Sabbatical

She went on, "But of course that's not all of it. If I were studying there, both of us would want to keep on with what we've just been doing. You know it as well as I do. What would happen to us, to me especially, when your wife found out? That's 'when', Dan, not 'if'. You've been married a long time, right? She has to know you well, she certainly would pick up that something was different. And you're pretty easy to read anyway." I grimaced. I knew that already, and I never did like being reminded of it. "You say you know people there who would help me, and that's great, but she must know people too, and I'm sure she could find ways to make life hard for her husband's lover."

When she put it that way, it all sounded a bit tawdry. Terri's husband's lover. Not a phrase implying a hint of illicit romance, like "Dan's mistress" perhaps. I was sorry now that I had ever brought up the subject. Elena was right; carrying on with an affair -- and no doubt at all we'd want to -- would put her in an impossible position.

"Forgive me, Elena," I said, forlornly now. "I was caught up in the moment, I wanted to see you again so desperately, wanted to continue everything we have -- everything; our talks, our friendship, just as much as the loving we've enjoyed, though I want that badly too." She smiled at that. "I was very selfish. I wasn't thinking about you and how you might be hurt. I'm so sorry."

"Dan, you're so sweet. It couldn't work for us and I think honestly you know that. What we'll have to be content with are the incredible memories we'll have of each other, from the time we first met to the time we finally connected last night. I will treasure those forever. No doubt too that you've spoiled me for other men. I'll always be comparing them to you, in bed and out of it, and I know that so many will fall short, because you are really the best there is." She paused a second. "And now," she said as she stood up and loosened the robe, confirming she had nothing on underneath, "let's go back to bed. We haven't finished yet and I'm the selfish one now; I want to overdose on memories."

It was every bit as good as the night before, but the mood was very different. Our coupling was slow, languid, deliberate. Neither of us wanted these moments to end. I was seeing her body in the light of day for the first time, and I pored over every detail of her practically-perfect form, storing each of them away in my brain like digital photos on a hard drive. We stayed in the missionary position and I tried to memorize her expressions: the sharp intake of breath as I feasted on her nipple, the little surprised o formed by her lips as I bottomed out in her pussy.

It could not last, of course. At length she urged me onward. "Faster, Dan. Harder," she breathed. "Make me yours." The thought of Elena being mine excited me beyond belief. I gave her what she asked for, faster and harder, and then even more so, and she responded with cries and moans and fingernails clawing my back, and the universe was reduced to my cock pounding into her fiercely, wildly, relentlessly, and everything caved in as we went over the top together in a blaze of passion.

I rolled off her and discarded the condom. We lay together without speaking. No words could possibly express the swirl of my emotions at that moment.

"Oh Dan, I will miss you, I'll miss you so much." She started to cry again, gentle tears this time, and I held her equally gently until she calmed down.

"Wow, we are a sticky mess," she said with her trademark giggle, and she was right, we had worked up a sweat towards the end with our reckless fucking. "After that, I think I need another shower."

"Go right ahead. Use any towel you want, they all stay here anyway."

The shower stall was not big enough for two, so I couldn't join her, but I did have one last trick. I waited until she'd been in about a minute, then slid the door open and shut off the water. Before Elena could say anything I grabbed a handful of liquid soap and began lathering her body. I soaped her all over, shoulders to feet, with special attention to her breasts and her ass cheeks. She began to moan. Standing behind her I stroked her slit with one finger, then slid inside her lips and inserted one, then two fingers into her pussy while my other hand fondled first one breast, then the other. She moaned louder. Soon her knees buckled and she had to grab the shower rail as she shuddered her way through her fourth orgasm of the last half day.

I dried off quickly, got back into my clothes and retreated to the living room. In a few minutes Elena came in, gloriously naked, to retrieve her bag and the clothing she'd shed last night. I whistled appreciatively, and she blushed. Then she ran over to me and enveloped me with her sparking-clean body in a fierce embrace, while giving me a soul-shattering, time-stopping kiss. "That's a thank you for what you do to me," she said after breaking the kiss, and moved back to the bedroom to dress.

When she emerged, she was wearing a loose top and tight jeans, much like the clothes she was wearing when I first saw her, what seemed like half a lifetime ago. "Here, Dan," she said. "Like I said, I'll have my wonderful memories. You should have some too," and she tossed me the panties she had worn the night before. I still have them, hidden in my shaving kit, though her scent has faded.

Awkwardly we embraced again, our silence saying more than words ever could. "I guess this is good-bye, Elena," I said at last. "No matter where I go, no matter how long I live, I will always remember you and the time we've had together."

"Dan, me too, you will have a special place in my heart, forever and always," she replied, misty-eyed like I was. She walked to the door and donned her coat. "Good-bye Dan. Thank you, thank you for everything." A last kiss and she was out the door. I watched numbly from the open doorway as she headed down the stairs. At length I heard the slam of the outer gate echoing in the stairwell. I moved to the living room window and watched her walk away until she disappeared, heading for the street corner to flag down a taxi.

Robotically I went through the motions of cleaning up and packing my things. Mechanically I carted my bags downstairs and climbed into the van for the ride to the airport. At least I had presence of mind to leave Yevgeny a generous tip for his many kindnesses. With a blank face and a leaden heart I went through check in and immigration and security, only caring that every step, every process separated me that much further from Elena, putting up impassible barriers between us, setting a seal of finality on our parting.

No Wi-Fi in the departure lounge. But what would I write anyway? That I had had the most devastatingly glorious sex of my life with a woman I would probably never see again? At that moment my feelings overwhelmed me. I put aside the laptop, buried my face in my hands, and let the tears flow, tears of longing and hopelessness and yes, I finally dared to admit it, lost, forbidden love.

By chance two girls in the class I had picked up from Mohammed were in the departure lounge. I was looking down and didn't see them approach, until one spoke. "Professor," she said, a bit nervously. "Are you all right? Is there anything we can do?"

I looked up and hurriedly composed myself. "Oh hello Larissa, hello Sholpan. No I'm all right, just feeling sad about leaving. So much has happened here, so many wonderful things for me." Yes indeed. More than I can ever tell the two of you.

"Yes Professor, we wanted to tell you that we enjoyed your class, we were so glad to be your students even just for a few weeks." That was kind of them, I thought. An announcement began, in Russian. "That's our flight, got to go. Have a safe trip and a wonderful holiday."

"You too ladies, thanks for stopping by, have a great trip."

They went off to board their flight. An hour later I had boarded mine, and was heading for home.

Epilogue

It was on my third night home, after my jet lag had mostly worn off, that Terri surprised and delighted me by appearing at the bedroom door in a form-fitting black teddy. The night of passion that followed prompted a hurried visit to Victoria's Secret for a suitable Christmas gift, after a quick search through her clothing drawers to determine her sizes. Over the Christmas holiday and then into the new semester we settled into a new and, to me, wonderfully fulfilling sexual relationship: not that frequent -- maybe twice a week -- but with a willingness to experiment that I hadn't seen from Terri for years, if ever. We even tried the kitchen table, though we both agreed that would be a one-off since it just wasn't comfortable.

Maybe Terri has a story of her own to tell. Maybe she'll write about it here. I'm in no position to judge her, not after my night, make that my semester with Elena. Meanwhile I'm very content with my wife and my marriage. I have no doubt that I'm an incredibly fortunate man.

Elena and I swapped a few e-mail messages after I returned. She filled me in on some KBS news and gossip, but she never mentioned our last night together. Then in late April I received a letter from her, addressed to the office. The envelope was standard KBS letterhead but the handwriting was unmistakably Elena's. I eagerly ripped the letter open.

She had broken up with her boyfriend, which was no surprise. More interesting was that Martin had helped to arrange a scholarship for her to study at his new university in the UK. She would start her MSc in Human Resource Management in August. Guess I must have planted an idea in her head and she ran with it. Interesting that she had approached a man she disliked, one who'd certainly be trying every way possible to get into her pants. But of course she'd anticipated that. "Don't worry," she wrote. "I know what he's like. I know he'll try to seduce me. Trust me, that will never ever happen. There is no way that he could ever be as considerate, as passionate, as fabulous a lover as you."

She continued:

"Dan, I'll remember for my entire life the night we spent together. Not just because of the pleasure we gave each other in bed, though that was wonderful. It's because that night was the fitting climax to a semester where we first were colleagues, then became good friends, and, dare I say it, by the end we were a bit in love with each other. I know what I felt for you was more than physical attraction. I have no doubt that some day I'll find true love, and I'll be able to recognize it when it happens because of my time with you. For that I owe you a debt that I can never repay. I wish you the very best, and I hope you think of me with the same fondness with which I'll always remember you, the first man to touch my heart, my first real love."

"With my eternal gratitude,

Elena"

In every man's life there are the what-ifs, the might-have-beens -- the friends who might have been lovers, the lovers who might have been companions. I will grow old, I may become impotent, eventually I'll die, but I will carry to the grave the memories of a young woman who for me will always be the ultimate might-have-been, the remarkable, incomparable Elena.

Thank you for reading. Terri's story may follow, if there is interest. Peace to all.

AW