Run and Hide Pt. 03

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CC_Ryder
CC_Ryder
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"I'll keep that in mind for my yenta duties," she said.

"Looking into a new career?"

"You're my first test subject," she said. "If it goes as well as I expect, I'll go pro and leave the precious little fifth-graders behind. Help all the gay men I meet find their soul mates."

If only it were that easy.

"More power to you, sister," Ace said.

"So, you should come over for the open house next Sunday," she said, as if the decision were already made. "See the final transformation and then tell me all about your dream guy."

"I don't know, sweetie," he said. "You guys are going to be awfully busy getting ready for the open house, and my love life is hardly a priority on your to-do list."

"Oh please, it's my new favorite priority," she said. "All my friends are already married, so there's nobody else to play with like this."

"I'm so glad I could provide yet another service to the McDonnell-Shipley household," Ace drawled. "How is it that you aren't already somebody's fag hag?"

"I was just waiting for one who was worthy."

"I'm flattered."

"You should be. I have great plans for your love life," she announced.

This could get sticky. He was already in too deep with Holly's future brother-in-law, and now she wanted to fix him up on dates. As if things could get more awkward.

"Oh, and don't forget, you didn't take all the awesome after photos you needed yesterday," Holly said after Ace's long pause.

Ace winced. A real reason to go. He did want to show off the transformation in Steven's house. And it would remove a reason for Tanner to keep calling him.

"You're absolutely right. I need to do that." Ace took a deep breath, preparing to re-enter the ring. "Okay. I'll stop by."

"Excellent. You know what, why don't you come over tonight, too?" she said. "We're going to burn that yard waste from yesterday and do s'mores and hotdogs and stuff. An old-fashioned campfire cookout."

Ace's sense of self-preservation kicked in just in time. He could not handle another minute having to pretend he wasn't hopelessly into Paul, who would most definitely be present.

"I'd better get some work done here, actually," he said. "But you guys have fun with your weenie roast."

Holly sighed into the phone. "Well, it won't be nearly so entertaining without you here."

"Baby doll, if Steven already bores you like that, I would rethink your upcoming housing arrangement."

Holly laughed. "Oh, but he's good for sooo many other fun things."

If he's anything like his brother..."I have no doubt. You'll have to tell me all about them next Sunday."

"That's a promise. The open house starts at one, so Steven and I were thinking of doing lunch about that time and just monopolizing a table at a restaurant for the afternoon."

"Sounds wonderful, actually." And it did. As long as he didn't have to play pretend all afternoon and hold himself back from going down on Paul under the table. If he was there. Which he hoped didn't happen. Or possibly not.

"So it's Steven's house just before one, then on to the Gaf," she confirmed. "We'll get your love life straightened out."

They both paused, then said in unison, "So to speak."

Ah, he liked her. But could he really be friends with her without losing himself in Paul?

And did he even want to?

He returned to the table where Erik was, he was relieved to see, alone.

"Looks like we'll have to interrupt our regular Sunday programming next week," Ace said as he sat down. "Work calls."

Erik frowned. "I thought you don't work on Sunday. I thought it was your thing."

"I was presented with a compelling reason."

The frown remained. "Does this have anything to do with your escape artist?"

Ace started. "How did –" he stopped himself. "With luck, he won't be there anyway," he said dismissively.

"Mm-hmm." Erik was unconvinced. He fixed Ace with a steady look.

Ace stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth. "What?"

"So, youdon'twant him to show up."

"I'm still incredibly pissed with him," Ace protested. "My anger has barely begun to cook."

"Mm-hmmm."

Ace took a defiant bite of waffles.

Erik sighed and dug into his meal. "Well, for those of us keeping a tally, you now have two hot guys after you."

"Oh yes," Ace drawled. "Envy me. It is to envy. I'm not in three kinds of hell here or anything."

"At the very least, you should tell Tanner where you stand," Erik said. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were keeping him on the hook in case you need an emergency fuck buddy."

"No!" Ace squeaked, a little too quickly. "Well," he hedged, "would that be so very awful?"

Erik shook his head. "Greedy, greedy, greedy."

Chapter 9

Sunday evening, Paul made the trip to Kansas City once again to help dispose of the yard waste he helped to create the day before at Steven's house.

Technically, his presence wasn't required for this activity. In fact, it might be a more romantic night for Steven and Holly without him there. But after spending the long afternoon pacing around his condo until he was ready to crawl out of his skin, Paul needed to get out of there.

What a mess he had made of things with Ace. He had wanted to extricate himself carefully, leaving the door cracked open for future encounters. Instead, he had exploded through that door, leaving it in tatters. And he couldn't stop seeing Ace's fallen, disappointed face.

It all came down to cowardice, the enemy of his life since he first realized that girls didn't hold the expected kind of interest for him.

And, worse, he felt all alone in this struggle that he was fighting against himself. Alone by his own design, of course, but that didn't negate the empty feeling of not being able to talk to anyone about this.

Maybe if Ace would ever speak to him again, they could talk about these things. That is, if Paul was able to keep his hands to himself once they were in the same room.

Not a likely scenario.

By the time he got to Steven's house, his brother and Holly had already started feeding branches into the small fire pit on the back patio. Given the size of the burn pile and the size of the fire area, this was going to take a while.

"Hey, bro," Steven called. "Perfect timing. Can you start breaking up some of those larger branches into burnable lengths? I need to go get the saw to work on the thickest ones."

"On your way inside, you can put these in the fridge." Paul handed Steven a six-pack of Boulevard beer, his standard hostess gift.

"Ah, that's my big brother." Steven patted him on the back in a manly fashion and headed inside.

Paul bent down to pick up some branches, and he felt a light smack on his butt.

"Hey cutie," Holly grinned.

"Hey yourself," he smiled. "You're smacking the wrong brother's ass, you know."

"Well, you guys share some DNA, so my hand must have gotten you confused."

"I can't tell you how many girls have told me that."

"How many girls tell you what?" Steven returned with cutting tools.

"About the power of the McDonnell ass," Holly said.

"Oh, well, yeah," Steven shrugged. "Nothing like a powerful ass."

You have no idea,Paul thought, his mind shifting directly to Ace's delectable backside.And you need to keep having no idea.

"Babe, why don't you go get the food that we're going to roast," Holly said. "Paul and I will keep the fire going."

"This feels backward, anthropologically speaking," Steven frowned comically. "Building fire is man's work, woman."

"Yeah, about that," Holly said. "Get used to things being backward."

"Hmpf. Okay," Steven said. "But only because everything feels so good backwards." He waggled his eyebrows and jogged back into the house.

"Did I just learn something about your sex life with my little brother?" Paul asked.

"Depends on how good you are at reading between the lines," she said, throwing more twigs into the flames.

"Truly, no more talk about my brother and sex," Paul pleaded. "There are things you just don't want to know about family members."

Holly brushed her hands onto her jeans and sat down in one of the Adirondack chairs to take up the rest of her supervisory role in the burning of shrubbery.

"Fine. Then let's talk aboutyoursex life."

Paul fought a blush. He wanted to say, 'what sex life?' which usually would be exactly accurate. But not lately.

"By all means," Paul said with a bravery he didn't feel.

After checking that Steven was out of sight and earshot, Holly turned to Paul and fixed him with an unblinking stare.

"I know," she announced.

Paul frowned and shook his head. "Know what?"

"About you."

Her Cheshire cat smile was starting to irk him. "Can you be more specific?"

She leaned far back in her seat to make sure Steven was out of range. "You're gay, aren't you?"

Paul felt the blood drain completely from his face, but he forced himself to stay calm. "Why in the world would you say that?"

"Ace," she said simply.

He was instantly, irrationally furious. Had Ace said something to Holly while they were decorating the house yesterday – while Paul had been sweating outside? Was Ace really that guy?

"Did Ace –" He cut himself off before he gave away more. But it was too late. Holly's triumphant look told him the jig was up.

"I knew it!" she whispered excitedly. "I mean, it was written all over your faces at lunch!"

Paul swallowed with difficulty. "So Ace didn't tell you or anything?"

"No!" Holly said, sounding offended. "I'll have you know my gaydar is the gold standard. I could just tell."

Paul scanned his periphery for Steven, then leaned in toward Holly. "How long have you known? About me, I mean?"

Holly was taken down a peg. "Well, just since Ace. It was the way you looked at him."

That brought a small measure of relief. At least he hadn't been careless before Ace had made him lose all control over his rules.

"So, you didn't have any suspicions before?" he asked carefully.

"That you were gay? Are you kidding? I mean, it's not like I've seen you date at all, but you've either got a mild case of gayness or you're the most carefully closeted guy I've ever seen."

Paul quirked an eyebrow. "Gold standard gaydar, huh?"

"Hey! Cut me a break already! The only other guy I usually see you around is your brother." She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "And I'm feeling an ewww coming on at the implications of that."

"All right," Steven called out, his hands full of platters and baskets. Paul jumped up from his seat and away from the heart-racing conversation he was having with Holly.

"We've got brats, fat-free turkey dogs for you, my dear, and the requisite marshmallows, graham crackers and Hershey bars," Steven said.

"In other words, health food," Paul said, stepping forward to take some of the food.

"Exactly."

Holly took the rest of the food from his arms. "Sweetie, can you go get us some drinks now? I believe I saw Paul walk in with beer. And can you make me some iced tea? Pretty please?"

"That was my next stop, yes." Steven pecked her on the lips and returned to the house.

Paul stabbed some meat on skewers and kept his eyes away from Holly's, trying to forestall any further uncomfortable conversation. It didn't work.

"So, was I right about Ace, too?"

"You mean that he's gay?" Paul asked with fake disinterest. "I'm pretty sure he made that clear up front."

"No, damn it," she huffed. "About you and Ace. There was a thing between you yesterday at lunch. Did something happen?"

Man, whatdidn'thappen. There was no use hiding this; Holly was proving to be frightfully good at coming to the right answer without showing her work.

"Yes," he sighed.

"At lunch?" she persisted.

"And after. And before, actually."

"Really," Holly drew out. "Before? As in before yesterday or just before lunch?"

"Before yesterday. I'd met him last week at a place called Sparks here in town."

"But you didn't seem like you –" Holly let this sink in. "Oh, honey. That must have just thrown you to see him again."

"To say the least, yes." Paul was gratified to hear how quickly Holly understood how awkward it had been for him.

"You know, I invited him here to our weenie roast," she said.

Paul sat up straighter in his chair. "Is he –"

"No. Said he had things to do." She tilted her head to look at him. "Are you disappointed? Or not?"

"Both," Paul admitted. "I don't know. Things are kind of a mess there. My mess, not his."

"Because you're not out?"

"In a nutshell."

"Well, you could always –"

"Not an option."

Holly opened her mouth to say more, but she spotted Steven returning with the drinks and trotted over to help him.

Paul poked at the fire with one of the tree branches and watched as the flames spurted higher.Easy as that, isn't it? You could always come out. You could always turn everything upside-down and see if it all falls to shit.

"Oh, you know what, babe?" Holly lightly touched Steven's arm. "We're going to need napkins and plates and stuff. And maybe some condiments. Ooh, and the buns for the hotdogs – we need the buns."

"I'm really just a pack mule here," Steven grumbled.

"No, you're my big strong man," Holly cooed and slowly kissed him.

Steven walked back to the house with a goofy smile on his face.

Paul regarded Holly. "You use that 'big strong man' line whenever you want someone to do your bidding."

"Shhh," she chided. "I keep your secrets, you keep mine."

Oh God. She definitely needs to keep this secret."Please do."

"It's that important?" she asked. "To be a secret, I mean?"

"Yes," he said fervently.

"Why? What are you afraid of?" Holly furrowed her brow. "Is it Steven –"

Paul cut her off. "Do NOT tell Steven," he said sharply. "Of all the people you're not going to tell, he's at the very top of the list."

Holly sat back and slowly nodded. It didn't look like she agreed with him, but Paul could tell that she was going to do as he asked.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked kindly. "About Ace? About other things?"

"I don't know," he sighed.

"Okay. Then, what do youwantto do?"

Paul's mind flashed to the view from Ace's bedroom – the happy street below, Ace's cozy house and all-knowing cat. For the first time in his life, when he thought about what he wanted from a man, he didn't automatically think naked thoughts. He thought about making a home – making a life with someone. With Ace.

Before Paul was forced to answer that loaded question, Steven returned with his latest pack of supplies.

"Will there be anything else, madam?" he asked in a bad British accent.

"That will do for now, Jeeves," Holly replied airily.

"Was Jeeves ever that sarcastic?" Paul asked.

Holly just looked at him. "Have you ever actually read Jeeves? Because clearly it wasn't very closely if you missed the sarcasm."

"Dude, eyes on the fire," Steven said to Paul. The fire in question was starting to flag thanks to inattention. "Enough book talk. It was books, right?" he checked with his fiancé. "The Jeeves thing?"

"Good catch, honey." Holly kissed him sweetly.

Paul felt a sudden pang of unfocused jealousy. Not of Steven or Holly specifically, but of what they had. Would he ever be able to sit around a fire pit with his brother and Holly and just casually lean over to kiss Ace?

And it was always Ace in all these new, fuzzy dreams he had now – not just "some guy." All "guys" have been replaced by only Ace in his future hopes.

Now that Holly had run out of chores for Steven to do, they settled down into the business of roasting and eating and maintaining the fire.

It was a perfect night for sitting outside and making a little campfire. The cloudless sky revealed a faint cover of stars, and the late spring air was just cool enough to make the fire a welcome addition to the party.

The only thing marring it for Paul was that he was once again relegated to third wheel status. More than ever, his solitary life rubbed him the wrong way, especially since he'd had a taste – a sniff – of what else he could have.

When they had all finished their meals, Holly sent Steven inside once more for trash bags.

"Okay, but next time, I expect some assistance," Steven said sternly, but smiling.

Once Steven was safely out of range, Holly returned to their parallel conversation, just as if no time had passed.

"Okay. Not telling Steven. Gotcha," she nodded. "I think you're underestimating him, though."

"For now, I'll stick with my original estimates," Paul mumbled.

"And what are you going to do about Ace?"

"Well, that's a little sticky."

"Um, ew."

Paul smacked her lightly on the arm. "Not like that." He considered it. "Well, maybe a little –"

Holly slugged him back. Harder.

"I don't know," Paul said, serious again. "I don't know if he will even look at me again after how I ran out this morning."

"It was bad?"

"There was a witness."

Holly winced in sympathy. Then she patted his leg. "I'll do some investigating on your behalf. We'll fix it."

Paul's fear sensors kicked up a notch. "Miss Shipley," he said slowly, "what are you –"

"Hang on," she interrupted. She pulled out her phone and quickly sent a text. "We need refills. It will keep him inside a little longer."

"Ace is coming to the open house next Sunday," Holly said, picking up the conversation again. "I'll get to the bottom of things."

That sounded innocent enough, but Paul was still a little wary. "How very sixth grade of you. 'Ask Jennifer to ask Cody if Bobby thinks I'm cute,'" he said in a high voice.

"Don't mock the time-honored ways of the yenta," Holly said solemnly.

Her phone trilled with a new text alert. "Steven says, 'stop texting me around,'" she said with affection. "And he says you need to stoke the fire."

"Bossy little brother," Paul muttered with a smile.

He put more wood on the fire and sat back in his lounge chair. "You know, it feels good to talk about this," he said. "I've never been able to tell anyone before."

Holly reached over and took his hand in her smaller one. "You can call me absolutely any time, babe," she said. "I'm so lucky to be getting you as a big brother, and I want to be there for you."

Tears pricked at Paul's eyes. "Ah, if only I went for girls," he sighed. "I would have stolen you away from Steven, brotherhood be damned."

"What was that?" Steven called out. Paul stiffened. What had he heard exactly?

"Brotherhood be damned, huh?" Steven continued.

"Paul is regretting not stealing me away from you," Holly said. Paul felt a surge of gratitude for his new confidante.

"As if there would be a contest," Steven scoffed. "I'm clearly prettier."

"And in more need of someone to crack the whip," Paul retorted.

"That too," Steven said, plopping himself down in the chair next to Holly. "Okay, folks. This pack mule is done for the night. Any more fetching is up to you."

Holly smiled at him. "Such rewards for you tonight, love," she purred.

Paul cleared his throat. "Do I need to make myself scarce?"

"Are you kidding? You're doing the rest of the cleanup, lazyass," Steven said. "Jeeves has retired for the evening."

"Tell Paul about that client call you got this morning," Holly prompted.

Steven launched into a spirited telling of the latest of his Stupid Client Encounters, and Paul settled into his chair to listen.

This night – this comfortable night by an outdoor fire, watching the stars pop out of the sky and listening to Steven's tales of woe from his work – this was what Paul was so scared of losing if he came out.

The question he now faced was if gaining Ace was worth sacrificing these moments.

*****

A week later – seven visits from Lola, two texts from Tanner, three calls from Erik and absolutely nothing from Paul – Ace drove to Steven McDonnell's open house to take the last of his after photos.

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CC_Ryder
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