Resolution

This is the third part of a trilogy by three different authors. If you haven't read Torn by patricia51 and A Typical Day by Chagrined this won't mean much to you. They are both worth the read. Consider these two stories as the prolog.

*

While we attend church regularly, I'll admit to not being a praying man, but I prayed laying in bed that night. "God, help me, help us. I don't understand this. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I don't want to lose my wife; I don't want our children to suffer a divorce. God, what ever miracle you can pull off show her, show me, show us the way we should go. ... God help me... help us.

I awoke groggy in the morning. I didn't sleep well after her revelation the night before. Then there was the dream that kept waking me in the night. It was a reoccurring dream. There, on our bed was my wife and another woman. My wife was laying on her back, nude, except for garter belt and stockings. Between her legs the other woman knelt, her long hair obscuring her face as she pleasured my wife with her mouth. She was wearing diaphanous blue baby-doll pajama that barely covered her skinny buttocks. My wife was wracked with the violence of her climax. As it subsided, the woman crawled up her body and they embraced and soon she began to grind her hips into my wife's crotch as my wife smiled and kissed her, wrapping her legs around her to give her better access. It was at that point I always woke up. What was disconcerting about the whole thing was the other woman. There was something familiar about her, like I should know her.

It was the dream that woke me as the first rays of the sun turned the dawn gray. I was drenched in sweat and highly aroused. I looked over at Erica's sleeping form. I knew that after what I had learned yesterday, there would be no relief there. I had denied the arousal three times though the night but this time I had to do something. I quietly got out of bed and headed for the bathroom and a shower. A cold shower wouldn't do, not after being aroused by that damned dream all night. It was a hot shower and heavy stroking my swollen, throbbing member.

I stood leaning against the wall with the water cascading over me as I recovered from what had to be the strongest climax to have come from self-pleasuring ever. It took some time for me to recover. What the hell was with that dream and why the hell was I so aroused that I had to pleasure myself? OK, OK, so I'm like most guys and a little lesbian action is arousing, but not when one of them is your wife. That's just wrong. When I had dried, I wrapped myself in a towel and came back to the bedroom. Erica had gotten up while I was in the shower and was gone. I wasn't sure where. Did she get dressed and leave? Or is she just in the kitchen?

Erica was just pouring coffee when I got to the kitchen. She sugared the first cup and sat it on the table near the spot where I normally sat. She flashed a nervous smile and fixed a second cup the way she liked it. We sat at the table in awkward silence. I'm not really a morning person and neither is Erica. It usually takes several cups of coffee to make us sociable, but there's usually some conversation, if only to complain about something. Today it could be not being able to sleep, waking up too early or any number of things. But still, we just sat not looking at each other.

Two cups of coffee later, Erica opened the fridge and said, "Eggs?" without looking at me.

"Yeah," I replied.

A few minutes later, she sat breakfast in front of me and we ate in silence. She would glance at me as I ate. I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye. Instead, I just ate and stared out the window watching the day come alive. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, flowers were opening... all was right with the world. All except my marriage. My wife of fifteen years didn't want me sexually anymore; she wanted a woman. Apparently any woman. It's not like she "fell in love" with a woman. It's more like she was in love with the idea of having a woman.

What the hell! How does a woman wake up one day and decide she's a lesbian? OK, bi that I could understand. Not condone acting out on it but I could understand how she might realize she also found women attractive as well as men. But Erica... well, our sex life had been pretty good. I mean either I had been able to bring her off or she could have given Meg Ryan a run for her money in "When Harry Met Sally." But I mean really... for fifteen years? No, I refused to believe that. If she'd been faking, then why would she have instigated sex all those times? I mean, I could see her faking it if she just responded to when I wanted something, but for her to cuddle up to me and get me interested when I hadn't really been thinking about it? No, she had to have liked it.

Oh God? What do I do?

I couldn't just sit there. I went to the garage and started cleaning out the junk that had been accumulating for years. How ironic, I thought to myself. Erica's been after me to clean out the garage for years and now she's become a lesbian I'm doing it without being asked... Then I laughed to myself. It was just too far fetched that she had done all this to manipulate me into cleaning the garage. No, I just needed to do something to maintain my sanity. It wasn't that I abhorred her. To the contrary. I loved her. It just hurt too much to know that when she looked at me, she didn't want me the way I wanted her.

I poured myself into my work. I soon filled the back of the pickup with junk and pulled the utility trailer from beside the house, hooked it up and filled it as well. Then Erica opened the garage door and hollered, "Lunch," as I was securing the tarps on my load.

She had made tuna salad sandwiches and some soup. I muttered, "Thanks."

"The garage looks good," she replied.

I nodded and kept eating. As I finished, I took my dishes to the sink and headed out the garage door. "I'm going to the dump."

"I'll go get the kids," I heard as I closed the door.

On the way back from the dump, I did an uncharacteristic thing. I stopped for a beer. I wasn't so much that I wanted a beer, I just didn't want to go home. When I ordered the second, the bartender wanted some conversation.

"You got your Powerball ticket? There wasn't a winner on Wednesday and the jackpot's $279 million."

I chuckled. I was a bit surprised with what I had been brooding over that I could even smile. "No. What is it? 475 million to one against winning?"

"That's if you buy a ticket," he said.

"Huh?"

"Odds of winning are 475 million to one if you buy a ticket. The odds against winning are considerably higher if you don't," he smiled.

"Ah, ... yeah," I said acknowledging the obvious.

"You ought to buy a ticket, man. It's only a buck and what the heck. You might get lucky. A dollar won't break you and it just might make you."

"I wouldn't even know how to do it," I told him.

"It's easy. Want me to show you?"

What the hell, it's only a dollar. "OK, go for it. I can afford a dollar."

I followed him to the machine and watched. He fed the dollar into the machine and when it lit up, he punched the Powerball button followed by a series of buttons and finally the big "print ticket" button.

"There," he said. "Now, if that's the winner, don't forget me. I should get 10%, don't you think?" He was smiling.

"OK," I told him, "and when it loses, I'll stop by and collect a dime."

I folded the ticket into my wallet and went back to the bar to drink my beer and the bartender filled my ears with stories of how people had won the lottery playing just the way I had.

I resisted the urge to buy a third beer and stay to get good and drunk. Instead, I went home. God, let the kids be there, I prayed. I just didn't want to be alone with Erica.

After putting the trailer away, I went into the kitchen and found the coffee on. I slugged down a cup as quickly as I could and poured another. Finally, I heard Karen ragging at her brother. I breathed easier as I went in to settle the dispute. It was nothing really; they didn't need my intervention. But I was glad to interact with them and glad that I shut off my episode in the bar at two beers.

I looked around for Erica and spotted her out in the backyard tending her garden. God she looked hot. She was wearing shorts and a halter top. I found tears welling up in my eyes as thought about how before her revelation I used to send the kids on an errand and go out back to see if I could seduce her back inside. Alas, that's not likely to ever happen again, not without being rebuffed. Especially now.

It was late in the afternoon and I knew that Erica would soon be in the kitchen preparing dinner. To spite how she had been feeling for this last year she always was a good mother and homemaker. I couldn't fault her in that area at all. There had always been a division of labor in our house she took care of the home front and I brought home the bacon. Not that I was adverse to doing any house work, after all, she did have a job. Though she saw to it that her hours were such that she could be home by the time the kids got home from school and she always had dinner on the table when I got in. She never complained about it and I only thought it fair to pitch in when I could anticipate what help she needed. Some of the chores were exclusively mine, like cleaning the ceiling fans and washing windows inside and out. ("I don't do windows," she had told me when we got married. So I do them; no complaint.)

God we've got to get through this. We've got to come to a resolution.

We did our best to keep things on an even keel the rest of the weekend. Both of us smiled a lot and tried our best to be pleasant, but underneath there was that uncomfortable air. Come Monday morning it was things as usual, or as close as could be. All week long we kept up the pretense that all was good. Through the week no mention was made of her letter or what it could mean to our relationship, but I thought of little else. I tried to avoid being alone with her as much as I could. When ever it was unavoidable, it was awkward. Usually, I'd find something to do, in another room if possible. I always let her go to bed first and didn't go in myself until I was sure that she was likely asleep. But the inevitable happened Saturday afternoon. The kids were both off with friends and Erica came home early from shopping.

I started to go out to the garage, though I didn't have anything to do out there. But then I decided that it was time to talk about the biggest concern that I had.

"Erica, can we talk about our future and keep it civil?" I asked her.

She looked up at me with what I thought was a tinge of fear in her eyes and nodded. I got a cup of coffee and held a cup up toward her with a questioning look. She shook her head no. I sat at the kitchen table and motioned for her to sit and she did. I mustered up my courage.

"The one thing I'm really worried about in all this is the kids," I said, avoiding actually say what "this" was. "I'd like to ask a favor of you and in return I'll make a promise," I continued, then paused to see if she was following me. I could still see the fear in her eyes, but she gave a slight nod, knowing that I wasn't through yet. "I know that both Jimmy and Karen are close to you. I had hoped that Jimmy and I would bond a little better, but he's not exactly the outdoors type and I am, so everything I thought I'd share with him, the fishing, the hunting, just didn't appeal to him. Don't get me wrong, he's a great kid and I love him, we're just not close like you two are... I'm fine with that and it's important for the kids to keep that connection."

I was struggling with what I wanted to say. Thank God Erica just sat and waited for me to spit it out. "Even if the worst should come to pass, I want the kids to maintain that connection to you. I'm asking that since Jimmy has two years 'til high school graduation and going off to college and Karen will be just a year behind him... please try, just try to hold the family together until then, OK? If things get hinky I'll go find some bar slut and move in with her and you can blame me and say that I drove you to women. It'll be the perfect excuse you loved me and trusted me and I betrayed that trust and now you can't trust men, so you've gone over to women. That'll be a last resort thing. I really want you to hang on until the kids go to college. I'll do what ever I can to help you hang. Just let me know... what ever... I mean that."

Erica began to cry. I didn't know what to do. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just needed to ask you to consider the kids. I didn't mean to be cruel. Please, keep me informed as to how you're doing. I really want to be there for you. I can't condone you acting out on this, but, well, if you really are... lesbian, then I guess it's only a matter of time until you need to fulfill the desires."

"No, Jim," Erica said, "I'm not hurt, I'm relieved. I thought you were going to give me an ultimatum, and tell me to either give it up or move out. I never thought you'd be so supportive. I will. I will try to hold off for the kids to get out of the house. God I love you. I just wish there was some way I could go back... some way I could find you sexually attractive in the same way I used to. God help me, I do." She broke down crying again.

It was an awkward moment, but I did love her. I wasn't sure of how she'd take it, but I went to her and held her in my arms. To my surprise, she hugged me back and cried on my shoulder. I found myself crying softly as well. After a time she began to calm down. "Just hang in Erica, we'll work this out somehow," I told her, hoping against hope it was true, though I couldn't see how.

"Can we really, Jim? Can we?"

"Yes," I said trying to sound confident and lying through my teeth. I had to give her hope if she was going to fulfill her promise to hang onto the marriage until the kids went off to school.

Really in my mind, I was sure that after both kids were gone, we'd split up over this. I hugged her tighter and cried, mourning the loss of my marriage. Even now I knew we were married in name only and it would be that way for the sake of the kids for two or maybe three years and then... well then it wouldn't be... any longer.

Ÿ ¤ Ÿ ¤

We worked at it, we really did. We kept up appearances. She even learned to give me a kiss that looked like she loved me, though I could tell there was no passion in it. But then, there was no passion in my kissing her. I mean, could you kiss a lesbian, even one you loved and had had children with, knowing that if you were to have sex, she'd be wishing it would be another woman and have passion in your kiss? No, it was like kissing your sister. Now I knew just what that phrase meant. I never had a sister, but Erica might just as well have been my sister now.

A couple of months went by and I still had that damn recurring dream. It didn't wake me up often any more, but a couple of times a week I'd wake up remembering it. On those mornings, I'd have take a little extra time in the shower taking care of my sexual needs. Solo sex sucks... no that's not right, if sucking was involve, it wouldn't be solo. Well, you know what I want to say. It relieved the pressure, but it sure would be nice if some else was doing something to make me feel good... something beyond the physical.

I was just getting to where I could manage to be alone with Erica without feeling uncomfortable when on a Friday evening the kids were both out for the night with friends. She found me in the family room relaxing with a Dr. Pepper and the sports page while the TV churned out the usual Friday night drivel.

"Jim, we've got to talk."

My blood ran cold. I was sure I wouldn't like what she needed to tell me. What is it? Is she going to tell me she can't stand it anymore and needs to go out and find a woman? Or worse... she's already found a woman and I need to decide if I'm going to help her keep it quiet or go out and find that bar slut to give her the excuse.

I looked up, setting my Dr. Pepper on the table.

"Jim, I don't know what you're doing about it, but I know you haven't approached me for sex since you read the letter. I also know that frigging myself in the shower just isn't cutting it." Here it comes she's going to tell me she going to find a woman, or maybe she's going to ask permission. Either way, it's bad news. She's likely to suggest an open marriage where we both find our own sexual outlets. No way I'm going for that. "We need to start taking care of each other. That is if you were serious about me hanging in. I just can't do self-pleasuring anymore. I need a physical touch."

"So how are we supposed to do that, beings you find me repugnant and can't stand to look at me while we have sex?" Oh God, that sounded a whole lot more vindictive than I meant it to.

She said, "I had that coming I guess. But you remember I said I still enjoyed giving oral to you? Well, if we just do that, we'll still be expressing our love and taking care of our sexual needs as well. I'll even dress sexy for you and take care of you first. You can wait to take care of me until you've recovered. It's still making love, it's just not traditional sex."

I sat stunned. I knew that when I did, she'd be pretending that I was a woman eating her. I wanted to say, "Sure, maybe I'll grow my hair out long and then when you look down, it'll look like a woman!" ... But I didn't. I kept my piece. She was right, the shower was a lousy lover.

"We can try it," I allowed.

"Tomorrow morning? I know you often wake up with an erection."

Ÿ ¤ Ÿ ¤

My dreams betrayed me. That damned recurring dream again. What the hell is with that dream? God help me! I keep being turned on by my wife with another woman! I started to get up to go to the shower, but Erica stirred in her sleep. She didn't wake up, she only moaned softly. God she looked sexy. I longed to touch her. She wore my favorite nightie. Soft pink, elastic under boobs displaying them to perfection with plenty of cleavage showing and side slits nearly to the hip on each side. It had been a warm night and the sheet was pulled up just over her hip. I remembered her offer, "Tomorrow morning?" What the hell, I thought.

Propping myself up on one elbow, I reached over and gently stroked her cheek. It made my heart ache for old times, for things like they were as little as two years ago. She stirred and opened her eyes. To my surprise, she smiled.

"I hope this means you're horny," she said. I just nodded my head.

I was filled with apprehension as she closed in on me. She reached out to touch me and to my surprise, I responded in a typically male way. Soon she was fulfilling her end of the bargain and my physical lust was outweighing my concerns about her sexual preference. Before I knew it I was lost in the animal lust of the act and was pushing on toward completion. To her credit, she made it feel good right up to the end and didn't pull back or gag.

She even smiled when she was done and asked, "Feel better now?" in a loving voice.

I nodded and reached out for her, but she just took my hand and held it to her cheek. It was obvious she didn't want to cuddle. Boy did I ever feel better. That was way better than what went on in the shower. My eyes closed and I may have even drifted off to sleep for a few minutes. But Erica was patient. She never moved or said a word until I looked over at her. She had a look of pride on her face as though she was proud of having taken care of her husband.