Raw Ch. 05

The din of chatter settled. No turning back now.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for attending this special book signing. It has been a long time coming, and I'm sure you're all anxious to get to the highlight of the evening." Sue paused, and I could hear a smattering of whispers under the click of cameras. The resulting flashes reflected off the dark faux wall that had been set up. "Let me tell you a story, first. I promise, it will be short."

I tuned out her voice as she relayed how she had met this wonderful person fifteen years ago and had known that writer was a genius in the making. I counted to ten, remembering all my training with Malcolm. I wondered where he was now. How many people were sitting in the bookstore; if it was standing-room only. I tried not to think about their reaction.

"If you are a faithful reader of the Dex Knightly Mysteries—as many of you must be since you are here—you will recognize the scene behind me." Sue paused again, which was my cue to raise the book I held in my right hand, as well as the cue for the hired assistant to turn a spotlight on behind me.

The circle of yellow light started small on the black wall, then it slowly grew until it revealed a cardboard fireplace with an equally fake, painted-on fire. I had to admit it looked pretty cheesy, and I struggled to not laugh. The light panned over to where I was sitting. My arm and the book I held were now bathed in the warm glow; the rest of me remained hidden from their view.

"I present to you the infamous photo from all of Drake Alexander's books and dust jackets: the elusive writer reading a novel—perhaps a self-penned one—by the firelight. Cozy. Mysterious. And yet, not entirely unknown."

The murmurs grew louder, and Sue waited until they quieted again.

"Each one of you has grown to love Dex Knightly over the years. Yet, you've never met him. He is, after all, a character in a fiction novel. But that doesn't make him any less real to you. He lives in your creative minds. You daydream about him. You envision him rescuing you from a harrowing situation, or at the very least, shaking up your mundane life."

My arm was getting tired. Maybe I shouldn't have made Sue draw out the suspense. Maybe just coming out with the truth in a press release would have been better. Maybe—

"Before I reveal the true identity of your beloved writer, I have one question to present to you. Will knowing who Drake Alexander is change how you feel about Dex Knightly? About the stories?"

The crowd was getting restless by the increased sounds of chatter, coughing, and shifting of chairs. I felt their pain. As much as I loved Sue, she could get a little dramatic sometimes. I'd caught at least three times where she'd strayed from the script we'd practiced. Although, this last one with her "final question" was pretty good.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the real Drake Alexander."

There was an audible intake of breath from the waiting fans. I echoed their reaction, prayed I wouldn't throw up, and closed the book. It felt like slow-motion as I stood. I think the world stopped turning for the moment it took me to face the crowd and step fully into the spotlight.

Whatever I had been expecting to hear, it hadn't been this: dead silence. My heart crashed to my feet. I swallowed my cry of surprise and was turning to run off the stage—to hell with being the macho, popular writer who was afraid of nothing except not pleasing her partner in bed, and apparently ending the lie to those devoted to her—when the cheers and applause reached my ears.

I stumbled back into the chair. I righted myself as Sue stepped to the side of the microphone and small podium that had been set up. The camera flashes blinded me. When I could see again, Sue had her hand out, motioning me forward.

"May I present to you, Rebecca Rockland." Sue smiled at me as she clapped along with the majority of my fans. I could see that some were still in shock by the way they just sat there with slack jaws and deer-in-the-headlight eyes.

I swallowed my fears and stepped up to the microphone. "Thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight. I appreciate your patience, but most of all, I appreciate your loyalty. You see, while I had hoped for a positive outcome of releasing this news, I had not expected it to come true. In all truth, I had never intended for the series to take off. It was an experiment that, well, was successful. More successful than I could have ever imagined. And yet, I've had to enjoy that success from afar, hiding in the shadows as Dex got all of the applause and adoration. But that's something I knew would happen if I started down this path. And I was okay with that. I'd had my time in the sun, now it was time to let someone else step up and have a turn, even if he was fictional."

I accepted the bottle of water Sue handed me and took a drink. I spent the next few minutes explaining why I had chosen to write under a man's name, to write from a man's point of view.

The longer I talked, the calmer I became. The more I settled into my element. I was no longer frightened of what these people would think of me. I was the confident writer who—albeit, still hated being in the limelight—knew these people were here because they loved my stories. They were my fans. Regardless of the name on the cover of my books.

"In a short while, I will be signing books. I see most of you have brought copies of the 'Dex Knightly Mysteries.' We also have available for this night only, copies of my previous books, including the out-of-print editions. But first, as a special treat, I will be reading an excerpt from my new series, 'Triple Tease.' So if you will indulge me for a few more minutes of your time, please sit back and enjoy."

I opened a manila folder on the podium. Just seeing my words in print made my stomach flutter. The first book still had a long way to go, and Sue worried that it was too soon to share the details yet. But I had, once again, convinced her that my idea was the right one. I'd just thrown my readers for a loop. I needed to coax any naysayers back to my side. What better way than to give them what they really wanted: a new story? It wouldn't matter that the book wouldn't be out until next year. They would be craving it in the meantime.

When I lifted my eyes, I searched the back of the crowd. There, standing against a bookshelf wearing the biggest smile, was my boyfriend. My gaze locked directly onto Malcolm's. Then it moved to Drake's, Daphne's, and finally Sue's. They were all smiling, and the guys were giving me a thumbs-up. It was my time to shine...again.

"The word 'vanilla' had always brought to mind ice cream, hand lotion, and candles until Tess MacMillion met Brady Douglas. Now, it made her think of sex. The kind her parents and grandparents and ancient relatives had always had. Plain, old, boring missionary-position sex. It was the last thing she wanted, especially when Brady called her 'kitten' and asked her to kneel before him in his bedroom while he slapped the black riding crop across his open palm in time with the slow beat of the music playing in the background. The same hypnotic music every time, like one would hear in a nightclub. No words, just sounds that filled her head and took her to another place. She couldn't believe how sex before Brady had ever been satisfying. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops—or at least post it on her Facebook page—that her eyes had been opened to a whole new world. But how would she ever explain to her two closest friends about this new lifestyle Brady had introduced her to? They would never understand. What she did with him? It wasn't what good girls did..."

Two hours later, my hand was cramping up from signing my name and my jaw ached from smiling. The store had quickly sold-out of my Dex Knightly series, but that hadn't stopped the readers from becoming fans of my earlier books.

I looked up as the next person laid a copy of my very first book on the table and I asked what their name was. Then I froze.

Brian Hughes smirked down at me. "Well played, Ms. Rockland. Well played."

I had never even thought about him showing up. It made perfect sense. But was he here to stir up trouble? I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced more bravery into my smile, although this time it was not genuine.

"Mr. Hughes. What a pleasure. " I opened the front cover of the book he'd given me and poised my pen over the title page. "Would you rather Brian or Mr. Hughes?"

His leaned a little closer and lowered his voice. "I was thinking, 'To the one who helped me see who I really am, my first Sir.' How's that sound?"

I swear I almost broke the pen I was gripping it so hard. I probably would have if I hadn't felt strong hands suddenly resting my shoulders.

"How's it going, Becca? Do you need to take a break?" Malcolm's voice was smooth and calm, but the way his fingers dug into my muscles told me he was struggling to keep control. Had he heard Brian? Or was it just Brian's mere presence that had him so rattled, much like me?

I smiled up at my boyfriend and slowly blinked. "I'm good. I could use another bottle of water."

"Sure thing." Malcolm called for Drake over his shoulder and relayed the message.

He removed his hands, but he remained behind me as I turned back to the book. Oh, he'd heard alright. And bless him for not leaving me alone. If not for the table between us and the very public spectacle he'd make, I was certain Malcolm would throttle Brian again. Quite possibly, I would join him.

But I simply signed my name, closed the book, and handed it back to Brian who had straightened his posture with his hands clasped in front of him. I smirked at him now, seeing that he was wearing his usual suit and tie. Always the professional. At least on the outside. "Thank you for being a loyal reader."

For a moment, we both held onto his book. I waited until he locked eyes with me—quite possibly the first time we'd done that since our interview—and then I let go. His tipped his chin to me and stepped out of line. After I signed the next fan's book, I glanced around and saw him chatting up a pretty blonde by the refreshment table. Six books later, they were leaving the bookstore together, her arm draped through his.

I felt absolutely nothing for Brian. No nostalgia. No desire to be that woman on his arm. In fact, I felt sad for her. She was leaving with an empty shell of a man. And no matter how hard she tried—no matter how good the sex with him would be—she'd never fill up that vessel. And he'd never reciprocate any emotion she sent his way.

As the last book was signed, I turned to find Malcolm watching me with a sappy grin on his face. It was relaxed. It was warm. It promised me encouragement, and loyalty, and ultimately safety. It was everything I'd ever needed or wanted. He was my rock. My Sir. My Dex Knightly come to life.

No, he hadn't proposed to me at lunch that day at the beach house. But if we gave each other enough time, I was certain he eventually would. And I knew I would say yes when he did.

For now, though, I could accept what we had. I was content to let it grow on its own. To teach me more how to embrace my kinky side. To submit to him and to allow him to dominate me. But only in the bedroom. Well, mostly only in the bedroom.

~ H