Road Warrior: Barcelona

I felt the sudden need to heave my guts out, but couldn't. I looked in the mirror and was shocked at the pasty gray of my face, the sweat on my forehead looking greasy. I bend down and took several deep breaths, feeling on the verge of passing out. I washed my face for long moments in the cold water, over and over, scrubbing ...somethingaway. Trying to scrub it away – whatever it was.

I realized I was in shock and knew I had to go lie down. I made it, stumbled but made it, back to the table with the lovelywoman, sitting, now rising, as I approached.

I said in a stiff, formal Spanish, "Please, Señorita Ana, please excuse me."

I walked, shuffled away, and turned back at the last moment to see her standing there, looking more than anything like she was crying.

I made it to my room and fell on the bed – passing out as much as anything else. In the middle of the night I struggled out of my clothes, fighting with the shoes, and falling quickly, at once into the nothingness of oblivion.

TRANSITIONS

The phone was ringing, calling me, ordering me to wake up. I came up from the depths of hell and nightmares to sit on the side of the bed and looked at the phone for an unknowing moment, then picked it up. An unplanned breakfast meeting ... urgent, at once. Someone else will cover your other meetings – leave the faxes at the front desk. I rushed, showered, cut myself shaving, dressed and went down to meet with the client.

I clamped down on my personal problems and had a smile (grimace?) on my face as I walked to the table of Señor Benavidez. It was a catharsis to quickly fall into the known, the routines of business, of life ... of the living. I put Candy in some corner of my mind and focused on real things.

The client worked for Royal Cruise Lines and was responsible for hiring contract workers to keep up with turnover. It seemed that there had been some unpleasant advances made on women of various ages by persons furnished from the companies with which he worked. That there were problems was readily apparent from the grim visage of Señor Benavidez.

I listened, nodded as appropriate – thiswasa customer – then I was startled by his proposition. He wanted me to go on the next cruise ship, in two days, from Barcelona to Miami.

"Yes, Mr. Charlie, we will give you a suite and everything taken care of."

"Of course, Señor Castillo, the Captián knows you will be on board and will assist you in any and every way possible."

"No, Señor Charlie. You have only to observe. We need the truth of the matter. You are the truth!"

"Yes, Mr. Castillo, yes, of course we know that you resolve the conflicts. We must know the truth and you tell us the truth, verdad?"

"Of course, Señor, your company knows what we ask of you. Please, Charlie, the truth, only the truth!"

The ship, the Sea Bright, owned by Royal Cruise Lines was to dock the next day plus one in the morning and I would immediately be boarded and escorted to my suite. It was so sudden and so different that the shock of Candy had been overlaid by a new shock.

I was so stunned by what Señor Benavidez was saying that I just nodded and looked wise. Truth was I had no clue what I was supposed to do. Look for the truth, I guess. I called New York and talked to my boss.

"Damn, Charlie. I don't know what they want. I just know it's important to RCL. They are talking of losses in the millions in bookings if they get a bad reputation and women don't feel safe."

He gave a deep sigh, and continued, "Just do what you can."

He went on to tell me that Candy had called him, checking on something or other. "Charlie, don't worry about it. Just keep your eyes open and ... well, I was going to say have fun, but just try to do something to distract yourself."

There was a long pause, then Gerald came back, "Hey, Charlie, I bet they have shuffleboard on the ship. Glenda and I had so much fun on our cruise to Alaska entering the shuffleboard tournaments."

He said his goodbyes and I looked at the phone like it was something cursed. Ireallyfelt reassured.

After the meeting I went to my room and checked for messages. There was one, so I played it.

"Charlie, this is Ana,the woman," she added with a laugh that sounded too bubbly for this early in the day. Maybe she was drinking bubbles – that suddenly seemed like a great idea. "If you don't have any plans for lunch, please meet me by the pool. I'll save a table for us, and a couple of lounges."

I couldn't think of anything better to do for the rest of the day so I changed into my swimsuit and went down to the pool. True to her word she'd had one of the waiters move a table and two lounge chairs apart from everyone else. There was a bottle of wine in an ice bucket on the table and my lounge already had towels on it. Ana was laying on her front trying to spread sun lotion on her back.

She heard me walking up and raised her head. "Charlie, you save my life!"

She handed me the bottle of tanning oil and I rubbed it on her back. She had untied the strings on her top and had only something akin to a bandana doing a less than effective job of covering her well tanned globes. Her skin was hot from the sun and the oil was viscous as I rubbed it up and down her back.

"Charlie, down to here please?" she murmured sleepily as she reached down to her tailbone just above what I was now thinking as her red bandana.

I obediently followed her directions and slowly but firmly rubbed the oil from her shoulders down to her buttocks, making sure I got the sides too. I smiled to myself. No job too tough for Charlie! I was waiting for her to say that was enough. Finally I looked around and saw that she was sound asleep. I started tapering off but I just knew that she would have wanted me to get under the edges of her bikini bottom.

I went to the rest room to wash my hands and came back and swam a few quick laps. I sat on my lounge with the back up so I could look around. Ana had turned a little and I could see the side of her breast with a hint of pink nipple showing. I felt like a voyeur as I frankly admired her almost bare form. For the first time the idle thought came to me, "Candy who?"

After twenty minutes or so Ana woke up and did that – amazing to me – feminine trick of tying the back of the bikini top without lifting up. I wondered if they had a school for girls somewhere that taught them things like that. While Ana had been sleeping a woman across the pool had put a towel over her top, removed the bra part, nursed her baby and reversed everything, all the time revealing nothing. Amazing! From her skin color and her apparent rectitude about showing her body, I guessed she was from the states.

Ana jumped in to cool off and came back waving for a waiter. We had a light lunch of assorted tapas washed down with the bottle of cava the waiter had opened. Ana had more than her share of the food and I had more than my share of the wine. Seemed fair to me. I was still in a funny mood ... like I was out of my body watching what was going on.

After lunch we sat in the lounges idly chatting and watching people. I reached out for Ana's hand and held it as I looked at her. "Ana, while you were asleep I was admiring your body."

She didn't seem to look upset, maybe curious with where I was going with my comment. I added softly, "You have a lovely body. I have to say you are a lovely woman." I paused for a minute looking at her, and then I rubbed my thumb gently over where a wedding ring would be. "Why has no man found out what a treasure you are?"

She looked over at me the glanced away. Quietly, almost with a whisper, she replied, "Later, over dinner."

I felt I owed her an explanation for last night. "Ana, about what happened at dinner ..."

She stopped me by standing up and pulling my hand so I stood beside her. With a slight smile, she repeated, "Later, at dinner," and pulling my hand we both jumped in the water. We fooled around for a while, splashing water, and she soundly beat me in an impromptu race for a length of the pool.

We got out, dried off a bit with the towels and I walked her to her room. We decided to go out for dinner to a favorite place of mine. It was out on Avenida Diagonal and a ways from the hotel so we took a taxi. It was better known as a businessmen's lunch place and usually wasn't too crowded for dinner.

The inside was quite nice with wooden paneled walls aged to a rich patina of dark brown. They specialized in the traditional Castilian asados: Cochinillo and cordero (roast suckling pig and lamb). Ana had not had either in her time in Spain.

"Even though I like meat a lot, the seafood in Barcelona is incredible, so I've kind of stuck with that."

So I told her, "Okay, tonight is meat."

I gave the order to the waiter and asked for a pitcher of Sangría. For some reason I always liked that with either of these dishes. I'd ordered one of each dish so Ana could try both of them.

My story was simple, so while we were waiting for our food I told what had happened. She was amazed that Candy could be so cold about it.

"I would never do that to you!"

Hmm. That was interesting. Was that a just a general statement of her feelings about the topic or was this something she was actively thinking about? Again, this idle thought eased itself into my consciousness like a thief in the night, "Candy, who?"

Ana was really making an impression on me. It wasn't just the physical attraction – although that was considerable. We had a connection at so many levels: a common cultural history and language, many common interests, and, as far as I could tell, we were just nice persons.

She really liked both of the dishes and couldn't decide which she liked best. "So I guess they are both my favorites now."

They were actually quite good. The skin was crisp and inside they were moist and tender with an almost indescribably delicate flavor.

We were having some sherry after dinner and Ana told me her story.

"I'm now twenty-eight. Eight years ago I married a wonderful man from Bilbao, Aitor Azkarra. He was a political editorial writer for El Correo, one if the newspapers there. Aitor was a passionate Basque but he was tired of the killings. He felt the fighting should stop, that an agreement should be reached with the Spanish government that would still allow a lot of separatism for the Basque homeland, but not full independence.

"To say the least, it wasn't a popular position in Bilbao." She bit her lower lip and looked at her glass. I could see tears forming in her eyes. "One night after work, he ... they put a bomb in his car. He never knew what happened.

"Afterward – that's the problem with something like this; there is always an afterward – I had to change back to my maiden name and move to Madrid. I had to stop wearing my rings that Aitor gave me ... I just couldn't afford to have people ask questions. There were threats ... his parents and his younger brother and sister moved to Miami. I'm, well, I thinking of moving there too."

She looked at me, a burning fire in her eyes, "God, Charlie, you can't say a word of this to anyone! They are so fanatical. It's sad because Aitor was as much a Basque in his heart as anyone. He was just so ... gentle. He wanted peace and died for his beliefs and for the things he said in his columns."

I took her hand and held it, gently. I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them as softly as I could. I thought about her pain - and thought about mine. His countrymen had betrayed her husband. My wife had betrayed me. There was no way to compare the depth of pain and betrayal in the two cases. For the first time I thought that Candy's leaving me might be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I took her back to the hotel and she asked me to come to her room. "Charlie, I don't want to be alone tonight. Can you just ... well, hold me?"

She changed clothes and put on a conservative gown. I took my coat and tie and my shoes off and lay beside her. She gave me a short, but serious kiss and turned over and seemed to fall asleep at once. By a serious kiss, I meant that it wasn't a shallow good night kiss to an acquaintance but a kiss from a woman to a man that says, "Not tonight, but soon." At least that's the way it felt to me.

I cuddled up to her in a spoon position and turned the light out. After a bit I put my hand on her hip to make myself more comfortable. She took my hand and placed it on her breast and held it there. She wiggled her butt against me and fell into a deep sleep. After a while I fell into a deep sleep myself.

Later, the clock said it was a little past two-thirty in the morning. I woke up. Some noise on the street, a slamming door, I didn't know. I had a raging erection and I lay there wide awake – it just felt too good to lay there and enjoy the pressure of her body against me. I knew, somehow, that if I did what I wanted to it would be the right thing at the wrong time. I felt it was a catharsis for her to tell me about Aitor. Her dreams tonight belonged to her memories.

I knew at that time that we had a future together. I didn't try to figure it out. I didn't worry about Candy. Everything about her seemed so ... distant, so passé. I eased out of bed, grabbed my stuff and went up to my room. I immediately got the legal papers Candy had given me and signed as marked, dotted the i's and crossed the t's. I put everything in the envelope the law firm had provided and put it on the corner of the desk.

That action was like closing the book on a part of my life. As I drifted off to sleep, my last thought was that I needed to find out more about Ana. Was I in love with her? I had no idea. But somehow I realized that I could be happier with Ana than I had ever been with Candy. I slept the sleep of the just; I had no dreams and slept deeply. When I woke with the dawn the next morning I felt refreshed.

I hadn't been running as much as I wanted so I put on my running shoes and ran for an hour along the waterfront and up and back on Las Ramblas, the defining wide avenue of the city as it was just waking up with the early risers.

I got back to the hotel and felt so good about my run I ordered a simple breakfast from room service: toast, orange juice and coffee. When I dropped the envelope for the divorce papers off at the desk I had a sudden epiphany; this was Candy's problem, not mine. I had thought it was the love of the ages but now I realized she was more of a sexy habit than anything.

From the time she had me rub that bruise from the golf ball she had held me in thrall with her body. Truth be told, Ana was much better for me no matter which way you looked at it. I was remembering things now about Candy and, truth be told, outside of her unquestioning hot body she was a shallow person. Not dumb, hell, she was much smarter than I was. But her values, the things she wanted out of life were to me the dreams of a shallow person.

I had my closure. I didn't need to see her and pathetically ask why. I didn't want, yea, I didn't need anything from her but finality. I was sitting out on the deck outside my room watching a giant cruise ship debark from Barcelona. The sense that I had was that Candy was on that ship and she was sailing out of my life. Farther out I could see the pilot boat dropping off a pilot to bring in the next load of passengers to ravage the shops and stands and stalls along Las Ramblas and I had the companion image of Ana being on the new ship and was sailing into my life.

The phone rang and, unthinking, I picked it up.

"Hello, Charlie. Are your okay?"

It was Candy. I thought about it for a minute, and answered, "Yeah, Candy, actually I am. I signed the papers and they should be delivered in two days."

She gushed, "Oh, Charlie, thanks! And Llewellyn thanks you too. Oh, his parents will be so happy. Did I tell you that we are being married at St. Paul's? Oh, I'm so excited."

She ran on for a bit and as I listened I asked myself how a woman so smart could be such an airhead? I honestly felt great all of a sudden. I realized that it was my pride that had been injured, not my heart. I finally hung up and turned to take a shower when the phone rang again.

I had been patient, but enough was enough. This was her game and I wasn't going to play anymore. "God damn it, just leave me alone!" I slammed the phone down, surprised that I didn't break it.

About ten minutes later there was a soft, tentative knock at the door. Ana stood there looking afraid, like she was going to cut and run.

"Charlie, what did I do? I'm so sorry, but ..." and she did. That is she did cut and run.

I chased after her. "No, Ana, it wasn't you. I'd just talked to Candy and when the phone rang again I thought it washeragain. I'm so sorry! I did mail in the papers so in a few months we will be divorced." I pulled her close and hugged her tight, her tears mingling with the sweat from my run.

"Oh, Charlie, I thought ... I don't know, it was like something died in me." She looked up at me, the words I'd said coming through to her. "So you will be free again?" This was said with a faint smile.

I pulled her into the room. "There is some coffee left on the balcony. Why don't you wait out there while I take a shower and get ready. Do you have any plans for the day?"

"Just a wine and cheese thing I'm supposed to go to tonight."

"Have you ever been to Montserrat?" She turned her head back and forth with a clear no. "Okay, let's do that."

Two hours later we took the cable car up the steep route to Montserrat after reaching the end of the line of the interurban train. It really was an incredible place; it was the site of a Benedictine abbey, Santa María de Montserrat. It was perched on the top of a steep hill with incredible views. Its history dated back to 880 AD and there was a fascinating museum.

We spent a fun day climbing around the rocks and had a decent lunch in the cafeteria. We got back to the hotel around five and Ana was adamant that she had to go to the reception. I suddenly felt desperate. I had this quick realization that I might not see her again, that I might lose her. I tried one more time.

"Ana, I have to leave in the morning. I won't see you again. Ana, I can't do that ... I, you mean a lot to me Ana."

I could see that she was about to cry, and I didn't want to do that to her. I reminded her that she had my email address and I gave her a tight hug, and walked away.

Going up the elevator I realized I should have asked her about the party – maybe it was something I could crash. I got to my room and ignoring the flashing red light on my phone I went out to the balcony. I sat there a long time, looking along the waterfront and seeing nothing. I felt despondent; how could I lose Ana so quickly. I felt like I should fight for her but I didn't know which dragon to slay. The phone rang, and I slowly went in to answer it. The thought that it might be Ana quickened my last few steps.

"Yes," I answered in the abrupt American manner.

"Señor Castillo? Yes, this is you?"

Recognizing the voice, I responded, "Señor Benavidez, what can I do for you?"

"Ah, Charlie. It is good to hear you. I trust all is well with you." Without giving me a chance to say if I was well or not, he continued, "I left you a message but I wanted to make sure. The passengers will be meeting for a wine and cheese party in meeting room A at seven-thirty. This is a tradition; about two hundred people that take the cruise usually stay here at the hotel for a day or two. The night before debarkation we give them a party – they seem to like it. I think it would be good if you could attend."

Distracted, I tossed off, "Yes, sure, Señor, I'll make sure I go."

"Señor, Charlie, we hire two types of personnel: crew, which cleans the rooms and so forth, and staff, such as chefs, chief stewards, finance people – all that sort. You must remember that this ship carries about 2000 passengers and about half that many employees. There is always turnover at each port with vacations, turnover and all that. We are adding about twenty low level positions for this cruise and about a dozen of what we call staff. It is the staff that will be at the party tonight."