Ren - Shades of Grey Ch. 12

Janey shook her head as what her brother was say made perfect sense. She felt the tears leak from her eyes and the sob rise in her throat as she swallowed desperately. "Ren wouldn't do that to me!" Janey sobbed in denial as she remembered Ren telling her he still loved her.

Janey looked at Adam but he looked away angry and hurt. Slowly she slid down the wall until she was a sobbing heap on the floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

Adam couldn't not look at Janey as he heard her sobbing softly. She was hugging her legs to her chest as she rocked back and forth. Her obvious pain touched a cord deep within him and he gave a loud sigh as he moved to sit down beside her.

"Leave us alone," Adam told James and Robby without looking at them as he took Janey into his arms and held her gently. He laid his cheek against her hair and held her as she cried, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.

"Just go away and leave Janey with me," Adam said when neither of her brothers moved or said anything.

After a few minutes James looked at Robby and Robby motioned towards the door. They both left the motel room. Outside James hesitated at the vehicle as he looked back at the closed door.

"Do you think she went over there of her own free will or did one of them tell her to go over there?" James asked.

"I don't know but I think some of the boys down at the station in town would be interested in finding out. After all Renford is out on bail under strict instructions to stay away from Janey." Robby said tightly.

"How does that work if she were to go near him? Not the other way around?" James asked.

"Then it's all fucked to hell and back. Considering how the bastard is buttering his own bread with his statement and how it helps the case I doubt the judge will be in too big of a hurry to lock him up." Robby said angrily.

"I say we go pay him a visit," James said as he got into the passenger seat.

"And have him crying harassment?" Robby said bitterly as he buckled his seat belt.

Inside the hotel room Adam turned his head towards the door as he heard the vehicle start up in front of the room before the sounds of it moving receded into the distance. He felt Janey shift slightly in his arms and pulled her closer so that she rested against his chest comfortably.

"We need to talk about what's happened," Adam said firmly as he tilted his head to look at her down turned face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Janey sobbed and buried her face in her hands. Had she just ruined what she had with Adam? She wondered. She knew she needed to put the past behind her and somehow make a life for herself and the child she carried.

"Did Ren ever really care about me?" Janey wondered as the tears started afresh.

"Come on, you need to stop crying. It's not doing you any good." Adam said as he released her, got to his feet and then reached down to gently urge her to her feet. "How about you have a cool shower? It'll make you feel better," He said softly and thought silently, "And wash that guys touch from you."

Adam guided Janey into the en-suite and turned her to face him, "Do you need any help?" He asked gently.

"I'll be right," Janey said without moving.

Adam sighed heavily and reached for her top, gently he eased it off over her head. "Did he do this earlier?" Unbidden the thought came to his mind.

Janey noticed Adam grit his teeth, the skin around his mouth turning white.

Adam unfastened the draw string waist of her shorts and let them fall to the floor before sliding his fingers under the sides of her knickers and pushing them off her hips. He turned away from her and started the shower, taking care to adjust the temperature of the water to just warm.

Janey stepped beneath the flow of water and stood with her arms crossed over her breasts for a few moments.

Seeing her immobility Adam stripped his shorts off with a silent curse and joined her beneath the spray of the water. "Come on, I'll give you a quick wash." He said gruffly as he reached for the soap.

Janey bit her bottom lip and swallowed the protest she wanted to make as Adam lathered his hands before placing the soap aside and reaching for her shoulders. Each stroke of his hands felt wrong as he soaped her back before turning her to face him. Janey turned her face aside as his soapy hands brushed places Ren had touched. It felt as if he was washing away all traces of what she had shared with Ren.

Janey was aware of Adam breathing heavily beside her as he rinsed the last of the soapsuds from her skin. She bit her lip to prevent herself telling him that it felt like a violation of her feelings as he reached around her to turn the water off.

Gently Adam guided Janey from the shower recess and reached for a towel to wrap around her before wrapping a towel around his own hips. He followed as she walked to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Adam went around to the other side of the bed, dried himself briskly and lay down on his back and looked at her where she sat motionless.

"You need to lie down and try to get some sleep," Adam told her as he reached for her shoulder to encourage her to lie down.

Janey allowed him to pull her down to lie on her side of the bed. She felt drained and exhausted and when Adam moved closer she didn't protest when he slipped an arm around her waist and cuddled her close. The warmth of his breath brushed against the sensitive skin on the side of her neck as he lay behind her holding her. His arm tightened and he buried his face against the back of her neck.

"I got a hell of a fright when I woke up to find you gone," Adam told her.

"Sorry," Janey said numbly. She didn't know what to say to him, didn't know how she could ever explain how she had felt.

"I was scared for you," Adam whispered as he pulled her back against him.

Janey felt his arousal press against the small of her back and swallowed her protest as he pressed against her. She felt his hand tug at the front of her towel briefly then his hand found her bare skin and moved up to cup her breast. Soundlessly she allowed him to roll her onto her back and she focused her gaze on the corner of the ceiling as he lowered his head to trail kisses across her collarbone.

"Please, don't let him touch you tonight, not after ..." The words echoed in her head and she bit down on her lip until she tasted blood as she controlled her urge to ask him to stop.

Adam moved up to turn Janey's face towards him and caught her lips in a kiss as he slid a thigh between hers. He felt her tense up then push against his chest as he tried to deepen the kiss.

"Please don't..." Janey's voice was thick with tears, "I feel dirty."

"I'm sorry you had to learn about those kind of people the hard way. I don't hold what you did tonight against you. It wasn't your fault, you didn't realise. They've played you for a fool all along," Adam told her gently as he allowed her to roll away from him.

"It's not him ... It's you, this ... that makes me feel dirty. It's as if what you're doing is soiling what happened with me and Ren. With him it was something beautiful, he made me feel whole, undamaged." Janey thought as she buried her face in her pillow.

She could feel Adam stroking her back in what he thought was a soothing way but it only made her feel like moving further away from him. After a while she felt the bed move as he rolled onto his back and shortly afterwards he began to snore softly.

Sleep was slow to come to Janey and when it did her dreams were filled with images of Ren laughing and talking with his friends. She stepped out of the shadows but he didn't look her way. When she called out to him he turned to look at her but it was Hawk's face she saw not Ren's.

Adam woke to Janey's whimpers as she cried in her sleep. He gathered her in his arms and turned her so she was using his chest as a pillow and began to stroke her back in long soothing strokes. The feel of her naked body against his reawakened his desire and unable or unwilling to prevent himself he began caressing her body.

Her breasts felt warm and softly firm as he cupped one and lowered his head to take the puckered nipple in his mouth. Janey gasped and arched into his body in her sleep and Adam took advantage of the chance to roll her partly beneath him as he trailed his lips up her neck to claim her mouth.

Janey woke from her dream of Ren's gentle hands caressing her to the sound of Adam's voice as he whispered in her ear telling how beautiful she was. One hand was between her thighs, his fingers toying with her clit to arouse her as he nibbled at the side of her neck.

"I want to make love with you," Adam said as he moved fully over her body and claimed her lips hungrily.

"So help me God, I think I love you."

Janey returned his kiss trying to drive the remembered words and voice that were haunting her from her mind.

"My feelings haven't changed, I still love you."

Janey felt Adam move as he pushed her legs further part and then he was reaching between them to guide himself into her slick passage.

"Adam's my future. I have to think of what's best for the baby and me." Janey told herself as she felt Adam slide his cock into her passage easily. "Adam's not as large as HIM, it feels ... different. I can still think. All I could do with HIM was feel."

Janey tried to turn her mind off as Adam moved over her eagerly. The sex felt good, it was pleasurable but ... but it wasn't mind blowing and earth shattering she realised with a start.

Suddenly Janey wanted Adam to stop but she didn't know how to ask him, didn't know how to tell him. Unable to do anything else she continued to participate in the physical act even though a part of her mind had separated itself from her body.

* * * * *

The morning was overcast and cloudy as Janey walked with Adam up the front footpath of the courthouse. Her family was already waiting near the front door of the courthouse as she and Adam reached the steps. Janey glanced up at her family but didn't look beyond them to see at the far end of one side of the veranda where Ren, Brad, Brent and Matty standing with 'Tanaya.

Ren watched as Janey walked with the cop boyfriend to the foot of the stairs. He couldn't help noticing how pale she was or the dark bruise like shadows under her eyes. He noticed the way the guy with her took hold of her arm and helped her up the steps. It was hard to control the urge to roar with rage and jealousy as he saw the other man wrap an arm around Janey's shoulders and pull her close so she could rest her head against his shoulder.

Shortly the court clerk came to the door and Janey and her family were ushered inside the building. Ren was left to stand outside in the gloomy morning waiting with the others until they were called one by one.

"Didn't Walsh say Hawk is being put on the stand this morning to answer a few questions?" Brent asked.

"I wish I could be in the courtroom to hear what that bastard has to say for himself," Ren said tightly.

"I notice that she's still all lovey-dovey with the cop," 'Tanaya said quietly.

Ren sent her a dark look but said nothing. It was bad enough he knew it was so but to have someone else voice the fact was tough.

"Sky looked sick," Matty said, surprised that no one else seemed to have noticed.

"I'm going to see if I can go sit in the courtroom." 'Tanaya announced suddenly, she reached out and gave Brad's hand a quick squeeze before heading for the main entry.

"I see 'Tanaya finally wore you down," Brent said to Brad with a grin.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with any of the other dozen or more guys she's slept with." Brad said tightly.

"Look if you believe 'Tanaya' has been that free with her favours then you're a bigger fool than I thought," Brent said before turning his back on Brad.

Brad glared at his friend for a few minutes, decided it wasn't worth getting into an argument about and turned his attention to where people were entering the courthouse.

'Tanaya stayed in the public gallery of the courtroom until the court broke for lunch before she returned to the others outside. All four men turned to look towards her for some clue as to what was going on in the courtroom.

"Let's get out of here. They're on lunch break." 'Tanaya said as she motioned for the men to move off the veranda and down towards the vehicle they had arrived at the building in.

"How is Janey holding up?" Ren asked as soon as they were away from other people.

"I couldn't see her face when Hawk was on the stand and she didn't seem to react to what he said. But he's playing the jilted boyfriend to the hilt and claiming she went with him of her own free will," 'Tanaya said.

"Always knew that was what he'd do," Ren muttered angrily. He paused before getting into the vehicle and looked around to see if he could get a glimpse of Janey but there was no sign of her or her family.

* * * * *

Janey sat at the table in the restaurant without touching the food on the plate before her. Her mother kept sending worried looks her way and was now watching her with a frown.

"Are you going to eat some of that Janey?" Marina asked with concern.

"I don't feel well and the smell makes me feel sick," Janey said faintly referring to the spicy food in front of her.

"Would you like some toast and a cup of tea?" Marina asked before glancing around to see where the waitress was.

"You should have said something before I ordered," Adam chided her gently.

Janey glanced his way with a controlled expression then looked away without speaking. She didn't point out to him that he had not consulted her on what she wanted to eat; he had just ordered some foods he knew she liked.

"I'll just have some water," Janey said softly and turned her head towards the window that looked out onto the busy street.

"I'll get you some toast and a cup of tea. You need to eat to keep your strength up," Adam said softly but firmly.

Janey made no protest as Adam called the waitress over and ordered the food for her.

Marina watched Janey with concern noting her pale colouring and the exhaustion showing clearly in her eyes. She looked towards the doorway in relief when her husband and sons entered followed closely by Caro.

"Finding a park took some doing." Robby stated as he pulled out a chair for his sister before sitting down. Jim sat beside his wife and James sat opposite Janey.

"The curry looks good." James commented on the plate of food in front of Janey.

"Excuse me," Janey said as she got to her feet hurriedly and headed for the ladies toilets. She barely made it into one of the cubicles before the contents of her stomach came rushing up and she was sick. When her stomach finally stopped heaving she flushed the toilet and went to the sink where she could wash her face and rinse her mouth out.

"Janey? You okay?" Marina asked as she walked into the small room.

Janey looked towards her mother but didn't move from where she was leaning against the washbasin with her head lowered. "I'll be fine in a few minutes," She said and rinsed her mouth out again.

"You were sick?" Marina asked gently as she retrieved a tissue from her handbag and handed it to Janey.

"I'll be fine," Janey said as she looked in the small mirror above the washbasin and blotted the beads of perspiration from her forehead.

"I know Adam just thought he was being thoughtful but he really should have asked you what you felt like eating before ordering your lunch." Marina said.

Janey didn't comment as she fought the urge to rest her forehead on the cool surface of the mirror and close her eyes. She also fought the urge to cry because HE wasn't there to offer her comfort. Finally Janey turned away from the mirror with an audible sigh and headed back out towards the table with her mother by her side.

Marina removed the plate of food from in front of Janey as her daughter sat down and moved it aside, she was pleased to note that a cup of herbal tea had arrived while they had been away and she saw how Janey reached for it thankfully.

Across the table James studied his youngest sister between mouthfuls of food. After leaving the hotel where Adam and Janey were staying the previous night he had started talking to Robby about whether or not the relationship between their little sister and Adam was a good thing.

Robby had told him that Adam had an excellent reputation and had handled the entire situation between him and Janey in a surprisingly sensible manner considering that he had worked on the case at the beginning.

Still, after the events of the previous night James couldn't help but wonder if Adam was the right man for his little sister. Surely if things were good between them Janey would not have walked away from that hotel room to another man. He noted the exhaustion in her face and the tension around her mouth. Had they argued after he and Robby had left the previous night? Or had Janey been simply unable to sleep?

"I bet you would eat an ice cream," James said as he noticed Janey only drinking the herbal tea.

Janey looked up at her brother startled. Surprisingly the idea of ice cream appealed to her lot. The cold dessert would feel wonderful on her throat after being sick, she managed a lopsided smile at him.

"That would be nice, but I want vanilla." Janey said.

"I'm sure I can get you some ice cream here," Adam said reaching out to cover one of her hands with his.

Janey glanced down at her hand and then into his face. She looked away uneasily before he could read anything from her expression.

"No, I'm taking the Blonde One here around the corner to the ice cream shop." James said without a glance at Adam. He didn't miss the quick flash of relief on his sister's face before it disappeared. "Well now is as good a time as any to go get that ice cream,"

Janey got to her feet relieved to get away from the crowd of her family for the time being. She loved them dearly but at the moment she just wanted some space.

Out on the street James fell into step beside his sister as they strolled at a leisurely pace in the direction of the ice cream shop they had seen the previous week.

"I thought you looked like you could really use some breathing space from Adam," James said quietly as they paused at the curb before crossing a busy street.

Startled by her brother's observation she glanced towards him quickly before turning her attention back to where she was walking.

"Are there problems between you and Adam after last night?" James asked gently.

"Things are ..." She hesitated while she searched for the right word," awkward,"

"Most guys get upset if their girlfriend does what you did," James said gently.

Janey stopped and James kept going for several steps before he realised she had halted; he turned around and went back to her.

"If you're just going to lecture me about what I did then I want to go back to the café!" Janey said abruptly.

"I'm just worried about you. Come on; let's go get that ice cream. I can chat on the way. No lecture, I promise." James said gently. He couldn't help noticing the way she eyed him distrustfully before finally falling into step with him once more.

"After we left last night I got to thinking; you're usually a good judge of character and I thought that maybe the guy you went to see ... it was just one guy ..." James stopped talking at Janey's angry snort.

"There were four guys and another woman there but if what you're asking is if I had sex with all the guys then the answer is no!" Janey hissed angrily.

"Okay so I opened my mouth before I knew exactly what I was going to ask, but I didn't think you went and slept with all of them." James muttered before resuming. "Your judgement may not necessarily be off, okay? I don't know the guy but he may not be all bad, even if he did nothing while ..."