Reflections: The Odd Couple

This tale is based upon the characters created by robert12 in his story, Reflections: The Introduction; it is present with that author's permission and input. "Buzz" designates the start of the story and also summons the elevator, while "Ding" indicates the elevator has arrived at its destination and the story's end.

Well dear reader, it is so good to have you aboard the elevator, Agnes and I enjoy the company. Agnes is my dear friend the elevator (she's the best elevator in the city or in any city, but don't tell her I said so), and I am the mirror that hangs at the back of her cab.

So you want me to tell you a story? Being a mirror in an elevator, in a large apartment building, I've seen many interesting things. Every person has a story. Agnes and I have watched as mothers have brought home their newborn babes, and we've see the still forms of deceased tenants being wheeled away. There are happy stories, sad stories, funny tales, and serious tales. Let me tell you the story of an unusual couple who live here at the Arlington Apartments.

The story is about Mr. Hiram P. Hardwick III and Miss Luann Smythe. They are certainly different than anyone else living in our building. Miss Smythe is 32, stands 5' 9", and is somewhat overweight (I don't know how much she weighs; I just know that her womanly curves seem to be going in the opposite direction from a lot of other women's figures). She has dull brown hair, brown eyes, keeps her hair done up in a bun, and looks like a stereotypical librarian (which she is). Mr. Hardwick is 35, stands 5' 2", weighs barely 119 pounds, and his black hair has receded to the top of his head. He wears round wire rim glasses and works as an accountant. Oh, one other little fact about the pair, they both are virgins.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"Do you hear that Agnes?" I asked the elevator as the familiar sound, which summons us to passengers filled our ears. "Time to start another fun filled day."

Agnes didn't answer, she was being moody again. She's a great elevator, but she likes to sleep in, which is sort of hard to do when you're forever on call. Don't get me wrong, Agnes is not lazy, but she has her ups and downs. Of course, I don't help things any, I tend to tease her a lot. I just love to see if I can't get a rise out of her. However, she takes everything in stride and really is even tempered.

"Yes it is early Agnes-it is 5:30 a.m. and that call is coming from the seventh floor. I bet it will turn out to be Miss Luann Smythe wanting to go down.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"For crying out loud, we haven't even started up and there is another call. It is the fourth floor this time. That means it has to be Hiram P. Hardwick III. You know how both he and Miss Smythe like to leave the building in the early hours of the morning. Yes I agree, pick up Miss Smythe first and then we can go back down for Mr. Hardwick.

"Where do they go at this time of day? Well, they separately walk down the street to the Sunrise Restaurant for breakfast, where they sit at separate tables, have breakfast, and read the morning paper. Then they leave and go to their equally separate places of employment."

Ding!

"Here we are-the seventh floor! See, I told you it is Miss Smythe. Okay, she is on board, now for Mr. Hardwick."

Ding!

"Fourth floor open your door Agnes. Sure enough, it is Mr. Hardwick patiently waiting there.

"You're right, they are a strange couple. You know in all the time that they've been riding you; I don't think I've heard them say more than two or three words to each other. Yes, I know they prefer riding you over the other elevators. That just shows you that they know a good elevator when they see one. No, I'm not just saying that.

"Huh, do I know anything about them? Well yes, I guess I know quite a bit about them; I've always been very inquisitive for a mirror. As you know I can tell a lot about a people when they look at themselves in me. I also get information by talking to other mirrors.

"What? You didn't know mirrors talk to each other. I don't know why that should surprise you. I bet you aren't surprised that people having mirrors can talk with other people who have mirrors; so why should you be surprised to find out that I talk to other mirrors that have people?

"Both of them are horribly shy. I guess that is because over the years both of them have been subjected to ridicule and disappointment at the hands of the opposite sex.

"Details? Yes, I know some. I got the inside story on Miss Smythe from a mirror hanging on the wall of her old room in her parent's house. It seems that when she was younger, about eighteen years old, something terrible almost happened to her. She was asked to a dance by one of the most attractive boys at her school. However, her best friend had gotten word about what her "date" really had in mind and told Luann about it. The so called "dance," which the boy was going to take her to was actually arranged to be a gangbang at a deserted cottage in the country. The plan was that after the boys had their fun, they were going to drive off and leave her to find her own way home. Needless to say, Miss Smythe did not fall into the trap. She received further heartbreak when she was attending college. She happened to overhear a group of young men discussing her, and what the bastards had to say wasn't very complimentary-in fact, their words shoved Luann into a shell so far that she never came out.

"I heard about Hiram's story from the mirror in his old dormitory room at college. Hiram wasn't subjected to cruel tricks or words; he just grew up with a massive inferiority complex. He always was smaller than others of his own age group, even a good many of the girls he knew were taller than he was, and it didn't help that until the age of 28 he was plagued with acne. He became convinced that every girl he knew was totally turned off by his size and the inflammation, which covered his face.

"The fact is that down through the years, Miss Smythe has managed to remain more or less virgo intacta, and I'm afraid that our Mr. Hardwick has endured a similar condition. Nowadays, neither one of them has any hope of finding love in this world. According to the mirror on the dresser in her bedroom, Luann cries herself to sleep every night, taking solace in reading lurid romance novels and the liberal use of a host of (how shall I put this?) lady's aids. It is about the same story for Hiram; I've seen in his eyes that he likes adult videos and magazines. He is also quite adept at using either hand to relieve his sexual tensions.

"They both hate their lonely lives, and they can't wait to get out of their apartments in the morning and often don't come home until night. Yes they are two sad, sad people. I only wish there was something I could do to help them.

"What's that Agnes? You wish you could help them to? Well, there is nothing for it now-we're about to stop."

""Ding!"

We arrived at the ground floor. Mr. Hardwick and Miss Smythe stepped out of the cab and went off into the world to begin another day of toil and woe.

"Well, that day passed fairly fast," I told Agnes, as the evening began to turn to night. "Yes, I heard Harry and Bernie telling those terrible jokes, but you know a couple of those jokes weren't half bad. You know me though; I hate to crackup over a joke. I snicker a little, but I don't like to laugh. We mirrors are sensitive about anything to do with cracking. I guess everyone is safely home, except for the Emerson's; they're off visiting their son and won't be home until the end of the week. What? Luann and Hiram haven't come in? Now, where could they be? It is late even for them."

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"That's the ground floor. Maybe it will be one of our wandering tenets. Wheee! I love it when you drop down like that Agnes!"

Ding!

"Open your door and let's see. Yes, it is Mr. Hardwick, and he is carrying a brown paper bag. Come on in Mr. Hardwick."

"Hold the door! Oh, please hold the door!" Luann yelled as she rushed toward Agnes's closing door. Hiram reached out and stopped the door from closing. The door slid open, allowing Luann to enter the elevator. She too was carrying a paper bag. "Thank you, I thought I was going to have to wait until the elevator came back down."

"That's quite alright," Hiram mumbled. "Glad to help."

Hiram glanced back at me, obviously made uncomfortable by having to talk to the woman. As he looked into me I read his thoughts. I also noticed that Luann did her best to keep from looking in Hiram's direction. However, she did look at her reflection, which gave me the opportunity to see her thoughts.

"Oh, my! Agnes, emergency stop---NOW!" I yell so loud I was afraid the humans could hear me. Agnes slammed on her brakes and she jerked to a sudden stop. Hiram flew across the elevator and collided with Luann. Both of their bags were knocked out of their hands, scattering their contents across the floor. The pair gazed down at their possessions lying on the floor. Hiram's bag had held four new adult videos and two hardcore magazines. Luann's bag had held three erotic novels and an expensive variable speed, vibrating, reciprocating dildo (er, make that lady's aid).

"Agnes, look at them!" I told the elevator. "I'll bet you didn't know that the human face could turn such an interesting shade of red. Yes, they do move very fast picking up their stuff. Can you believe that they both frequent a store called Eros Rising, but are so embarrassed when they are there that they keep their eyes down and never look at any of the other customers? You are right, that means that they have never seen each other while in the store. We can go up Agnes. I think we have set things in motion."

Ding!

We reached the fourth floor where a beet-red Mr. Hardwick rushed out of the elevator. As the door slid closed, an equally crimson Luann leaned heavily against me and took a deep breath.

"I have never been so embarrassed in my life," Luann said to herself. "What must that man think of me?"

"Ding!"

We arrived at the seventh floor, and the door opened to let Miss Smythe out. She moved slowly out of the elevator. After all, she didn't have to run away from someone, like poor Hiram did. I could hardly wait to talk to the mirrors in Hiram and Luann's apartments. I was certain that both of Luann and Hiram were going to spend a very uncomfortable night.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"Good morning Agnes," I cheerfully told the elevator, "time to greet the new day. That's the fourth floor calling. It is probably Mr. Hardwick pressing the button. I know it is only 5:00 a.m. His mirror told me that he is planning to get out of the building extra early, so that he won't run into Miss Smythe. Why, neither one of them engaged in their usual self-gratification. What? Yes, they do it almost every night, except last night. They both went straight to bed after they reached their apartments, but a lot of good that did them, they couldn't get to sleep until way past midnight.

"Why did I have you hit the brake if it was going to cause them so much trouble? They needed to find out that they had something in common. What? You don't think that they wanted to know they had THAT in common? They both thought there was something terribly wrong with them-sexually, I mean. They were ashamed of their need for sexual release and believed that they were somehow perverted. Agnes, sometimes it is good for people to understand that they are not all that different from others.

Ding!

"Well, here we are. Yes, it is Mr. Hardwick. Look into me Hiram, that's it. Agnes, can you believe he was thinking about taking the stairs? He is almost in a panic at the prospect of meeting Miss Smythe. He is even going to find another restaurant so he won't have to face Luann. Okay, maybe you are right; we should just mind our own business. Yeah, I know-we won't get into any trouble by doing our duty, picking them up and dropping them off."

Ding!

"Down already are we? Goodbye Mr. Hardwick and have a good day."

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"Huh?" After Hiram had left I had fallen back to sleep, and I was having such a fine dream when the buzzing started. Agnes was on her way up to the seventh floor before I became fully awake. "Oh, it is almost 6:00 a.m."

Ding!

"Fourth floor and what do we see? Why if it isn't Mrs. Colberg, Mr. Grant and Miss Smythe all stepping in here. That's it Luann, check your hair, and let me look deep into your eyes. Eyes are the gateway to the soul, and what does your soul have to say today? Safety in numbers is the word for today, according to our Miss Smythe. She waited until she knew there were others waiting to go down. I guess it is the school of fish philosophy, safety in numbers. How do I know about fish? Why Agnes, didn't I tell you I have a cousin that is the back wall of an aquarium?"

Ding!

"Okay, goodbye folks, see you later."

The rest of the day was interesting. Mr. Clancy, the building superintendent, came by and put Agnes out of service until she could be fully checked. It seemed that Hiram had made a bit of a stink about the elevator suddenly stopping. Of course, Mr. Clancy and the folk from the elevator service found nothing wrong with Agnes. Still and all, the whole thing got Agnes more than a little upset with me, even though they put her back in service in time for the afternoon rush. It wasn't until early evening that she began being sociable again.

"I know they tore your brake assemble all apart, but look at the bright side, they said you have and excellent brakes. I've always said everything about you is first rate. No, I don't say that to all the elevators."

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"Oops, someone on the ground floor wants picking up. Aw, come on, you can go faster than this, no one will know. Oh, alright be like that."

Ding!

"Hello Mr. Hardwick, how was your day? Relieved Luann isn't here? Wait, she's coming through the door right now. Oh stop pounding on the fourth floor button Hiram! Agnes, can't you wait? No? You're afraid the elevator service people will take you all apart again? I don't think they'd do that. How would I feel if I was taken apart? Agnes, at least they can put you back together!"

Ding!

"Goodbye Mr. Hardwick, you just blew your chance for romance. Now, we can go down and pick up Miss Smythe. She'll feel safe now that Hiram has vanished."

The next morning followed a similar pattern to the previous one. Hiram came down extra early, and Luann came down later with a small group of people. As usual, both Hiram and Luann were the last ones coming in from work. Like yesterday, Hiram reached the elevator first, and like yesterday Luann came through the front door shortly afterwards. Hiram again began madly pushing the button for his floor as Miss Smythe approached the elevator. Agnes's door closed tightly, but she didn't move. In fact, she opened her door back up and revealed a startled Miss Smythe. Luann hesitated for a few moments before shyly entering the elevator. She pressed her floor and Agnes started going up-very slowly.

"Agnes, what is going on?" I asked. "I thought you were afraid of the service people? Huh, no romance in my soul? I don't care about the fate of two unfortunate people who are desperately seeking a little happiness in their lives?!!!"

"I..." Hiram said in a soft voice as he suddenly found something very interesting about the way his shoe laces were tied, "that is, I'm very sorry for bumping into you the other night. I've been terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. You must think I'm an awful person."

"No," replied Luann, "I don't think you are awful. I was embarrassed too when you saw what I had in my bag. I guess you figure I'm some kind of strange deviant."

"Good heavens," gasped Mr. Hardwick as he looked back up at the woman, "I don't think anything of the kind. I'm the one that feels like a pervert. I mean, my secret is out. I read and watch porn."

"Well," Miss Smythe said, "if you won't tell on me, I won't tell on you. Maybe we don't have to be embarrassed anymore?"

"This isn't easy to say, but I've gone through all my life being embarrassed around women," Hiram told her. "It would be nice not to be embarrassed around you."

"Then, we have a deal?" she asked.

"We certainly do!" he assured her. "I have to admit that I have been coming down early so that I wouldn't run into you because I was so upset."

"And, I" Luann laughed, "have been coming down late for the same reason."

"Perhaps, I...I can," stammered Mr. Hardwick, "which is to say, maybe I can make amends by...by-that is, although I'd understand if you didn't want to-knowing what you do about me and all-what I'm trying to say is, do you want to go to breakfast with me tomorrow?"

"You're kidding?" exclaimed Luann.

"Yeah, well I understand how you feel. I wouldn't want to associate with me either, but I don't have much of a choice."

"That is not what I meant!" she firmly said. "What I meant is that I'm surprised you would ask someone like me. Look at me-frumpy old maid Luann Smythe."

"Luann Smythe," smiled Hiram, "what a nice name. I'm afraid my name isn't near as nice-Hiram Hardwick III and I don't think you're at all frumpy."

"Funny how we've gone up and down in this elevator all this time, and we never knew each other's names. Hiram, I would be more than happy to go to breakfast with you tomorrow. Shall we go back to our normal hours?"

"That would probably be a fine idea," he nodded. "Please stop the elevator at my floor tomorrow morning, and I'll be waiting to ride down with you."

Ding!

"Agreed, I'll pick you up at 5:30 tomorrow morning," she sincerely said. "Oh dear, didn't the elevator just shoot upward this time! I don't think that I ever remember it getting to our floors so fast."

"No doubt about it," nodded Mr. Hardwick, "they must have done something to speed it up."

Sure enough, the next morning Miss Smythe had Agnes stop at the fourth floor where Hiram stood waiting. They both appeared very nervous as we rode down to the ground floor and didn't say a lot; however, I noticed that they walked very close to each other on their way out of the building.

"What's that Agnes? Well yes, it does appear to be a good start, but something like this can fall apart fairly easily. We'll have to keep a close eye on the situation. I'm fairly sure good old Hiram would like to play elevator with our Miss Smythe. You know, ride up and down on her, but I'm afraid he might be a too shy to make the first move."

For the next three weeks, Luann and Hiram continued to go to breakfast, but they still appeared uneasy when they were together. Mr. Hardwick would stammer and Miss Smythe would stutter. The habits formed from long years of insecurity were proving to be most difficult for them to break.

I found out from his mirror that Hiram was seldom watching his videos and appeared to have some other focus for his sexual fantasies. Luann's mirror told me that she had slowed her reading way down, although she seemed to be more sexually excited than ever. As the days turned to weeks, it became apparent that while the couple was growing fonder of each other, they were having ever greater difficulty in communicating.

"Agnes, something has got to be done about Miss Smythe and Mr. Hardwick. All our matchmaking is rapidly coming unraveled. Yes, I know it is obvious that they are in love, but they are terrified to say anything out of fear of rejection. I'm afraid that before long, they will become so frustrated that they will stop going to breakfast. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if one or both of them moved. No, I'm quite serious, something must be done-something drastic needs to be done. What do I have in mind? It is probably best that you don't know. I'm probably going to get into a lot of trouble, and you won't want to be caught up in the mess. Well, yes we are partners. Yes, you are my best friend. Okay, I'll whisper my plan to you."