Re-habing My Ex

"This is really gonna hurt honey. I'm truly sorry, but I've fallen in love with another man, and I am leaving you to be with him."

Aw shit. She's going to ruin a perfectly good evening. Here it is, the first warm, clear evening since the Spring-Forward time change, the sky is clear, the beer is cold, and all of my chores are done. I had hoped to sit outside and watch the sunset, then star gaze, while drinking some cool brews, and enjoying the love of my life's company. Then I was hoping to take her inside and make love for hours, then fall asleep in a sticky sweaty mess content with the beef and beer I'd consumed on this fine evening in March.

"It was nothing you did Sweetheart. I just fell for a younger man. I guess I'm lucky to have the charms to attract someone with youthful exuberance and the sexual stamina I once enjoyed with you, and I hope..."

Supposedly you can see Mars tonight, just to the left and down a little bit of the sun when it touches the western horizon. That would be pretty cool.

"...all the years we've spent together, I'm not taking anything from the house or from you financially. I've packed my clothes and personal items of course, and would hope you would keep my family heirlooms and give them to the kids some day. I'm not sure Jonny will have room for those things, since his place is so small. I'll keep my personal savings and pension of course, and since you are keeping the house, I do want to take most of the joint savings so we can get started together. Jonny hasn't graduated yet, so I will have to support us for a while. But that's all I'm taking, which I think is very fair seeing you are losing me. So I want you to read this over. It's a divorce agreement, and once you sign it, neither of us can go back on it. Artie, our lawyer insisted that be the case. His pretty little associate is here to notarize our signatures and then she'll take it to him to take care of registering right away, and he assures me that in only a month or two the divorce will be final, but we can start living as single people right away. So if you would please..."

Oh my. The eagles are flying. There is a nesting pair the lives by the river in the valley, and every so often they make their way up here. Look at them. Eagles mate for life. I wish I were an eagle. Flying circles around the sun with my true love, doing nothing but hunting game and whirling above the earth in love with each other.

"...right here where Artie left the cute little arrow stickers. Oh but before you sign, he sent a letter for you to read. Here."

An eagle would never give her mate legal documents during the setting sun. I sighed and opened the letter.

Dude,

Sorry for this man, but you were both my clients, and she came to me first. So legally I had to take the case for her. Actually, legally, I should have sent her to an independent lawyer and refused to represent either of you, but her story was so bizarre, and she insisted I could represent both of your best interests, I agreed. Now you know we've been best buds since Kindergarten, and there is no way I would ever let her or anyone else screw you over, and you're gonna laugh when you read it. It really is in your best interest! So never let her know that I steered her into this agreement. Oh and sorry I couldn't give you notice. She sprung it on me this morning. Even with everything else, I promised her I wouldn't let you know early, so she could avoid a bad scene. But Dude, I promise I made it up to you in the terms, so just remember...best interests.

So trust me, don't even read it until later. Sign it by the "cute little pink arrow thingies" (her words, I swear), then let her send me the papers. I have Jenn waiting in your kitchen to notarize the signatures, and it's a done deed. When she leaves, read the papers, and we'll go over them later. You'll laugh your ass off. Trust me, you'll love it.

Sincerely,

Artie

P.S. You owe me a beer. I'll be by to collect tomorrow night.

P.P.S. Jenn is staying to make sure you are "Ok." She thinks you'll need something special to warm your bed tonight.

P.P.P.S. Burn this letter when you are done. It could get me in a little hot water over conflict of interests!!

I signed.

"Thank you sweetheart. I realize this is sudden, but I felt a clean break would be the best. I know you're going to feel broken up about this, and I originally planned to stay with you tonight and say goodbye in a way that would be respectful of all the good times we shared over the last twenty years. But Jonnie said it would be bette to break it off clean, and not even kiss you goodbye. I think he is right, but I want to be fair to you, and at least let you decide how you want to spend our first night unmarried..."

Jenn walked out on the deck, and winked at me. God, she was gorgeous. She was Artie's newest associate. She was smart and had a keen legal mind. She was also perpetually tanned, and her silky smooth legs went on for miles beneath that tight little pencil skirt that challenged the business norms for high hemlines. Suddenly I realized, she really plans to stay with me. Maybe all those flirtatious moments at Artie's office had made an impact in her twenty something erotic fantasy world. Look at her leaning over the table to imprint her official seal beside her signature. Her tits are hanging lusciously in that silk blouse. Oh yea, Jenn, I would welcome your company warming my bed tonight.

"...want to thank you for years as a wonderful partner, and..."

Oh I just can't resist lace on a succulent expanse of skin like that.

"...and for being so agreeable in what has to be a difficult time in your life..."

She's finished. She is looking up. O...M...G...I could get lost in those deep pools of brown she calls eyes, and that megawatt smile is just too much for...I'm getting a boner. Right here, while my wife is spouting off about how much she knows I will miss her, I'm getting an erection for Jenn.

"...remembering the good times and not dwelling on..."

She can see it. There is a lump in my jeans, and she is licking her lips at it.

"...time to make you choice. Do you want to spend the night with me, or do you want me to go."

Oh, yes. I need to make up my mind. As if! How do I tell her to go without making it seem like I'm anxious?

"...I can see you're speechless. I realize this is sudden and quite a shock, but..."

I she really sliding her hand up the inside of her thigh? She is reaching in...shit! She is wearing lace tops and garters. I can see it so clearly. Fuck it all! She is pulling her little black gusset out of the way...oh yeah, shaved smooth. What a relief after all these years of an overgrown pubic jungle behind those white cotton grannie-Roos panties.

"...so what did you decide."

Jenn withdrew her fingers, and slid them into her mouth, sucking them clean while giving her best preview of her blowjob skills. Oh those luscious, full, pouty lips would feel so good on this steel beam in my pants. My wife is badgering me for an answer, and I am indeed at a loss to say anything.

"I think he's pretty broken up," Jenn offered, as she withdrew her fingers from her mouth with a juicy "pop." "I think you are correct to break it off clean, and just leave. He doesn't look too good, so I'll stay a while and make sure he is ok. I'll deliver the paper work to Artie tomorrow."

Mars. There it is. The bringer of war, just north of the setting sun. The stars are all coming out now, as the sun reddens in its last moments before slipping into the night, and leaving the sky to the moon and Mars. My wife turned to go, then rushed back towards my back which I had turned to her. Jenn stepped between us and stopped her.

"I have to kiss him goodbye. I have to hug him once more."

I didn't turn back. The sky was putting on a show just for me, and it would have been rude for me to interrupt.

"If he had taken made choice, he would have come to you. Now get a hold of yourself, and think about him. He obviously doesn't want to make a scene by breaking down in front of you, so he has turned away. Make it easy on him by going. You have your life ahead of you, so move on and let him move on with his. Go find your man, your true love, your Romeo. Find your new happiness with him. Start your new life with him as your...what was his major in college?"

"He is getting a degree in ancient languages. He speaks fluent Greek, Aramaic, and Latin, and is learning to read Sanskrit!"

"Oh that's marvelous! I'm sure that skill set is much in demand for people who need a translator in Greece, Arimathea, SansDiego and Latvia."

Jenn had a way of delivering sarcastic ridicule without people knowing it.

"And just what was it your husband does?"

"He is a master Architect! He was a wonderful provider and took care of each of the kids ..."

Wifey paused. Suddenly there was a contrast between me and her young stud where he didn't measure up. I especially liked the SansDiego and Latvia cracks. I'm sure there are Latvian teachers who would take issue with the idea of Latin as the language of Latvia, and who the fuck gives a damn about reading Sanskrit, except maybe young Sanskrit teenagers looking for Sanskrit Playboys and steamy drug store novels?

"Well that's wonderful," Jenn went on as she guided my wife towards the house and her eventual exit from my life through the front door. "I'll bet a successful Architect was a wonderful provider, but left you alone and in need of company on many a night while he kept his nose to the grindstone traveling or meeting with clients. But that's all behind you now! Now you have an exciting young steed to entertain you with Latin Poetry, Sanskrit Prose, and Biblical parables in the original Greek and Aramaic. You might even be able to travel to all those exotic places in the world where Greek is still spoken, like...Greece, and...well Greece. Oh and maybe parts of Macedonia, Cyprus and many diners and restaurants on the east coast. Now, let's get you out to your boy, who is so patiently waiting in the car.

There was a pause by the door. I heard a sniffle, and knew it was my soon to be ex-wife crying.

"I thought he would fight for me. He didn't say a word. He just stared at the sky. He didn't even look at me when he signed. He didn't cry. He didn't even blink. It's like he wants me to go."

"He does want you to go. He wants you happy. This is what you want and he is giving it to you. Thank heavens he made it easy."

"I want to say goodbye. I need to kiss him goodbye. I need to end this right. We have to close it."

"Sweetie, you did close it. You walked away without burning him financially. You left his life intact with everything but you still there. That is such a huge gift. Now finish making it easy by walking away quietly. With no tears."

I heard footsteps on the steps, and a car starting out front. The front door lock clicked, and it got quiet. Then I heard Jenn's soft footfalls on the deck, and felt her arms encircle me pulling a quilt around us both. She kissed my neck, and her body heat warmed my back with an intensity that let me know she was naked. I took the quilt and wrapped it around me while she slowly unbuttoned my shirt and slid it off my shoulders. Her hands slowly crept down my chest, and she began to dismantle my belt.

"You are the luckiest man alive."

My pants slid to the deck. I slipped my feet out of my slides and my pants, with her help.

"You were going to serve her last night, and then she came in to Artie today. What happened?"

Her hands were on my fully erect sex, working slowly.

"If she would have served her last night, you would have given her half of everything, and paid her fair maintenance. You spent months gathering evidence, went through everything you could properly do to save your marriage, then you treated her very fairly instead of going scorched earth. Then she shows up and asks us to prepare a simple divorce where she took nothing but her clothing if you signed without a hassle, and agreed that even though the divorce would take months to be final you would each recognize the other's independence immediately, and sever all marital relations as soon as she left your house."

I smiled. Her hands felt good. It felt better when she turned me around and pulled me back to the table behind her. She slid on top, kissing me all the way. Her legs wrapped around the small of my back and drew my cock immediately and deeply into her open and dripping cooze.

"I asked you what happened."

"You've been flirting with me for months. Now you have us both here, naked on my deck, my sex buried to the hilt in yours, and you want me to talk about the woman who five minutes ago became my ex-wife?"

Her eyes rolled back in her head, which rolled back impossibly far exposing the luscious white skin of her throat.

"Yessssssss..." she hissed, and began to pump wildly with her legs against my ass.

I ground myself in deep, squeezing her clit tightly between us.

"Ok," I whispered in her ear.

I drew back against her leg clinch, and then eased in as slowly as I could, holding off against the strength of her legs.

"She was acting strange last night. She was very nervous."

Another grind. Another withdrawal. A couple of teasingly slow "false starts" dipping just the head inside her, then to a loud groan of pleasure slowly pressed back to the grind at the end.

"I know her. I can read her moods. She had something big to tell me. Big enough she worried about how to start."

This time as I bottomed out in her hot sauce, I ground myself in sure circular motions. Her breathing accelerated, and she moaned again..."harderrrrrrrr."

"Not yet, Jenn, not yet. I knew she was cheating. I knew she had something to say. I was holding my own paperwork."

I felt her nails dig into my shoulders, and for a second, she stiffened and stopped breathing. A small one, but definitely a climax.

"So I decided to wait, and see what happened. I planned to give her until this weekend. I only needed today."

I began to pump harder, and gradually sped up the pace. Jenn came again, harder this time, then once again. I was no where near done with her, and she was writhing on the table.

"Now I've put up with your innuendo, shameless flirting, and your little discreet flashes when only I was looking. It's time for us to play, so let's dance."

We danced. She sang. And when she had tired, I took her up to my bed. We danced some more.

I woke at ten the next morning to find myself alone in bed, and a note on my dresser. I took a second to look after my wife's things, and discovered all her clothes and personal things were indeed gone. I made an omelette for breakfast then went outside to find a beautiful morning in progress on my deck. I read Jenn's note, which I found on the kitchen

Good morning Lover,

You were amazing last night. I left because I don't feel comfortable sleeping with anyone all night. I know. Girls are supposed to be cuddly and get lovey dicey the next day, and believe me Babe, I was tempted. I'm not ready to settle down yet, I'm only 28! When I am, I hope I find a guy like you to settle down with. Or maybe you'll be available!

In the meantime, don't feel lonely! Give me a call if you want to get together again, even if you only want to "dance" again.

Jenn

If I said I wasn't bothered by it, I would be lying. But I'm a realist. She was too young for me. She had her whole life ahead of her. She'd want kids, and I was totally done with that chapter in my story. So I turned the page on that little encounter too. I'd dance again, but probably not with Jenn. Chalk it up, one rebound.

I read through the divorce agreement Artie had prepared for my wife, I grinned. A lot. I kept it all. House, cars, furnishings, art, bank accounts, investments, my pension, and 100% of my salary. No alimony! She had left her keys and her wedding rings on her dresser, and was completely gone from my life. Until 4:00 that afternoon.

I got a call from the hospital. My ex had been beaten badly by her boyfriend. I gave them our insurance information over the phone, and proceeded to call my kids and former in laws to inform them of her bad fortune. It was hard to tell them she was hurt. It was harder still to tell them she was beaten by a boyfriend, the very night she had thrown me over for him. They all were horrified, and oddly more at their mother/daughter's betrayal of me than at her injuries, which they all chalked up to some kind of karmic knee jerk reaction from the universe.

Of course, they also pleaded with me. My kids were in school far away, and Cathy's parents lived down in Florida. None of them could get up here for at least a week. My kids begged me to not leave their mother alone in the hospital that long. "Please Daddy, you can't leave her..." Her parents likewise begged me to take care of her until they arrived. "We know she doesn't deserve it, but she is going to need family, and you're all she has."

I went to see her.

I sat with her very little. I made sure to be in the room when her doctor visited. I made arrangements with the social worker for her release and after care. I rented a bed and all the other paraphernalia she was going to need. I helped her with all the mundane tasks a person needs while in the hospital so she wouldn't have to wait for the nurse. I even went to her inning linguist's home to pack up her things to take home. I did not kiss her. I did not fawn over her. I did not tell her I loved her. And I certainly didn't talk to her about what she had done or what our future held.

She was in the hospital for three weeks. Then she was in my den, which I had converted to a temporary bedroom for her convalescence. My bedrooms were all upstairs, and there was no way Cathy was negotiating any steps for quite a while. The only problem with the arrangement was, there were no full baths on the ground floor. So I was going to be seeing a lot more of my ex-ish wife than I ever expected after she lowered the boom on my until then happy life.

I did my job well. I cared for her convalescence even to caring for her most intimate physical needs. My children? They visited their mother for a weekend, then went back to school. My son conveniently found an opportunity to take an internship for the summer near his college, and didn't plan to come home until the following Thanksgiving. My daughter decided to take the summer and fall semester abroad, and would be MIA for the entire "until I can help" phase of the "Please take care of Mom until I can help" plan. The in laws were just as helpful. They never showed. It's just too hard for us to come north. We just can't take the cold weather anymore. We do appreciate your doing the right thing, though. So believe us, you have our gratitude.

Torture. Serving her meals, giving her sponge baths. Listening to the endless drivel that poured from her mouth. Funny thing that none of the friends she gabbed away with on the phone gave a damn about visiting. Still, I was treated daily to verbatim recaps of their endless exchanges of mindless chat. She complained. She whined. She smirked. She never thanked me, and the worst part was she never apologized for choices she had made actions to put us in this predicament.

For the first time, I began to understand the imagery of a wife as a ball and chain. I had loved my wife deeply, and until the discovery of her infidelity, had truly enjoyed every minute we spent together. Now, I was tied to her though I was no longer married to her, and I resented it. I viewed each step in her healing process as a step towards the end of my enslavement. When the casts came off her arms, I was able to leave a tray with her meal, and no longer had to stay to feed her. The cast on her right ankle disappeared, and made it possible for her to ease into a wheel chair on her own, which freed me from the humiliation of dealing with her most personal needs. This event brought a comment from her I certainly didn't expect.