Riverboat Fun!

Dick blinked and his eyes became used to the sunlight after the darkness of the tree. He realised he was standing in the punt, facing a large crowd of smiling women. Unfortunately he was still naked. But there was one change. A blue "Best In Show" ribbon had been tied around his huge straining cock....

Among the crowd was the President of the local Women's Institute. She had been just as enthralled as anyone by all this naked slapstick. As the 'show' ended, and the nude gondoliers got a grip once again on their great big poles, she made a note. "Next visit from the circus in September. Women's Institute special show? Naked clowns??"

The journey did not last much longer, for the weir was near the bridge. So the crowd was then entertained with the spectacle of the two naked men wading into the water and mud and struggling to open it and drag the boat through.

This proved a difficult task. Bernard and Dick strained every sinew most gallantly with the gate. Sweat trickled down their spines and between their buttocks, and matted their pubic hair. Biceps bulged; testicles tightened and bottoms clenched. Slowly, slowly, the gate started to give. Then suddenly it sprang open.

How the crowd cheered and shouted and pointed! Not so much, however, because the gate had been opened. But because the two nude stooges, taken unawares by the sudden opening, had collapsed into the mud. Bernard and Dick therefore found themselves on all fours, and bottoms ahoy. They spat out the river mud; and checked the situation. Yet more painful blows to knees, funny bones, bollocks and cock.

One crumb of comfort for Bernard and Dick was that they were so bedaubed by mud that their nudity was now partially covered.

Also they recognised that the journey was nearly over. Bernard only had to carry Grace across the mud to the river bank, while Dick waded behind with her bag and parasol. Surely then their naked ordeal would be over? And they could get dressed? Realising that the fun was drawing to an end, the crowd of laughing women started to disperse.

But Grace was not finished yet. Shaking with silent laughter, she composed herself, and put on a stern expression. "Gentlemen, really! You are quite revoltingly dirty. I refuse to submit myself and my belongings to your filthy hands. You must clean yourselves up!" And, smiling at the crowd of women, Gaynor added: "A SHOWER!"

This suggestion had an electric effect. The general mood became even more festive and jolly (were that possible!). Broad grins, loud laughter and bonnets flung into the air. Several women hurried off to nearby houses to fetch the necessary equipment. There was a real feeling of holiday bustle in the air.

Indeed there were only two people present who did not share in the general excitement -- our two naked and flustered heroes.

Bernard and Dick looked most uneasily at the arrangements being made for them. Taking up their allotted position on a patch of grass under the bridge, the two luckless nudists feared the worst. And as they looked on, their hearts sank, their bollocks trembled, their buttocks clenched and the muddy hairs round their privates twitched apprehensively.

Above their heads a vast collection of washtubs and chamber pots was being assembled. Each receptacle was filled to the brim from the town pump, and placed carefully on the wall of the bridge.

Most alarmingly, one lady had just returned from the village ice factory. Her giggling friends helped her to chip off a generous lump to float in each pot and tub. Cries of "refreshing!", "delightful!", "so bracing!" and "what a treat!" floated down to the two nude 'beneficiaries'.

In fairness though, despite all the activity, the village ladies still took the time to be friendly to Bernard and Dick. Despite the muddy state of the two naked men, they were certainly not shunned. For example, Bernard and Dick received many a comforting slap on the bottom.

And one simple country lady kept saying to Bernard "pinch me, I'm dreaming!" (Not receiving a very positive response from the glum nudist, she illustrated her point by firmly pinching Bernard, on his cock.)

Dick too found himself well entertained. One lady tried to describe to him the new game of Real Tennis. Not having a racquet to hand, she grabbed Dick's penis in order to demonstrate the different types of grip. Luckily she was called away before getting on to the hitting of balls.

"Ready, gentlemen?" Gaynor enquired. (Patently they were not ready and never would be, so she hurried on.) "What could be nicer on a hot sticky day than a cool shower? Now ladies, at the count of three...."

"ONE!" (Bernard's cock shrivelled, while his balls dangled mournfully in their sack)

"TWO!" ("even having that duck stick its bill up my ass was better than this!" thought Dick)

"THREE!!!!"

And with that command, a mighty avalanche of freezing cold water fell on the two indignant naked gentlemen.

The women were delighted and fascinated by the effect which a waterfall has on the Male Nude. It was rather like seeing an angry tom cat. Both Bernard and Dick seemed to grow. They rose on the balls of their feet; their hair stood up; their mouths opened in shock and fury; their buttocks flared; their fists clenched; their scrotums tightened; their backs arched; their muscles rippled; the mud sloughed off and the white skin glistened with water.

But many of these details went unremarked. The really eye-catching feature was the galvanising effect on each penis. Bernard and Dick no longer resembled a greyhound, gorilla, or whatever. The cocks of both men now suggested the rhinoceros. Each naked man now sported one huge angry sausage bone throbbing urgently against the belly button. The whole thing looked about to blow. The village women found it very wild and rugged and romantic and thrilling.

And then the spell was broken. As the waters subsided, the effect became comical again. Two good-looking naked men; fuming; soaked to the skin; hopping and cursing; cupping their balls; goose-pimpled bottoms all a-quiver. Even their once-mighty penises were just flopping about now, more like baby elephant trunks than rhino horns. Everything about them was now clean, but decidedly not decent.

Grace seized the initiative. "That's better, gentlemen!" she said. "Now the fun's nearly over, so let's get you dry before you catch your death. Do we have any towels, ladies?"

"Oh dear no", they all chorused, looking as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. "Not one to be had."

"What a shame!" Grace said. "Never mind, you two do look very fit. A brisk run round the field will dry you off. What larks! It'll be like Sports Day."

And so the final lap began. In keeping with the Sports Day theme, it was decided that Bernard and Chris would do a 'Three Legged' run. Gaynor and Bea carefully bound Dick's left leg to Bernard's right leg at the upper thigh.

History does not record whether the ladies allowed their hands to wander while they did this delicate and detailed task. But it is certainly true that Bernard and Dick sported embarrassingly large erections as they took the field.

The naked men began their 'brisk run'. Actually, it was more of a penis-pumping stumble round the field. Bottoms a go-go and balls swinging madly. With a steady beat, caused by their boners slapping firmly against their muscular bellies.

The spectators crowded round the track, making it something of a run-the-gauntlet event. At almost every stride, the naked men were spurred on by an encouraging slap or pinch.

Finally the fun was over, and the two gallant nudes paused for breath.

"Time to get you dressed!" said Grace. "Now, Bea, have you got their clothes? No? Felicity? Victoria? Oh dear, how forgetful! We must have left them behind. Ah well, gentlemen, the river's the quickest way home. If you two wade off, we'll follow on tonight."

And so the naked 'three legged' pair went down to the river again. Bernard and Dick went in up to their thighs and started to trudge home. The women crowded on the bridge to wave them off.

It was very pleasant to see the two white, juicy, lean, delicious, naked bottoms bobbing along just above water level. And how everyone laughed when Chris's old friends the ducks came out from under the bridge! The ducks had built up a real liking for buttock! And even more so, the pink dangly 'plums' which could always be found nestling nearby the round white meat.

Encumbered by their 'three legged' race gear, the nude and hapless pair could not move fast. But Bernard and Dick now knew how hard a duck could bite, so off they floundered as best they could. Elbows pumping, bottoms wobbling and balls unhappily bouncing, it was an undignified final curtain for the naked playboys. [Author's note: This is not pornography -- it is a very moral tale. So you can take it that Bernard and Dick were now sincerely repentant of their past sins!]

The ducks pursued the vulnerable nudists, hungrily nipping at their 'delicacies'. The last thing the ladies heard from the wobbly-bummed waders was an angry howl. "Sounds like that duck's found a plum!" someone said.

When the ladies stopped laughing, Grace made a discovery. "Silly me! I had the men's clothes all along. Oh, and here's Bernard's front door key. Ah well, I'll guess we'll see them back here in an hour -- maybe we could think up a little nude challenge for them? Anyway, let's get indoors everyone, it's starting to rain...."