Rebirth

Chris tried to speak, but her tongue kept stumbling over the words. Sarah was absolutely breathtaking. Instead of business attire, she wore a simple black dress, of raw silk. It had a fitted bodice and fell to just below her knee. Pearls highlighted it and high stiletto heels showed off her delicate ankles. Her hair was up and her makeup looked professionally done, almost like she had none on.

"I hope I'm not intruding," she said softly.

Chris could only shake her head an open the door more. Sarah entered in a graceful swirl of silks brushing against the door and Chris's hand.

"Can I get you something?" Chris asked, finally finding her voice.

"Anything, as long as it's strong," she replied as she sat on the sofa.

"Rum and coke?" Chris asked as she gingerly made her way into the kitchen.

"Rum, forget the coke, if you don't mind."

Chris fixed them both a drink, adding half a can of coke to hers, before sliding them across the counter and making her way around to the other side of her cutaway. She handed Sarah her drink and then took her own and carefully sat on the other end of the sofa.

Sarah killed half the tumbler in one gulp.

"Jeeze, go easy, that's 101 proof."

"I can take it."

"Honey, what's wrong?" Chris asked.

"Everything, nothing, fuck if I know," Sarah replied.

"Well, that tells me a lot," Chris said, with a faint smile.

She had hoped it would provoke a smile from Sarah, but the younger woman gave her a deeply penetrating stare.

"Fuck, if I know," she said at last, killing most of her drink.

Chris just waited. Apparently, the young woman was working up to something. After a few moments she turned to Chris and scooted closer to her, placing her hand on the older woman's bare knee.

"I came here tonight to ask you out. I swear, you're the most enigmatic woman I've ever met. Some girls you can tell they are, some you can tell they aren't, but you…damned if I know. So I'll just do this a less romantic way than I had planned. Chris, I think you're hot, I'd love to take you out. Are you interested at all?" she said earnestly.

Chris was taken aback. She had considered that might be the reason Sarah was here, but had dismissed the idea. Now, here it was, and she didn't know what to say. Truth be told, she didn't know what she wanted either. Sarah was staring into her eyes and waiting impatiently for some response. Eventually Chris plucked up her courage and replied.

"No, I'm not interested in going out," she said, watching the disappointment spread across Sarah's pretty features.

"But," she said quickly, before Sarah could respond, "But, I'd love to watch a movie with you, if you don't mind staying in," she finished, blushing deeply.

Sarah smiled radiantly and nodded.

"I'd love to, but I need to go down to the car and move it. Have you got a movie you want to watch or should I run down to the rental place?"

"I don't have any I haven't seen a million times."

"Great, I'll be back soon."

"Video or Dvd?" She asked, pausing in the door.

"VHS, I'm old fashioned."

After Sarah was gone, Chris made her way into the bedroom. She stopped before her dresser and looked at herself in the mirror.

"Have you any idea what you're doing?" she asked her reflection melodramatically.

"No, and neither have you," she replied.

A smile creased her face, raising little laugh lines around her eyes. She had never been classically beautiful, but she had been pretty in her younger days. Her long brown hair was still soft and showed only a few grays. Her body was fuller, more womanly and less girlish, but still attractive, except for the fact she had no leg.

"Oh, what are you doing?" she cried, throwing her hands up and burying her face in them.

When the buzzer rang, she almost decided not to touch it, but she rang Sarah up, realizing she had to see the girl again at work Monday. Sarah let herself into the apartment, and held up three tapes.

"I wasn't sure what you were in the mood for," she said with a grin.

"What'd you get?" Chris asked.

"Couple of chick flicks, how does a good romance grab you?"

The last thing Chris wanted was to watch someone meet the guy of her dreams and have everything work out. It wasn't that she wished evil on others, but she just knew such a film would have her depressed before it was done.

"I'm not really…" she started before Sarah cut her off.

"You're not in the mood to see people living happily ever after."

"Well…" she stammered, feeling embarrassed.

"No problem. I also picked up a good murder mystery, how's that work?"

"Great," Chris said enthusiastically.

Sarah put the movie in and dimmed the lights. Chris was sitting on the sofa and Sarah, pulled her dress up, curled a leg under her and plopped down next to her. Chris couldn't help but notice the brief flash of shapely stocking clad thighs and garters. From the plastic bag in her hand Sarah pulled out a bag of popcorn with the video place's logo on it.

Chris nibbled on the popcorn and sipped her drink. She was touched that Sarah had anticipated her needs and didn't seem at all judgmental about her not wanting to watch a romance. The movie had a creepy killer and lots of suspenseful scenes. Chris noticed they had slowly scooted closer to one another. During one particularly cheap "boo" shot, they both jumped and grabbed one another.

Chris let go immediately, but Sarah kept her arm around the older woman's shoulders. She was staring intently at the television, so it could just be she was still spooked, but it didn't feel that way to Chris. The soft strong arm and the warmth of Sarah's body against her own provoked some serious introspection.

She hadn't realized just how lonely she had been or how strong the inclination to just snuggle up and let Sarah hold her would be. On the other hand, she knew Sarah was gay and she was afraid it would be akin to leading her on. She loved the free spirited young woman, but she wasn't sure she loved her in a physical way. What really bothered Chris was the fact she wasn't sure. She had resigned herself to living alone for the rest of her life and entertaining feelings for Sarah was causing a lot of turmoil.

She couldn't make herself hope that someone could love her despite her maimed leg. It just wasn't fair to Sarah. She just couldn't understand why Sarah seemed to have no problem with it. And that lead her back to wondering if maybe, just maybe, things could work out with her.

"You'll never know, till you try," she thought.

"What?" Sarah asked.

"Nothing!" Chris replied, embarrassed beyond words at having voiced that thought out loud.

Feeling trapped under Sarah's intense gaze, she reacted instinctively and snuggled in close, lying her head on the girl's shoulder and thus avoiding her eyes. Sarah smiled and returned to watching the movie. As the climax neared, Chris found her self snuggling in tighter and when the heroine opened the door to her home and the killer stepped out of the closet they both jumped. As the credits rolled, Sarah got up, threw the popcorn bag away, carried the glasses to the kitchen and then rewound the movie.

She put it back in the case and glanced at her watch.

"I guess I better be going. Would you mind returning the tapes?"

"No, not at all," Chris replied.

"Great," Sarah said as Chris stood with difficulty and saw her to the door.

"I…I had a great time," The young woman said after some hesitation.

"So did I," Chris replied quietly.

The moment was pregnant as they stared at each other. Chris felt herself trembling in a mix of expectation and fear. She wondered if Sarah would try to steal a goodnight kiss. Part of her was actually hoping she would, but she just smiled, gave Chris a big hug and left. Chris was kicking herself long after she had gone to bed for not taking the initiative and offering one. It had been the first night in two years where she could honestly say she had enjoyed herself.

When Chris arrived at work the next morning, she found a beautiful porcelain vase filled with a dozen long stemmed roses on her desk. The vase was a delicate pink and decorated with an oriental motif. She colored slightly when she realized all the romantically intertwined figures were women. There was a card, but she ignored if for a moment.

She felt strange; a kind of shivery, expectant, breathless happiness that she couldn't remember feeling since her first date so many years ago. She and Clint had settled into their relationship with a kind of businesslike resolve. It had been far more like a merger than a courtship. This felt like the first stages in a seduction. A particularly sweet and tender one, like the ones that made her all misty eyed in the movies.

She carefully sat down at her desk, prolonging the anticipation by not grabbing the card as she so desperately wanted to. What would it say? The soft pink envelope was small, so it couldn't be very large. A card? Or a note? The anticipation was killing her, but it was fun and she managed to finish half a report before she could contain herself no longer.

Inside was a single sheet of lavender paper folded over from top and bottom. Chris quickly stuck it under her blotter when she heard voices outside her office.

"Chris? Tony Rizuglliato is here. He would like to see you," Julie said, poking her head in.

She squealed when she saw he flowers and a huge smile spread over her face.

"Who're the flowers from?"

"I haven't looked at the card yet," Chris admitted, smiling back.

"Well, they weren't from me," Tony said as he breezed past Julie and took a seat.

Julie gave him the look of death, but Chris only smiled.

"Hello Tony," She said.

"I don't have time for pleasantries, look," he said, handing her an IRS audit notice.

Tony was a shady character and highly excitable. It took Chris most of the morning to get his files, go over them with him and convince him there were no discrepancies. She was used to this, as Tony was always being watched by some law enforcement authority or another. For all his bad reputation, he had always been exceedingly kind to Chris. When her father had passed away and the Veterans Administration had been giving her and her mother the runaround, Tony had stepped in. Mom got dad's pension and her father had been laid to rest with full military honors. Tony had even provided the limo that took her mom to and from the service.

Chris kept his personal accounts so scrupulously that even the IRS hadn't found a single thing to complain about in any of their previous audits. By the time he left, he was his normal jocular self and apologized for his rudeness. Chris pulled the little letter out from under her blotter and held it close to her face. She smiled as a soft musk filled her nostrils. She opened it, conscious of Julie watching her from the doorway.

Thanks for the lovely evening,
Sarah

She felt a silly smile on her face and a blush of happiness.

"Well?" Julie demanded.

Chris hesitated. She loved Julie dearly, but like any office, theirs was a hotbed of rumors. If she admitted they were from Sarah, the whole office would know by closing time. That was taking a pretty daring step for the reserved accountant. She considered admonishing Julie to keep it a secret, but with her young secretary that was tantamount to placing a cat in a canary cage and asking him not to pounce. Well, what the hell, she decided.

"They're from Sarah," Chris said, still beaming.

"Really? That's wonderful! So are you two an item now?"

Chris hesitated again, totally unsure of how to answer that.

"Not yet, but, I'm working on it," a voice from the outer office called.

Sarah walked through the door, obviously enjoying both Julie's huge smile and Chris's deep blush. She would have sworn she saw something pass between Julie and Sarah, but she couldn't tell just what.

"What did the gangster want?" Sarah asked.

Julie took that as her cue to retreat to the outer office while Sarah again sat on the edge of Chris's desk.

"Auditing him again," Chris said.

Sarah was watching her face and Chris felt the deep blush creep down across her chest and up to her ears.

"I was wondering if you would let me take you to dinner tonight?"

Chris wanted to say yes, but the idea of going a step farther and actually going on a date with another woman was a little intimidating. The idea of going somewhere nice was even more so. With the exception of Lazuli's that first day, she had avoided going anywhere that was sit down. She always feared people staring and the pitying looks were as bad as the merely curious ones.

Sarah was watching her intently and Chris could see she was tense too. There was a tightness around her eyes and the smile was forced. Those eyes suddenly softened and Sarah again displayed her uncanny intuitiveness.

"Are you afraid of being seen with me? Or just afraid of going out somewhere?" she asked softly.

Chris couldn't respond, she just licked her lips and sat there as tears of frustration and humiliation rolled down her cheeks and self-pity reared its ugly head. Sarah reached out and touched her cheek with infinite tenderness.

"I'll pick you up at seven. Wear something nice and don't worry about a thing," she said before leaving without a backwards glance.

Chris sat on her bed, wrapped in a towel and staring at the mirror across the room. Steam rose off her rosy skin and her face was set in an agony of indecision. Several pantsuits lay piled on the bed, others were thrown against walls and in corners. Along with them several long skirted dresses also lay in disarray. She picked up another one of the bed and examined it.

"Ugly," she snarled before hurling the dress and hanger to crash against the wall.

Everything she owned was ugly. Every outfit bought with the main thought of concealing her prosthetic. While looking for something sexy to wear to dinner with Sarah she had been struck by her clothes. They weren't just concealing, they were ugly. Ugly patterns, ugly colors, ugly materials. Her self image so totally destroyed she hadn't even noticed when she bought them. With this realization came an insane rage.

"Well, while I appreciate the outfit, it's hardly going to work for Clear Waters," a soft voice said.

Chris whirled around on the bed, astonished to see Sarah standing quietly in the doorway.

"How did you get in?" she demanded as she snagged an outfit and pulled it into her lap to cover herself.

"I bribed the doorman," Sarah said simply.

"Why?"

"Because I've been ringing for the last half hour and I was tired of standing in the rain."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear the buzzer."

"No? Well, that's good to know. I'm not used to being stood up," she said with a wry grin.

"I can't go, I don't have a thing to wear," Chris said apologetically.

"Nonsense, how bout this?" Sarah replied moving to her still open closet.

She held up on of Chris's old dresses. It was a beautiful green sheath dress, that fell to the knee. She only still had it because she had loved it so much she couldn't bring herself to part with it when she purged all of her clothes after getting out of the hospital.

"No. I can't wear it," Chris said flatly.

"Can't? Or won't?"

"Can't you see!" Chris exploded, "I can't wear anything like that, I'm a fucking cripple."

Sarah whirled around. In two short strides she was across the room and she threw herself on Chris, riding the older woman onto her back. Sarah's face was only inches from her own and her eyes flashed with anger.

"Don't you ever, ever, ever, say that again. Don't you even think it. You've lost a leg, that's no excuse to quit living. You've still got a killer body, you've still got a mind that's so sharp it turns me on every time you show it and you've still go a lovely personality, under all the self pity. I love you too much to sit by and watch you kill yourself from the inside out, got it?"

Chris was stunned. Not only by the words, but by the depth of emotion in them. She couldn't respond, but Sarah seemed to know that. She rose fluidly and tossed the green dress into Chris's lap.

"Hurry up, or we'll be late," she said as she exited the room.

It took Chris a few moments to assimilate everything. The shift from sympathetic to domineering in Sarah happened with such breathtaking suddenness. She looked at the dress in her lap, feeling the cool satin on her tummy. The encounter had left her feeling strange, both excited and happy. Something about Sarah just made her feel all giddy inside and the display of power had also left her feeling flushed. Chris wondered if Sarah really knew her well enough to know how good it felt to be desired. Or how effectively her display of anger had dispelled Chris's doubts and fears.

It was difficult to say, but Chris had noted the girl's uncanny empathy many times before and she couldn't discount it.

Chris lay across the bed and grabbed the shaper, pulling it up over her stump. It had taken months of agonizing effort to train her muscles to it. From the box next to her bed she took the myoelectric leg and fitted it, pulling and tugging until it formed a seal. She carefully worked her leg, making sure the knee worked as it should. The soft flesh like rubber had been painted to match her skin tone.

Contemplating people seeing it she shuddered, but then a thought struck her, one she hadn't ever contemplated before. Chris stopped to realize just how lucky she was. Lucky to be alive. Lucky that the surgeons had been able to save enough of her leg to even use a myoelectric. Lucky to live in a country where people could get prosthetics, so many people couldn't even get the most rudimentary types. Lucky she worked for a company that let her work from home for the duration of her rehab. Lucky that she worked for a company that carried exceptional insurance for its employees, her leg had cost close to a million dollars. Lucky to have such an attractive and highly successful woman interested in her.

The last one seemed to be the thing that made the others clear. The stark realization that she was desirable, even now, was one of those things she internally denied. The problem was, there was no denying the fact Sarah was waiting for her to get dressed so they could go out on a date. It was a date really. She hadn't been on one in years, but it had all the feelings of one. And that too, was lucky.

Chris had never been so self conscious as she was when she got out in front of Clear Waters. Sarah had hired a limo, so they didn't need to worry with parking. Well, that was what she said. Chris suspected a far different reason. The Limo not only saved her having to walk any distance, but it allowed Sarah to be right there with her, instead of her having to wait out front alone. It was just the kind of thoughtful thing she would expect from Sarah. Her suspicions were confirmed when they arrived inside.

A tall man in a tuxedo came around from the podium and bowed.

"Miss Levin, how lovely to see you again."

"Thank you, Charles," Sarah said graciously.

"Not at all, right this way," he said, leading them through a crowded dining room and past several vacant tables.

He stopped in front of a cozy little booth in the very back. Chris noticed Sarah held her hand out and helped Chris into it. She also noticed Sarah offered her the side of the booth where her prosthetic would be to the wall.

"I've already taken the liberty of selecting a wine for you this evening. Compliments of the house," the maitreide said.

"Thank you, Charles. You always make sure everything is perfect."

"I'm afraid this time I almost didn't. Luckily I was able to secure a booth on such short notice, but only because I got a cancellation."