Ron's Journal 05A

We re-loaded her car, drove around Cedar Breaks a little, hiked to the bristlecone pine (oldest trees on Earth) grove, then drove east down the gentler slope. She drove me to the junction; she was headed for Grand Canyon and my next stop was Bryce Canyon. We face-slurped goodbye and went our separate ways.

The next time I opened my thin vinyl guitar case, I found a hundred dollar bill stuffed inside. I guess she paid my tithe.

---

I wandered amazed through Escalante Canyon, and Capitol Reef National Park, and then got on the Interstate headed for Denver. The last ride dropped me at Golden, home of the Coors brewery. (Country folk in Idaho and Montana call it Old FP, for Fairy Piss.) I took a bus to the downtown terminal, stashed my rucksack and guitar in a locker, and walked to Cindy's workplace.

I came through the glass front door and say Cindy behind the sales counter. She saw me. She did not smile.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"Come back at noon," she said. "NEXT!"

Nobody was lined up behind me, but I took the hint.

I sat on a pile of tires outside the front door at two minutes before noon. Cindy walked out at two minutes after and headed across the parking lot.

"Buy me a sandwich," she said, walking toward the deli next door.

We sat at an outside table. We ate, and drank colas, but did not talk.

Cindy wadded the wrappers and napkins into a ball. Forcefully, with muscles straining.

Cindy finally looked at me. "I'm not going to apologize, and I don't want to hear any shit from you. I only want to hear one of two words. Either hello. Or goodbye. Tell me one of those words, nothing else."

I stood, walked behind her, put my hands on her shoulders, kissed the top of her head, and said, "Goodbye." I stayed in place, unmoving. I felt her shaking. She bent over, put her head in her crossed arms on the table, and cried.

"Goddammit Ron, why the fuck are you here?" She looked up and around at me, red-eyed.

"I'm here now because I couldn't just leave you. I didn't want to leave you before. But I had to. And I have to again, now. I'll go and leave you sad for a while. If I stay, we'll both be miserable eventually, and you know it. You should just hit me now, and walk away, and forget me. But I won't forget you."

"You fucking bastard," Cindy yelled, and stood, and slapped my face hard, and then grabbed me and hugged me. She backed off, looked at me, slapped me again on the other side, kissed me hard, and walked away.

Cindy went ten feet and stopped. She stood there for a minute. She turned around, walked back to me, slapped me again, not as hard. She had not broken my glasses. She looked at me again, and hugged me.

"Will you stay with me tonight, Ron?"

"I don't know -- should I?"

Cindy held me close. "No, you shouldn't." She kissed me softly and walked away again, forever.

I retrieved my stuff from the bus-station locker and thumbed eastward.

NEXT: On to Boston, then to Santa Fe, then to infinity.