Right Sizing

Again, looking back, if I would have seen or would have known just how profound of an effect that his job was having on him, or how my indifference to his emotional well-being was hurting him, maybe all of this would have been different. But no, I was lost in my own world. It sure didn't help when Rick became 'Rick the Dick'. His body was a work of art. He probably went back in time, so that Michelangelo could use his body as a model for the statue of David with one minor exception. Rick's dick was much bigger than the statue of David, and my husband for that matter.

Sure, Rick probably took advantage of my vulnerability with my husband being gone, but I let myself be taken. Rick's body is nothing short of a school girl's fantasy. The fact that he wanted to be with me only heightened the experience. And it wasn't a one night stand. Rick kept after me whether it was in the ladies' locker room at the gym, the men's locker room at the gym, or at my house when the kids were gone. He had a sex drive that drove me crazy. Just thinking about the size of his cock always got me wet and in the mood. There were times when we couldn't even make it to my house, and we'd pull over somewhere and do it. I felt alive again. I felt young, wild and free. It was something that I hadn't felt since being married to Steve.

Well, his buddy, Ed, must have known about our tryst and acted like a little child. Rick encouraged me to be nicer to his friend. Well, being nicer exposed me to Ed's girth. Whereas Rick really knew how to use his length and size to take me to new heights, Ed simply filled me up like no other. I was always walking gingerly after having sex with Ed. He simply didn't know his own strength. They each had their own good points when having sex. But, since I'm looking back, neither one of them wanted to cuddle afterwards. If I could, I'd go back in time and slap my stupid ass into the middle of next week.

"You should come see the flowers that got Sam got!" exclaimed one of my co-workers.

It's kind of funny, really. During the entire time that I've been married to Steve, he always wanted me to get a job so that I could provide some supplemental income. He whined about his job, and wanting to do something else but that it would be a cut in pay. I was such a bitch when I told him to 'Cowboy Up' and stop whining about his job. But now that we're divorced, I'm working forty hours as a clerk in a billing office. Instead of telling him to stop whining, I should have told him to take out his frustrations in the gym. It's one of the few things that I find helps me relax after a long week at work.

"From her mysterious lover?" questioned another in a teasing tone.

I hated Sam. Not because of anything she did, but because she was ten years younger and a tight little body. What's worse was that you know that she's the type of girl that knows she's attractive, but doesn't flaunt it. And by not flaunting it, she's simply waving it in your face that she's gorgeous while you're getting older. I'm sure she laughs maniacally knowing that I have to work twice as hard to keep what I have. When she gets those heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate, she shares her goodies with all of her co-workers. I'm on to her. I notice that she doesn't eat a single piece. She makes all the women around her fatter, so she can look that much better. Stupid ass bitch.

I couldn't help but try to get in a dig, "Yea, how come we haven't seen this alleged Romeo? We only see you in those pictures." I'm sure that everyone in the room could hear my envy, especially with that bouquet of roses in a crystal vase sitting on her desk.

Every weekend, Sam and her boyfriend always seem to be going someplace or doing something exciting. She has pictures of her kayaking down the Cumberland, or standing underneath a water fall at Burgess Falls state park. If they're not doing the nature thing, she's attending a concert at the Grand Ole Opry or hanging out on the Lower Broad, listening to live music.

"Oh guys," Sam retorts playfully, so carefully dismissing my assault. "He just doesn't like being in front of the camera. He's self-conscious about his looks. I don't know why. I mean, ok, yea. He's bald, but he's bald by choice."

I couldn't help but let out a cynical burst of laughter at that. But she just continued, "Combine that with his goatee and his fit body." She fans herself with a blush.

"Long stem roses! Again?" cried Helen, coming to the 'party' late as usual. That woman gushed over any sweet gesture. She reminded me of Edith from "All in the Family". Even the high pitched shrill in her voice mimicked Jane Stapleton's voice so well.

Sam the smug nose bitch nodded her head as she reads from the little card that accompanied the bouquet of roses, "He said that he has something special planned for me tonight, and he's inviting all of you to come along if you wish. He's rented out the third floor of the Merchants Restaurant on Lower Broad. All of you are welcome to bring a date, and that dinner will be provided."

I couldn't help myself and retorted, "So we finally get to meet this mystery man of yours?"

"Yes and just know that he's all mine," Sam responded in a possessive manner.

"Not unless one of us steals him away," said a voice from the back. I'm not sure who it was, maybe Keri or Beth. They drop their panties faster than the French drop their rifles.

I haven't had a fine dinner since the divorce. I wasn't about to miss this opportunity. Normally, Steve and I would go down to the Watermark Restaurant. He always reminded me to save room for dessert because he knew how much I loved Tennessee Strawberry Jam Cake. Rick would have chastised me for indulging in the buttermilk icing because of it being fattening. Not to mention, Rick couldn't afford dinner at the Watermark. Finally, I'll get the chance to show the big oaf what a real dinner is like. So I called him once I got back to my desk.

"Rick, one of the girls is having some kind of party at the Merchant tonight. Her boyfriend rented out the third floor, and dinner is going to be provided. Do you think you want to take me?" I'm pretty sure that he heard that this truly wasn't a question.

"Oh. Sorry, babe. I pulled my quad today. I was gonna kick back and ice it down. Why don't you come over and give me a massage? I'm sure that will help me recover."

God, that's all he ever thinks about. A nice date is going to the gym, and then heading home for another workout under the covers. If I'm lucky, we might go to the Longhorn Steakhouse so I can watch him devour a slab of beef in less than fifteen minutes.

"C'mon, Rick. We don't have to stay long. You can meet some of my friends, and we can finally have a fine dinner, with utensils and everything! Please? Can't you do this for me just this once?"

"Why don't you ask your son to go with you? I'm sure Josh would love to meet some of your friends."

I'm sure that he was referring to Keri and Beth, as I'm always telling him how they're like whores in professional attire. However, I'm also sure that it was meant as an underhanded insult as well.

"You know damn well that my son is in jail for not paying child support. You're such a dick sometimes."

"And you know how much you love my cock, too!"

I slammed my phone in anger. His comments about my son really hurt. Josh was in jail for failing to keep up with his child support payments. Josh treated his women much the same way that Rick and Ed treated theirs. Fuck them until he got tired of them, and then toss them to the curb. The girls, though, often kicked back when they showed up on the doorstep, being pregnant with his child. Plus, the boy couldn't hold a job to save his life. And heaven forbid, put on a damned condom. These are traits that he learned from Rick and Ed.

I'd ask Emily to go with me, but we haven't spoken since the divorce was final. While she understood my point of view, she felt like Steve and I weren't trying to make amends. She certainly didn't like Rick or Ed. She felt uncomfortable around them and that they always seem to be undressing her with their eyes. That was probably Rick, as his 'little head' dictated what his 'big head' thought. Ed was just a big teddy bear, too stupid to have a lecherous bone in his body. He would be Rick's sidekick, and join in on whatever Rick was doing.

So, I intended to go to dinner alone. Who knows what the night might bring? The evening was certainly full of surprises.

As I was stepping off the elevator onto the third floor, I nearly ran into a man that I would best describe as a Marlboro Man. He was physically fit, but not a muscle bound jock like Rick or Ed. He had a rugged appearance. He was bald, but a close inspection would indicate that he was bald by choice. His goatee only enhanced his 'cowboy' look. At first glance, I knew that this had to be Sam's boyfriend. However, when I looked into his eyes, I knew who her personal Stone Cold Steve Austin was.

I have never felt so embarrassed and so belittled in all of my life. Not because of Steve's actions, but because of my own. Here was a very attractive 'Cowboy' who was once my husband and who I repeatedly told to 'Cowboy Up'. Well, he certainly did.

"Julie?"

The awkward moment was certainly not lost on either of us.

"Steve, you look good. Life has been treating you well?"

I was so nervous. I was trying to make small talk. Deep down inside, a part of me was holding onto hope that maybe it's just a coincidence that Steve is here. Maybe he's just a friend of a friend, or something along those lines. Maybe I can erase a mistake? People deserve a second chance in life, right?

He looked down to himself, and then back up with that smile of his. God, I wish I could kiss him again. His kisses were the best. He made you feel like you were the only girl in the world. I took his embrace for granted.

"Well, I guess you can say that things have turned around for me. I no longer work as a consultant. I'm now the CEO and president of a staffing agency here in town. I don't have to travel, so I have plenty of time to go hiking and just getting away to enjoy nature." He patted his belly, "Worked off that Dunlap tire. But look at you. You're looking as good as ever."

"Well, you know how I love to spend countless hours at the gym."

Even as I said the words, trying to make light of my habits, I wanted to take them back. The last thing I wanted him to recall was my 'time at the gym' and my time with Rick and Ed. I could beat myself over the head with a block of wood right now. Maybe I just imagined it, but I thought I saw him do a quick look around. I know he was looking to see if I was with someone. Still, Steve took it all in stride.

"So what brings you here? Date night?"

Steve laughed lightly and nodded his head. "You could say that." He patted the pocket of his sports coat, where I saw a small bulge. There was no doubt in my mind that the bulge was about the same size of a small black velvet box that contained an engagement ring. "I invited her friends and family to dinner, so they can be a part of the evening's festivities."

There was so much I wanted to say. There was so much that I wanted to take back, and try to win back the husband that I lost. However, the fight was over. The time to fight was two years ago when I told him that I wanted to get divorced. I couldn't tell you if my tears were tears of pity for myself, or tears of happiness for him. He deserved to find happiness after the way I left him. He must have assumed that my silence was his cue to continue.

"Julie, I had no idea you were going to be here. Please know that tonight is not meant to –"

I quickly interrupted him, "No, no. I know, Steve. I'm happy for you. Sam is a very lucky girl." My voice started to crack. I excused myself with a whisper and ran to the ladies room. As I tried to get a hold of myself, I could hear the soft music playing a bittersweet song originally done by Roxette, but covered by D.H.T.

"Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart, before... you tell him goodbye."