Rich Man, Poor Man

The three months of establishing new clients and intense work hadn't made me forget about the past but it did help me learn to live with it. I had no plans of becoming a hermit but I wasn't ready to do the social scene; at least not yet. During the days and sometimes into the nights my work and my success were like an emotional amnesia that helped me get through another day. I was healing, it wasn't complete yet but I was healing.

It was a Tuesday morning and I was running a little late getting into work. Gary met me as I walked in the front door and said, "Not interested huh? You're a sly one, hiding that one from us."

I looked at him like he was nuts. "What the hell are you talking about? Who have I been hiding?"

Jake continued, "Your lady friend. She came in looking for you and when I offered to help her she said it was personal. She's waiting in your office and she's too hot to keep waiting, you better get in there."

What or who were they talking about? Maybe I should go find out who they stashed at my workstation, I thought. Entering my office I saw a woman sitting in front of my desk with her back to the door. She turned around and I was totally surprised, maybe shocked is a better description; it was someone I never thought I would see again. REBECCA.

I had heard about and even experienced conflicting emotions, but nothing like the ones I had now. She looks good, no dark circles under her eyes, she's gained back the weight she lost, and she doesn't have that haunted look, and it's nice to see her, were my first thoughts and emotions. Then the memories of the last year plus swept through my mind; the anger, disappointment, and sadness were the next set of emotions to sweep over me. The next thoughts were: Why is she here, what does she want, and why can't she just leave me alone?

"Hello Jamie," she was the first to speak. "It's good to see you."

It must have been ten seconds, a long time to wait for a response, before I mentally and maybe physically shook myself enough to answer Rebecca's greeting.

"Hello Rebecca, what are you doing here?" No pleasant opening conversation, only let's get right to it, was my thought.

"Rebecca? What happened to Becky?" She said with a sad little smile.

"That was a different time and a different person. I don't think that woman still exists," I replied.

"Too bad, I always liked you calling me Becky," she said, again giving a sad smile.

"How did you find me?"

She chuckled and said, "You forget who my father is. I told him that I wanted, no needed, to find you but didn't know where you were or how to contact you. Well you know Jason Colman, daddy's little girl wanted something and he got it for her. He hired a very good detective firm to find you, Pinkerton's I think it was, and here I am.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated.

"I wanted to see you, to talk to you. I thought we might have dinner or something," Rebecca said hopefully.

It wasn't dinner that I wanted as I looked at Rebecca; I wanted to hold her and feel her next to me and erase the last year. "I don't think that's a good idea, Rebecca," I said.

"How about lunch then? At least old friends could have lunch together."

"Old friends? I don't think old friends really describes us," I told her, for the first time letting a little of my anger show.

Jake stuck his head into the office and said, "Gary and I are going over to Stanton's to check on that new system we installed. I put the phones on call forwarding to my cell and we'll lock the front door. See you later." Then he was gone before I could comment or object.

"Please, give me 30 minutes of your time. I really do need and want to talk to you. Please Jamie," she pleaded with me.

I knew I would have to talk to her, if only out of curiosity if nothing else but I didn't want to do it in my office. My office was a heaven and if we talked here, her memory would break down the door to my safe place.

"I'll meet you at Tooley's Bar & Grill at 5, it's across the street," I told her.

"Thanks Jamie, see you at 5," she agreed. I had to walk her to the door because the guys had locked us in. As I held the door for her, she quickly leaned over and kissed my cheek. She gave me a timid smile and left.

So much for getting Rebecca off my mind, I thought as I closed the door behind her. For the next hour or more I tried to get back to work, but Rebecca's sudden appearance had broken through the defensive barrier I had erected around the memories of her and our life. I accomplished nothing but staring a hole in the wall opposite my desk.

Close to three hours after they left, Jake and Gary returned. I heard the door and went to meet them; it was sort of funny watching them almost tip toeing trying to be quiet and looking around corners to see what was going on.

"It's okay guys, she's gone," I laughed at their antics.

"God I'm sorry Jamie," Jake apologized. "I didn't realize that was your ex until it was too late. We would have never let her in if we had known."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Maybe this confrontation had to happen to put a period to that part of my life; anyway we're meeting tonight at Tooley's and that will be the end of it."

"What did she want? Oh sorry, that's none of my business," Jake said.

"Don't know, she said she wanted to talk to me. Guess I'll find out tonight what she wants."

"Does this mean we're going to lose our star?" Gary was concerned that I would decide to leave. "Are you going to move back to Missouri?"

"Not a chance, you guys are stuck with me; at least until you don't renew our contract," I reassured them.

Jake and Gary both sort of punch or patted me on the shoulder, mainly to show their support. I went back into my office and after another hour gave up trying to work as wasted time; I couldn't get my head around the job.

"It's good for you guys that I work on commission instead of salary because I'm sure not earning my money today," I told Jake and Gary. "I'm going for a ride on the Harley and try to clear my head; see you tomorrow."

I rode north along the coast on Highway 101 for several miles and then turned inland to Lake Elsinore. On a high point overlooking the lake, I mulled over what Rebecca wanted. Finally I was able to put it out of my mind and enjoy the scenery. Time to get back I thought; it was close to a hundred miles back to my trailer to get a shower and change out of my riding clothes to meet Rebecca.

Finishing my clean up, I went back to the office to see if there were any messages. I almost expected some from the clients whose jobs I was supposed to be working on. Luckily they didn't realize that I had played "hooky" that day. I sat around the office until I couldn't take it anymore and walked across the street to Tooley's. It was 4:40 so I was early but Rebecca was already there waiting on me.

She was sitting in a booth in the back and motioned me over when she saw me come in. I waved at Tommy, the bartender, as I walked past the bar; I was a regular and he knew what I like to drink. Nodding at Rebecca I sat down across from her and the waitress delivered my three fingers of Gentleman Jack. Rebecca had a small glass of wine but shook her head when I pointed at it to see if she wanted another glass.

"I limit myself to one glass of wine per outing," she said. Then she asked the waitress for ice tea. "Thanks for meeting me Jamie. It's important to me."

"Okay you're welcome, now what do you want?" I wasn't going to cut her any slack.

"You never contacted a lawyer to begin divorce proceeds, why not?" She went right to the heart. "When I realized that you were really gone I expected to be served."

"I never said I was going to divorce you; I said I would leave." I knew this wasn't what she was getting at but I wasn't going to tell her the truth.

"Please Jami, why didn't you divorce me? You had the grounds and it wasn't about money, in spite of me saying those horrible things to you. Why didn't you "kick me to the curb" as they say?"

"I guess I didn't see the need; I wasn't planning on getting involved in a serious relationship or getting married again so there was no point in going through all the legal bullshit," I answered. I didn't want to tell her that I still loved her and couldn't think about someone to take her place.

"Jamie, I asked you for 30 minutes but I may need more time to tell you everything I need and want to tell you. Can I have more time?"

I stared at her for a few seconds before answering, "I don't think it's a good idea Rebecca, it won't solve anything or make anything go away. Let's finish our drinks and leave."

Rebecca looked a little grim and said, "I haven't even scratched the surface here. When you worked at JCOL you made deals every day. You negotiated prices on IT hardware and worked out deals with suppliers to the company's advantage, right?"

I nodded without answering; I didn't have a clue as to where she was going with this.

"I'll make you a deal, Mr. Wheeler Dealer. Let's take that beautiful Harley of your for a ride to someplace quiet where we can talk. Give me the time I need to say what I have to say; even if it takes a couple of hours. Do that and I'll leave, never bother you again, and sign off on any divorce terms you want." Rebecca looked at me hopefully.

As I thought about her proposal, I took a closer look at Rebecca; this wasn't the same woman that I'd most recently known. She was more in control, calmer, and more mature; not in age but in her actions and the way she carried herself. I had to admit to myself that I was curious about she had to say.

"I'll make you a counter offer, let's go back to the office and talk there. Jake and Gary have gone for the day and won't be back; their wives won't let them come back to work once they get home. And we can get some decent coffee. Will that do?"

Rebecca nodded and we walked over to the office, leaving her car in Tooley's parking lot. I unlocked the door and motioned her in, then we went into our small conference room; it had the most comfortable chairs.

"Okay, you got your deal. What did you come all the way from Missouri to tell me in person that you couldn't have done on the phone?

Rebecca looked at me for a couple of seconds, sighed, and started to talk; saying she had to talk to me in person, that she thought I deserved that much. Continuing she said it took her two weeks to realize that I was really gone; she thought I was bluffing and would come back in a few days. It took her another week to decide that maybe she did need help and then it took another week to get an appointment with a therapist.

"You went to see a therapist?" I asked surprised at the revelation and a little angry. "Why didn't you do see one before I left?"

"It wouldn't have worked; I wouldn't have let a therapist help, just to spite you. To get the help I needed I had to be the one to asked for it; not because you forced me to. Please let me say my piece, and then I'll answer any questions you have. After all I'm on the clock here," Rebecca replied with a smile.

She continued, telling me that she had learned a lot about herself in the sessions with the psychologist; three sessions a week for three months. Her wild life in college and afterwards was a rebellion against her father because he had thrown her mother out and Rebecca never saw her again. She reminded me of the sexual assault she experienced in Europe and the resulting STDs she got.

For the first time Rebecca begin to cry. I got a box of tissues for her and waited for her to continue.

"I know you remember the motorcycle accident and you always said the accident was behind whatever was bothering me. Well, you were partially right. I received the results of my fertility test that day and my shock and shame led me to ride too fast and carelessly; I missed a curve and almost killed myself." Rebecca stopped to wipe her nose.

"From your reaction, I would guess that the test showed you couldn't have babies. But that's no reason go crazy," I replied.

"The test did show that I was infertile, but what made me go nuts and ride so fast was the reason behind my infertility. I couldn't give you children because the STDs had made me sterile. I couldn't have babies because I had run around screwing every guy I wanted. It wasn't really those three men's fault; I had been teasing all three of them that night; I got just what I deserved."

"Bullshit, no one deserves to be treated the way you were," I almost yelled. It made me furious at those three Italian assholes that had raped her.

"The sad part is that it wasn't the first time it happened. Remember how we met? You saved me from those three guys that attacked me. The reason they got rough is I had been teasing them too and they decided to take what I had been flaunting at them all evening. But they didn't count on my "White Knight", did they?

I had to smile at the nickname she gave me back then and at the memory of our time together. Coming back to the present I said, "Why did you let that test bother you so much? I would have still loved you, children or not."

"Yes you would have because of the type of man you are. I knew you would be disappointed but would still love me. But I felt guilty because of the reason for my infertility. I lost you once in college because of my screwing around and after finding you again, I couldn't give you the family that you wanted because of my screwing around."

Now the water works really came. I had to wait it out until she was able to continue talking.

"I didn't know it then but the therapist has helped me to find the reasons for my actions after that accident. It seems that I felt guilty about not giving you kids but then I got mad at you for making me feel guilty. I would act crazy, like that night at Jackson's, and would feel guilty some more and then be mad at you again. It was a vicious circle that I couldn't break." Rebecca stopped to use the bathroom and I made coffee while she was gone.

We just sat thinking our own thoughts until the coffee was ready. Emotions had been running very high for both of us and we needed a short break. Once we had cups of coffee Rebecca went on.

"I know it sound like psycho babble but I believe that's what happened. Once the psychologist helped me dig that out, I began to feel better, more in control, and calmer," she finished; or so I thought.

"Do you know there two things I've lost that meant the most to me?"

"Don't have any idea. What two things are you talking about?" I was stumped.

"I lost a good man that loved me enough to put up with my bullshit for over a year and didn't leave until I forced him too; that's the more important of the two. But I lost something else that I loved too; I lost my motorcycle." Rebecca sat for a minute quietly drinking her coffee. "Well I guess my times up; I've said everything I flew out here to say."

Thinking about all that Rebecca had told me I was gratified that I had known something was eating at her but I was terribly sad at what it had cost me; what it had cost us.

"We can get you a new bike, Becky," I told her.

Rebecca looked at me, gave me the biggest smile I'd ever seen, and jumped onto my lap. For the next few minutes we just held each other and cried. Well she cried but I must have gotten something in my eye. After several minutes she got up and grabbed her bag that had been sitting on the desk.

She pulled out a large envelope and handed it to me. "I promised myself that if a miracle happened and we got back together that I would give you this. Go ahead open it," she prodded me.

I opened the envelope and poured the contents onto the desk; it was a bunch of paper that had been put through a shredder. "What's this?"

"That's the prenups we signed before we got married. I didn't want them then and don't now. And don't worry about Daddy; he loaned me the shredder in his office."

"C'mon on I want to show you my bachelor pad. You'll have to put a woman's touch on it."

*******************

We decided to stay in San Diego; I liked my new job and loved my new roommate. The company is now called Simpson, Adams, & O'Connor Consulting, I finally accepted the partnership. I didn't lose any money with the change because our company had grown; we've had to hire three more consultants, all on the commission plan.

There was another addition to the firm, we hired an office manager to run the business side; it's good to see Rebecca take on that job and do well. Jake and Gary say that she is a real asset and much prettier to look at than me.

Rebecca and I bought a three bedroom townhouse on Clairemont Mesa Blvd, it doesn't have a view of the ocean but there are a lot of good hiking trails around and through the development. We kept renting the trailer for two years as a weekend getaway; recently we let it go and bought a small cottage on Lake Elsinore.

I recently bought Rebecca a new Harley and we take long rides along the coast and into the mountains. She rides it to work sometimes, when she doesn't ride behind me. So far I haven't let her do the driving but maybe someday.

Rebecca, after asking my advice, left all her money in her father's care. We have everything we need and most of what we want and haven't needed it. Someday when Jason retires maybe we'll have to take control of the money but for now let him worry about it.

We've gotten involved in some charities that help children. Making some kid's life a little better returns much more than we give. The smiles, joy, and happiness of the children touches our hearts and helps overcome our disappointment of not having kids of our own.

Rebecca and I are rich where it matters; we have each other.

We've finally gotten where we always meant to be ...and life goes on.