Reflections on Ice Ch. 08

"Go on." Janis squeezed her hand. "I'll hang out here until you're ready to go."

Cassia didn't say anything but let go of Janis' hand and followed as Dylan turned towards the main concourse. A few people stopped Dylan to get a picture or just to shake hands, but they were out by the concession stand in mere minutes.

"Would you like anything?" Dylan gestured at the snacks and drinks.

Cassia shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks."

They walked on, circling a corner and finding themselves in a quieter hallway, only a few people milling around. Dylan faced Cassia, his face revealing nothing of what he was thinking, and Cassia crossed her arms over her chest, feeling like she needed to protect herself. For a long minute, neither of them spoke.

"Looks like a successful event."

Dylan nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I think it is."

Another long silence stretched out. Cassia's skin prickled all over and she wanted to run away. This had been a mistake. She looked up at Dylan, then away, opening her mouth to say she was sorry for bothering him.

"I'm surprised to see you here."

Cassia's eyes swung back to his face. "Yeah. Well, it was Janis' idea."

Dylan's brows drew together. "Oh."

"I mean, I would have liked to have come anyway, but she suggested it earlier. I was at work, and she called, but I was able to finish up early. Then she came over and we looked the place up and all." Cassia knew she was rambling a bit but didn't know what else to say. She'd never had a problem talking to Dylan. Even when they'd been spewing angry things at each other in the hotel room, she'd never been as hesitant as now. "And I thought it would be a good idea too, so here we are."

"Here you are." Dylan's expression didn't change.

Cassia stared at him, willing him to say something else, even if it was that he didn't want to see her, here or ever.

"Did you come to talk to me?"

"I'd hoped to." She swallowed hard. "You didn't return my calls."

He shrugged. "You didn't leave any messages."

"I didn't know what to say."

"And now?"

"Now..." She sighed and looked away. "Now, I'm thinking you didn't want to to talk to me after all."

"Why?"

She shot him a look. "Because you're not."

Dylan's face broke in a tiny smile and he looked down. "I don't know what to say."

Cassia hated that she'd done that. From the very beginning, he'd always been able to talk to her. "I'm sorry, Dylan."

His eyes came back to hers. "For what?"

Tears stung her eyes. "For everything. I was a total jerk."

He didn't say anything, but his eyes widened a degree.

"Even if it was true at the time, I should never have said anything to Carol about us. That wasn't fair to you." She hugged herself tighter. "No matter what the circumstances might have been, it would have been embarrassing all around if she'd something. And it was."

Still, Dylan remained silent.

Cassia stared into his face, trying to figure out even a sliver of what he was feeling. "And I definitely shouldn't have accused you of not wanting to be with me because of the whole college thing. It was stupid and I was letting what other people said about it get to me. I started to believe everyone when they said I'd missed out and that I wasn't good enough without a college degree or something."

Dylan's eyes narrowed at that and he shifted on his feet.

Cassia barreled on. Now that she'd started, she needed to lay it all out for him, and then she'd hear what he thought.

"You were never one of those people. You never made me feel inadequate, or that you thought something was missing. I loved that about you. You're a good person, Dylan, a great person, really, and when I let my doubts get the better of me, and I was so afraid of losing you, because..." Her breath caught in her throat and it took her a second to push on. "Because I fell in love with you."

Dylan's eyes widened. Yup. She'd shocked him with that one.

"After the way we started, with the fake dating and all, I didn't know, not for sure, if you'd really want to be with me, for real."

"Cassia-"

"I'm not trying to force your hand, Dylan. I didn't come here expecting you to forgive me just like that." She snapped her fingers. "I should never have said what I did at the hotel, and I shouldn't have said anything about you to Carol or Alex. I'm so sorry, Dylan."

Her voice cracked on his name and she looked away. Dylan wasn't saying anything, and he made no move to reach for her. She'd done it, said everything she'd been thinking and feeling, and even if she hadn't been poetic about it, at least he knew now. And still, he remained silent. The moments dragged on and Cassia hugged her middle, as if she could keep herself from falling apart.

If she didn't get out of there fast, she was going to lose it and didn't really want to go through a crying fit in a public place. "I should go."

He reached for her as she turned to walk away. "Cassia, wait."

"Dylan, it's all right." She shrugged his hand off. "I shouldn't have come here. You're busy, and I should leave you alone."

He opened his mouth, then closed it. She let herself have one more good, long look in those blue eyes she loved. But he said nothing, and that was enough for her.

"Good-bye, Dylan."

She walked away without looking back. If she did, she might just throw herself at his feet, begging for another chance. She had some pride left. If Dylan wanted to talk to her again, he had her number, knew where she lived and worked. Right now, she needed to get the hell out of there.

She rounded the corner, almost running into Tristen and Janis. "Oh, hey. We're on our way out."

Janis blinked. "We are?"

Cassia nodded and took a step towards the main doors.

"Hey, Cass. Hold up." Tristen's tone wasn't the usual teasing tone he had, which drew Cassia's attention, even as she fought to keep her emotions in check. "Are you all right?"

He was far more observant than she gave him credit for. She started to nod, and say she was all right, but she couldn't. She shook her head.

Tristen glanced over his shoulder in Dylan's direction, though his teammate wasn't in sight. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, Tristen." Cassia tried to keep her tone light but she had a lump the size of Texas in her throat.

"Look, Dylan doesn't always say what he's thinking." Tristen waved a hand in the air. "He's kind of an introvert, not like me."

Cassia almost smiled. "You don't say."

Tristen's trademark grin returned. "But he's a good guy. You should give him another chance."

"I'd give him all the chances he wanted." Cassia surprised herself with her confession. She sucked in a breath and glanced over his shoulder where Dylan had appeared around the corner. "But that's not the problem."

Tristen's smile dimmed but he nodded, as if he understood something. "Here." He pulled a felt pen out of his pocket, probably used for autographs. He grabbed her arm and started writing on the back of her hand. "Don't tell him I gave you this."

Cassia stared at his bowed head as he scrawled on her hand. Was he seriously hitting on her right now? "Are you kidding me?"

He chuckled. "It's not what you think." He dropped her hand and snapped the lid back on the felt. "Trust me."

She shook her head and reached for Janis, not even bothering to look at her hand. She didn't know what that was all about. "Sure, Tristen. Thanks." She shot one more look in Dylan's direction as he started to walk towards them, a scowl on his face. "Bye."

Janis went with her as Cassia pulled her to the doors. They hurried outside and across the parking lot to Janis' car. Once inside, Cassia put her head against the seat.

"What happened?"

Cassia summarized and then lifted her hand to glare at Tristen's writing on her hand. "I can't believe him."

Janis let out a light laugh. "Some guys just don't know when to give up."

"It's not his phone number."

"What?"

Cassia turned her hand to Janis. "It's an address."

"What? Whose?"

Cassia didn't know how she knew. "It's Dylan's."

"Why would he give you Dylan's address? Wouldn't you already have that?"

"No." Cassia shook her head, her eyes glued to the address. "We never went to his place."

"Why not?"

"Never had a chance, I guess." She put her hand down and met her friend's bewildered look. "Tristen is his roommate, or was. Dylan told me at the wedding that he'd told Tristen to move out."

Janis' eyes widened in understanding. "He's moved out and gave you the address for Dylan's place so you can go surprise him there."

"I guess." Cassia glanced at her hand. "I don't know. Tristen doesn't strike me as the romantic gesture type."

Janis smiled. "I used to think that way about Matt."

Cassia nodded, recalling the early days of Janis and Matt's courtship. There had been a lot of pool playing, football games, and beer. But there had also been flowers, bubble baths and even poetry. Matt didn't show his softer side to the world at large, but Janis had told Cassia a lot about his romantic gestures over the years, including his proposal on a beach at sunset.

"Either Tristen is being a slimeball, giving me his address for a hook-up..."

"Or he's trying to be a good friend, and get you two back together." Janis stuck her key in the ignition and started the engine. "I only talked to him for a few minutes, but he didn't seem that slimy. Alex, on the other hand, he would be the jerk."

"Totally." Cassia laughed and looked at her hand.

"So where are we going?"

Cassia glanced over to see her friend eyeing the address on her hand. "Well, Dylan won't be done with the event for a few more hours at least." She couldn't believe she'd even consider seeing him at his place, uninvited.

Janis looked surprised as well, but smiled instead of asking her about it. "Dinner?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's do that." Cassia nodded and buckled up before Janis pulled out of the parking lot. She could spend the next little while deciding if she wanted to accost Dylan at his apartment. She didn't know why Tristen would have given her Dylan's address unless he knew Dylan would be OK with it. Just because Dylan might be all right with it, didn't mean Cassia had the courage to face him again, not when he'd shut her out mere minutes before.

With a sigh, she turned her hand over and stared out the windshield. Janis started listing some restaurant and dinner options, and Cassia tried to focus on that instead of her renewed nerves.

****

As Dylan walked up to Tristen, he didn't know if he'd hit him. When he'd seen his teammate holding Cassia's hand and writing something on it, it had been his primary urge. Then he'd seen the look Cassia gave Tristen and how she'd bolted after, and the immediate urge for violence faded. Tristen turned to him with that usual cocky grin on his face, and Dylan thought he might still do it.

"What was that?"

"What?" Tristen blinked, giving him an innocent look.

"That." Dylan pointed over Tristen's shoulder where Cassia and Janis were disappearing out the main doors. "What did you say to her?"

Tristen shrugged. "Nothing, really. She looked upset so I asked what was wrong."

Dylan's eyes narrowed. "And?"

Tristen returned Dylan's look in full. "You probably know better than me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know what happened between you two, but you've been a dick to everyone for over a week."

"Says who?"

"Says me." Tristen rolled his eyes and turned away, heading for the concession.

Dylan scowled at his back, glanced at the main doors, and then followed Tristen. They both got a water and headed back for the arena, and their duties.

Dylan couldn't let it drop. "So because you think Cassia and I broke up, you can ask her out?"

"What?" Tristen looked genuinely surprised at the suggestion. "No. I may get around but I wouldn't do that."

"Then what did you write on her hand?"

"Nothing." Dylan gave him a pointed look. Tristen sighed. "An autograph. That's all."

Dylan wasn't sure if he believed him, but his friend was right. He was a bit of a player, on and off the ice, but he wasn't a total jerk.

He faced the crowd from the corner they'd stopped in, and wondered how many hours he had left. He'd been doing all right, choosing to focus on practice, games, and the event today, but the sight of Cassia had brought everything right back to the forefront of his mind. The last thing he'd expected was her showing up to apologize to him.

After the wedding, he'd convinced himself that he'd messed up royally and she'd never speak to him again. She'd called twice, but hadn't left messages and he'd been too chicken to return the calls. He felt like the last several months hadn't even happened, that he was right back to where he'd started, with the crippling inability to say anything of meaning to a woman. Not just any woman, either. Cassia, who he'd always been able to talk to, joke with, and who he'd never been shy around.

Tristen hadn't been lying. He knew he'd been a bit of a bear around the guys, which had probably spurred on Tristen's exit from their apartment. Not that Dylan could complain about that. It was nice to not have to worry about tripping over a strange woman's underthings in the morning. It wasn't like Dylan could talk to anyone about his issues either. He'd considered confessing his problems to his mother or one of his sisters, if only to get their opinion, but he'd been too embarrassed.

"Come on." Tristen punched him in the arm. "Let's head outside. I think we're supposed to be helping with the ball hockey games for the next shift."

Dylan nodded and followed his teammate through the crowd.

It was a warm day, cooling as the sun started to sink on the horizon. As it grew darker, the activities outside wrapped up and the team spent the rest of their time signing more autographs and taking pictures with the guests who remained at the athletic center.

When at last it was only the organizers and players left, Dylan found himself sitting on one of the team benches, staring across the arena but seeing nothing. He kept replaying everything Cassia had said to him earlier, his mind catching on the most important thing. She loved him. And he'd been too much of an ass to say it back, to hold her, and say he didn't want to spend another moment without her.

"Hey, Sams."

Dylan looked up as Jake slid onto the bench beside him. "Hey, Jake. What's up?"

"Where's Cassia?"

"What? Did you see her?"

Jake blinked, surprised. "Uh, yeah. A while ago, she was with a friend."

Dylan jerked his chin in a nod. That must have been before he'd seen her.

"What's wrong? Did you guys have a fight or something?"

Dylan slanted him a look and Jake laughed.

"Hey, I know I'm no psychiatrist, but I can listen, if you wanted to talk about it."

"I really don't."

"Fine. Then you can listen. Whatever you did, you need to make it right."

Dylan glared at him. "What makes you think it's something I did?" Cassia had certainly seemed to think she was to blame, going by her heartfelt apology. But Dylan knew he wasn't innocent of all that had gone wrong.

"Whatever. Your fault, hers. You just need to figure it out."

"Why?"

Jake gave him a considering look. "Look, I've known you for a while now, and I know you don't have the best of luck with women."

Dylan snorted. "No shit."

"Then you met Cassia, and against all the odds, you figured out a way to talk to her." Jake leaned forward, pressing his elbows on the boards. "And she's great, Sams. Funny, gorgeous, a hockey fan, and a shark at the poker table."

Dylan had to laugh at that. The charity casino had been one of his favorite nights ever.

"If you don't give whatever this is between you another chance, you'll be kicking yourself forever."

"You're probably right."

Jake nodded, his expression sober. "You should listen to your captain."

Dylan chuckled and nodded. "Aye, captain."

They sat in silence for a little while longer. Then Tristen and few of the other guys came over and someone suggested they go for a late dinner. Dylan went along with them, but excused himself early.

It had been weeks since he'd had a good slice of pie. Cassia had said she was in love with him. Maybe a second chance wasn't too far-fetched, and if he'd been able to talk to her before, he'd find a way to do it again. After all, he was in love with her, too.

As he walked into the Lone Star Diner, he looked around but there was no sign of Cassia. His heart sank and he wondered if she'd been avoiding the diner and any chance of running into him.

"Hey, sugar." Sally spotted him and greeted him with a broad smile. "What brings you in tonight?"

Dylan smiled back and moved to take a seat at the counter. "The usual, ma'am."

Sally poured him a cup of coffee and hurried off to get him a slice of pie. "Chocolate cream, tonight."

Dylan's mouth started watering at the sight of the dark chocolate cream, topped with meringue. "Thanks, Sally." He couldn't bring himself to eat it. He glanced around him, and back at Sally who had stayed near, putting some cutlery away under the counter.

"Has Cassia been in recently?"

Sally's responding look was curious but she shook her head. "Haven't seen Cass in a couple weeks now."

Dylan nodded, his mood sinking further. This was Cassia's favorite place. The only reason she wouldn't have been here in weeks was because of him. Maybe he'd been wrong about her willing to give things another shot.

He picked up the fork and poked at the pie.

"Is chocolate cream not your thing?" Sally moved closer. "I think I've got an apple pie in the chiller. I was saving it for tomorrow, but I could make an exception."

"Oh, no, I'm sure it's delicious." Dylan sighed and set the fork down. "It's just not the same without Cassia." Nothing was.

Sally gave him a sympathetic smile and reached under the counter, coming up with a to-go box. She scooped the pie into it and folded the lid down. "Here you go. Why don't you save it for when you see her?"

"I don't know when I'll see her. If I'll see her." Dylan touched the box and looked up. "I thought I'd see her here for sure."

"She doesn't live too far from here. Why don't you surprise her?"

Dylan shook his head. The empty stool at the end of the counter had been enough of a sign. Maybe he'd find the courage another night. He reached into his pocket for money and stood up. "Thanks anyway, Sally."

Sally nodded. "Sure thing, sugar. Have a good night."

Dylan picked up his pie and left, the bell ringing over his head. Outside, he looked in the direction of Cassia's apartment but turned towards his truck.

The drive to his place seemed to take no time at all, his mind filled with thoughts of everything Cassia had said to him, and everything he should have said in return. Damnit, why had he let his old insecurities get the better of him?

At his building, he carried his pie in and up to his floor, staring at the keys in his hand as he walked down the hall to his door. He didn't look up and almost tripped over Cassia when he got to his apartment.

"Cassia!"

She looked up at him, drawing her legs in and standing. "Hi, Dylan."

They stared at each other, Dylan in shock, Cassia with a shy smile on her face.

Dylan looked down the hall, and back the other way, before turning back to Cassia. "How did you get in here?"

"Uh, actually, Tristen let me in, just a little while ago."

"Tristen?" Dylan shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Well, I was outside, waiting at the curb in Janis' car, and I kept buzzing your apartment, and ran into Tristen on my way back out after the last try. Someone had dropped him off out front, I guess."

Dylan figured he must have caught a ride with one of the other guys. He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Cassia was here, in front of him. "You came here to see me?"