Red Flags

I watched and waited for any red flags to appear, hoping none would. Anxiety churned inside me. I was not about to trade one bad domestic situation for another. Time would sort things out.

After several months the haze of lust and infatuation had cleared enough for me to start looking at Toy objectively. She didn't like me asking too many questions about her life. Sometimes, my efforts led to some serious mood swings and tantrums which passed quickly. I tended to avoid confrontations. My world started to unravel when I decided to ask some hard questions after I concluded things were not quite right.

"Why have I not met your family, Toy?"

"They live far, far. Don't worry. We go someday soon."

"Where did you get the money to buy the gold jewelry you have on your salary? Your phone cost at least 6000 baht. And where do you disappear to for hours sometimes at night? I call you, but your phone is turned off. What's going on?"

"Why you question me? I love you. Why you make trouble? You not trust me?"

My questions made her angry and agitated. I didn't understand her reaction.

"I know you love me, but please answer my questions. Make me feel better. I need to know. We need to be honest with each other. To me, honesty, trust and loyalty are very important. I WILL NOT put up with lying or any break of my trust. You should know this. I want us to be open with each other. I ask for nothing that I am not willing to give you. Do you understand what I'm saying? It is important for our future that you do."

"Why farang always talk of trust and honesty? These things not so important in Thailand... Peace in family, keeping face more important. Farang think too much."

I had the strong feeling that my words and attitude confused her. It was as if she could not comprehend what I was getting at. She could not understand why I was making her lose face through my questions and insistence on the truth, which was extremely important to me.

Problems tended to happen whenever the conversation became intense. Our normal ability to communicate became difficult when she didn't want to answer a question or deal with something unpleasant. She would use anger or the pretense of language difficulties to change the subject. I wasn't going to let her get away with it this time.

"You no love me! You want to keep me in cage! I need freedom! You not understand me. You only care yourself." She was raising her voice, about to go off.

"Freedom to do what? I pay the bills, and take care of you. What the hell are you talking about? Are you cheating on me? Can I trust you?" I wasn't going to take any crap or deception.

"No, no, no! I no cheat. You are man I love, only you, tee rak (sweetheart). I visit my friends sometime. Gold from old boy friend. He from Sweden, gone back long time. You jealous, no good. Now, I sad. Jessie,. You make Toy very sad." She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

I could see that the conversation was going no where. As usual, her answers didn't satisfy me. I couldn't shake the feeling that she was either lying or not telling me the whole truth. Before I could consider taking the relationship to the next level, I had to find some answers. Looking back, I was compelled to confirm what my gut was already knew. I needed confirmation.

When she came out of the bathroom, she was crying. She ran to me and placed her tear stained face on my chest. I not mad now. I love you too much, tee rak." she said dropping to her knees and without a word taking all of my manhood into her mouth. She looked up at me while she drove me to ecstasy and then swallowed every drop. I almost passed out from the intensity of my orgasm. After I recovered, the conversation continued. I was determined to get some answers.

"Ok, I want to meet your friends. Could I do that?"

She looked concerned for a minute, then, she agreed. The next evening, I found myself in a restaurant filled with Thais. I was the only farang there. Toy had invited five of her friends to join us. Two were male. I could understand a little of what was being said. I sat there spacing out, listening to the chatter until I heard one of the males, who she said was her cousin, say something to Toy.

"When are you going to make your farang uncle buy house for you? You can make him pay 500,000 or maybe one million baht sin sot. Then, we can be together."

My first thought was what! A million baht was close to 30,000 dollars. Did I hear what I think I heard? Sin sot is the Thai version of a bride price. In Thailand, the perspective groom was sometimes expected to pay this to show honor to the bride and her family Some families extorted this money from farangs because they could. Sometimes, it was given back to the bride as a kind of marriage insurance. It is a practice that doesn't set too well with most farangs

Toy and I had never seriously spoken of marriage or sin sot. Referring to me as uncle was a real insult. He was showing me complete disrespect. She didn't seem upset by his words. I was smelling betrayal in the air. What was this being together stuff? My throat tightened with rage, sadness and pain. Resignation soon followed. I had to accept what I had just heard. I was beginning to feel like an old warrior myself. My world had crashed. Who was this woman?

I decided to play the hand out. I wanted to see what would happen next.

I controlled the anger building in my heart. I knew revenge was a risky thing in Thailand. There would surely be retaliation from her husband and friends. I needed a plan.

I thought, how could she do this to me? I treated her like a princess. It appeared that the reason she never pressured me for money was that I was being set up for the big score.

I braced myself for the end of my relationship. I tried to wall off my emotions for self protection. The end was near. I would miss her. I knew in her own way, she really did care for me, or did she? She surely didn't define love the way I did. When she used the word, it was hollow, having little or no meaning. I began to wonder if she even liked me. It was hard to believe anybody could be that good of an actress.

When the dinner was over her friends went their way. I heard the man who had been speaking to Toy earlier say, "Soon you can come back to my bed and leave this stinking big dick farang. You should be with me, your husband. Pressure him. Tell him you must be married soon." He smiled at me as he spoke. It was every thing I could do to keep from snapping his skinny neck and hers.

Toy, laughed at his remarks. She took my arm lovingly as we walked back into the crowed Bangkok street.

I had to be patient. But, not too patient. I needed time to put my condo up for sale and arrange to move to the northern city of Chiang Mai. After I took my revenge for Toy's betrayal I would move far away. Toy started throwing very strong hints that she wanted me to make an honest woman out of her.

When she went to sleep, I searched her purse for the first time. I found two phones. One of them had names like Mark, John, Eddie and Swen stored in it. I resisted the urge to throw the phone out of the window. She had a date book with client names, dates, and hotels. I felt like such a sucker. The times indicated were all between 6:oo pm and 10:00. After work, she was an escort! That's why she never needed to ask me for money. I had to give it to her...she's good.

"Tee rak, do you love me?" She asked in her most vulnerable voice.

"Sure I do, why do you ask." The game had begun.

I want us to marry. When I take you to family, I must say that we will marry."

"why?"

"I lose big face and family if they know I sleep with you and not marry."

I almost laughed in her face. She was using Thai logic on me. What she said was true, even more true when in the provinces. Too bad she was full of crap and already married. I might have been sympathetic.

"I think you're right, Toy. You are a loving faithful companion. I should marry you. We should marry soon. I want you to be my wife. I will love you forever."

"Oh, Tee rak...I so happy! I tell family and friends. I want marry in province, so village can come and see my handsome husband. My family will gain much face." She paused for a minute. "You know you give family sin sot. It is Thai tradition. Very important."

"I know about sin sot, how much?"

"I think, one million baht?" She said it as a question.

"A million baht! I'm not rich! I said playing her game.

She thought another minute and said, "ok, 500,000 would be ok." She looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"I think I can do that. It's a heavy price, but I want to make you happy."

Tears slid down her face. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn her look portrayed genuine gratitude and love. She hugged me for a long time, not speaking. Her arms trembled. The heat of her hands penetrated my back. She was good.

Tee rak, I not deserve man like you. I must have been very good in past life. Our love very strong. I love you toooo much." she said as she seductively stripped for me.

Testosterone surged through my veins. If I could not have her loyalty, I would take her body; probably for the last time.

"I am going to give you some money. I want you to go home and arrange an engagement party. Invite everyone in the village. Buy lots to eat and drink. Hire a band. You know what to do. Go tomorrow. I will join you in three days. I will bring sin sot and many baht of gold for all to see when I come to the party. Everyone will be jealous of you. They will know how much I treasure your love and devotion to me."

"Devotion?"

"It means being true and loyal." I said gritting my teeth.

Then I took her, not caring about her pleasure, only mine. She quickly adjusted to my urgency and started to moan with pleasure. I pounded into her with anger and lust. We exploded together, sweating and breathing hard, then rested exhausted in each others arm; each lost in their own thoughts.

She left the next day to set everything up. I rented out my condo and had my possessions shipped to Chiang Mai. On the day of the big party, I called Toy.

"Many people will come. Everyone want to see you and my sin sot. I want to see you handsome man. Please hurry. I wait for you every minute." She was very excited.

"I will be there. Start the party. I will come soon. I love you, bye."

I hung up the phone with sadness in my heart. I would never see her again. The loss of face she was about to suffer would be powerful revenge for her betrayal.

On the day of the party, there were at least two hundred people in attendance. People danced, ate and drank with abandon. The messenger that I had hired entered the room and went directly to the microphone after whispering something in a band members ear. He spoke in Thai.

"Attention please! I have a message from the man Toy is to marry." The crowd quieted down. "He says that he will not be here tonight. He will not be here because Toy is a lying, cheating whore who does not love him and who is already married. She planned to divorce him when she got her sin sot and new house. He says that his heart is broken that he hopes that she thinks about what her life could have been until she is old and grey."

The crowd was silent. Toy stood frozen with disbelief. Her face was motionless. It twisted with rage, embarrassment and shock. She wanted to hide...disappear.

"That damned farang tricked me!" She hissed at her husband who was sitting near by, looking disappointed.

I adjusted to my new home very well. The weather in Chiang Mai was cooler and the air easier to breath than Bangkok. I found an orphanage and started teaching English again. If I wanted female company I knew where to go to hear the words; hello handsome man, where you from? You want take me hotel?"