Results and Consequences

Never before had Dana felt such power over a man. It was inebriating. And she decided to return the favor, upon feeling her own throbbing cock: she pulled out, deftly yanked away the condom and jerked herself on top of him.

"My turn, babyyyYYY!!!"

For a third climax, she was surprised at the amount of her cum that erupted all over his chest. That sight pleased her to no end. She kept on painting her man... except he was not hers. She gently collapsed besides him, panting, sated, drained... but not happy. Her smile had also already dimmed. Gerald was caressing her breasts and she found the willpower to gently hold his hand. He did not oppose her. It was understood between them: their time together was up. And Dana heard an inside voice lament in despair within her broken heart.

They silently got out of bed, stumbled to the shower and washed themselves. This time it was courteous and polite. After drying themselves, she took him by the hand, picked up her cigarettes and led him with her to the balcony, both of them in bathrobes.

She lit up. Gerald stayed close to her, mute. Both seemed oblivious to the cold.

"Gerry, we have to talk."

"I agree."

Dana drew heavily on her cigarette, searching for the right words.

"I hope you had the experience you were looking for. I also hope you had a good time. For my part, I had an absolutely great time. I am convinced you will make someone happy forever, Gerry. But it cannot be me."

"Even if I want it to be?"

"You are not listening to me..."

"But I am, Dana. I hear you loud and clear and you are absolutely right. You gave me the short-term couple I wished for and it was glorious. Now that it's over, I don't how it feels for you and I refuse to guess. But, for me, it feels pretty much like a breakup... and I deserve it."

That last admission startled her. "Why on Earth would you think that?"

"Remember what I told you about results and consequences? The difference between them is that results are what we expect and consequences are what we get. You have been nothing but amazing and true to our... agreement. And you had the common sense and judgment to warn me all along. I... well, I expected some self-discovery without unduly hurting anyone... I have now affirmation of what I want. That I would hurt myself in the process serves me just right."

"Come on, Gerry..."

"No, No, let me beat myself up. You deserve nothing less from me than a permanent extension of our No-bullshit clause. I guess you will go on with your life and your studies, and I wish you all the best. I will live the rest of my life with the question of how it might have been if I had met you differently, and not as a client. You know, there is nothing deterministic or even ethical about the heart... it wants what it wants and that's why it sometimes drives people to feats or excesses. I did not want to fall for you. You did not want me to fall for you. But I have. And it's my loss."

"Stop this Gerry, please. For one thing, maybe you feel nothing more than an excited crush after some very amazing sex. And even if it is as strong as you feel, you HAVE to get over it. Gerry, my heart cannot belong to anyone right now, nor do I want it to. Even if we had met under other circumstances and you had wooed me - and I can tell you're a super-great guy - we would still be in this cul-de-sac. For what it's worth, Gerry, the loss is mutual, not just yours."

Dana spoke with tenderness. Gerry felt she really wanted to let him fall softly. But he also saw her rub her eyes and wince in discomfort. "Are you OK, Dana? Can I get you anything?" She pursed her lips and pondered her choice of answer.

(Well, he did ask for no bullshit... and maybe it will help him deal with this.)

"Nothing serious, Gerry. I often get headaches after I take Viagra. I'll just go get my Advils and I'll be fine."

"Viagra?"

"Yes, Gerry. For me, it works. On the big jobs, it cuts my down time. But I get headaches, flushed skin and pretty much all that is written on the warning label... except the four-hour-long erections, obviously." She smiled sardonically and sneered.

Gerald had an embarrassed look. "Oh... huh... did you take anything else?"

"As a matter of fact, sometimes I also use Ecstasy... but tonight I had so much fun that I was already in the mood on my own. No bullshit, Gerry... I mean that."

Gerald sighed. "I understand. Let me get some of my Tylenol for you, then."

Dana was puzzled. "I told you I..."

"Use an anti-inflammatory pain reliever, on top of a vasodilator and smoking... yes, I heard. Look, I know it's not a hazardous combination like Viagra and Nitro, but I fear your heart rate will still be all over the place. I know Tylenol is not nearly as potent, but it's much safer for you right now, so humor me, OK?"

(He really cares... you poor blind fool, my heart rate has nothing to do with drugs right now!)

"Well well well, are you a probate lawyer or a doctor, Gerry?"

"Former live-in caretaker, remember? I have gotten pretty much the whole gamut of First Aid training available to non-professionals in Health Care." The banter was back in his voice and Gerald was now calmer. He returned to the room to get his offered assistance and she followed him in.

After she took his pain reliever and while she was dressing, Dana noticed that Gerald eyed her in despair. He obviously did not want her to go. However, Dana found it in her to end this, rather than hustle some more money out of him, which he obviously would have agreed to.

"Thank you for everything, Gerry. I had a lovely time. You know, all good things must come to an end. And this was a VERY good thing. Have a good life, Gerry. And you can obviously call on my services again if you want to... or need to." She kissed him softly on the cheek and opened the door.

"Wait... take this... it's my card. Please call me if you need more Tylenol or anything else, all right?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea..."

"So it's in line with all I've done this evening. Call it a token of unrequited friendship if you must, but you cannot refuse me this. Please."

She flinched... and took the card. She made the point of carefully inserting it in her pocket-book in front of him. "Goodbye, Gerry."

"Goodbye Dana, have a happy life." Gerald watched her, in mournful silence, walk away towards the elevators. When she was out of sight, he entered the room and slouched on the bed. He replayed the evening's events in his mind. Twice. Then he rose, got dressed, cleaned up the room and checked out, indifferent to the late hour.

2. The lecture

It was a cold, snowy January day in Buffalo but Gerald Anderson was carefree. Sure, winter means shivers, slush, boots, heavy coats and a hiatus in his beloved rowing activities, but to Gerald winter also means lecturing, a sideline to his work that he would never do without. Plus, today he seemed in luck. On this day, the first day of the trimester, he was pleasantly surprised to find no last minute venue change, no scheduling error, and no problem of any kind with the student list or any other of the typical first-day irritations that he usually puts up with. He was walking leisurely to his classroom, with plenty of time to spare.

(Imagine that... a glitch-free trimester so far...)

Little did he know, while entering the classroom, that he was walking into the biggest glitch of his life!

She was there. In the classroom, sitting in the first row. From that moment, Gerald greeted the students already present and proceeded to his desk on autopilot. His mind was in a complete frenzy.

(Dana! No, not Dana, you idiot! She's here! Shit, shit, shit shit, shit... SHIT!)

While sorting his documents and readying his computer slideshow, he discreetly checked himself out. His shirt was tucked in correctly; his sweater was lint-free; his pants were recently ironed and spotless; his shoes were polished clean. Good.

Now he dared discreet glances toward her while appraising his class. Just as his current casual look had nothing to do with the one of their first and only date, the object of his affection could hardly look more different: she wore a rainbow colored t-shirt with a gaudy label saying "FLUSH BATHROOM BILLS", her short hair was gelled and slightly spiked, her jeans were loose-fitting and well-worn, her glasses were of minimal frame and her makeup seemed non-existent; she looked so young and rambunctious, Gerald was almost expecting her to chew gum and sport a backward baseball cap! And yet, he was self-conscious and careful not to ogle, so beautiful he still found her.

For once, he was literally saved by the bell. He focused on the task at hand, a little more nervous than usual owing to his audience.

"Good morning, class, and welcome to the winter 2016 edition of PHI 314 Contemporary Ethics. My name is Gerald Anderson and you can call me Gerry. Before we begin with the syllabus, the agreement on grading and our first academic discussion, let me briefly introduce myself. I am 28 years old, single and when I don't lecture or grade papers here, I have my own practice as a probate lawyer. In fact, this is why you will find my business card on the desk and I encourage you to take one... not to advertise my services for your will, obviously, but to better reach me, as I am seldom on campus. This winter trimester will mark my third time teaching this course and I find it, as always, a privilege."

"Now, right off the bat, I will say that my personal objective for this course, the one above and beyond those of the syllabus, is for you to become better moral thinkers. It sounds lofty, probably a little pretentious, but it is what it is. Today's society has a multitude of ethical conundrums and challenges in just about every aspect of living - work, business, health, love and what not - and the combination of two hundred years of guaranteed freedom of thought and conscience, coupled with the separation of Church and State, has given you the opportunity to choose freely your own moral compass; sadly, I believe that few put a lot of thought into this."

"As you have probably surmised, I have no PhDs in philosophy and I do not publish on this subject, so I will NEVER EVER consider my lectures as axioms or absolutes. You will be welcome to disagree with me. As long as your ethical position is coherent, that is fine by me and, in fact, will make me happy. I am here to teach, not to preach."

"Another thing in this preamble of mine: you will notice that most of the required readings are current publications or novels. If you expected comparative remarks between the ethical musings of Kant, Mills, Hume, Socrates, Rousseau, Epicure, Rawls and other superstars of the discipline, I urge you to transfer to the History of Ethics class - I know for a fact that professor Lowenberg is absolutely superb and you will not be disappointed. Likewise, if you expect our ethical discussions to spill into policy-making, I'm sure there are excellent classes in political science to that end."

While addressing that last remark, Gerald was looking directly at his Dana's t-shirt. She got the hint and replied "... got it!"

"Very well... miss?"

"Winters, Paula." He glanced quickly: the name was in his student roster. That made him giddy.

(So she isn't just here to drop by and say hello!)

"Excellent, Miss Winters. Now, lastly, to all of you I pledge to make a serious effort to remember you by name before the end of our time together... unfortunately, I will most likely succeed only shortly before the end."

"Okayyy! You probably all know already that ethics is the field of philosophy dealing with morality. Now, it is generally recognized that there are two main approaches to the discipline, one being meta-ethics and the other normative ethics. In this course, we will spend almost exclusively our time on the latter and... yes, Mister?" A student had chuckled and raised his hand.

"Butler. Why are we even still working on meta-ethics today? Is it still even relevant?"

(As usual, a PHI major who thumps his chest...)

"I cannot say how much of an effort is still spent on the field but to call it irrelevant is a rash statement, Mister Butler. For those of you who take this course as an outside elective, I will just state that meta-ethics deal with the very definition of good. Now, Mister Butler, even though we are all a well-educated bunch in the 21st Century, can you tell me what good is without resorting to a tautology?"

"I could try, but my point is precisely that it is beside the point. I don't have to be able to articulate what good is, I have the innate knowledge of what it is!"

"Wow! I am impressed, Mister Butler... although your answer was given for all the wrong reasons, I thank you for speaking your mind openly and, in fact, stumbling into a very valid argument. You, sir, have actually quoted almost word for word a Canadian Supreme Justice. The only difference being that Judge Sopinka was tasked with defining decency at the time. Now, Rousseau postulated that we are born good, not that we know what it is... so where would your innate knowledge of good come from? Nature or culture? Do we all have this knowledge? Is it identical to all? Should it be? To these questions, I have no established answer. But I hope, Mr. Butler, that we can at least agree that the people who choose to research these fields of thought are not irrelevant, especially in our current world of religious zealotry and realpolitics. Now, don't worry people, these few abstract moments were probably the last we will devote ourselves to this topic."

"Now, to introduce our own future course material on normative ethics, I would require a volunteer that is here as an outside elective and currently studying a professional field." Three persons raised their hands. Gerald pointed at a young lady near the back row. "Miss?"

"Devers, Allison. Engineering."

"Fantastic! And I thank you for being here. Miss Devers, suppose that, in a couple of years, you are tasked to inspect a bridge for a Government Agency. You realize that the structure is gravely flawed, probably a safety hazard. Now you know that the procurement process for repairs, the environmental assessments and all that sort of thing, will take time. So you decide to warn people - let's say for argument's sake that you accept a news media interview and flat out admit that the bridge is dangerous. If you behaved just like my outlandish scenario, what would likely happen to you?"

The student was startled and, after a thought, replied. "I would probably lose my job... at the very least be cited in front of the Board of Engineers."

"Why? You have just performed a great public service!"

"Well... they did teach us in deontology that we're supposed to keep the confidentiality of our client. But we are also required to promote safety and denounce malpractice, so maybe I would be OK?"

"A superb answer! Wow! I seem to be blessed with a gifted cohort this year! Miss Devers has just stated the fundamental distinction between deontology and an ethical dilemma. Deontology - which means the science of duty - only deals with the act in itself. However, when working with normative ethics, which also have the goal of defining how one should act or react, one MUST always take into account the circumstances, the stakes, the act and the outcome. Thank you, Miss Devers, and I can tell you, before we go on, that if your Board of Engineers behaves like the Bar Association, your appraisal is correct: you would be reprimanded and fined, maybe even suspended. It is a sad fact of modern life that ethical behavior sometimes exacts a price."

"All right then, let's return to our syllabus..." and the three hours seemed to whiz by. As they always do when Gerald gets into his teaching mindset. No amount of stress, illness or exertion ever dampened his enthusiasm for teaching, even this odd course which he accepted after his own probate law lectures were cancelled for lack of student enrollment.

The class, while leaving at the end of the period, seemed enthusiastic about the upcoming trimester, and so was Gerald. He also noticed that Dana... no, Paula... was taking her sweet time in packing her belongings.

(Please stay behind! Pretty please!)

He got his wish. They were both alone in the classroom and Paula noticed he was excited about it. "Hi Gerry."

"Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you, Paula. And to have you here, of course. How have you been?" Once more, he offered his hand. This time, she shook it firmly.

"I have been good... actually, I should say I'm doing better. The Holidays are always a little hard on me so I'm truly happy to be back in class. And you?"

"Also doing better. The Holidays, alone at home and with extra-bereaved clients at work, have always been the low point of my recent years. But teaching always perks me up and having you in my class is a splendid boon. What made you choose my course?"

"The teacher, of course! Do you know that you are one of the best reviewed guest lecturer on campus?"

"Baaah! That's because the workload is not too heavy and the average grade is high."

"All the more reason to take the course, then... I must say, though, that when we last met I never got around to ask why you ended up with this lecture. The Powers that be had nothing for you at law school?"

"Indeed. Probate law has not much sex appeal to students, I'm afraid... regardless of current legal and demographic trends. And I was told, when they gave me a shot at this lecture, that I was following two teacher changes in two straight years. One was deemed too rhetorical, the other too legal. I guess I'm lucky I found the right tone with the students."

"Right tone, huh? Are you oblivious to the swooning looks of the female and gay male class population? You, sir, are one seriously hunky teacher. That poor Miss Devers will be dreaming about tunnels of love, not bridges, tonight!" There was that mischievous look again. Whatever her mood, Gerald found her company intoxicating. He would have to be careful.

"Swooning... really? Then I suppose I am unaware... but I am not oblivious. Regardless of my feelings for any student, equity must be my only goal and caution my only attitude. Even though I teach adults, a simple misunderstanding can still ruin my teaching career, and ultimately even affect my legal standing." Both had sorrowful looks while he stated this, as if silently understanding the implication for both of them and agreeing to it.

"Then I should not linger and make a bad impression. I'm happy to see you again Gerry. And don't worry about me... I will never be the subject of a... misunderstanding."

"Thank you for making it clear but, in truth, that thought had not crossed my mind in the least. I trust you, Paula." But, just then, Gerald reacted to outside noises and checked his watch. "We should leave; the next class is soon due. See you next week?"

"Oh, you'll see me all right, Gerry."

---

(Hang in there, Gerry, only two more papers to go!)

Gerald walked to the bathroom hall, washed his hands and rinsed his eyes, then returned to his small office. He was reminding himself, as he frequently does, that the teaching he does for free, the salary is for the grading of papers. He chided himself for complaining while it was still early in the trimester and started reading and commenting the second last paper, an essay on the ethics of patriotism and freedom of expression. It was a good thing the other lecturer who shared this office had gone home, as the papers sprawled all over the desk area. Well, it was late... but Gerald, whenever he could, always tried to grade homework in a single sitting.

He was already focused on his task, so Gerald was startled to hear a knock on the door. He raised his head and was delighted to see Paula, waiting to be welcomed in... with the same deference than the vampires of legend.