Resolving My Marriage Pt. 01

Nothing I could do reassured her. She got me to admit I had slept with Carol two nights ago. Carol had come into my room while I was asleep, and sucked me to erection. While still half asleep, she asked if I wanted her to put my cock in her sweet cunny. I was in the midst of a titillating dream, fucking a dream goddess who looked somewhat like a mix of Claudette and Carol when young Daniel, the sneaky shit head that he is, outvoted me.

It was a sumptuous juicy fuck. I awoke fully when I felt Carol orgasm and then scream in my ear before I moved rapidly to complete my own orgasm, pushing up from below while she squeezed my with her rippling muscles. Carol had exercised me to exhaustion in the gym, on the program she had placed me on, and I fell asleep almost instantly. Carol was so apologetic in the morning, saying she had risen in a dream and hardly realised what had happened and hoped I did not regret it. It would not change anything for her, she said. She did say we should consider whether a few further fucks could be possible, if it did not compromise my position as just her friend. I was furious, but she charmed me into laughing about it. I could not remain angry with her for long.

Oh, I forgot there was more to the evening. It had started to go downhill with Annalise even earlier. I realised later I was in the hands of a master strategist.

Annalise said the food was great and had I cooked? I said no, Carol had insisted. After that it was all downhill. I had a friend with benefits, she summarised sarcastically, who I went out with often and entertained at home. She said sarcastically that of course Carol was not my girlfriend however. She re-iterated that Carol loved me and I looked like I loved Carol too. She thought I was playing kinky games and she was not into a complicated relationship with someone sexually and emotionally bent.

It was not helped by Carol coming into the canteen the next day when I was trying to resurrect the relationship with Annalise, at lunch time, and announced we were going to the concert on Saturday and she had managed to score us tickets from a scalper, and then sat on my lap, kissed me passionately, waved and left before I could say a word.

Carol apologised for ruining my date that night. She said to make it up to me she had fixed me up with one of her friends from work that night. She would come to our place and we would all go out together to get acquainted. That night a raven haired living wet dream came to our door. Her name was Tina and she looked at me like she had just fallen in love at first sight. Carol, sitting next to me when I turned, looked horrified. I saw her shaking her head.

Tina regained her composure and out we went to a restaurant we frequented. Soon she was hanging onto my arm. The meal was exceptional. Tina put her hand on my lap. She touched me at every opportunity. She talked in a little girl voice when she joked and played around. She had a great mind and was a delight. I found myself laughing constantly. She could discuss almost any topic. We had a great discussion about some medi-colegal issues. Carol smiled and joked, but I could see she was increasingly uncomfortable. She finally suggested they visit the ladies together. I could not resist moving to the window outside of the ladies. I wanted to try and understand Carol's game plan. I was tired of being the manipulated dummy.

I heard Carol say, "Tina, if you cannot obey the rules, just leave." Tina mumbled, "Remind me of the rules."

Carol said "Don't be a dumb ass. You're head of legal services at work. You know the rules. Play dumb if you want for Dan not with me. Don't fall in love with him, he's mine. Enjoy him for a month. That was the agreement if you wanted to meet him.

Tina said, "Oh shit." She said she thought Carol was passing off a hopeless friend. She didn't realise that the whole thing was not a joke. She said Carol had seemed so easygoing about it all, at work, and now it was such a big issue.

Carol told her I did love her, but just needed to be patient about her working through a problem of hers. Tina asked what the issue was. Carol told her of the need to have other relationships and she was sorting herself out but wanted me to marry her.

Tina said she could not believe it, She would like to go out with me for a month but wanted Carol to promise her that if ever it didn't work out for her, that Tina to be allowed her opportunity. I did not hear the rest as I felt I could not be caught. I had heard enough. I was angry.

I dashed back to sit at the table.

They returned arm in arm, laughing. We consumed nearly two bottles of wine. Tina became increasingly subdued. I did not know what to do next. We had coffee and deserts. Tina kissed me passionately outside the restaurant and whispered in my ear that I was a great guy but it wouldn't work out. She then jumped in a taxi and that was the end of her.

When I got home I asked Carol what had happened. As I was to find out, she does not lie to me. At least I've never known her to lie to me.

I was ready to have the fight of all fights but she disarmed me with what she said. She told me that she felt she could let me go, initially, but when push came to shove she could not tolerate the thought of me with a woman who could love me. She could see that Tina could do that. We needed to find another way. She did not want to play these games any longer. She could not tolerate these games. She said she wanted to marry me, then she burst into tears. She asked me to come with her to see Hester the next day.

I was seduced for years by the comfort and bliss of living with Carol. I feel that she truly loves me. I never saw any boyfriends then but never asked about them either. I allowed myself to believe that it was only me. I have always felt that no matter what I was the most import person to her, till now. She is stimulating to talk to. She entertains well. She is fantastic in bed. She treats me like royalty. We hardly ever argue. We have a great social life. Money is never an issue. I asked myself even then how could I ever find someone as amazing as her. Then I would think of the price. Was I a cuckold? It seemed too simple a question in this case. She never humiliated me. She loved me. She had this compulsion. But it would soon be over I thought. She believed it and so did I.

I may be wrong but I think that Hester may have then believed that if we established our relationship, then somehow the issues of her compulsion to have short sexual relationships with other men would resolve itself. The theory was, she was seeking true love to undo the love that she did not get from her mother, and would get the stability that she needed but did not get from her father. She loved her father but could not retain him, but she would retain me.

The question for me was, what if she finds someone else she will love and what about the risks of sexually transmitted diseases? I then found out she insisted all potential partners had tests and had no other relationship when with her. All relationships were short to reduce her risk. She insisted that each partner wear a condom. I realised then that she had never requested this of me. She said that I was the only one. She said she would keep all relationships away from me and they would not impact me in any way"

Claude I still felt I could not cope with it. For six months I equivocated. My mother adored her. Her father treated me as his best friend and we had a wonderful time socially. She doted on me then, as she continued to throughout our marriage. Her father finally convinced me. He said that he had screwed around in his first marriage, as his wife he knew was not the one, but once settled in the second marriage he was faithful and he and his wife had a relationship where they were true to each other. He said if it did not work out I could simply divorce her. He said, however, that as she did come from a wealthy background and protection was needed for the trust, that he would need to insist on a prenuptial agreement, but he would settle some money on me first, a sum of $25000. I had discussed this with Carol once I realised that her father was wealthy, as I was concerned about needing to be sure she was protected if she married me. She had agreed that a prenup was needed but I thought I did detect a smirk. I found out later that while it was true that he did not cheat on his wife, they were involved with a club that met all their sexual needs for diversity. Everything that he told me was true. I do think he believed we would reach a similar accommodation. Two years later he and his wife invited another woman and her two children to live with them and that relationship has remained stable for the last 6 years. Carol and I love both women and the children."

I noticed Claude smile.

"So we got married. Life with Carol is wonderful in almost every way. I am treated like a prince in the house. However I have always had this gnawing anxiety it would not resolve, that she would find someone else who she loved more and have children with him. I refused to have children till these issues of external relationships resolved. They did not. They have not.

Every couple of months she would tell me she had met someone else and started a relationship. She became stressed at these times, meeting the other person and then coming home to me. When she came home she always showered and said I never would get sloppy seconds from anyone.

As you know, her hours are from 6:30 or 7 am till 3pm. She would rush off to meet her lover and then rush home to meet me. She refused to meet anyone in the evenings unless I was not to be home and nothing was to infringe on our time. After two years of this, I said that, in the interests of her health. she should get them to come to our home to reduce travel time and she could use the guest room or any other of our rooms except our bedroom. I am not home before 6, so it would save time. I remember thinking I was crazy at the time. Here I was in a relationship which was against my every principle and was aiding and abetting her having relationships with others in our own home. I told her of my anxieties of her in the future loving someone else and leaving me, but she always reassured me.

Over the years I did come home early a number of times. A few times it was intentional. My curiosity got the better of me. How was she with these partners. She has amazing hearing so I would enter the apartment from the rear door and in my socks walk to watch. Its funny I did not do that when I saw her with Rob. She may have even heard me. I did not think of that before", I said pensively.

Claude smiled. He nodded his head and smiled again.

"She also had a number of similar relationships with women. That somehow never worried me much.

I always saw condoms with the guys. It looked the usual stuff. Carol was technically proficient. I heard some of the guys ask her to continue the relationship. She always reinforced the boundaries.

They were all good looking guys. Once, when I was sitting in the kitchen, one of them came in for a glass of coke. When he saw me he scuttled back to the bedroom. Carol rushed to the kitchen very upset with me. I was calm. He returned to the kitchen and we sat down and chatted till he said he had to leave. It was all so surreal. It seemed like it somehow had nothing to do with us, till Rob.

It's gone on for a year with him. After a month she said she wanted to simplify things and not have to establish so many relationships and wanted to reduce risk and continue with Rob. By then we were seeing quite a lot of both Rob and Amanda. She got on really well with Amanda as well.

Over the years Carol encouraged me to also have sexual relationships with other women in a similar way. She organised a roster of her extended network of fabulous women. After a year I just couldn't do it any longer. I was onto a second round with some of them. They were getting attached, I was getting attached and a fair number of them were getting angry with Carol.

Tina returned for a turn. That was a nightmare. We both thought we could manage it. Carol spent a lot of time with Tina before the event, preparing her for emotional detachment. Bunkum. We fell for each other and after the first time sexually we knew that we would never be able to continue it and survive without major trauma. Tina was distraught at work and furious with Carol for experimenting with her life and emotions and we had a very tense, turbulent week. Tina has never forgiven Carol for opening a can of worms and things remain tense with them.

I have told Carol that I think I feel the same about Amanda but I am keeping away from it and I think Amanda does not feel the same about me. She seems in very good control and we will not take it further."

Claude was listening very closely, as were Annie and Hester. Claude was slowly shaking his head.

"What Claude?"

He smiled and said "I think I am beginning to understand. Carry on MacDuff!"

"Two weeks ago Carol says that she has to go back east for a conference and that she will be away four days. It's a two day conference and she wanted to shop and spend a bit of extra time with Rob. While she is away our apartment is to be painted and redone. In typical Carol style, a huge team of painters and decorators are coming in to do the apartment. Fine. I said, I will stay in a hotel. No, she said, its all arranged with Amanda. I don't want you alone in a hotel. Amanda is happy to have you and we cannot refuse now, as its all arranged. She has plenty of space and Rob has some tickets for a show that Amanda was dying to see and wants you to use the tickets. Why did you do this I asked her. She said that Amanda offered and what was the problem?

Well, ladies and gentleman, what was the problem? What woman would arrange for her husband to stay with the wife of her lover. I said to her that my life was beyond Alice in Wonderland. No story I had read or any I had heard had anything on her concepts about what was to be done. I then asked her what if I fall in love with Amanda? She said that I already loved Amanda and what was the problem? So I asked, what was the issue with Tina then? Tina was different she told me. Tina is not suitable, she wants you for herself. She would not share. And Amanda? I asked. She assured me it was different. So, I thought, I'm spending four days with another woman and her children with the knowledge of my wife and her lover. Do I go or do I not? Why on earth would my wife make such an arrangement. My head hurt trying to work it out.

So then we are back to the present. She was very loving to Rob in an obvious way at the barbeque and she loves Rob and has sex with him without condoms. She still says she loves me. She doesn't want me to leave her. I'm confused and unhappy and I want it to end now."

Chapter 6 - Claude's Advice

Claude sat back and smiled. "I'll tell you some of what I think, but will get you to derive the solution by getting you to ask and answer some questions. What I will do is what Hester would probably like to do but feels unable to do for her own reasons.

"What do you think Carol would think of Rob as a life partner?"

"Carol has already given me the analysis of Rob as she sees him. Hey Claude, what do you mean Hester knows all this?"

Claude smiled and said, "Look at her. She can't stop grinning"

"OK, lets continue. She likes him as a person, but feels he has commitment issues in relationships and at work. Even though he has progressed in his career he tends not to stick with things and she says he's had a string of affairs over the years. Oddly enough she does not respect him for cheating on Amanda. Ok let's analyse what she thinks of Amanda. She is a close friend of Amanda. She really respects her and she says I don't know much of how amazing Amanda is. She won't tell me much more. She trusts her and they confide in each other. No, I don't think they have had a deeper intimate or sexual relationship because Carol would have told me. Carol has only found sex average with Rob because he tends to be narcissistic and is not much into pleasing of her. Continuing then...So why is she with him and will it last? This is weird, guys. Would she be leading me astray? No I don't think so. So why is she with him? I don't know. Maybe its part of her working her stuff out? He is not a real long term prospect is he? No definitely not. Or is that wishful thinking? No I know he does not have enough for her long term interest. Is she using this to push me away? Oh yes."

Claude was grinning, as was Hester. Annie was looking confused.

She finally broke the long silence, saying, "This is the weirdest stuff I have ever heard. Its weirder, by far, than us even", she blushed and put her hand in her mouth.

"Carry on" she said.

I puzzled a bit at what she was getting at but my mind was on this problem. Then I had a flash of the three of them in a relationship. Hester caught my thoughts, I am sure, and winked and smiled. I decided to move on.

"So the question is, does Carol know what she is doing now consciously? My guess is that it's largely unconsciously driven. So am I to stay or leave?"

"Clearly this is the essence of what is going on" said Claude, "Carry on, you are doing really well now you have moved out of the box."

"Well, I am being asked to stay but being driven to leave and maybe divorce. But if the relationship with Rob is to go nowhere, where does our relationship go and what are the intermediate steps?"

"Brilliant analysis, my fine feathered friend," said Claude beaming at me. "There is hope for you yet!"

Hester was grinning broadly. She leaned forward to speak.

"So what is your next step? Do you stay or do you leave? Do you stay with Amanda? What does Amanda think of Rob?"

"Well, tomorrow I need to see Zelda to get some legal advice. But with Amanda nothing. I am staying there this weekend only. Her children will be there so I expect nothing. She is gorgeous but I have enough of a mess now.

I need to know the implications of the student loan I have with them and the prenup looked vicious. Her father was very protective of Carol. Then I think I will stay with Amanda. It might be fun with her and the children. She would be great to talk to about this too. But Hester, I don't really know what she thinks of Rob. I don't see much approval in her eyes. Yet strangely enough she is not critical of Carol, who is having a relationship with her husband. What do she and Carol talk about so much. Carol sees a lot of her and they are always laughing and giggling together. Why don't they have a worse relationship? Its fishy. Amanda should be angry with Carol not her great pal. She can see what I see. I think I don't understand women at all and I am not in charge nor have ever been. "

Claude said, "So what is the game, or games that she is playing?"

I puzzled over this for a bit.

"Option 1 I think is that Carol is replaying what her father did. She is the promiscuous one in this case and she is like her father. Her father wanted a harem. She wants me and Rob together. We are her male consorts and I am playing like her mother I want out. So what is option 2?

Ok, Option 2 hmm. Carol lost her father and she wanted him back. She wants to lose me and recapture me. Not impressive and a bit far out.

Are there other options?

Option 3. Carol identifies with her father and wants a harem. Can Amanda be a part of that? Is Rob but a pawn to push me away and for her to experience the pain of losing me to another woman as her mother felt the pain and she Carol choses more than one other man. Rob and another as her father did. I do not play ball.

Let me look at all the patterns quickly. Carols father gets involved in another marriage and wants his wife to join with another woman. She declines. Carol is left with her mother who is devastated. Carol is left with a mess. Her mother dies and her father gets involved in swapping then another woman. Does Carol see herself as her father? Does she see herself as her mother with a better resolution as part of a harem? Does she want her own men or does she want to be part of of a marriage with another woman?