Reading the Defense Ch. 05

Together, in between sobs and laughs they had arranged a dinner night at Samantha's house this evening with Liz and all three of them sat in the front room sipping wine. With Liz and Camille on the couch, Samantha sat on the floor watching the flames in the fireplace dance with each ripple. Both women were dying to get their friend back on track with the only man that matched her perfectly, Liz understood but remained silent as Camille kept on with Samantha.

"When are you going to call Gabe?"

Samantha turned her attention from the flames, and brought it to her friends. "Why do I have to be the one to call him?"

"Sam, as much as you don't want to hear this, you need to call him. In his mind, he's probably thinking the same thing and that's why he's stalling."

Samantha diverted her eyes from both women. She couldn't lie to them and because of their support they needed to know the truth. "He has called. He called late Saturday and then again on Sunday." Raising her eyes slowly, Camille looked the most worried but Liz saw through Samantha and spoke.

"Listen to me, please listen Sam. You did what you thought was right. You have to explain, exactly how you felt, how you feel in order for him to understand. When you avoid him, time is passing by. You are losing him; do you want that to happen?" A tear slipped out of the corner of Samantha's eyes, and she spoke so quietly it was hard to hear over the sound of the fireplace. "What if he starts yelling, putting words in my mouth about what he thinks I'm doing?"

It took Liz a moment to respond, but when she did it stopped Samantha from reaching for her glass on the coffee table. "Right up until you left, you talked about how much some of the things he does bothers you, how he cancels. How he isn't around." Samantha's brow furrowed and Liz could see her anger was flaring. "I'm not making a list—I'm just repeating what you said. I'm not telling you what you should have done or shouldn't have. But if you want him, want to make your relationship work with him—it's up to you."

Samantha glanced over at Camille, hope and wonder in her eyes. "Look honey, I can tell you first hand it's not easy. But you have to keep honest with yourself and your man. Otherwise, you get this."

"Did you and Ernie ever go through this?"

"Oh my god yes! The first couple of years we were together were hard, it took time to adjust. I'm not going to lie, it was awful during the season, but we are a team and we work through it. If you love him, you will do what you have to do. But girl, he's got to know."

More tears started to drop down Samantha's cheeks. "I just don't get it. I tried so hard to keep a straight face to protect us and it completely backfired. How does that even happen?"

Camille sipped the wine before responding, giving time to Samantha to release her tears. "It just does. But I will also tell you what Ernie said last night." Samantha wiped her eyes with a delicate finger and glanced over at Camille. "Gabe is not taking this well either."

A short while later, after both Liz and Camille had left for the evening, Samantha found herself alone in the front room. The telephone rested on the coffee table taunting her from its perch. She knew what she had to do, what was the right thing to do. Her body ached for him, while her soul missed his company. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the telephone and pulled up Gabe's number. For a moment she sat there staring at the display; trying to decide on whether or not she had the courage to go through with the call. Her heart told her to press the buttons. She loved him and didn't want to lose him.

Without thinking, she pressed the button and the phone began calling Gabe. Her breath grew shaky and she realized just how nervous she was to speak with him. The call rang several times but went unanswered. At the sound of his voice, indicating to leave a message Sam hung up. Feeling lost, tired and alone, she stumbled through the house leaving the lights on until she fell into bed. The sheets were nothing like having Gabe's body wrapped around hers, but it allowed her to lose herself in a battle with her tears.