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Click here"Nothing. I want nothing. All I ask is that you let us help you, let me help you. I love you." He looked at me then. He looked straight into my eyes. I let him see my soul. I let him see the pain, the suffering, the hurt, and the love. I had fallen in love with him the moment he was in my arms. I just never wanted to let go again.
He began to soften for a moment, then all his walls were back up.
"No, it's impossible. You just want to use me. I've paid you, now let me go." Now that hurt.
"Please, don't you feel anything for me at all?" He stilled for a moment.
"Yes, but that doesn't matter."
"Yes it does! Let me love you, please. I have never loved anyone before." Tears were falling in earnest now.
"You actually love me?" I nodded and clung to him like he was my lifeline out of the darkness. "You don't just want to fuck me?" again I nodded. "You've never loved before?"
"No, never." It was true.
"But, how old are you?" He looked truly confused.
"I was born twenty five years ago." He looked baffled.
"You're so young. You can't be very powerful."
"No, I am the least powerful Vampire in this nest." My head was resting on his chest, drinking in his warmth.
"Then why did they give me to you?"
"Because they saw in my eyes how much I cared for you." I looked up at him, and he at me. He finally let his barriers down.
"You really care for me?" I nodded and held him close. He wrested his head on my shoulder and I felt tears drip down my chest. I carried him over to the bed and he stiffened for a moment, but I just put him under the covers, climbed in, and snuggled up against him. He relaxed and started purring softly. I kissed his neck and rubbed his chest.
"Thank you." I whispered in his ear and held him.
- COMMENTS
Haphaestion2004about 9 years agonot till it's finished ! And this story is far from finished ! Is it not ?
Oh shiiit !! This is sooo frustrating !
Anonymousover 9 years agoYour story is good. But you really need to watch your spelling a lot. You need to check your work for spelling errors very carefully before posting your final work. Write it, re-vamp it, and then write it again and again. Until you have a work that you are completely satisfied with others seeing. Tape Record yourself reading your story to an audience. Then re-wind the tape and listen very closely to what you say. Are the conversations your characters are having with each other believable? Are the dramatic pauses in the right place? Do the words flow? Or do the words stutter and halt the progression of the story. Also did I remember to cross my T's and Dot my I's as they used to say. In other words do people need to have a dictionary next to them to Edit your work before they can even read it? Did I leave any letters out of words. Which you did a lot of ! Is this the right word for the context of this Story and did I put it in the right place? The MAIN THING here is to PROOF-READ BEFORE POSTING ANYTHING !!!!!
Anonymousabout 10 years agoi am really enjoying your characters and the way you write. I do so hope you take this story further. Many thanks and keep writing.
Simon Oxford UK
Anonymousover 12 years agoPlease proof read your stories out loud or find someone to do so and edit for you. There are a few simple errors that a loud reading or other party could help with. Feral becoming Farel at the beginning of Ivan's part for instance. But instead of butt in the sex scene etc.
On a more content related side. Any used or abused person would not simply accept someone saying they are in love with them, especially not after a single day. Add in the felines instinctual independance and you have the makings of a good few chapters. Build closeness between them. Play off species traits. Feral could use the nest resources to help with his revenge. Using the vampires to help his goals but over time as he tries to exact that revenge, put him and Ivan in danger.
Hopefully you can flesh out more stories in the future. Personally I am bored with vampires and Werewolves and will keep looking for others like the Werepanther here. Good luck.
Anonymousalmost 17 years agoplease, please, write a next part!!!! i really liked the characters, and the plot line is great
