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Click hereI watched as the sun's zenith approached, watched as my mother closed the distance between her and the sentinel monolith. Waiting until she closed her eyes and raised her head to intone the last words of the last FaqWadi. I could sense she felt me closing the distance but she didn't move. Without the powers of her sisters to join with hers, she would never be able to invoke their abilities to shift in time nor space. While GP20 had the honor of dispatching the first two FaqWadi, I will glory, privately, in slipping the GP20's sharp blade through both hearts of the last FaqWadi.
By the stream, I dug her shallow grave.
Then I returned to dig another shallow grave by the headwaters of the stream for the last Blade Sage. As he turned to rest after seeding me, I had pierced his heart with his own blade. My son would live to rule the great valley between the great mountains - rule in peace without the stain of blood on his hands.
Among the blue skin clans there is an old saying, 'Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.' Only three persons I know have the secret knowledge of the monolith's powers to keep the world free of viruses and other diseases. Only three people I know have recall of the powers and existence of the FaqWadi. And now, two of them are dead.
And I can keep a secret.
****
I'm not sure if I got all of all the translation correct since thousands of years have weathered the sentinel monolith, but the last line seems to say something like this, however the last words are too weathered to decode.
"Be it known by all who read this stone, my son watches over you. And you know what happens when more than one person knows this story ...
-30-
Thanks for reading my first alien submission. Please, help me to judge my work by rating it and drop me a note about how it resonates with you... if you are still able.
- COMMENTS
dmallord5 months agoAuthorAh! Glad you figured it out after re-reading that portion. I will include your suggestion in a title reference as you recommended. Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate your insight.
abiostudent35 months agoOh no, I completely understood the story, dsmallord.
I was saying that I had an expectation and so was initially confused, and had to go back and re-read it before I figured out what was going on.
I was just giving some constructive criticism, since I'm sure I'm not the only reader who was jarred out of the story and had go back.
dmallord5 months agoAuthorabiostudent 3 clarification - Raven, as indicated in the story, found out from the Blade Sage that the last FaqWadi was a woman. Raven put two and two together, noting that the her supposedly 'mother' would stand against the monolith at high noon to hear the pulse it gave out and whisper some sort of chant. Raven, knew 'that women' was the last FaqWadi because only she could hear the pulse and therefore could not be her real mother. So, she concluded the FaqWadi had to have killed her real mother and taken her place during the last 200 cycles (years). Consequently, Raven sought revenge against her - not her yet to be born son.
abiostudent35 months agoThis was pretty interesting, actually!
My biggest critique was that I got confused by the, "Seeking Out the Last FaqWadi" section.
I assumed that it was from the POV of the son that Raven was about to have, so when he went to kill his mother I was *super* confused.
Perhaps just a line in italics under the title, saying 'Raven's POV' could have fixed that.
