Rebirth

Chris saw Sarah blush slightly and her heart leapt into her throat. She was sure now the booth in the back, the limo, everything, had been carefully orchestrated to minimize her discomfort and she couldn't find words to tell Sarah how much those little things meant.

Sarah ordered for them both. The meal and the wine were excellent and Chris was a little tipsy by the time coffee was brought to the table.

"Would you like to catch a show? I hear seventeen seventy-six is very good," Sarah asked.

"Sure," Chris replied, before she even gave it thought.

The show was very good, they both laughed and enjoyed themselves. Somewhere along the way, her hand ended up in Sarah's. She wasn't aware of it at the time, it just felt so natural. It was only when they were back in the limo heading home that she realized anyone watching would have seen them holding hands. With that realization came another, she didn't care if they did.

When they got back to her apartment building, Sarah walked her up to the door and then lightly kissed her cheek.

"I had a very good time, thank you," she said.

Before Chris could get her head in gear and say anything, Sarah went back to the car and it drove away. On her way up she was of two minds, while she appreciated Sarah not making the assumption dinner and a show equaled sex, she was also disappointed. She was by no means sure she could go through with the actual act, but she was very sure she couldn't dismiss the possibility out of hand.

Over the next two months Chris's life fell into a comfortable and happy pattern. Sarah took her out to dinner at least three times a week and to a show almost every Friday night, except for nights when she had rehab. Sometimes people noticed her leg, sometimes they didn't, but she noticed something. It didn't matter anymore. The one person she had come to care about above all others found her attractive and desirable. Everyone else could go for a long walk on a short pier.

She came home one day and emptied out her under ware drawer, throwing out almost everything and went straight to Vic's Secret and got a paycheck's worth of sexy, feminine and flattering under things. Next went the frumpy dresses and clunky pants suits. She even bout two pairs of low heels.

She had started wearing knee length dresses to work and going out to lunch with her co-workers. She was reading again and going to the Met and the museum of natural history. She was taking walks in central park again and going down to the local bodega rather than having her groceries delivered. Chris was wearing the myoelectric more often too, although she still usually wore the simpler one to work. On those days she still covered it, but she had bought nicer clothes and wasn't so self conscious any longer.

Chris found it nothing short of amazing the difference one person had made in her life. One person who loved her for who she was and didn't care that she was no longer "normal". One person, into whose eyes she could look and see love, desire, respect, but not a trace of pity.

Chris brushed out her hair as she sat at her vanity. The one she had asked the super to put the mirror back on. Tonight, she had determined she was going to take the plunge. She owed Sarah that much. That wasn't to say she owed Sarah sex, but it was to say she owed it to herself and her friend to find out. Besides, she was so horny the doorknobs were staring to look good, she though with a wry smile.

She owed that to Sarah too. There was something about someone wanting her that just made her self esteem soar and with it, her libido. Her dreams had become torrid and she had awakened with her panties sticky and her chest heaving on more than one occasion. She found herself wondering if perhaps, the reason sex with Clint had always been so bland was because she really wasn't into men. As strange as that seemed, her dreams seemed to indicate it was possible. Lord knows she had never had an erotic dream featuring him.

She glanced at the clock and shook her head while a self mocking smile creased her lips. Another long period of self analysis had eaten up close to an hour and now she would have to hurry not to keep Sarah waiting.

She let the towel fall from her body as she moved to the bed, her reflection clear in the mirror over her dresser. She felt a sudden and terribly powerful desire to look away, but she fought it down, eventually making herself look. A month ago, her eyes would have gone straight to the smooth, clean stump where her leg should have been and moved no further. Now, however, they took in other things, her large, full breasts, flat tummy, darkly furred pubic mound, long, elegant neck, pretty face and even her good leg. In short, she could look at herself and while still feeling a little down, she was no longer crushed by it.

Turning back to the bed, she sat down and fastened the black garter belt around her waist. Chris hadn't worn one since the accident and she marveled at how sexy it made her feel. She pulled on the burgundy high thigh panties, smoothing them down over the garters. She then put on the sleeve and her leg. She rolled a stocking up the prosthetic and then up her good leg and attached the garter clips. Chris pulled on the black half slip and then her burgundy demi-cup bra. Finally she slipped into her dress, a burgundy ankle length semi formal. It was slit nearly up to her hip and the sweetheart neckline showed off enough dellcotage to be daring. A simple silver crucifix on a marine chain matched the silver and ruby earrings she wore. Lastly, she slipped the low heels on her feet. She had to practice walking around for several minutes, before she felt confident enough in her sense of balance to go with the heels.

She was waiting in the foyer when Sarah arrived and even the pounding rain did nothing to dampen Chris's spirits. Sarah must have complemented her on her dress ten times during the evening and those eyes that always held such love and understanding held a hunger tonight that set Chris's heart racing. Dinner was great as usual and the show was hilarious, if a bit risqué.

When they returned to her apartment building Chris screwed up her courage. She followed as Sarah held the umbrella for her. Sarah bent to brush her cheek just outside the door as usual. When she felt those soft lips, Chris turned her head abruptly. Pressing her lips to Sarah's she reached out and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's shoulders.

Sarah seemed taken aback, but her tongue gently probed Chris's lips. When they parted, she felt a tremor run through Sarah's body. Sarah's tongue slipped into her mouth and slowly explored. Chris could taste her lipstick and a faintly sweet taste that was Sarah's own. Chris pushed her tongue against Sarah's, and soon they were sliding over and pressing against one another. Sarah's arms were around her and she found a contentment there that she knew was real.

When the kiss finally broke, Chris was panting and Sarah was flushed.

"What was that for?" the taller girl finally asked.

"Do you have to ask?" Chris said in a breathless whisper.

"Yes, I do," Sarah replied, her face turning serious.

"I don't want you to go tonight. Won't you please come up?"

Sarah smiled and returned to the car, but was back in a few moments. They made their way up to Chris's apartment and were soon both seated on the sofa. The silence dragged out and Chris was slightly frustrated. She was so used to Sarah being in charge and she felt awkward having to initiate things. Still, she determined to try, but when she placed a hand on Sarah's knee the girl stood abruptly and walked to the window, turning her back on Chris.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Chris asked.

She felt she should have been hurt or put out by Sarah's actions, but in truth, she was only concerned.

"I've wanted this so badly and for so long Chris, but now that it's here, I'm not sure I want to go through with it."

"Oh," Chris said, feeling herself falling again into that black netherworld.

In her mind, the only and obvious answer was her leg and she felt herself starting to tear up. Sarah didn't seem to notice, she just stood there like a statue, absolutely rigid. Chris was pulled out of her sudden freefall by her concern. She wanted to say something, but before she could, Sarah started to speak. Her voice was soft, barely audible over the tinking of rain hitting the glass.

"I'm not what you think I am Chris. I'm a player, I have been for a long time. I've laid more girls than you can imagine and it never stopped, even when I came to work at the firm. I've had half the accountants and most of the secretaries in my bed, including Julie."

Chris didn't know what to say. Sarah continued and Chris realized her presence wasn't even being noticed. Sarah could just as well have been speaking to an empty room or mirror.

"I wasn't always like this. I had a steady girl at Weslyn and I was so happy. I was going to be an artist and she was going to write poetry. And we were going to get a little house in the Hamptons and everything was going to be perfect. Then Charles died. My dad was devastated and I felt so helpless. So I decided I was going to be the son he lost. I gave up on my dreams Chris. I just walked away. Bussiness school was an eye opener and I dived in, trying to bury the hurt. It's all about being aggressive there, take no prisoners, don't take no for an answer. It's like a drug, the power trip and it gets into your head. It translates to life and for me, to sex. I was keeping score, learning all the tricks, out dyking the bulls when I wanted a femme and out fluffing the femmes when I wanted a butch. I used money, power, privilege, whatever it took to get their legs spread and I took special pleasure in bedding a straight chick or the girlfriend or wife of a buddy or rival."

She turned then and faced Chris, tears pouring down her face.

"Don't you see? You were the one that got away. The only one I couldn't con because you were so nice, and I couldn't trick because you were so smart. When you came back from your accident, you were vulnerable and I could sense it. And I moved in like a complete bitch."

"So, you've just been playing me for a fool?" Chris cried.

"No!" Sarah shouted, grabbing Chris's hands before the older woman could turn and run.

"It started like that, at first, but the more I got to know you, the more awful I felt. You're…just perfect Chris. A perfect lady and a perfect friend. My family's money and power and prestige, they never made an impression on you. And you liked me, just for me. Somewhere along the way, I realized my dreams hadn't died. You can't kill a dream. You can ignore them, forget them, hide from them, but they never die. I started painting again. I wanted that house in the Hamptons again, but this time I wanted it to be with you."

"So why tell me all this?"

"Because I still want you, but I don't want you as another notch on the old strapon. I want something real with you. I love you. But love takes two and it takes trust and that means honesty. I had to tell you, I just couldn't figure out how. Every time I opened my mouth to say it I was afraid you would run away so I kept silent and just fell harder and harder for you. When you invited me up here, I knew you would be ready to make love. And I knew I would have to spill my guts, so I've avoided it. I hope you still want me, but if not, I'll understand."

Chris was in turmoil. One thing she just had to know, before she could make any sense of it all.

"When did you stop playing me Sarah?"

"The night I came over. I was prepared to wine you, dine you and sixty-nine you. But you weren't up for wining and dining and we watched a movie instead. A silly detective story and we ate popcorn and we laughed and we both got scared and you let me hold you. And somewhere in there, it dawned on me you weren't a conquest to be had, you were a treasure. Your strength and courage, to carry on when so many others would have given in to self pity, it was humbling. And it made me realize I had given in under far less daunting circumstances. And even if you turn me away, I'll always love you, because you gave me back my dreams."

"I don't know what to say," Chris said.

"Say you love me. I love you Chris. So much that I can't bear the thought of deceiving you ever again, even if it's to my detriment to be honest."

"I want to love you and I want to believe you, but how do I know that isn't just another line?"

"Trust yourself Chris. Nothing I say will help, because I've already given you every reason to doubt me."

Chris's head was making all the usual arguments and adding a few for good measure, but she looked into Sarah's eyes and they became as ethereal and meaningless as her ghostly reflection in the dark window.

"I do love you Sarah," she said at length.

Sarah smiled hopefully and Chris reached out, to wipe a stray rear from her cheek. She smiled back and all the bad, her past, Sarah's past, everything, just disappeared, so much chaff before the wind.

"Will you see me again?" Sarah asked.

"Of course," she said with a smile, and then her face grew serious "I can look at myself in the mirror again. You gave me that, no matter what your motive was at first, you've given me hope for a better life and…peace. Peace with myself."

"I'm glad. You deserve so much better than you have. And I guess I had better go."

"Go?"

"Yes.," she said with a self mocking smile, "If I stay any longer, I'm going to try and get into your panties. Old habits die hard I guess."

Chris was at a loss. How do you tell someone you want them to try and get into your panties? How do you explain the tremendous fear that you have of rejection and of the unknown. And at the same time, the deeply rooted need? She tired, but she couldn't find the words as Sarah walked past her and towards the door. When the tall girl's hand closed on the door knob, something inside Chris snapped.

"Sarah?"

"Yes?" the tall girl said, looking back over her shoulder.

Somewhere, far back down the road she had trodden, some girl had let Sarah walk out of her life. Chris pitied that girl, whoever she was. Pitied her for the woman she had let go, but Chris wasn't going to make that mistake. The determination not to be like that nameless lover gave her the determination to make her mouth work, though every instinct was crying out for her to stay silent and protect her heart.

"I don't want you to go."

Sarah cocked her head quizzically.

"Knowing what I am, you still want me to stay?"

"I don't know what you were and frankly, I don't care. I know what you are, who you are, and no, I don't want you to walk out that door."

"Well, if you'd like…" she started, then all the color drained from her face.

Chris wondered what was wrong.

"No, I won't fucking do it," Sarah declared vehemently.

"Do what?" Chris asked in alarm.

"Say the thing most calculated to get you into the sack. I swear I won't. I'd love to stay."

They both stood there in an awkward silence that became more uncomfortable as time passed.

"What now?" Sarah asked at last.

"Well, why don't you make us drinks? I need to…do something."

"All right," the tall girl said, moving towards the kitchenette.

Chris made her way into her room, sat carefully on the bed and removed her stocking, shoe and the myoelectric. She very carefully placed it back in its protective box and debated on putting on her everyday prosthetic. She was still debating when Sarah called her excitedly from the other room.

Chris made her may out, using furniture and the handrails her brother had installed. Sarah was standing at the window, staring out in a trance. Chris didn't have anything to use as a hand hold in that open part of the room, but Sarah came over and gave her someone to lean on. She had dimmed the lights in the room, so their reflections weren't as strong.

"What? Chris asked.

"Watch," Sarah whispered.

Suddenly, the sky was rent open by a jagged bolt of lightening. It ran across the sky like molten fire. Before it was gone a second bolt, traveling in the other direction also rent the cloud obscured sky.

"Two fronts, coming together," Sarah whispered.

For along time, they just stood, Chris leaning on Sarah as the incredible display continued. It was enthralling, seeing nature at her wildest.

"I used to paint storms," Sarah said quietly.

"It's mesmerizing," Chris said.

Sarah seemed to come out of her trance when she felt Chris leaning a little more heavily on her. Without comment, she helped the older woman over to the sofa. They both sat down and Chris watched the window as the storm raged.

Sarah was still enraptured, but Chris found her eyes going again and again, to Sarah's long neck. Chris could see her pulse in the large vein and the look on her face was very sexy. Chris's body acted of its own volition, while she was still trying to decide if she should be so bold. Her head moved slightly closer and she gently kissed the point where Sarah's jaw and neck met, just below her ear.

Sarah's skin was soft, and warm and silky smooth. Chris could smell her shampoo, a delicate floral aroma and her perfume, that understated musk Sarah favored.

Sarah didn't move, she literally froze and Chris wondered if she had been too forward.

"Are you all right?" she whispered.

"Chris, please don't. I'm trying so hard to be good, but if you keep that again, I'm going to loose control."

Chris knew women had sex, she wasn't that naïve. She wasn't exactly sure how they went about it or if she could go through with it herself, but in her dreams she had been for quite some time. She knew she had fallen for Sarah, fallen hard, and despite the night's revelations, she didn't love her any less. Perhaps, she loved her even more, because she knew beyond any doubt that Sarah had been spilling her heart out. She hadn't been in love in a very long time and she remembered how being in love could make you blind, but she didn't feel that way. She felt wonderful and happy, really happy and she wanted to make sure Sarah knew it.

"Loose control," Chris whispered, again softly kissing Sarah's neck.

Sarah turned sharply, her hands cupping Chris's face and their lips finding each other. Her tongue gently probed and Chris parted her lips, allowing Sarah's agile tongue to enter her mouth. Sarah explored her mouth only slowly, frequently breaking the kiss to lick Chris's lip or to shower kisses on her eyelids and cheeks and chin. Chris kept her eyes tightly closed and kissed back, her lips falling randomly on Sarah's face and neck, depending upon where the young woman's own were at the time.

Chris's hands went to Sarah's face and held her gently while their lips pressed and moved against one another, tongues occasionally darting out or sensuously tracing a lip. It was hot and there was a fierce need in her chest but at the same time, it was slow and languid and beautiful.

Sarah's hands eventually left Chris's face and slid down her neck and over the rise of her chest. Chris could feel her long, elegant fingers as they caressed her through her dress. She shivered when those long fingers brushed over the rise of her breasts, but they slipped past them with only a whisper of contact and on down her sides, where they slipped along the crease of her hips and then slowly up her back.

Chris shivered when they dug into the fabric at her back to find the zipper to her dress. She felt the material loosen across her shoulders and then her bust as Sarah's hand slowly lowered the zipper. When it reached the end of its run, the dark haired beauty's hands slipped into the opening and she gently dragged her nails up Chris's back causing her to shudder.

Sarah peeled the dress off and Chris helped by tugging her arms out of the sleeves. When it flopped over in her lap, Sarah sat back a bit, her eyes seemingly glued to Chris's chest. Even before the accident, Chris's boobs had been one of her best features. While in rehab, they had encouraged her to work out as much as she could bare, to keep her heart healthy and combat the weight gain a sedentary lifestyle produced. She had gained a few pounds, but her upper body had become remarkably toned and while they were bigger than ever, her breasts were firmer than they had been in a long time.