Roxy

To make sure I was fair, Floyd took what we had in our personal accounts when I left and split it in half. He left half in the account that he left open and that Roxy had access to and put the rest into a separate account for me. After that was gone, what was I going to do for money for the next five years? Good question. I decided that I could probably do quite well for myself if I just went out on my own. I knew people, knew who needed my expertise and who was willing to hire me on a job to job basis. My income, if anyone checked for the purposes of a divorce, was effectively zero but my earning potential was enormous. How about that? I was willing to bet that for Roxanne, the potential was too far in the future to satisfy her immediate greed. Wasn't that a kick in the pants? And if any divorce agreement directed that I share my holdings and my earnings with her, my earnings would be very small indeed. Just enough to allow me to survive. And my holdings were tied up legally. No way to undo that.

Floyd and I headed back to the hotel to check out. He was heading home to Columbus while I had no destination in mind. I just wanted to go away; anywhere I could forget the pain of losing Roxanne. For all she did to me, for all the pain and the heartache, the time she gave me was more than I could ever have hoped for. Did she ever love me? I wasn't sure. I could, however, pretend that she had and that we had shared some good years together. Had she been able to have a child, things might still be the same as before.

In my room, the light indicating a message was flashing and I assumed it was from Roxy. I sat there staring at it, trying to decide if I should answer it. I finally had no choice. I had always had a driving curiosity about everything. I was curious how Roxy would deal with this one. All her plans and all her scheming was for naught. The money was gone, and there was no way for her to get any more. It was all gone now. That alone made me want to see what she would say. I picked up the phone and the desk gave me the message:Jim, please call me as soon as you get in. Roxy.According to the desk clerk, they had taken five messages, all the same before asking her to stop calling. She didn't and they had reported her to the phone company. The calls continued.

I held my head in my hands, trying to calm my racing heart. After everything she did, I couldn't stop loving her. That was my problem. I was so used to being the class joke, the butt of cruel and vicious words, the freak that everyone tried not to stare at. Roxy changed all that and made it inconsequential for almost five years. Years when I didn't care what others thought. Roxy loved me! Or so I believed. But true or not, I believed it! And it mattered. It really mattered. For that, I owed her.

I called home and Roxy answered on the first ring.

"Hello? Jim, is that you? Please tell me it's you." Her voice was strained and not very clear. She had apparently been crying and her throat was raw. That was not unusual for her. She had a deep, sexy voice normally and she sounded even sexier when she was distressed.

"Yeah, Roxy, it's me. Your joke of a husband. The freak show. What do you want?"

"Jim, please come home. We need to talk. I need to see you and talk to you and try to explain. Please Jim, if you love me, please come home."

"That's a joke! If I love you. Of course I love you. How could I not. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you in that class in college. That's why this hurts so bad. I loved you with all my heart and you and your lover betrayed me for nothing but money. That's all I ever meant to you wasn't it? Just a meal ticket and a free ride. How you must have hated having to look at me every day. How you must have laughed to yourself every time we made love, thinking that I was so dumb to believe someone like you could ever love someone like me."

"Nooooooooooo! No! No! No! You have to come home and let me talk to you. Jim, please. I don't care now. You can hate me all you want but you have to come home to me. You have to. You don't understand. You're wrong! Wrong!"

"The only thing I did wrong was convince myself that you really cared for me. But now I know it was just for what I could give you. All those things I bought you were just things. You could have anything you wanted if you had just stayed with me. But I guess it was too much finally. Having to pretend to love me, to accept me, to make love to me. Hell, you finally couldn't stomach that any longer: you just stopped having sex with me. I guess that was a big load off your shoulders wasn't it. Not having to sleep with me anymore until you thought that I might get suspicious. That's why you started up again wasn't it?"

"No! That's not true. You don't understand Jim. You've got it all wrong. Please come home. I want you here where I can talk to you face to face. Please Jim, Please!"

"Face to face. What a joke. How could you look me in the eye and pretend that you loved me? God, how you must have hated to do that. How it must have made you sick. But you were good: I have to hand it to you. You took me for a ride and what a ride it was. But here's the joke Roxy: I loved you and I loved it and I'll never forget the time you gave me. Even if it was a lie, I'll still remember it and I'll smile. For that, thank you."

I hung up and pulled the line from the wall. I was done with her. It hurt too much to continue with it so I was done. I decided to stay one more night while I decided where I wanted to go. I had enough money left in my wallet to last me for at least a week if I checked out of this place and found a studio apartment somewhere not too upscale. I decided to head back to the bar where Sam worked and see if he would like to talk some more. Hell, I had nothing better to do.

Sam wasn't on duty yet so I decided to have a couple of beers and then pull up some places on my computer and pick one. I took a notebook with me and sat in one of the booths making a list of the people I knew and where they were located. It was turning out to be quite a list too. I was amazed at the number of people I knew and especially the ones I considered friends. It made me feel proud that I had made so many contacts. As I ordered a second beer, I pulled out my laptop and logged on to the internet. Strange that even a cheap bar like this one would have wireless. I checked my email and found several new messages, all from Roxy. Since when had she become so familiar with email? She even had her own address. News to me. But apparently there was a lot about Roxy that I hadn't known. Her contempt for me for one. Her cheating for another. Finally, her apparent need for money.

I opened the first couple to find they were all the same. 'Jim, please come home. I can explain.' Sure she could. It would sound something like this: Dear Jim: I just wanted money and I was willing to ignore your ugly face and body and pretend. Isn't that worth something?Actually yes, it was. And I had given her everything I could. Anything she asked for I gave her. But that wasn't enough. She wanted it all and without me. I deleted all but the last one. I opened that one just for kicks and got a surprise. It was longer, more detailed.

Jim, I know what you think and you are probably right. Not about how I felt about you. There you are so very wrong. I loved you at first sight too. That first day we met. You were so sweet, so honest and so willing to help me. I fell in love with you that day and never fell out of love. I only saw your inner beauty, your soul. Nothing about your face bothered me ever. I saw only the man I loved and he was beautiful.

But you are wrong about the money. I don't want your money. I want you. Roy was a mistake and one I regret. I know now that he was using me to get into your accounts. I gave him the information he asked for because he convinced me that you had talked to him about divorcing me and leaving me with nothing. I didn't care about the money but I hoped that if I helped him, you wouldn't have enough money to leave me for someone else. The sex was just to get him to trust me. I never enjoyed it, you have to believe that. It was just a thing I did to make him trust me. You probably never believed that you are a wonderful lover. You told me you never had sex before we were married. Well, I did and no one compared to you. I always told you that but it seems you never believed me.

It's funny now that I think it that apparently you never believed the things I told you; that I loved you, that I didn't care about your looks, that your money only made it easy for me to be beautiful for you. You were so insecure and I never knew it. I just believed that you loved me and I loved you. But maybe that's only fair. I didn't believe you when you told me you didn't care about not having children. I thought you wanted our children and when I found out I couldn't give them to you, I went sort of crazy.

Jim, please come home and let me talk to you. If you want to divorce me afterwards, I'll not contest it. I'll ask for nothing but what I brought into our life together. You can keep everything else. Even the clothes and shoes and jewelry that I wore to make you proud of me. They mean nothing to me without you. I need you to believe that. You have to believe that.

Please come home.

Roxy

I read that one several times. Could any of it be true? Could she really mean any of it? The more I thought about it, the more I believed she was still trying to con me. To make me come back so she could use her beauty and her sex to win me back. Now that I had taken away all of her money, she wanted me back. That had to be it!

I was still thinking about that when Sam came in. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I was startled when he came over, sat down in the chair across from me and waited until I noticed him. I looked up in surprise when he cleared his throat.

"Hi Jimbo. Back again? I see you're using the internet connection they put in last month. Damned if I don't think you're the first and the only one so far. Our clientele ain't much on that stuff if you know what I mean. And hey; how'd it go today? If I remember right, you had a bunch of plans to put in place today to screw the bitch. Am I right?"

"You're right Sam, and you have a good memory. I'm surprised that you remembered what we talked about. Most people put me out of their minds as soon as they walk away. I'm easy to forget."

"You sell yourself short Jimbo. Maybe you look like crap, but you're an interesting guy. And hell, most of us ain't that good looking and I know for a fact that some of the guys who come in here are either so ugly, so stupid, or so mean they can't get more than a cheap-ass hooker to go to bed with them. So, consider yourself a lucky man. You had a class act piece of ass for a lot of years."

I considered what Sam said and then made a decision. I pushed the laptop toward him and turned it so he could read the open email from Roxy.

"Read this Sam. Tell me what you think. And for the record, as of today, I'm broke. I don't have shit in the bank and won't for many years to come. Roxy has all she's going to get already and I haven't even divorced her. Remember, I'm pretty damned smart and she made me mad so the money is tied up so tight, she and an army of lawyers can't get at it."

"Don't even think about asking for your tip back Jimbo. I spent that already." Sam laughed but pulled the laptop toward him and began to read. I watched him as his eyes tracked the lines she wrote. He read it through, went back and reread it twice more before pushing it back toward me.

"Damn Jimbo. I don't know her at all except what you told me, but that there gives me pause. She sounds real sincere. Do you think there's any way she could mean what she's sayin'?"

"That is the question, isn't it Sam? That is the million dollar question. How the hell do I know? All my life I've been defensive, suspicious of anyone who was even nice to me. I waited to see who was going to spring the trap, the one that would humiliate me once more. Even when I first met Roxy, I waited for her to make a fool of me. It never happened and I came to trust her. For the first time in my life, I trusted someone. After my parents died, I never expected to find anyone like that again. But she came into my life.

"Sam, all I know is that for almost five years, I was normal. I had someone who loved me for who I was. Oh, I suspected that my money was what she wanted, but even with that, she seemed to really love me. I figured it was a good tradeoff. I provided her with the money to buy those things she seemed to want and need. She provided the home and the sanctuary I needed where I could be like everyone else. I had a home, a wife, and all that meant. I was truly blessed."

"Well Jimbo, if it was me, I'd give it a shot. What's the worst that can happen? You're broke, the money's out of the picture so she's up shit creek without a paddle. She can't take anything in the divorce and you don't have anything to give her if she stays. And you've already convinced yourself that it's over, so what do you have to lose?"

I thought about that and decided Sam had a point. He was exactly right. All that I suspected Roxy wanted was gone. It would be at least five more years before I had anything again. I couldn't afford to keep our house, our cars, anything we owned. It would all have to be in foreclosure and sold to pay the debts. Even a lawsuit couldn't break the papers I signed today. Floyd had spent a large sum of my money to make it so.

I pulled the laptop close, hit reply on Roxy's email and began typing.

Roxy,

I've taken steps to make my money not an issue any more. Regardless of what happens, my money is gone, not available to you and your lawyers. You can sue me for support, for anything you want but you'll get nothing. I promise you that is true.

I don't know how I can believe anything you tell me now. You've finally met all my expectations. You deny that, but the facts don't support you. You were able to successfully fool me for years so I have little doubt you can still do so.

But you did give me almost five wonderful years before you took it away. For that reason alone, I'll give you one hour to tell me in person why you broke my heart. I'll be home tomorrow at six o'clock. I'll listen to anything you want to say at that time.

Jim

I watched the screen, stupidly waiting for a response before telling myself she wouldn't be sitting alone waiting for my reply. No sooner had I convinced myself of that when I received notice of an incoming email. It was from Roxy.

Jim,

Please hurry. I'll be waiting.

All my love, Roxy

I closed the laptop and went up to the bar where Sam was still wiping those dirty glasses. I briefly wondered how they got so dirty when the bar seemed to be so empty most of the time.

As before, I spent the evening in conversation with Sam and he and I developed a sort of friendship. At least, he would remember me. After all, I was sort of memorable in the ugly sort of way. I went back to my room that evening and slept the sleep of the just. My world had changed in the last few days but I had handled the change and I was right where I wanted to be. Tomorrow was the first day of the rest of my life.

I flew home from Boston and went in to work the next morning to say goodbye to a lot of good people. Dad had hired most of them, groomed most, guided some and chided some. I felt that I had gained their respect and their trust after I took over, which was something many never received. I explained that the company was still solid and would continue. I told them that things would be different but not to fear. I had conditions in place that would protect them for those critical five years. They listened, had some doubts but went back to work with some confidence. That was important to me, that they trusted me.

I spent the remainder of the day on the phone talking with people I knew all round the world, people that would most likely want to use my talents for their own purposes. By four that afternoon, I had appointments with two gentlemen in Puntarenas, Costa Rica. It was on the coast in the Gulf of Nicoya, close to the Pacific and promised simple accommodations for the lone American. They would have tickets awaiting me by noon tomorrow.

Now that I was set for my own future, I had to consider what to do about Roxy. Divorce was the simplest option. Now that my money was tied up, she would get very little in any suit she chose to file. If I gave her everything that I now had, she would get the house, the cars, all her clothing and jewelry. Everything that she seemed to need and love. It was fair payment for the best five years of my life. At least since my parents were taken from me.

At six, I pulled into the driveway of what was once our home. I walked up to the front door and knocked. Roxy opened the door almost as soon as my hand hit the door and stood back to allow me to enter. I did and she shut the door behind me, moving quickly around to stand in front of me.

How do I describe Roxy? How do I describe what, to me, was the most beautiful woman in the world? I had never seen her through any other eyes than mine: a man smitten with her beauty. I knew she was beautiful: I had the opinions of others who often doubted my claim of ownership. That she was perfect in almost every detail was also verified by others. She was tall, at least for a woman. She had a body that made men drool and women curse. Her face was right out of a Michelangelo portrait: a smile that promised the world, a look that assured it could be yours, and eyes that took your breath away. All this had once been mine. And all this had been my assurance that I was worthy of something, at least in her eyes.

And now she stood in front of me, none of those characteristics in evidence. What I saw was a simple woman, one who was lost, uncertain of her place, and hurting inside. Yes, I could see that. I had always been able to see what was underneath. That was both my curse and my gift. I thought I knew all those years that she did love me, that she never considered me in any way than as her husband. That was what destroyed me in the end. That I had always believed I could see her truth. Now? Maybe what I saw was not what I believed. Maybe this was an act, designed to betray me once again.

Roxy walked toward the living room, located just off the foyer. We used it for company, for guests and for those who stopped for casual conversations. We never used it just for us, but this was a special occasion. I followed, watching her walk ahead of me, thinking back to that first time when I watched her walk away, knowing I was going to be seeing her every night from then on. That caused a lump to form in my throat. I swallowed a few times, trying to remove it. Roxy sat down in one of the twin chairs placed in front of a huge fireplace, now quiet. She gestured to the matching one next to her. I took it and sat, facing her.

"It's your show Roxy. I'm here to listen to what you have to say."

She nodded, the look on her face one of determination, a look I remembered from many sessions of math and chemistry. It was not a look I had seen since. She raised her eyes to meet mine and started.

"First, everything I told you in my email was true. All of it. I love you, and I always have. I never considered anything but that when I was with you. I don't care what you look like or think you look like. I love you; I love what and who you are. Nothing will ever change that.

"Maybe I never told you that often enough. It was enough for me to know it was true so maybe I was wrong for that. And I did truly love the way you made love to me. You were the best I ever had and I loved every minute with you. I loved to hold you afterwards, to feel you breathing hard and wet with perspiration. That I could do that to you was a huge turn on for me. That man, Roy, was never a threat to you. He was a pathetic man who used my fear and my ignorance to get what he wanted."