tagHumor & SatireRandy Land Ch. 10

Randy Land Ch. 10



Separate Squares


Billy awoke when Quell stirred next to him. Her scent clung to the bed and the sheets held her warmth. Billy never wanted to leave. But an urgency welled in him and he stretched. He recalled the nasty things they'd done the night before and smiled.

Quell blew a stray wisp of hair out of her face as she watched him wake. She saw his smile and felt her pulse quicken. She knew he was thinking of her, and relishing the memory, and it pleased her.

Neither wanted to untangle their limbs but by unspoken agreement they rose. Quell felt Billy's eyes on her ass as she dressed. "Haven't you had enough of me yet?" she asked him without turning around.

His answer came in the form of an embrace, two hands on her tits, and a very eager cock nudging into the cleft of her buttocks. She shooed him away. "No time for that now. You still have to find the king."

At mention of King Candy, Billy grew reticent. "I suppose he won't look kindly on you and I. Do you know where he is?"

"Probably off getting his ass spanked by schoolboys. There's no telling with that man. And don't worry about us. The king and I have a business relationship. The other part... well, let's just say it never got going in the first place."

Billy put his linen pajamas back on because he didn't know what else to wear. Then they went to find Sue. To Billy's surprise she was already awake, and curled into a window seat looking out across the land. "Good morning!" she said brightly.

If her cheer was forced Billy couldn't see it. He was glad of the change. It seemed like some of the weirdness was behind them. "Does this mean you've forgiven me for rubbing my cum all over your tits?" Billy joked. Sue beamed and kissed him on the cheek.

They are breakfast and then Quell handed them each a parcel. "It is again time for you to wear new clothes. I think you'll agree that yours have seen better days. Even so, I'll have my people see to them in case you are sentimentally attached. In the meantime try these."

Billy went to his room to change. He'd been given tight black pants which gripped his thighs and ass. They tucked into high boots with rolled cuffs. The shirt was loose, made of the same deep indigo silk as the dress Lolli had given him. Its low neckline revealed Billy's shaved chest.

Sue emerged from her room transformed. Quell had paid homage to Sue's former clothes. Sue had on knee-high, black leather boots which gleamed as they gripped her calves. She still had a red skirt, but but it had more body and extended further from her waist. Beneath it were supportive ruffles of black lace. A white silk blouse was cut in a deep vee which plunged between her breasts. These were encased in a lacy red bra. Sue's brushed hair shone and was contained into two neat pigtails with red bows. Billy whistled low and cut it short when he reminded himself of the shadow Billy. Sue shot him a brilliant smile.

The twins were at a loss. They'd walked the entire realm and had no idea where King Candy could be. "Quell," Sue asked, "what should we do now? Where should we look? I don't even know what the king looks like!"

"There's a picture of him in the sitting room. I'll take you there."

The trio went downstairs into the foyer. Along one wall were portraits of the royal family. Queen Libertine's portrait depicted a cherubic face with chubby cheeks and a pasted on smile that was so wide it consumed half her face. Billy looked at it and looked at her; she rolled her eyes. Lolli's portrait had captured her impish grin perfectly, although it emphasized decorum and lacked the fidgety energy that drove her.

King Candy's portrait was an impressive affair in a massive gilt frame. He stood with arms cast wide, holding a massive scepter. His crown, gaudy and pompous, depicted a golden pastry with ruby sprinkles. In fact, his entire outfit was covered in ruby spheres, particularly the three ruby and pearl buttons which dwarfed his golden scaled doublet. A massive cowl flared behind his head, setting off purple swirls of hair and a luxuriant beard and mustache. His eyes were bright blue with a distinctive ring of grey, and seemed to recede forever.

Sue looked hard at the pearl and ruby buttons on King Candy's doublet, while Billy stared into those distinctive eyes and pondered the purplish beard and mustache. At once the twins turned to each other and said "I know where the king is!"

They laughed and ran for the door, sensing that their victory was at hand. Billy talked as they went. "Fortunately it shouldn't take us long to get back to the Lollipop Wood. We're lucky it is so close."

"Why would we go to the Lollipop Wood? King Candy is being held in the dark castle by Lord Lickerish. I don't know how we'll get in unnoticed."

"That's not where the king is, Sue! Why would we want to go back to that place anyway?"

"Oh fine, let's go play spin the bottle and waste time where the king isn't anywhere in sight!"

Queen Libertine silenced them with a raised hand. The twins stopped arguing and turned to her.

"Sue, are you certain that King Candy is being held in Lord Lickerish's castle?" Sue nodded fiercely. "And Billy, are you convinced that the king dwells within the Lollipop Wood?" Billy thrust out his chin.

"Then Sue, you must go to the castle, and Billy must go to the wood. You each must follow your convictions. I will arrange for transportation so that you may reach the king more quickly. This is business that concerns the Realm, after all."

They went outside and the Queen raised her wand. Each of them was encased in transparent bubbles which shimmered as they rose. Sue's bubble headed due south and Billy's curved to the east.

Sue had further to go; as if reading her mind, the bubble surged forward and jetted through the skies, knocking clouds aside as it scurried across the realm. She watched the land pass beneath her in a blur as she reflected on the past few days.

Billy had cum on her. He had actually splashed his cum on her body! The thought thrilled Sue to her very core. Not only that, he had tongued her pussy so thoroughly that she'd cum like a mutherfucker.

And yet, it hadn't been real. He hadn't wanted to be with her. And that was okay. Sue thought that Queen Libertine's words held wisdom. She had to seek out the experienced she craved, and had to satisfy her curiosity, or else Sue would never be happy. She'd only ruin her most important relationships.

The bubble broke through a cloud bank in the midst of the desert just over the castle. It sank like a stone, dodging the bat sentries and sliding through the aerial archway. Sue willed it through the door at the far end, then the bubble burst and Sue landed in the stone hallway. She shut the door behind her and tiptoed through the castle.

Eventually Sue came to a door which seemed promising. From behind it came low-pitched squeals of pain and delight. Sue cracked the door and peered in. She saw the backs of the two guards. One raised high a long, thin paddle of hardwood and brought it down. There was a stinging slap and a keen of rapture. Sue looked closer. At first she couldn't figure out what she was seeing. Then she realized it was a drooping pair of testicles coated in wiry hair which was a reddish purple color. Two massive buttocks rose above them, criss-crossed with welts. A string of beads dangled from the cleft.

Sue snuck up behind one of the guards, who was leaning on his paddle as though it was a cane, one leg crossed casually. Sue ripped the paddle out of his hands. As he fell, she spun in front of the second guard and thrust the blunt end of the paddle hard into his solar plexus. The guard grunted and crumpled into a heap on the floor. Sue did the same to the first guard, who already had his breath knocked from him by the fall. As they wheezed and rolled about on the floor, Sue grabbed some shackles from a nearby rack and bound their wrists.

The man on the table was silent and still. Sue took the paddle and poked roughly at his balls. He coughed in pain as his body spasmed.

"King Candy, I presume?" Sue asked in an icy voice.

"Princess Sue. So you have found me at last."

"Let's have a chat. It seems the guards have spanked your ass within an inch of its life, so I'll leave that alone. I think maybe your balls need spanking, or maybe your teeth. "

"Guards? You mean Tyrone and Jean Pierre? They aren't guarding anything. They are specialists."

"I don't care if they are dental hygienists. They won't be interfering with us for a while."

"I detect that you are angry. What's on your mind, Sue?"

"Mostly that I've been from one shore of this realm to the other, to the top of the mountain to the bottom of the foulest marsh, and not one of your subjects has seen hide nor hair of you. Meanwhile, the realm is in disarray and looking to you for counsel, and their pleas fall on nothing but an empty throne."

The king sighed, and Sue risked walking around to look at his face. It was dejected and tired.

"Sue, I had been on the throne for over 25 years before Lord Lickerish offered me a place to vacation. I needed the break."

"So you've been here for three years? That's kind of a long vacation, don't you think, King Candy?"

"Not really. The realm runs itself."

"That's what you think. Since you've left, the Gingerplum orchard is in disarray. The Gumdrop Mountain Range may as well be a demilitarized zone! Hussies are shoving high fructose corn syrup down everyone's throats, and the shadows threaten everyone."

The king absorbed her words without much enthusiasm. "Don't I deserve to be happy? I haven't had any peace since before you were even born!"

"That's something for you to work out, not me."

"Oh, Sue, that is where you are wrong. You are here precisely to work that out. Do I, or do I not, deserve to have my ass spanked by Tyrone and Jean Pierre from time to time? Doesn't everyone have the right to be happy?"

Sue wasn't sure what to think, but she knew she was running out of time. The guards, or whatever they were, were stirring.

"All I know is that you're coming with me." Sue looked around and found a ball gag. She shoved the ball into King Candy's mouth and clamped the straps firmly behind his head. Sue leveled the paddle at his throat. "Get dressed, quickly, with no delay or detour. Otherwise I'm taking you back naked, with a ball gag in your mouth and spank marks all over your ass."

The king quickly slipped candy-striped tights onto his legs, a satin shirt over his chest, and then donned the golden doublet -- which was indeed missing a button. He scooped up his crown, cape, and scepter and the pair crept into the passageway.

That's when Sue realized she didn't have a plan. The bubble had gotten her here, but she didn't have a way back. She was trapped in Lord Lickerish's castle, miles from anyone who could help her, with her captive sporting a ball gag and a serious case of diaper rash.

A shape detached itself from the wall. Lord Lickerish stood before her, a sneer pasted on his face as he gave her a golf clap.

"Good show. For once you managed to bumble your way here without tripping every alarm for miles. And you have a new pet! I must say, this one's an upgrade from that lout you usually run with."

"Stand aside, Lord Lickerish, or I'll --"

"Or you'll what, exactly? Dear girl, I admire your pluck, but you must consider your situation." Lord Lickerish stalked up to her. He leaned in close, eye to eye. "A girl could get herself..." He paused, eying her up and down like prey. "...hurt, out here all alone."

Sue's pupils widened and Lord Lickerish snorted in triumph. "But never mind that. I have agreed, at the behest of the Queen, to cooperate with you."

Relief flooded Sue but she kept her composure. "Naturally, Queen Libertine would have sent word of my arrival." She unclasped the ball gag, which by now was dripping with saliva, and dropped it into Lord Lickerish's hands. He recoiled and glared at her with glittering eyes. "Do something with that, will you, Lord Lickety? And do you have any wine? I'm parched. A decent red. Assuming you have one."

Lord Lickerish's face was set in a taut mask. He escorted them to a sitting room and sat down with them in a group of leather settees. He snapped his fingers and a servant ran up. "Wine. A decent red."

The servant hurried off and Lord Lickerish eyed her like a bug he wished to squash. "So, how have you been? Your outfit has improved."

"Honestly, not all that great. I've sat around like a bump on a log while my brother fucked every girl he could cram his cock into, then run a double marathon across the realm-- only to be attacked by Gloopy, collapse in exhaustion, and get mind-fucked by shadows."

As Sue spoke she witnessed a curious exchange in Lord Lickerish's eyes. He seemed for a second to experience empathy for her, and alarm sparked in his eyes. The moment flickered by and his usual detachment clamped down.

"Those shadows are bothersome. I like to offer them figgy pudding. It drives them nuts."

The servant returned with wine. Sue took her goblet from Lord Lickerish, and when the king had his she offered a toast. "To the health of Mamma Nutt," she said and clinked her glass with her host, "and to the continued health of the realm." She toasted the King and drank her wine, her eyes boring into the king's. Sue wasn't accustomed to drinking wine, but it was the first thing she could think of to annoy Lord Lickerish. The wine diversion passed in a semblance of equanimity, each sipping and reflecting in peace. Then Sue stood.

"Well, we'd best be off. If you could show us to the door?"

"I wouldn't dream of it. The king shouldn't travel as a commoner. Take my personal transport. It will save you time."

Lord Lickerish walked with them to the top of a tower that Sue hadn't seen before. She glimpsed a round chamber with gray silk sheets on a plush bed and an array of beautiful sculptures. Above that was an aerie with a curious litter on a dais in the center. It was square, with an umbrella above it and four curling feet of mahogany. The litter had bench seats facing each other. It was clearly meant for two. Nevertheless, the trio climbed in. The King took one cushion, and Sue squeezed into the other with Lord Lickerish. He whistled and four bats swooped down. They picked up lead lines at the corners and rose into the air as one.

The takeoff was a little bumpy, but the flight itself was pleasant. The litter swayed with their wing beats but was mostly stable as they moved towards The Randy Palace. Lord Lickerish whistled from time to time to keep the bats on course.

Sue tried to ignore her proximity to Lord Lickerish, but the ride made that difficult. Her naked thigh was pressed against the warm leather of his, and his cinnamon scent drifted to her on the wind. His arm, draped across the wall of the litter, rested across her shoulders as well. Sue thought of the time he'd prodded her with his fingertip and shuddered.

Fortunately the ride was nearly over. The bats carried the litter to the lawn in front of the palace and set them down gently. Sue and the King stepped out. Without a word of farewell, Lord Lickerish whistled and the bats swooped into the sky. Sue found Billy waiting for them.

Billy had been at The Randy Palace for an hour or so. He had ridden his bubble over the lollipop wood, soon descending into the glade where Lolli had entertained them. When he touched down she was standing in the glade, unsurprised at his presence.

"Billy!" she squealed, and ran forward to wrap him in a hug. He looked down into her eyes and smiled.

"I saw a picture of you recently. Well, two pictures, really." Lolli grew serious and Billy spoke again. "Have you been posing as the king?"

"For a few years now. It is hard work too. I can't get too close or they might be able to tell."

"Oh, Lolli..." Billy sighed, with a hint of exasperation. "How long do you think this can go on?"

"I have to do something. The realm needs a monarch." Lolli stared hard into the pool, gathering her thoughts. "Daddy is exhausted. He isn't much of a king anymore. All day he dreams of having his ass spanked, or dressing up in baby clothes. It consumes his mind. The last time I saw him he seemed happier."

Billy seemed shocked at Lolli's blunt depiction of her own father's sexual kinks, so she tried to explain. "Billy, when someone has a sexual fixation, it can infect their mind. If left unaddressed, it can ruin their entire life and the lives of those around them. You might know something about this?" He nodded glumly.

"I have been doing something about it. I encouraged Daddy to follow his desires. After all, it's the best advice I ever got. It came from him, and the way he said it... well, I know this has been weighing on him for years."

"What's going to happen now?"

"I don't know that, silly! That's why you and Sue are here. It is a mandate that any change in royal status can only be confirmed by the constituency. In other words, the people affected by the transfer must oversee it. We've broken that mandate in the past. Let's just say the realm is far worse for the changes."

"So you're telling me that Sue and I have to pick the next monarch?" Billy was rattled. "What a mess. Best pack your things. We need to head back to The Randy Palace. Make sure your costuming stuff is in there."

"Already done, Prince Billy. Shall we be off?"

Lolli draped her satchel over a nearby lollipop which expanded into a balloon. Three more balloons bobbed into the air and formed a seat with the first by braiding their stems together. Lolli took a seat and patted the spot next to her. Billy snuggled up tight with her and the lollipop carriage rose into the sky.

"Speaking of your costuming stuff... I'm going to get you back for shaving my balls unnecessarily."

Lolli laughed so hard her whole body shook. "Ooh, poor Billy. What a hardship having a princess shave your jewels."

The lollipop carriage drifted serenely northward, casting multi-hued splashes of color across the land. It was surreal and beautiful. Lolli held his hand as they watched the show. After a time she sighed and stirred.

"I suppose I do owe you one, though," Lolli remarked with a gleam in her eye. She unbuttoned Billy's pants and fished out his flaccid cock. Lolli put her head in Billy's lap and blew hot breath across the head of his prick. When it twitched and started to rise, Lolli clamped her lips around it and sucked him to full hardness. Billy relaxed with one hand on her head and the other holding a lollipop stem, drifting serenely through the sky as Lolli sucked him off.

They landed soon after. Queen Libertine was on the lawn to greet them. Lolli wiped the corners of her mouth and hopped off the carriage while Billy adjusted his clothes. Quell's eyes narrowed and she shot a poisonous glance Lolli's way.

"Welcome back, Billy. I see you've brought that disease-ridden whore with you."

"Mommy!" Lolli shouted. She ran to Queen Libertine, who threw open her arms and embraced the princess. The two huddled and whispered in low voices, sometimes looking his way. Billy wasn't sure, but he thought he heard the words "spunk tastes like taffy" before both ladies laughed and went into the palace. Somehow, Billy got the feeling that he was in over his head with those two.

When Billy walked into the palace, he saw that preparations were already being made for the coronation. Billy walked over to a window and saw that subjects of the realm were gathering on the south lawn. He leapt back from the window in a panic.

"But Sue isn't even back yet! We don't have the king! And we don't know who is supplanting him!"

"Your insights are dazzling." Quell looked at him in amusement. "If I guess rightly, Sue will be here soon, and my wayward husband should be with her. As for the third... Lolli, tell him the options."

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