes of the brown sugar desert. Sue shuddered and looked west. This trail headed into a forest with throngs of singing birds. Cheeky squirrels peered at them from tree limbs. "This must be the way," Sue said, and the pair set off into the woods.

The trees soon thinned and the twins emerged among bucolic hills with neat farms and pastures. The path crested a hill which gave Billy and Sue a good look at the surrounding countryside. In the distance was a farmhouse made of odd, bumpy shingles. Peanuts grew all around it. Sue recognized the house and became excited. "Billy!" she said, grabbing his arm, "It is the Peanut Brittle Farmhouse!" He agreed with her and they stared at it in wonder, for it had heretofore existed only in their imaginations.

Between them and the house was a farm stand in the valley. When the twins reached it they found a gaudy wooden table piled high with fudgy confections. A banner read "Grandma's Gooeys." Behind the table was an older woman with heavy makeup and a hat that looked like a giant chocolate cupcake. She beamed at them with a pasted smile and shoved a platter in their faces. It was piled with pies, candies, and brownies. all thick with frosting and piped icing. After their walk, it was the least palatable meal that Sue could imagine, so she shook her head at the woman. Grandma Gooey seemed not to notice and chose a large bon-bon, which she tried to shove into Sue's mouth.

Meanwhile, Billy had noticed Grandma Gooey's daughter. Tall and gangly, she had flowing locks of cornsilk hair and wide, slanted doe eyes. Her pert nose sat above lips which seemed overly stuffed with collagen. Jangly star earrings and a tiara of chintzy plastic matched her star necklace. The shimmery bodice of her dress met poofy swirls of polyester stuffing. A slit in the dress revealed fishnet hose over long limbs. Billy was quite taken with her and tried to make small talk, but she looked at him with a bored, somewhat vacant expression. But she perked up when he introduced himself as Prince Billy; she leaned in close, adjusting her dress to reveal a bit more cleavage, and pretended to hang on his every word. She told him that she was a Princess as well.

Grandma Gooey and Sue both noticed the ploy -- in fact, Billy seemed the only one oblivious to what was going on. After his recent adventure on the slide, and now meeting a girl his own age who seemed interested in him, Billy thought this trip was finally going his way. He made a joke and the girl laughed loudly, gripping his arm and leaning against him for support.

This exasperated Sue, who was having trouble refusing Grandma Gooey's redoubled efforts to woo her with high fructose corn syrup. "Excuse me, please," Sue spat out as she walked over to Billy. "We really have to get going, Billy."

"Oh, Sue, let's stay awhile. This might be an important stop."

"Maybe, but we have to find shelter for the night and we can't afford the time."

"We have plenty of time! This might be an important stop." Billy looked meaningfully at the girl in the flouncy dress, but he frowned as he did so. She was helping her mother pack up the last of the goodies from the farm stand. Just as they finished packing, the sun dipped past the hills and evening set in.

"Well, we'd best be off! " Grandma Gooey said briskly, and the pair hurried away. A plaintive wail rose up from the hills. The twins suddenly felt exposed and they hurried up the hill towards the Peanut Brittle Farmhouse.

They reached it and watched the sun set across the rolling hills. Backlit against the orange sky was the farmhouse. Its front door was an arch which matched the steep pitch of the roof. A jaunty chimney protruded from its peak, a tendril of smoke curling from it. Round windows with peanut brittle slats completed the cozy picture.

In front of the house was a woman in a blue farm dress with a white apron. She held a basket piled high with peanuts. A bonnet capped auburn hair, which was curled about the rosy face of an older woman. She placed a peanut in her basket, then noticed the kids. She peered at them through spectacles which strode her cheerful button nose.

"Well, what have we here? Are you lost?"

"Yes and no," Sue answered. "We are looking for King Candy. Have you seen him?"

"The king does not come this way often. No, I have not seen him. But my dear, it isn't safe to be out here at night. There are... things on the trail that you'd best not run into."

Sue and Billy shared a worried glance which told the woman all she needed to know. "Why don't you stay the night with me. I have plenty of room and would welcome the visit. I am Mamma Nutt."

"I am Princess Sue and this is Prince Billy. We'd love to stay. In fact we spent many a happy time in the Peanut Brittle Farmhouse when we were younger."

"Is that a fact! Then it shall be a homecoming for you. Come on in! I have a nice stew going." Mamma Nutt smiled and Billy noticed something odd about her lipstick, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

The trio walked into a charming home with a comfortable living room and a large kitchen with a rustic table and chairs. On a cast iron stove in the corner bubbled a stew pot. It's enticing aroma wafted through the house, intermingled with the scent of baking cornbread. Sue looked around with joy and leaned over to whisper in Billy's ear. "It is just as I pictured it!"

Mamma Nutt served three bowls of stew and plates of cornbread. They ate in companionable silence punctuated by bits of conversation. Throughout the meal Mamma Nutt sized up her guests.

"Sue, it seems that you've been through an ordeal. I can see that something got your shoulder and you need to get that shirt sewn up. Would you like to take a bath? I can set out a needle and thread for you to sew that shirt up, too."

Sue welcomed the idea and walked upstairs with her. Billy went into the living room and sat on a stuffed sofa. He heard the bath being drawn and eventually Mamma Nutt came back downstairs. She sat across from Billy in an easy chair. The reinforced skirt of her dress had a mind of its own and poofed around her waist. It was Billy's natural instinct to glance up her skirt, but she folded it around herself demurely and revealed nothing.

Mamma Nutt stared at Billy through her tiny spectacles and cleared her throat. "Now tell me son, what's eating you?"

"Huh?" Billy rejoined eloquently.

"Something is bothering you, young man, so you'd best be out with it. These things tend to fester. Why don't you talk it out with me?"

Billy was hesitant at first, but recalled the advice Fluffa had given them. "We are here to look for King Candy, just as we said. But we are also here for another reason." Billy paused uncomfortably. Mamma Nutt said nothing so he continued.

"Sue and I are both curious about sex. Well... Sue is more anxious about it because she is going to college soon where the boys will be experienced. I'm not anxious so much as frustrated. When I try with the girls back home they all shy away from me. Now that we are here, I feel like a third wheel! Sue had all kinds of fun with Mister Cane while I sat around twiddling my thumbs. Then I tried to have sex with Miss Jollies, but her pussy was huge and I couldn't fuck it properly at all. And just now I finally met a nice girl who seemed interested in me, and we had to leave and come here! It is so damn irritating!"

Billy's voice had risen and his face was flushed. When his self awareness returned, Billy clamped his lips shut and appeared contrite.

"Are you talking about 'Princess' Frosting and that hussy Grandma Gooey? Trust me, you are better off. Unless you want to have illegitimate children? Remember, they don't call her Grandma for nothing."

Mamma Nutt stood up and walked over to him "The good news, Billy, is that I think I can help you. I may not be what you had in mind, but if you are curious about sex we could have some fun together."

Mamma Nutt gripped the edges of the apron that covered the front of her wide skirt and pulled it up. The area of the skirt that had been covered by the apron was cut out, like a large window in the front of her dress. Now that she'd pulled up her apron, Mamma Nutt was completely exposed to Billy. He found that her shoes were actually knee-high leather boots. One thigh was circled by a red satin garter with frilly white lace.

Billy was stunned by three things. Mamma Nutt was not wearing panties. She was shaved completely bare, exposing two pouting labia which drooped enticingly from between her legs. And she had a tattoo on her lower abdomen where her bush should be that read "EAT MY COOKIE."

Billy couldn't help but stare. He'd seen Sue's pussy when he'd been Mister Cane's fuck surrogate, but he wasn't supposed to be looking at that. He'd been up close and personal with Miss Jollies, but she was a giant purple clown who wasn't even human, so that hadn't been entirely satisfying. This was the first time Billy had actually spent time looking at a real pussy. And after getting worked up from the rainbow slide, and again with Princess Frosting, Billy was turned on.

While Billy had been enjoying the show, Mamma Nutt had removed her bonnet, shaken out her hair, and picked up a bowl of peanuts from the side table. She held them under Billy's nose and said "Don't my nuts smell yummy?" Billy nodded. Mamma Nutt gripped his arm and smiled. "Thank you, Billy. I bet your nuts smell yummy, too."

Mamma Nutt sank to her knees in front of the couch and unzipped Billy's pants. She parted the flap in his underwear and coaxed his balls out into the open, letting them rest against the cotton fabric of his briefs. She moved her nose in close to his crotch and took a deep sniff. When she exhaled, her breath tickled the hairs on Billy's ballsack and raised goosebumps. She pursed her lips and planted a wet kiss on Billy's nuts. That's when Billy understood: Mamma Nutt wasn't wearing any lipstick.

"Is that a tattoo, too?" Billy asked as he looked between his legs into Mamma Nutt's shining eyes. A red heart was tattooed over and under her lips. She smiled and the heart curved upward.

"That's my kisser. It's where the love goes. Do you want to give me some love?"

Billy nodded again and Mamma Nutt smiled even wider. She held his eyes with hers as she lapped gently at his ballsack. Then she fished out Billy's engorged cock and opened her mouth wide. The heart split in two and engulfed his prickhead. Mamma Nutt suckled his cock as she slipped her lips tight around his shaft. She cupped his balls and then plunged her head down around him, taking as much of his cock as she could into her mouth.

Billy moaned as she bobbed her lips along his cockshaft, swirling her tongue across his sensitive glans. Then he patted the back of her head. "I'm not very comfortable. Let me take these off." Mamma Nutt stood while Billy shucked off his clothes. She was about to resume her blowjob but Billy raised his hand to stop her.

"Mamma Nutt, I think I would like to eat your cookie." Billy crawled under her reinforced hoop shirt, which was like a small parachute around him. He ran his hands up her smooth thighs and traced his fingers across the letters on her abdomen. Then Billy ran his tongue through the flaps of her labia and tasted her tangy musk. Her lips were smooth and yielding, parting willingly to accept his probing tongue. Mamma Nutt lifted her apron so she could watch him go down on her. She curled her fingers into his dark ginger hair and pushed his face deep into her.

Billy was enchanted by her bald pussy and licked every inch. It didn't take him long to find a rhythm, guided by Mamma Nutt's hands and moans. He slipped a finger inside of her and rubbed it against the roof of her pussy. He timed his finger thrusts to the laps of his tongue and soon Mamma Nutt was panting. It was her turn to tap him.

"Billy, I think I should like to get out of these clothes and be with you properly."

Billy stood and unbuttoned her bodice. Mamma Nutt shrugged and the voluminous dress fell to the floor. Her body was fully open to him and he explored it with his eyes. Beneath the frilly bonnet, apron, and dress, she was a rosy-faced cowgirl. Mamma Nutt had kept her figure well through years of picking peanuts. Her belly and breasts sagged just a bit but were smooth and pleasing to his eyes. Pert pink nipples capped her breasts, of which the left seemed slightly larger than the other. Her right breast was a bit flatter and the nipple puckered just a bit.

That's where Billy chose to adhere his lips. He clamped down over her nipple and swirled his tongue across it, feeling it stiffen. This caused his cock to twitch and soon Billy was grinding against her. Mamma Nutt laid back on the couch and opened her legs. She gripped Billy's cock and pulled him close, rubbing his prickhead against her parted lips. Billy was tense with excitement and pushed himself inside. He was gripped by a moist heat and stopped, savoring the moment, imprinting every detail in his mind. Then Billy's body took over and he thrust deep inside of Mamma Nutt. She met his thrust and pushed him back, coaxing him into a rhythm. Billy fucked her and watched his prick disappear beneath the words "EAT MY COOKIE."

"More like fuck your cookie," Billy said aloud, and Mamma Nutt cooed.

"Fuck my cookie, Billy. Fuck Mamma's cookie. That's it! Right there!"

"Oh, Mamma Nutt, it feels so good! Fucking your cookie feels so... fucking... good!"

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