Restless Heart

"Well...you should probably drive yourself today," he said. "I have a date tonight."

That surprised me. "A date?" I asked.

"Yeah, I ran into Richie last night after I left the bar...we had a good conversation—we're going to a movie tonight."

"Oh..." I said as I turned away from him to leave. "I'll return your robe later, okay?"

"Keep it," he replied.

Sadness swept over me as I dressed for work. I felt strangely alone. Without Tommy in my life I didn't have any other close friends. He and I did everything together. He was the only one I could bare my soul to—he was the only one who would laugh at my jokes and listen to my opinions. He was the only one who gave me advice and corrected me when I was wrong.

You're being silly, boy, I told myself. He's only going on a date.

We were busy again at work—controlled chaos, Tommy called it. There wasn't time enough for us to even talk. Afterwards, Tommy was already gone by the time I finished my side-work.

I drove home in silence. I briefly thought about going to the bar, but was afraid I'd see Fred or Patrick. I had no other place to go or any other friends to see. I went home and fired-up the laptop and surfed-the-Net for a couple hours before I went to bed.

The next morning I expected Tommy to come over for coffee but he never showed. I didn't know if I should go to his apartment or not. To say that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' was a huge understatement—I felt a heavy, desperate emptiness and void in my heart.

I finally admitted to myself I had special feelings for Tommy.

I showered and shaved and was naked in the bathroom drying my hair when I heard the knocks on my front door. My breath caught in my throat and I smiled.

"Tommy!" I said out loud.

I threw on the terry-cloth robe and almost ran to the front door. I swung it wide open.

"It's your lucky week, boy--you get to give me a bonus blow-job."

Oh my God—it was Mister Z—I suddenly felt nauseous.

He walked right by me into the apartment. I closed the door.

"The Witch decided to get her hair done," he announced then he looked at me and smiled. "What's under the robe, boy? Show me!"

A wave of utter helplessness washed over me. I opened my robe and let it drop to the floor.

"Oh yes," he said as he ogled my nudity. "You are a sweet piece of meat, boy."

He opened his pants and pushed them and his boxers down to the floor.

"Why the long face, boy? C'mon over here and get on your knees—you'll feel a whole lot better when you get my dick in your mouth."

I was resigned to my fate. I went to him and dropped to my knees.

"We don't have a lot of time—suck it good for me, boy."

I went to work on his stubby prick—it was more foul-smelling than usual. I fought hard to keep from gagging.

"I fucked The Witch this morning, boy—can you taste her pussy?"

My mind blocked-out this disgusting creature-of-a-man. When I finally got his fat dick hard I sucked and stroked it fast and furious to get it over with quickly. Naturally, he misunderstood my actions.

"Ohhh you're into it today, aren't you boy? A queer-boy like you—all it takes is a hard dick in your mouth and you're in heaven!"

I heard laughter and voices coming from the hallway out my front door. I recognized Tommy's laugh. I prayed to God he wouldn't knock on my door—he didn't. I heard the door of the building close.

It took a few seconds to register then I thought—Oh no, they were coming from his apartment—Richie must have spent the night at Tommy's.

My heart sank in despair--tears welled in my eyes. I cursed myself for being so stubborn—so blind. For years Tommy tried to show how much he cared for me only for me to ignore his feelings, and now he had found someone else.

I heard Mister Z groan and felt his balls contract in my hand. He shot one strong load of cum into my mouth and the rest of it just dribbled from his slit.

"Nice blow-job, boy," he said as he pulled up his clothes. "Usual time tomorrow--I'll give you more time to savor my cock."

He laughed and patted me on the head.

I managed to get off the floor and sit on the couch. I stared straight ahead thinking of nothing; my mind a black hole. No thoughts—no feelings—no emotions. I sat there staring into the abyss that was my life.

It was slow at the restaurant that night. I finally found Tommy alone in the pantry and took a deep breath and approached him.

"Tommy, can we talk?" I asked softly.

"What is it—you look serious."

"Well, you know...I was thinking about your offer...about you and me...you've always been so good to me...I was thinking maybe I should move in with you—can I move in with you Tommy?"

I thought he'd say 'Sure, John, we'll move your stuff first thing in the morning', but when I saw the pained look on his face it felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.

"I don't think that would be a very good idea...I only have the one bed...I don't think you'd be comfortable sleeping on the couch...it could get awkward what with me and Richie in the bedroom."

I stood there frozen trying hard not to show my disappointment. I didn't know how serious his relationship was with Richie—now I knew and my heart sank to a new low.

"Oh," I said stoically, "yeah, sure—okay."

He walked away from me. Gone were any signs of love and concern. He was obviously moving on with his life and I wasn't going to be a part of it anymore. I coughed as I fought back the tears in my eyes.

The rest of the night I just went through the motions: my head and heart wasn't into it. About an hour before closing I got a table—a single—I snapped out of my grey-funk to try and give professional service.

"Good evening, sir, my name is John--may I bring you a beverage?"

He looked at me a few seconds longer than I thought was necessary then he smiled—a wide, beautiful smile.

"Yes, thank you, I'll have iced tea."

When I brought him the tea he smiled again.

I took his food order and was about to leave the table when he said: "Tell me, John, is it hot in here or is it just you?"

Did I hear him correctly? I wondered. A smile slowly spread across my lips.

"Has anyone told you what beautiful, blue eyes you have?" he asked.

This time I blushed a scarlet red. All I could say was "Ah...well no..." I'd never had a man so blatantly flirt with me before—I liked it!

He winked at me as I left the table. I became very attentive: refilling his tea after a few sips, bringing him more bread even though he'd only eaten one slice.

"I don't think I've seen you in here before," I said.

"No—I've never eaten here," he replied. "Too bad—I didn't know what I was missing."

I blushed again and smiled.

"Your smile is as beautiful as your eyes."

"I'll bet you say that to all the boys," I said.

"Only the pretty ones I'm interested in," he said without a smile. "My name is Richard."

"Nice to meet you," I said.

Suddenly it WAS getting hot in there. Could I seriously be interested in him? He had to be twenty years older than me. He was handsome though, and looked to be in good shape. I definitely enjoyed his sense of humor and whimsy. I was intrigued—wondering where this was going with this talk.

He finished his meal and I gave him the check.

"Thank you for eating here, Richard, and I really want to thank you for the huge tip," I said with a smile.

"I haven't left a tip yet," he said.

"I know...." I replied and walked away from the table.

I returned a short time later to take his credit card to the cashier.

"I was wondering, John...would you like to join me for a cocktail when you get off work?"

I paused then said "Okay—where should I meet you?

"Do you know 'The Piano Man'? he asked.

"Yes, it's one of my favorite songs."

He laughed. "I think you and I just might have some fun—do you want to meet me there?"

"Yes—I'd love to," I said. As I went to the cashier I noticed he'd written in a very large tip; I almost wanted to tell him it was too big, but I didn't.

I told him I'd see him there after I finished my side-work.

He smiled and said, "I'm looking forward to it."

I worked as fast as I could. I didn't see Tommy—he was always the first one out of there.

Tommy had taken me to 'The Piano Man' a couple times in the past. It was a piano bar catering to older gay men who desired a discreet rendezvous with other men. It was dimly lit and the piano player was excellent.

When I walked into the bar it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light. I saw Richard sitting in one of the semi-circular booths facing the bar and stage. I slid into the booth, not too close.

"How about a martini?" he asked.

I couldn't hold my liquor very well, but I said, "Sure—why not?"

We were on our second martini when the piano man began playing. Richard patted the seat beside him and I moved next to him to get a better view of the piano. Our legs pressed together.

Richard sang along and after the second martini I joined in, too. He put his arm around me and we rocked and swayed in time with the music. It was the most fun I'd had in a long, long time.

After our third martini Richard pulled me close to him and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. He took my hand and placed it on his crotch. He had an erection and it was impressive.

I wasn't offended but I didn't know how to react either. Should I pull away from him or leave my hand where it was?

The liquor made my decision easier: I squeezed his cock and ran my hand up and down its length. He kissed me on the lips and I returned the kiss.

He traced his fingertip over my lips—I knew what he wanted.

"Johnny, I don't mean to be too forward or presumptuous, but would you like to go out to my car?"

My breath caught in my throat. "Yeah, I think I do want that," I whispered as I gave his cock one final squeeze.

He paid the bill and we were gone.

It was dark and I couldn't make out the make and model of his car, but I could plainly see it was expensive. He opened the driver-side door and I slid into the middle. He sat next to me and closed the door.

He immediately put his arms around me and pulled me close. Our kisses became long and more passionate. Our tongues melded together as one.

I took the initiative and rubbed his erection through the fabric of his slacks. I fumbled with his belt and pulled down his zipper. He lifted his hips to assist me and I had his clothes down to his thighs.

I gasped as I took his cock in my hand and slowly stroked it. It was at least six-inches long and a couple inches wide. It was hot and smooth in my hand. My own penis became erect—it throbbed in my pants as the heat from his cock coursed through my hand and body.

At a time like this in the past, a couple lovers I'd had would insistently pull my head down to their cocks—I didn't like that, it made me feel cheap, so when I heard Richard groan I lowered my head and slid my lips around his cockhead.

"Oh God..." he moaned as my tongue licked the pre-cum from his slit.

I grasped his shaft with one hand while the other found his ball sac. I held his balls while I took more and more of his cock into my mouth. I stroked his shaft and massaged his balls while I slowly sucked his cock.

Suddenly he reached over and I felt his fingers on my erection, he rubbed the length of my prick. I was thrilled—rarely had any of my lovers ever concerned themselves with my pleasure. It inspired me to work harder on satisfying him.

My sucking became more intense. My tongue never left his hot flesh. My hand moved faster as I bobbed my head up and down on his delicious cock. His moaning increased—his hips began to push his cock deeper in my mouth.

The pressure increased within my own balls. His hand was magnificent--I was close to cumming. I sucked with all my expertise. I felt his balls contract in my hand and the first volley of cum hit the back of my throat. I eagerly swallowed.

Suddenly my own balls erupted. Waves of pleasure washed through my head. I soaked my bikini briefs with semen while I swallowed mouthfuls of his jism. When his lower body quit jerking and twitching, I cleaned his cock with my lips and tongue.

I remembered searching his hands at the restaurant for a wedding ring—I didn't see one. I felt giddy-as-a-schoolgirl when I raised my head and he kissed me full on my cum-slick lips.

My heart leapt with joy at the possibilities.

"Johnny," he gasped. "That was fantastic—you're a wonderful cock—"

He stopped in mid-sentence. "Sucker," I finished his thought for him. "I'm a wonderful cocksucker and I'm proud of it!"

He laughed and hugged me. I felt safe and secure in his arms.

"Johnny, I want to see you again—you are a sweet boy and I want to be with you," he said softly. "I have a condo not far from the restaurant—will you meet me there tomorrow night?"

"Yes—I'd like that very much," I said through a beaming smile.

I was careful driving home. The martini's still had me in their grip. I arrived home at the same time Tommy drove up. He and Richie got out of the car. I opened the front door for them.

Tommy saw my appearance and asked, "Are you alright?"

"Couldn't be better," I smiled at him.

A small frown furrowed his brow as they walked by me into the building.

"Good night," I called out when I stopped at my door.

"Good night," Tommy answered still shooting me quizzical glances.

For the sake of brevity, not to mention my own sanity, I'll skip over any descriptions of my Friday dalliance with Mister Z. Needless to say, he was his usual piggish-self.

That night at work I was humming and singing songs we'd heard at the piano bar. I felt happy and gay (in the old sense of the word).

The restaurant was slammed for three hours but suddenly died with a couple hours to go. Tommy wanted to talk to me so when business slowed down we went into the pantry.

"I spoke with Patrick at the bar last night," he began. "He's leaving town—he found a job in Denver."

"You know," I said, "I never understood what happened with his business here—I mean, his family owns one of the biggest factories in the city—his dad's a millionaire—why would he leave all that?"

Tommy gave me the strangest look I'd ever seen. He was shaking his head.

"You still don't get it, do you?" he asked with more than a little contempt in his voice.

"Tommy, when I 'came out' my family wasn't too thrilled about it either, but we worked it out," I explained.

"John..." he paused, "your family is rather exceptional—they were surprised, but they supported you every step of the way—they gave you unconditional love—they never once said they were hurt or disappointed--not all families are like yours."

"Well, yeah, but—"

He interrupted me. "But nothing—Patrick told you to let him handle it—he asked you not to say a word, but you couldn't help yourself—you just had to 'out' Patrick to his own family--you live in a fairy tale world—since it worked out for you it will work out just fine for everyone—life isn't like that, you naïve little boy."

He didn't have to tell me how it worked out—I was there. I witnessed the brutal cruelty of Patrick's parents and brothers when they found out he was gay. I heard the slurs and derision Patrick had to endure. I had never felt so bad for another human being in my life.

I was absolutely stunned when they fired him from the family business and told him flat-out they didn't want anything to do with him anymore. How could a family do that to one of their own? I figured over time, they would accept his lifestyle—they never did.

I may have learned a valuable lesson, but so what! Patrick lost everything because I was too stupid and insensitive to respect his wishes and keep my big mouth shut. I made a horrible mistake that will affect Patrick for the rest of his life and there isn't one thing I can do about it.

Tommy noticed the tears in my eyes.

"John...I know you meant well...I know you're not a bad person...your heart is in the right place--you just need to take your blinders off and look at the world the way it really is...."

On the drive to Richard's condo, all I could see was the utter disappointment on Tommy's face.

Richard buzzed me in and I took the elevator to the fifth floor. It was a very nice building. He was wearing an expensive robe when he opened the door and I went inside.

He immediately took me in his arms and our kiss lasted a long time. I sat on the couch as he made us drinks—martini's. I smiled--I guess this was 'our' drink.

He put his arm around me and we talked. I told him I loved his place, and he hinted I might be able to live here for free. My heart leapt with excitement at the prospect of living in an expensive condo.

I became light-headed after the second martini. He couldn't keep his hands off me. I felt flattered and desirable. A great-looking man wanted me and it made me feel special.

He unbuttoned my shirt and ran his hands over my chest. We kissed—he massaged my breasts and pinched my nipples. He had me take the rest of my clothes off.

"Open my robe—I have a treat for you," he smiled.

His erection was beautiful. I caressed his chest then took hold of his penis. Our tongues danced together in perfect rhythm.

I lowered my head and kissed his cockhead. It was as warm and smooth as I remembered.

"Johnny, kneel between my legs," he said softly.

I made love to his penis and balls with my hands and mouth. He sat back, closed his eyes, and squirmed and wriggled under my ministrations. The moans escaping his throat excited me—my own cock grew hard.

I stroked him faster—I took more and more of his cock-flesh into my mouth. His hips began to jerk and gyrate—I knew he was close. I increased my speed and squeezed his cock harder.

I felt his balls contract in my hand as he cried out. He came on my tongue and I was able to swallow every drop of his creamy semen. He was trying to catch his breath as I cleaned his penis with my lips and tongue.

"You are a wonderful boy," he said looking down at me.

He closed his robe and went to the liquor cabinet and made us more drinks. I waited naked on the couch.

Richard talked of how lucky he was to have met me. He said we would have a marvelous future together. His words filled me with a warmth and happiness I hadn't known for a very long time. We finished our drinks.

"Want to go to the bedroom?" he asked as he gazed into my eyes.

"Oh, yes," I replied.

We walked hand-in-hand to his bedroom. It was another beautifully furnished room. The bed was huge. He continued walking until we were in the master bathroom. He reached into a cabinet and produced a device with which I was familiar. He was going to give me an enema—I smiled at him—it was a logical thing to do.

When I finally sat on the toilet and emptied myself, he stood in front of me and opened his robe. His cock was semi-hard and I immediately began to kiss and lick it until he achieved a full erection. My head became intoxicated with his manly aroma.

He took my hand and led me to the side of his bed.

"Lay your head and shoulders on the bed," he said. I obeyed him and instinctively spread my legs wide apart.

"Ohhh you're a wonderful boy," he groaned then added, "...reach back and open your cheeks for me."

I wasn't at all embarrassed displaying myself like this to a man I'd only known for two days. It felt natural—I wanted to give him pleasure.

His oily finger began massaging my anus. He had a gentle touch, it was an incredible sensation.

He applied more oil and his finger popped through my opening. He slowly pushed his finger into my rectum. More oil and his finger pushed all the way inside me. He began to finger-fuck my asshole. My cock stood straight out.

"Johnny," he finally said, "...show me how much you want it—put it in for me, baby."