Reaching Out Ch. 03

The thought that she had been scared to talk to him just a few days ago now seemed distant and almost alien to her. Now she couldn't imagine not talking with him. She wanted to share everything with James, all of her hopes and fears, all of her dreams and ideas. Mostly she just wanted to talk to him, to know that she could talk to him. The idea that she had someone that she could speak to freely was like being able to breathe after being trapped underwater until she thought she would drown.

She thought that she could talk with people a bit more now, that James' efforts to draw her out a bit had helped with that. That his gentle and judgment free gesture had given her a bit of confidence and courage in the last few days that she would not have had otherwise. Certainly finding love had played a large role, and what they had done last night had shattered a lot of barriers for her. How could she be so afraid if she could do that with someone? If she could find love, and if she had the courage to pull her lover to her, then she could certainly find the courage to try to carry a conversation.

--

After coffee, and once Dad had woken up a bit more, they took James' laptop into the office and pulled up chairs. There wasn't room on the desk for Dana to put up her little netbook as well, but they figured between the desktop, James' computer, and Dad's mountain of real estate booklets and binders of properties and listing, they could certainly find what they were looking for.

After some initial talk about general ideas, how many bedrooms, how many floors, big yard or small, stuff like that, they started to pull up listings. James held Dana's hand the whole time, and watched her as closely yet as subtly as he could. She squeezed his hand, one for yes, two for no, and three for I don't know or it's up to you. It was their way of having them both in the conversation for the house hunt without mom and dad knowing that it was both of them deciding instead of just James. They chatted and joked around as they looked, having fun as they went about it. They were taking the search seriously, but they were having fun while they did it. Dana surprised them all by staying in the conversation for the most part without being forced or prompted. She was still rather nervous, and she still didn't like to look anyone in the eye except James, but she wasn't the silent outsider that she usually was. It felt good for all of them to simply sit around and have a fun morning laughing and joking together as a family. It felt normal, it felt simple.

Around noon, mom got up and asked what everyone wanted from the sub shop, offering to go pick up a light lunch. They gave her the list and she took off. The three of them kept looking for a moment before dad turned to James and Dana.

"I was wondering something, if it's okay to ask. Your mom said you guys talk about stuff, but that James agreed not to say what it is that you talk about. I was just wondering what kind of stuff it is, and why the secrecy? I mean, if it's alright to ask. If you don't want to tell me, that's perfectly fine, I'll understand. I'm not trying to pry, I'm just curious." Dad said, looking from James to Dana and back again. James and Dana could both see the concern and curiosity on him clearly. It wasn't hidden or easy to miss at all. James was thinking about how to answer without sounding rude or dismissive when Dana spoke up.

"It's okay dad. We just talk about stuff like work, stuff that I'm afraid of, and how to deal with it. James doesn't talk about what we talk about because it's, I don't know, private, I guess. He's like my safe zone. Like my bedroom is. He's a safe person to talk to, that won't tell anyone what I say, so I can say anything to him. It makes it easier to talk to him that way. That's all." She said. She was quiet, and her voice was a bit hesitant, but she didn't falter much as she spoke. She looked her father in the eye for the most part as she explained it, only glancing down to his chest a couple times. Her grip on James' hand was tight but not crushing.

"Okay. I was just curious was all. I guess because James said he couldn't talk about it more than anything. You know how that is, if someone tells you they can't tell you about something, you just want to know about it more." Dad said, turning back to the computer. He was trying to look casual, but it was clear he was not. He was just as surprised as James that Dana had fielded the question.

They went back to the house hunt, looking again at the houses they had found in the area south of mom and dad's house. They had four places that they were really looking at currently, all of them rather nice. Three of them were three bedroom, one of them was two bedroom. James was focusing on the three bedroom homes, stating that he was thinking of having an office and a spare bedroom for guests. In reality he was thinking of having an office for him and a drawing room for Dana. He couldn't figure out how to convey that to Dana, but she seemed to be on board with the three bedroom idea all the same, so he was okay there.

Mom came back with a bag full of sandwiches and they all sat back to eat, letting the houses wait. James was happy to have the break, as he was quickly getting swamped with the whole house hunting thing. He hadn't exactly liked it when he was looking for a place to rent when he first moved out. He still didn't understand how dad found the whole real estate thing so fascinating. Dana seemed to be enjoying it, though, and mom appeared to be having almost as much fun as dad. James supposed it was just something he was never going to understand.

After their break, they fell back into it with a renewed vigor. James had expected them to be a little sluggish about it, feeling a little roly-poly after their meal and taking it slow. It would seem that he was mistaken, though. Everyone was focused and raring to go, and James was surprised to find that he himself was getting into it a bit more as well. The more they looked, the more James and Dana 'discussed' options through their hand squeezes and innocently framed comments about the places they looked at, the more it seemed to sink in that they were looking for their home. That they were looking for the house where he and Dana would make their life together. The more that feeling set in, the more James' head swam with the knowledge that this was going to work, that they were going to be able to do it, that they were going to be able to have their chance to be together.

When they saw the little house on the corner, Dana squeezed his hand tightly, almost crushing it. James immediately squeezed back, agreeing in an instant. It looked perfect. The page that dad had brought up in the listing website showed the front of the house, obviously, but it also had a few pictures of the interior right under it. It showed a home that was, to them, perfect.

It was a simple, humble little place, not too far from mom and dad's house, not too far from mom's shop. The front yard wrapped around the corner with a huge sycamore in the middle of it, throwing shade across the garage and driveway. It was painted a pale shade of blue with trim so faintly green it appeared almost white. It was well kept, with neatly trimmed hedges under the windows and a small gravel path along the side leading to the gate that let into the back yard. The living room was spacious, the kitchen as well. It had three bedrooms, the master bedroom having its own bathroom. One of the bedrooms had a large bay window that looked out onto the back yard, which James pegged instantly for Dana's drawing room.

"Are there more pictures for that one dad?" Dana asked, leaning forward. Dad glanced at her a moment before clicking onto the gallery tab. They looked through it, commenting on what they liked.

"Oh look at those counters, is that real marble?" Mom said as they looked through the kitchen and bathroom pictures, getting a little excited.

"I'm pretty sure it is. I remember this one, I think." Dad said, double checking the information tab.

"How about the back yard? Any pictures of that?" James asked, hoping that there would be a nice view for Dana. The pictures that dad brought up of the yard were great. Whoever was selling the house had obviously put a lot of time into the place. The lawn was green and lush, with a small brick path winding through it to the little bird bath that stood in the middle. Around the bath was a neat ring of gravel, bound by small bricks that matched the path nicely. In the corners were brick flower gardens, about a foot and a half high, full of a riot of different blooms. On one side was a small shed, in the shape of a miniature barn, painted fire engine red with white trim, completing the look.

"That looks pretty. I like that." Dana said softly, squeezing James' hand again. James squeezed back, almost certain that this was the place they were going to buy.

"I do too. Is it in, uh, my price range?" James asked, catching himself. He had almost said 'is it in our price range' in his excitement. He could have played it off, sure, but he chided himself for his continued carelessness all the same.

"Yeah, looks like it. I'm sure you could even get it a little lower as well, with a little haggling. The place is in great shape, I remember now, I've shown that one. It's only about six years old." Dad said, looking through the listing information again. After a quick glance to Dana while mom and dad were staring at the screen and a couple more hand squeezes, James said that he'd take it.

"Just like that? You don't want to go look at it first?" Dad asked, a little surprised.

"Don't have to. I like what I see." James said, saying what Dana couldn't. He agreed with her, it was exactly what they were looking for, and it was exactly what they wanted.

"Okay, I'll make the calls tomorrow if you want. I can get it all set up on this end while you talk to the bank and get the loan all set up. Are you sure your credit is good enough that you'll qualify for a loan like this?" Dad asked.

"I should, I don't have anything against me on my credit. I pay all my bills on time or early, I always have. My car's paid off; I knocked that down well ahead of schedule, paying way over the monthly minimum payment. I have a great credit score." James said with a shrug, aware of the fact people typically have the loan lined up before getting the house part settled.

"Well, talk to the bank, find out about the loan, and I'll call about the house. It may take a couple days to find out about the loan. Once you have that in hand, we can move forward on the house." Dad said, bookmarking the page.

"No time like the present. I'll head out and get the loan started now, and I guess I'll be back by dinner." James said, standing up.

"I'll go with you, if you don't mind." Dana said, standing as well. She was looking at James' hands, smiling, her cheeks a bit red.

"I don't mind at all, some company would be nice. I guess we'll be back in a bit." James said with a smile. Mom and dad looked surprised, but they just said okay and went with it. They were happy to see her willing to go out and about without being forced, without being coerced into doing so. James could see that she was nervous, but she was also clearly excited. He couldn't blame her, he was excited as well. He was also happy that he would have the chance to talk to her about everything on their way to the bank and back.

They gathered what they needed and hopped into his car, hitting the road.

"James, the house is beautiful." Dana said as soon as they shut the doors.

"Isn't it? It looks perfect for us. I was thinking that the bedroom with the big bay widow would be great for a drawing room for you. You could look out onto the yard, see the birds flying around; what do you think?" He asked, starting the car and pulling out into the street.

"Really? That would be wonderful. James, is this actually happening? Are we actually going to do this, for real?" She said, her voice getting quiet and hesitant as she asked the questions. He glanced over at her, seeing her anxiety.

"Only if you want to. If you want to, then yes. Yes, we are." He answered, his voice calm, steady, confident. He felt her hand on his leg and took it in his, her grip tight.

"Yes. I want to. You know I do. It just feels, I don't know." She said, shaking her head a little. He could still hear a bit of tension in her voice; something that wasn't quite fear.

"It feels like a dream. Like it isn't quite real." He said softly. It was a feeling he had been having most of the morning.

"Yes!" She said brightly, before getting quiet again. "I think. I don't know. It is like that, but it also is not like that. I can't quite explain it. I can't quite believe that we actually get the chance to be free." She said, her voice still hushed and sounding a little lost, a little almost-afraid.

"I know. But I have to believe it, because it's the chance we have. Whatever opportunity we have, I'm going for it. I'm not losing the chance to have you, Dana." James said, sounding determined. Dana watched him while he spoke, watched the set of his jaw and how his brow furrowed just slightly. She saw that he meant it, and meant it entirely. He wasn't about to let anything stop him now that they were going for it.

"You already have me, James." She whispered, leaning over to lay her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and smiling. Seeing and hearing his conviction to keep her made her feel safer than she had ever felt before, like nothing could ever get to her with him around. Like she had no reason to fear anything if she was with James. It was a wonderful, breathtaking, door opening feeling for her. She thought the whole world looked a bit brighter now, knowing that she finally stood a chance in it.

--

They walked into the bank and found it mostly empty. James was glad to see it, as he really didn't want to make an appointment with the loan officer and have to wait a couple days or anything like that. They walked up to the front desk, Dana holding his hand tightly. James was curious to see how this would work out. He had expected Dana to wait in the car, not to want to join him in the bank, but she had said that she wanted to come in with him, so here she was. She was clearly scared, but she was smiling all the same. The man at the desk directed them to a smaller desk in the back of the large lobby where an older woman was seated at her computer, going through files. They walked over to introduce themselves, James simply hoping that everything would go smoothly.

"Hi, I'm Marjorie, how can I help you folks today?" The woman at the desk asked brightly, standing and offering her hand.

"Hello, I'm James, this is"

"I'm Dana." She said, taking Marjorie's hand and surprising James. Dana didn't look Marjorie in the face, but he thought that she was showing incredible courage all the same.

"Well, what can I do for you?" Marjorie asked as they sat. James took a deep breath and started laying out the plan.

--

James and Dana sat in the car and closed the doors, silent a moment, just looking at each other. She reached over and took his hand, pulling it over into her lap. He could feel her whole body trembling, and was glad that he had a bench seat in his car. He scooted over a bit and pulled her the rest of the way, meeting her in the middle to wrap his arms around her. Dana quickly put her arms around him, clinging to him like a life raft, her breathing shaking as much as her body. James could feel her racing pulse as he rubbed her back.

"James. Oh my god, James, I talked so much." She whispered, her lips tickling his neck.

"I know, Dana, I'm so proud of you. How did you do that? You were talking to her like it was nothing." He said, the awe in his voice readily apparent.

"I, I don't know. You were with me, and you held my hand, and it wasn't as scary as it always has been." She whispered, her voice getting a jagged edge to it. At first James thought she was starting to cry, but quickly realized that she was close to laughing.

"Dana, are you all right?" He asked softly, pulling back enough to look at her. She was smiling ear to ear, her face a deep red, her eyes bright and dancing.

"I, I, yes. I think so. I don't know. I will be when we move in, I know that." She said, fighting to keep from laughing, her hands gripping his shirt tightly, pulling him in to kiss her. He went gladly, kissing her happily, the copy of the loan paperwork crinkling a little in his hand.

"We'll both feel better when we move in. We're gonna make it happen, Dana, we're getting a home together." James whispered in her ear, smiling widely, when she finally let him breathe. Her whole body shuddered when he said it, and her arms went around him again. She gave a short, jangling little laugh that was almost a gasp. James could feel moisture on his neck and figured that now she was crying. He could understand that. He almost felt like crying himself.

They got themselves under control a bit and drove home, Dana sitting in the middle of the seat so that she could lean up against him. Neither of them could stop smiling, and Dana giggled a little from time to time as they talked.

"So I was thinking, after I get things settled with work, I'll be moving my stuff as soon as the house is cleared and I have the keys. We can have you help me move, take a couple days off work. When we get close to being done with that, the last day or so of the move, we could sit down with mom and dad. Tell them that while we were moving, we talked about it, and figured that you moving in with me could be good for you. That it might help, be a stepping stone towards independence, all that stuff. How does that sound? I know it's fast, but I really don't want to wait to have you with me." James said, enjoying the feeling of her leaning against him. Her hand was on his stomach, her head laid on his shoulder, her warmth filling him with delight.

"That sounds pretty good. I think that would work out just right. I don't want to wait either. I can't wait. I wouldn't be able to bear it. When we were talking about it earlier, it sounded like the idea was to wait a couple weeks before I moved in. I did not like that part of the idea. I couldn't wait that long. Especially not now. I know I couldn't." She said, her hand toying idly with his shirt.

"I don't think I could either. I would go nuts. So we do it this way then? Talk to them at the end of moving my stuff? Jump right in to moving yours?" James asked, one hand dropping from the wheel to take hers.

"Yes. I don't have much; it won't take long to move me in. Then what do we do?" She asked, squeezing his hand. James chuckled a little at that, as he knew that this question would probably come up many more times in their future. He didn't mind though, he was more than happy to answer it for her, in as many situations as it came up.

"We live our lives. Our life. It won't always be easy, but it never is for anyone, really. We deal with what comes along like everyone else. That's all." He said, giving her hand a squeeze back. He could feel her giggling, even though she kept her voice low enough that he didn't hear it. He could feel her relaxing more, her body soft against his side. He hoped it was something that he could feel often, and figured it would be.

--

They walked into the house, both still grinning. Mom saw them and started smiling herself, figuring the news was good. She had expected him to get a loan, but she had been worried about Dana going with him. Apparently, things had gone smoothly, much to her relief.

"Good news?" Mom asked, walking over.

"Good news. I got the loan, no problem. Mom, you would have been so proud of Dana. She went in with me, and she talked with the loan officer like it was perfectly natural." James said, looking over at Dana, his face beaming with pride.