Rob and Ellen Ch. 01

"Don't get me wrong here Rob. He was not a better lover than you – he wasn't even close to being as good as you are – it was the cheating, the nastiness of the illicit sex that drove my orgasms. I got back to my hotel room and looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't see any sign that I'd just been a slut for a man not my husband, but as I looked at myself the enormity of what I'd just done hit me. I had just deliberately cheated on the man I loved. My stomach lurched and I had to rush to the bathroom. I spent the rest of the night between lying on the bed and crying and rushing to the toilet and retching.

"It wasn't until I was on the plane home that it hit me. I'd gone of birth control and put away my diaphragm because we were going to start our family and I'd just had unprotected sex with a stranger. I spent the rest of the flight running between my seat and the toilet. The one thing I had not expected was the guilt that hit me when it was all over with. Guilt had me rushing to the bathroom two and three times a day. I knew that what I'd done would never happen again because of the guilt I was feeling. It was crushing. Between all of the throwing up and crying I did I'm surprised that you didn't notice and press me to find out what was wrong.

"I swear to God Rob that it will never happen again and I regret that it even happened once. I love you Rob and I want to be with you. I want to live my life with you. I'm asking you to forgive me. I'm begging you to forgive me."

I looked at her in silence for almost a minute and then I pointed at her mid-section and asked:

"And what about that?"

She knew immediately what I was asking and she looked away. She couldn't meet my eyes as she said:

"I'm going to have the baby Rob. It is a life. It isn't the baby's fault. It did nothing wrong. It did not ask to be there."

"And then what? Put it up for adoption?"

"No Rob, I couldn't do that. I'm the child's mother. I'll be giving the child life. Ten years down the road I don't want to find myself wondering where my baby is and if it is being taken care of properly and loved. No Rob, I'm keeping the baby."

"At the expense of your husband?"

"It doesn't have to be that way Rob. You have a big heart and you can find room in it for this baby."

"You don't know me at all do you? No way I could look at that child every day and not have it driven home just how the child came to be there. That's the killer Ellen. The constant reminder of what you did. How can you expect me to forgive you when for the next nine months every time I see your growing body I will be reminded of what you did? How can I forgive you when every time the baby cries it will bring back the memory of how it came to be in existence? The child will be a constant reminder of your unfaithful actions. I don't think forgiveness is in the cards Ellen. It would be hard enough without the constant reminder, but it will be impossible with it.

"I have no idea what I am going to do. The one thing that I do know is that I can't afford two separate residences so me moving out is not an option at this time. I'll know more about what I'm going to do after talking to an attorney, but until then you have forfeited any right to share my bed. You will move all of your stuff out of the bedroom and you can use one of the spare bedrooms."

"Please Rob, I...."

"No more Ellen. No more talk until after I've seen an attorney."

I got up and went out to the garage to find something that would keep me busy and away from Ellen.

To be continued.