Ruined - A Relationship in Ruin

By this time of course I was inconsolable. I was sobbing and tears were streaming down my face. In a whisper I said, "I do love him Shelly. I was angry when he missed taking me to the reception so I did call my friend Perry to take me. Then because he had dropped everything to take me to my reception I agreed to a dinner date. Nothing happened on either of those two dates. I didn't even give him a goodnight kiss either time. I enjoyed Perry's company but I would have preferred to have been with Rick.

"Then Rick tried to tell me he was innocent and I was still angry enough to not believe him. I told him I had another date with Perry even though I had made no plans. After I told Rick that I called Perry to see if he would like another date. I really wanted to hurt him and make him jealous. I wanted him to pay for how he had treated me. When Perry took me home I saw Rick's car parked down the street from my house so I told Perry to drive around for a while. In fact we went back to the Bocca Club and had a couple of drinks before he took me home again.

"When we got there Rick was still sitting in his car and I got mad all over again. What right did he have to spy on me? So, when Perry walked me to the door I kissed him and invited him in. I was really trying to stick it in Rick's face at that point. If he had hung around five minutes longer he would have seen Perry walk out to his car and drive away.

"Shelly, I do love Rick and I have never cheated on him and never will. I was exclusive with him and never wanted to date anyone else. I know I was angry and wanted to hurt him so that is why I did what I did. It makes me so mad at myself I could scream, but I do love him. I had no idea that my Rick was so scarred by women. I never in my wildest dreams felt like this would be so hurtful to him that I would lose him. Oh God Shelly, what am I going to do?"

"I hate to say it Tina," Shelly said, "But, there isn't a damn thing you can do. I can tell you that I believe with all my heart that Rick is gone for a while. I don't have a clue how long that will be, but it could be for a long time but hopefully it is only for a short time. It just makes me sick to know that Rick is hurting again and is all by himself with no friends to talk to about this. And I know it will kill Barry but that is the way it is. Since Amy hurt him so Rick is just so fragile. All I can say is to stick it out if you love him as much as you say you do. I know he loves you and maybe he will come back soon or at least sooner than last time and fight for you. I just don't know.

"Whatever you do though, no more dates and no impropriety at all. If he did come back soon and saw that it would certainly be the end of any hope you might have."

"Oh believe me Shelly," said Tina, "I will not date another man. I don't care if it takes him three years to come back. I will wait for him. If he does contact you or Barry please give him this exact message from me, please! 'I am so sorry I hurt you. I love you with all my heart and I am waiting for you to come back to me'."

Rick

I didn't have an exact plan on what I was going to do as I drove east out of Kansas City. I only knew that I had to be gone from there and from Tina just like I had to be gone from Amy and Angela. I knew I had to wrap my head around what had happened and try to get over it. I couldn't believe that all the women I had loved in my life had driven me away with their actions.

Don't get the wrong impression about me. I am not a wimp or a runner but I know that for my entire life I have had to have the time to get my perspectives straightened out and this was the way I did it. I just knew that with the pain I had in my heart at the moment I would only be able to get straightened out if I was totally removed from the situation.

When I got to St. Louis I was pretty hungry. I stopped to fill up my gas tank and asked around about the hottest jazz clubs in town that also served food. I was given some pretty good tips and ended up at one of the clubs recommended to me with the best food. I sat and ate then chilled out for a while at the bar. While sitting there I chatted with the bartender and found out about the local jazz scene in town. I told him that I enjoyed jamming with local groups whenever I could and he asked me how much I had played. I said I had played since my grade school days but more seriously in the last six or so years.

I happened to mention that I had done some playing in New Orleans and was welcomed to jam with a number of groups down there. He asked my name and I gave him my Rick Thriller name. A big smile spread across his face when I said that and he waved over a gentleman who had been sitting at the end of the bar.

He said, "Donald Jackson, meet Rick Thriller. Rick, this is Donald Jackson, the owner of this club."

I extended my hand and said, "Pleased to meet you Mr. Jackson."

A huge smile spread across his face and he pumped my hand vigorously and said, "The pleasure is mine Thriller and please call me Don."

With a chuckle he said, "You know the old saying about shit floating downstream right? Well in this case talent has floated upstream. Rick, your reputation as an excellent jazz musician has preceded you. On occasion musicians have come to play with us from the Big Easy and your name has been bantered around a few times. I am honored to finally meet you.

"Are you in town for long? If you are here for a while we would love for you to join in for a session or so. I know we would all like to hear if your reputation is real or if it has been embellished. We have a group of guys who are going to start playing in about an hour. Would you like to join them?"

I agreed to sit in for one set but after that I would need to leave and find a place to stay. Ironically, one of the musicians was Bob Knottingly. Bob and I had played together a few times in New Orleans and knew each other quite well. The set went great and I really felt good about it.

After we went on break Bob pulled me aside and asked, "Rick, I have to talk to you about this. I can't help but note that there is a great sadness in the way you are playing now. I knew you the whole time you played in New Orleans and I know you started out with the same sadness there and by the time you left that had disappeared.

"Has something happened to you again? What has brought you back out on the road Rick?"

I couldn't help it but with those words I got quite emotional. "Yes Bob," I said, "I am afraid I have the same problem I had last time. Women problems."

I smiled at him and he said in a very serious voice, "Rick, I am here for you if you need to talk but I know you are going to put this all together and I know you will come out okay. And by the way, your jazzy/bluesy rendition of "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" made every person in the room tear up. It was awesome."

I told him that I played that music because it spoke so closely to how I felt over Tina's actions and what I was feeling. I also played it because I wanted to pay tribute to Whitney Houston. I told him I thought that Whitney was a monumental talent and I hoped everyone would remember her for that and not some of the tragic mistakes she had made in her life. I hoped that she would be remembered as one of the top musical talents of all time.

He slapped me on the back and said, "Well Rick, you playing that music will certainly help that idea along. I have to go Rick; I need to get back to work. You be sure to come back and join us whenever you want. And don't forget, I am here for you if you need to talk about anything."

I ended up finding a place in an Extended Stay hotel and booked it for one month. I played often with Bob at Don's club but also found a couple of other places that I enjoyed playing with the guys and gals. At one club there was a singer, Ruby, who approached me to see if I would allow her to sing along when I played "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" and I said I guessed it would be okay.

I would play and at the appropriate time she would join in with:

Where do broken hearts go?
Can they find their way home?
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there

And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you?
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care for me

To say we were a hit was an understatement. Every time we were together at a club there would be an overwhelming request for us to do that number and when we finished there wouldn't be a dry eye in the place. Ruby and I played together often and at several different clubs. I loved it but at the same time it hurt me every time we performed because it hit so close to home with my situation.

One day Bob casually said to me, "Hey Thriller, I have been invited to play with the Louis Hayes Jazz Communicators at the Detroit Jazz Festival this year. I am sure they would be thrilled to have you perform with them since you are the Thriller. Why don't we head north to Chicago and find a few places to play for a week or two and then head over to Detroit for the festival? If Louis Hayes doesn't want you I am sure there are others who would jump at the chance for Rick Thriller to play.

"And by the way, in case you haven't noticed Ruby and I have become a couple and she is going along with me so you two can continue to do your specialty."

Well that cinched it and off to Chicago we went. We spent two weeks hitting several of the clubs and then went to Detroit for the festival for a week. Ruby and Bob headed back to St. Louis after the festival but I decided to stick around Detroit for a while. I found three different clubs that I loved to play in and over a three week period I was able to totally get my head around my troubled love life.

I realized during the time I spent with Bob and Ruby that they had something special and I knew that even though I had had three rough relationships I needed someone to love and to love me. I missed my home and I missed my friends so I decided to go back to Kansas City and start living my life again.

I had been back in Kansas City for about a week and had played three or four times at Jarrod's. A few locals had come up to me and welcomed me back and it was nice to have been missed.

One night this hot lady walks into the club and moves to a table front and center to the stage. She sat there watching me for the whole set and when I played Where Do Broken Hearts Go she had tears streaming down her face. She came up to me after the set and said, "Hey Thriller, I'm Christina Bocca from the Bocca Club. My friends call me Tina so Thriller since I want to be your friend why don't you call me Tina." With that a huge smile crossed her face.

She continued, "Thriller, why don't you drop over to the Bocca Club some night and thrill some of my customers? I love your playing and know my customers will love you too."

I knew the time would come when we would see each other but I hadn't expected it to be like this and I was a bit unsettled. My only response was, "I will have to think about it Christina."

I saw her flinch when I didn't call her Tina and a deeper sadness spread across her face. She turned to leave but turned back briefly and said, "Rick I hope you come over to the Bocca Club but if you don't I won't bother you anymore. I just want you to know how very sorry I am that I hurt you and I want you to know that I really do love you."

This time she did turn and hurry out of Jarrod's. No one talked to me as I packed up my sax and left the club. Now I had to decide what to do.

A few nights later I walked into the Bocca Club with my instrument. When Tina saw me come in I could see that she was happy and sad at the same time. I could see tears starting to form in her eyes and frankly it melted my heart. I had talked to my friend Shelly and she had told me of her talk with Tina. I knew that Tina had treated me badly but at the same time I also believed that she had not been intimate with Perry. I loved her and I knew she loved me. We would have to deal with the feelings we both had but I felt we were meant to be together.

I walked over to Tina and said, "Christina, I don't want to be just your friend. Would it be okay if your husband called you Tina too? Will you marry me?"

She jumped into my arms and said, "Oh yes Rick, I will marry you and please call me Tina for the rest of our lives."

We did get married but not before we spent some time in counseling. I won't go into all the details of how some shrink straightened us out but for a brief summary.

We realize that she needed to trust me that I would not hurt her. She had jumped to a conclusion and lashed out. She had not been willing to listen to me and give me the benefit of the doubt and of course she had intentionally done a couple of things to stick it in my face as she said. I doubt that she will do any of those things in the future.

I on the other hand had also jumped to a conclusion and bolted from the relationship without giving her a chance to explain too. It was apparent that the hurts I had sustained in my previous two relationships had not been thoroughly resolved and that I needed to continue with some counseling. I also learned that I needed to sit down and discuss my issues instead of running from them.

All in all it was successful counseling and we both came away with a more balanced way to deal with problems. We both look forward to a happy and eventful marriage.

I still play a Whitney Houston song at the Bocca Club but now I don't play Where Do Broken Hearts Go, I play I Will Always Love You. It is another wonderful song performed by Whitney and of course written by the talented Dolly Parton who by the way has one of my all time favorite quotes, "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap".

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Thanks for reading my story.