Reach Out For The Sunrise Ch. 11bySadieRose©
"Can we go to the beach now?" he asked sulkily when Xavier finally put down his knife and fork, proving that at least he was paying attention and had not forgotten their earlier conversation.
Xavier took his memory of their conversation as a good sign, and not only that but his desire to actually want to go do something was a very good sign. His smile could have lit the room.
"Sure we can!" He stood and Rayne stood with him, almost mirroring him as he took his dishes to the sink for a rinse and dried his hands. It was still a little unnerving, the way Rayne watched his every move.
"Let's change first, okay?" he suggested, leading Rayne back to the bedroom so they could put on something more suitable for the beach and he could grab the bag with the towels and stuff.
Rayne was still rather quiet all the way down to the cove, which was thankfully deserted when they got down there, as Xavier had hoped. He brightened a little bit at the proximity of the sea however and actually ran down the small beach to crouch by the water's edge, trailing his fingers in the gently rolling surf. Then he walked out into it, still fully dressed in his open shirt, black converse and mid-thigh, cut-off jeans.
Xavier shook his head, but it was too late to do anything about it now, he was already wet. He kept an eye on Rayne though as he spread out a blanket on the sand beneath a cluster of swaying trees. When Rayne didn't come back, just stood waist deep in the rolling waves, Xavier decided he should probably go and get him.
The water was warm as Xavier waded out, considerably less dressed then Rayne in a bikini speedo. He took his hand when he came up beside him. "Do you want to come sit up on the beach?"
When his companion turned to face him his expression was serious. He took hold of Xavier's hands and drew him out into the water a little further until the waves were lapping at their chests. Rayne leaned forward as Xavier seemed about to protest that they'd gone far enough and kissed him. Xav could taste the salt on his lips and Rayne let go of his hands now to slide his fingers up his naked back and stroke one hand searchingly through his hair, pulling Xavier's mouth down harder onto his own.
The kiss was tender and sweet and Xav slid his arms around Rayne's waist. The sun was warm and glinted off the water painting it gold all around them, and the gently rolling waves lifted and sighed as they ran up to the shore. Their lips moved and danced together until Rayne nudged his lips apart and plunged his tongue in for a taste. Xavier's arms tightened around him, flames licking up inside him as a sudden hungry desire flared bright inside.
"Mmmm... better," Rayne whispered into his mouth, his little tongue stud clicking softly against Xavier's teeth. Pale green eyes wandered downward, taking in the proximity of their bodies, shimmering under the gentle waves. "I'm all wet now."
He looked up suddenly at Xav with an expression that certainly couldn't be classed as innocent.
Xavier searched his eyes, the desire still thudding in his veins. The sea-saw back and forth between innocent and libertine, befuddled and knowing, playful and melancholy had him feeling like he was on a roller coaster. His lips sought Rayne's again and he kissed him hard and hot, their bodies pressed closed together in the water.
Rayne was smiling against his lips, then reaching for him and drawing him back towards the shallower surf. He was moving backwards as quickly as the water would allow and when the current tangled his slender legs and pulled them from under him he went down with a burst of laughter and tugged Xavier with him. Fortunately the tide was low enough here that it did not simply surge right over their heads. Rayne kissed him again like a starving creature seeking sustenance from his lips.
A wave of contentment washed over Xav, a sensation that was coming entirely from Rayne. Mine! it said, decisively. All mine!
Xavier laughed as well, despite his worries. It was infectious. He let Rayne kiss him and caressed him tenderly as they played in the surf, those feelings that were both possessive and content still rolling over him like the waves. "Alright, alright! Yes, I'm yours." he agreed, still laughing and then pulled the sodden vampire up out of the water finally.
He peeled Rayne out of his shirt and shoes and they flopped down on the blanket together. Laying on their sides facing each other, the little outcrop of scrubby trees shading them from the hot summer sun shining down, Xav leaned in and kissed him again. He radiated back a feeling of happiness and contentment of his own. Rayne had hurt him when he left like he did, hurt him badly...but before that the singer had been so good to him, they fitted so well together and he couldn't forget that either.
"Do you remember this spot now, Rayne?" he asked tentatively as their lips parted again, his voice low and husky.
The look he got back was a long and serious gaze, swallowing up his face, taking its time. At last, to his despair, Rayne shook his head but he reached out before Xavier's face could fall, cupping his cheek in the curl of his long fingers then letting them trail to his neck.
He brushed them lightly over the dimpled bite marks.
"I remember this spot," he whispered, touching one then the other. "And this one. I remember the sea and the smell of salt on the wind and being with you. Who is Palo?"
The question was so unexpected, so out of leftfield that it came as a shock. It wasn't asked with any menace, just a quiet puzzlement that drew Rayne's bird-wing brows together again slightly.
Xavier's eyes dropped, although there really wasn't any reason he should feel ashamed, it wasn't actually a conscious or controllable reaction. He started to say something dismissive and stopped. Rayne would know if he was being brushed off or lied to, and Xavier didn't want to do anything that would endanger the trust they shared, especially not right now. "He was a just guy I met; a model. He works for a photographer named Marco Decellio and I went and did some work for Marco while you were... away."
Rayne nodded slowly, turning all of this over in his head.
"He likes you," he said at length. "He sent you flowers. That's nice isn't it? When someone sends flowers? It's either cos they like you or you're dead, really. You're not dead, so I guess he's quite into you, yeah?"
Xavier stared at a spot on the blanket, unable to bring his eyes up to meet Rayne's.
"There are other reasons to send flowers, Rayne," he said neutrally. "Like when you're trying to buy someone you can't have. Palo only wants me because he thinks I'd look good on his arm, so he can make his friends jealous. If he really liked me he wouldn't have... he wouldn't have treated me like he did."
Rayne licked his lips. They were lying so close that he could almost lean in and lick the tip of Xavier's nose, but he didn't.
"Was that... was that why you were angry with me?" he ventured at last. "I mean... I know you're just being kind to me because you think you have to, yeah?" He shrugged awkwardly and closed his eyes as if it hurt to even see the possible answer in Xavier's face.
"I don't fee like I have to be nice you, Rayne." Xav answered. He had to wonder though, if Rayne had come back under different circumstances, if he had come back and he was himself... would he have forgiven him so easily or so quickly? Would he be talking to him as frankly as he was now? Xavier believed that, yes, he probably would have done, but it would definitely have taken longer, and for sure he would have been much more guarded with Rayne. He gave a little sigh that seemed to match the sound of the wind and waves.
"I was angry with you because you didn't want me Rayne, not because of anything you did wrong. You didn't treat me bad before you left. You never made me do anything I didn't want to do. You never lied to me. You never made any promises you didn't keep. You never made me feel like a piece of meat."
He paused, wishing he could see Rayne's eyes, but maybe it was easier this way. "I was hurt and angry because I love you and you didn't love me back, but that's not your fault."
"I didn't love you?" Rayne looked up at him with a little frown. That had clearly wrong footed him and now he reached out again as if somehow the physical contact would tell him what words alone could not explain. "When the darkness came you were there. Why were you there if I didn't love you? Why did I give you my memories?"
He touched Xavier's neck again, very gently.
Xavier shivered from the touch of his fingers on the sensitive bite marks and just stared at him, not knowing what to say. If you loved me why did you leave me? He wanted to ask but Rayne wouldn't know the answer and... wait. "Hang on... Rayne, what do you mean, you gave me your memories?"
Rayne leaned in and kissed the marks on his neck softly.
"Here," he whispered. "They're here. In your blood, and mine, where I bit you. Maybe not everything, but it's in your blood. I know it. It pulled me back to you."
That little revelation was so startling Xavier pushed himself up on one arm and gawped at Rayne like a fish out of water. "You mean...all you have to do is bite me and you'll get your memory back? Then why haven't you?"
Rayne drew back into himself a little, cradling his head in the crook of one pale arm. He chewed on his lip for a moment.
"I made you unhappy, the way I was before I lost my mind. We're okay now, aren't we? You like me, don't you? Maybe... if I get my memory back, I'll be an arsehole again and maybe you won't want to be with me any more." The words came out of him in a little rush like water spilling from a broken pipe. "I'm scared to bite you," he confessed. "I don't know what will happen if I do."
Xavier continued to stare at him open mouthed for several long moments as the puzzle pieces started to fall into place. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
He hadn't stopped to really think about why Rayne had remembered him when he couldn't remember anything else, or why he'd been so drawn to come and find him. Now he realised it must have been some kind of vampire homing instinct, a back up plan that had kicked in and told him to go and find his last snack so he could pick up his memories. Only now Rayne didn't want to follow through on that instinct because he was afraid he'd remember what an asshole he was to him. It was more likely he'd remember why he'd dumped him in the first place and take off again!
Xav snorted, then chuckled, and then the chuckle turned into a helpless laugh and he fell back on the blanket. He and laughed and laughed until he had tears streaming down his cheeks. How did life get this fucking complicated? And what the fuck was he supposed to do about it? The laughter started to die down and Xavier brought his hands up to cover his face, a sound suspiciously like a sob coming up from his chest. What on earth was he supposed to do?
Wiping his eyes and sniffing as the bout of brief hysteria subsided Xavier turned back to look at Rayne, who was huddled still, watching him, eyes huge and afraid. Xavier swallowed hard and took a shuddering breath.
"Rayne...I-I don't know what will happen if you bite me either. I have my own selfish reasons to want you to stay as you are now. I don't want you to leave me again. I didn't want you to leave before...that's why we argued, that's why you were mad at me. But, I think you should drink from me if it might help you get yourself back to normal. I think you should. You need to be whole again, and you need to know how to take care of yourself. I know you're afraid, but I'm here, okay? I won't let anything bad happen to you if I can help it."
Some of the fear left Rayne's eyes when Xavier finally calmed down. He leaned forward again to touch the younger man's tear-streaked face, then bent over him and kissed him very softly on the lips.
"I think that I chose you for a reason," he said in a quiet voice. "I know that you think I'm no smarter than a little kid. Dominic and the other guys think it too, and that's why they treat me like I'm made of glass, but they're wrong, Xavier. I'm not a child. I remember stuff. It's coming back in little pieces like... something broken and scattered... like I'm picking up bits and thinking yeah, that goes there, you know? But just because I don't remember everything it doesn't mean you can make choices for me and baby me. None of you can. Xavier. I came to you because I wanted to be with you. If you hadn't been there, when... when..." He stopped for a moment and his ashen features actually turned a shade paler as he struggled to say the words and failed. "I'd have been swallowed up," he whispered at last. "I wouldn't have been able to fight it. But you were there and you made me live, I was trying to reach you. Trying so hard!"
There were swirls of blood in the tears that ran down his cheeks and he curled up again, hiding his face in his hands as he struggled to stop them.
Xavier wrapped him in his arms, pulling him close and murmuring soothingly as he caressed his back and shoulders. "Shhhh, it's okay." He tried to reassure him, peppering the top of his head with little kisses. Maybe it was the contact, or maybe Rayne couldn't help letting a little bit slip through, but Xavier was suddenly remembering with him that sucking darkness, and the cold, and the fear, with only one bright spot keeping him hanging on. So tired, and so alone and he just wanted to give up and let go... Xavier shivered despite the heat of the day pressing down on them and his arms tightened protectively around his lover. The lump in his throat was going to choke him and he had to ease it by letting a few more tears go as he held and stroked his hands lightly over Rayne's body.
"Alright, sweetheart, alright," he murmured. "I'm not going to try and make you do anything you don't want to do, okay? We'll do it your way, unless you decide otherwise." He brought his hand to Rayne's chin and lifted his face up to kiss him softly. He put all the warmth and light he could into that one sweet kiss hoping to chase away the dark cold fear that had clutched at him.
Rayne curled around him in response, holding him as close as he dared. He was still afraid of hurting Xavier. Something in his fragmented memories kept on reminding him that he could hurt other people so easily, without even thinking about it. Xavier was precious and needed to be loved and protected. He tried to push that into his thoughts and into the emotions he projected as he answered that gentle kiss with one of his own, then pressed his lips more passionately against the warmth of his lover's open mouth.
"When I was alone in Paris, I thought that I wanted to die," he whispered between Xavier's lips. "But I was wrong, because when Death opened the doors for me, I just wanted to run away. I knew then, how much I wanted to live... how much I still have to do before I can lay down and let the darkness take me."
Rayne's lips pressed to his again and Xavier responded with a slow sensual kiss. He thought for a moment of asking why he had thought he wanted to die, but he didn't really need the answer. He knew it was at least partially to do with him. What was more important was that he had found out that he really didn't want to die after all. They could spend days getting philosophical about life and death and how those boundaries seemed more and more blurred but Xavier was exhausted. All he wanted to do at the moment was enjoy the fact that Rayne was here now, and the feel of his kisses, and the way his hands moved on his body.
Rayne certainly was not unwilling to humour him in that respect. There was nothing childlike in the way that he took Xavier down onto the blanket they had spread over the sand, joined at the lips and all points downward with him. Mouth and fingers explored him rapidly, a spidery caressing that wandered over every inch of his body, stroking and tonguing his flesh, divesting him of his brief swimsuit and nuzzling him with a curious tenderness that was both relaxing and intensely stirring.
"So soft and warm," he whispered into the hollow of Xavier's sharp hip bone, licking the sensitive skin there almost hungrily.
Xavier let out a tumultuous breath. Despite the emotional roller coaster, or maybe even because of it, he was suddenly filled with a hot desire. The edge of Rayne's hair tickled along his stiffening cock and he bit his bottom lip on a soft moan, instantly coming fully erect. His hand caressed Rayne's bare back and shoulders and into his silky dark hair, as if he wanted to do some re-memorising himself.
There might be some gaping holes in Rayne's memory but some things are pure instinct and he certainly had not forgotten how to give pleasure. Soft lips pulled gently on the smooth skin around the base of Xavier's shaft and his ball sac kissing without touching him there, yet. His cool hands ran stealthily up and down the backs of Xavier's flexing thigh muscles, caressing him sweetly as he teased. He sucked in a long breath and inhaled the heady scent of his lover's naked body; fresh sweat and musk mingled with the lighter, sweeter aromas of hot sun-oil on skin.
His mouth was watering and his fangs extended involuntarily as he lipped and kissed Xavier's undulating crotch and lean, powerful thighs.
"Rayne..." His name came out a soft sigh on Xavier's lips and his mate spread his legs a little wider. He was so keyed up he couldn't stay still, his hips flexing longingly toward the sweet mouth that teased along his skin.
His lover's hands shifted Xavier so that his knees were bent and his legs apart, raising him up off the blanket so that his wicked tongue could slide all the way back, following the pulsing vein from the base of his cock to the swell of his puckered ring. Rayne licked up and down the cleft of his arse and teased gently with the little stud before wriggling the tip of his tongue against the entrance to Xavier's fiercely contracting passage.
"Mmmm..." the vampire sighed appreciatively. "So tasty."
"Oh, baby..." Xavier moaned softly, his head tipping back as his neck arched in pleasure. His toes curled involuntarily as Rayne pushed that searching tongue into his orifice, the little stud bumping past his ring making his nerves jangle and twitch. "Oh fuck..." he breathed. It seemed like a lot longer than just a few days since he'd had any sexual gratification. His cock was stone hard on his belly and ached for satisfaction.
Rayne practically wriggled underneath him and turned him slowly onto his side like a turtle righting itself as he kissed his way up each nodule of Xavier's spine and curled around him. His fingertip touched lightly between Xavier's lips as his mouth found the nape of the blond boy's neck and the other hand whispered seductively up and down the aching shaft that jutted up towards Xav's belly.
"This feels so hot," Rayne whispered hoarsely to him.
Xav felt a shiver go down his back from the point where Rayne's lips touched the back of his neck all the way to his tailbone.
"Mmm, yeah...Very hot!" he agreed, pulling Rayne's fingertip into his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue around the digit. He wriggled the firm smoothness of his buns into the crook of Rayne's crotch.
Snuggled in this position on the rumpled blanket he could feel quite definitely that there was nothing childish about Rayne's Wylde's intentions towards him. The vampire stroked him more firmly as he drew his wet finger from Xavier's mouth and moments later touched it to the moist aperture of his ring. He licked a long line from Xavier's earlobe to the nape of his neck as he slowly pressed his finger into the younger man. Xavier tried to tamp down on his eager impatience but his body wasn't cooperating. He arched and pushed back on that slender invasion like a cat in heat wanting more.