Sabine

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"What? Sabine? Hell yes, I'm surprised," I cried. "Is everything all right? I'm so glad you called!"

"No. No everything is not all right. I am here freezing in Helsinki and you are somewhere else. Fucking hell," she grumped. I smiled. I could imagine how she was wrinkling her nose.

"Watch your language," I teased. "I am still innocent."

"We are going to change that," Sabine assured me. "And soon after I return. I have not been able to forget our goodbye kiss, my love. You have put me under a spell."

I blushed crimson as I felt myself become wet. Again. This was getting to be a habit.

"This must be costing you a fortune," I said, changing the subject.

"Yes, but only a small one," Sabine replied with a chuckle. "Besides, it keeps my spirits up so it is worth it."

"Please hurry back. I miss you," I blurted out. There was a long pause.

"I love you, Kate," she said suddenly. I realized that Janneke was looking at me.

"I love you too," I answered softly. Janneke smiled and headed to bed.

"Remember that when I return, ok?" Sabine said with a soft giggle. She hung up.

"I will. I promise," I whispered as I hung up the phone.

I brushed my teeth and tidied up a bit before getting into bed. I lay there, mind racing. My hormones were racing, too. I tried prayer, then some deep breathing, but I still felt like I had been plugged into an electric outlet. Sensations zinged through my entire body. To my chagrin, I realized that they were zinging mostly straight into my groin.

Sleep was going to be impossible in this state. I decided to use the trick I had learned in college for times like this.

I had, of course, been taught that "touching yourself" was totally sinful. As I got older, though, Nature kept asserting her desires and by my sophomore year my willpower was about gone. I could feel that it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to the sin of masturbation.

One evening after Bible study, I was in such a sorry state that I asked one of my best friends to pray with me. When she asked what I needed help with, I explained my situation. She smiled and we asked God to help me direct my natural feelings in healthy ways.

Then she took me aside and described what she did to as she put it, "aid the Lord's work in ridding me of the lust of Onan." I tried it that evening and found that it was very effective and gave great peace.

Now I knew that I would need to assist the Lord once again.

I crossed my ankles and pressed my thighs together. Carefully positioning my hand above my genitals (so as to avoid the sin of touching them), I pressed down on my mons—hard—with the heel of my right hand and added the left for additional pressure. I began to gently rock my hips.

"Dear Lord, please deliver me from the sin of lust." I intoned in rhythm with my rocking. I knew the sinful feeling might increase briefly but the prayer and the rocking would soon do the trick.

I began to fall into a relaxed, almost trance-like state.

Then, faintly, I began to hear Jan and Janneke. Their bedroom was right next to mine and I could occasionally hear them talking. Now it seemed like they were arguing—at least having an animated conversation. I stopped my "prayer" and tried to make out what the disturbance was.

They were talking in Dutch. From hearing them around the house, I knew that some words are like German, some are like English—and some aren't like either. Unfortunately, they seemed to be using a lot of the "none of the above" ones at the moment so I couldn't really make out what they were discussing.

Janneke seemed to be asking for something—not exactly pleading, but it was important. Jan seemed resistant. Finally I heard, "...den Kate macht ons horen..." and I understood.

Janneke was in the same state as I was. She needed Jan—and he was nervous with me right next door. I felt my face flush—only partly from embarrassment.

I began rocking my hips again, this time without the prayer for deliverance. I kept listening.

Bed clothes rustled and there were kissing sounds. More rustling, and then Jan sighed, "God." I could imagine that Janneke had got naked. The bed creaked as though they readjusted. Janneke whispered something, then just heavy breathing. Jan grunted. She had him going.

Now I heard Janneke gasp. More rustling.

"Komm," Janneke sighed. The bed creaked. Soft rustling. Another gasp from Janneke. Then a soft grunt.

"Ahhhh. Daar." Another sigh and a groan. The bed began creaking rhythmically.

I pictured Janneke on her back, her legs spread wide for Jan. Opening up like a flower. Open. Available. A good wife.

And Jan. Driving into her. Strong. Powerful. In command. Slowly and deeply entering his woman. Possessing her. Pleasuring her.

I imagined that I was Jan. I would mount Janneke—my woman. I would use my body to pleasure her. To give her what she yearned for. To make her complete.

I matched my rocking to the slow, rhythmic squeaking of their bed. I was Jan; moving, thrusting. With her. In her. Joined to her.

My movements slowed as my mind wandered back to the days of "Lizzy Lezzie."

Lezzie? No—just a human being in love. A woman who feels.

Janneke began to moan softly. The bed was creaking a bit faster and she was starting to get into it more. She was getting off with her husband—but I knew she had yearnings for a woman.

Lezzie? Lesbian? Of course. I felt a hot flush burn through me from head to toe.

I stopped my rocking and gripped my crotch firmly, realizing that the Lord would fail to accomplish His work tonight. So be it. Women had needs, too.

It was time to fulfill my destiny—to work with intention. I did what I had only experimented with a couple of times before. I reached inside my pajama bottoms—and committed The Sin.

I used two fingers together, sliding down the lips on the left side, then back up to the mons. I made circles on my mons as my eyes widened and I felt my nipples go totally erect. Then I slowly slid my fingers down the lips on the right. And up; and circles; and down. And on. And on. World without end. Amen.

I could feel my clitoris become hard as I heard Jan and Janneke quicken their pace. Beyond reason, I pulled off my top, and then, impulsively, my bottoms too. Fully naked, I kicked away the covers, exposing myself completely as my fingers resumed their wonderful, sinful dance across my genitals.

I was again on top of Janneke. Pleasuring her. Inside her. As I circled my mons, my fingers slid down and slipped inside my slit.

"Ahhhh," I cried as the warm wetness enfolded me and I found my clitoris slippery and achingly erect. I began circling directly on it. And now I was really dancing, my hips joyfully thrusting, celebrating the pleasure that was coursing through me.

The creaking from the next room was becoming more intense, and I moaned and thrust and danced along with Janneke. I spread my legs as wide as I could, bending my knees, opening wide. Now I needed to be entered. To be taken.

Finally, my angel came to me.

The One.

"I love you, Kate." Sabine's words came to me. "I love you, my Kate." How I loved it when she called me "my Kate!"

"I love you, Sabine," I sighed. "My Sabine." Now she was there—with me. My arousal burned more brightly, but my soul became calm. Sabine was here. Now I could be taken. All would be well. My destiny would be fulfilled.

Sabine was sure of herself, masterful, expert. She was past yearning, seeking and experimenting. She understood herself and her desires. Of course. She was a lesbian.

My breathing quickened and again a flush surged through my body.

It was so simple.

She was a lesbian. Gay. Queer. She is a lesbian. Sabine is a lesbian. A beautiful, wonderful, perfect lesbian.

"I love you, Sabine." I called out as I felt myself rising. It always works better to pray out loud. I began gasping out my prayer.

"Lesbian...lesbian..." in that moment it was the sexiest word I could think of. Waves of aching desire pulsed through me as my hand worked furiously. I began arching upward, thrusting, seeking...

As I danced on the edge I imagined Sabine. She was a lesbian. She was on top of me.

OUR bed was creaking as Sabine used her body to pleasure her woman—a lesbian.

To pleasure her woman. Her lesbian woman.

Me.

"Oh, God!" I cried as my back arched and the spasm of a huge orgasm seared through me. I jerked myself nearly to a sitting position, then fell backwards until another powerful jolt caused me to lunge upward again.

I grabbed my pussy, pressing down as hard as I could. My legs shot out, straight and tense and I squeezed my thighs together as I began shaking with a second orgasm. My head snapped back and my back arched.

"God. Shit. Ah—fuck." I gasped and grunted as I rode through the final throes of it. I fell back, breathing hard, exhausted from my labors.

Yes. Yes, God, it is true. I am a lesbian. I am in love with a lesbian—I am beyond reason needing to be with my woman. Not just to be with her; not just to kiss her. I want to make love with her. Body, mind, heart and soul. With her. With my woman.

Please, God, help me fulfill my destiny. Please, please, please. Grant me this one thing and I will serve Thee forever.

Impulsively, I grabbed my pillow, wadded it up and tucked it between my legs, squeezing it hard between my thighs and pressing down with my hands. I curled up in a fetal position and pulled the covers around me like a cocoon. Tears flooded down my face.

For an instant, reason returned and I was petrified that I might have been heard. The sounds from the other room, though, told me they were still hard at it. A 747 could have landed in the living room unnoticed.

The creaking reached its peak as I heard Janneke gasp and cry out with her orgasm. A few moments later, the bed clunked wildly as Jan grunted and found his release.

Heterosexuals and homosexuals alike had found peace.

The house fell silent.

And I knew I was gay.

========================================

As the Christmas holiday—and Sabine's blessed return—approached, Jan and Janneke made plans to visit their family in Holland. I was happy to house-sit for them, and so everyone prepared for the holidays in their own way.

"Goodbye, Kate. You're sure you know everything you need?" Jan asked for the umpteenth time.

I looked forlornly at the immense stack of papers they had given me: contact information, schedules, emergency numbers and God-knows-what-else. My most recent UN report on proposed changes to international law was more concise.

"Thank you so much, Jan. Yes, I'm sure I'll be fine. And I have your brother's number. I promise I will call if there are any problems at all. Please don't worry about me. Have a great time and a wonderful Christmas."

"Ok. Bye then...we have to hurry to the airport."

Janneke gave me a big hug. She had been in a wonderful mood for the past few days. For that matter, so had I. They bustled out with luggage and baby, leaving me alone in the apartment.

Ok. Four days to go. I can do this.

I quickly realized, though, that while coming to terms with my sexual orientation may have stilled my psychological turmoil, it had unleashed a torrent of raw, animal lust. Now that I had allowed myself to be comfortable with the idea of making love with a woman, I was consumed with desire.

I sat and tried to read. That didn't go well. I kept thinking of Sabine. I missed her terribly.

I began to wonder if I could get away with smoking a cigarette in the apartment, but finally decided against it. I settled for hunting up the pack I had bought and setting it on the table next to me. That was good—it was almost like being close to her.

I imagined where Sabine was at the moment. Probably chairing an important meeting somewhere. Making the world a better place. She would be so commanding, so poised, so elegant. And she would be so beautiful.

Beautiful...yes, she was so beautiful. She made me ache with desire.

Absent-mindedly, I began touching my breasts, almost swooning with pleasure. I came to my senses and stopped, blushing and looking around guiltily.

Of course, I was alone in the apartment, sitting in the living room. Right where I had so brazenly pulled off my shirt for Janneke. I recalled how doing that had made her nipples go erect. As I remembered her breasts, I could feel my own nipples go rigid.

I pulled off my shirt, gaining free access to my body. Now Sabine's image danced before me, sitting where Janneke had been. I teased my nipples to furious erection for her. Fuck, yeah. Now I was into this with the right woman.

I crossed my ankles and began squeezing my thighs together, wriggling around on the sofa, dancing for Sabine. This time, though, my prayer was for the touch of my woman, not for deliverance.

The phone rang, abruptly ending my lustful ballet. I hesitated, unsure whether to answer. Then I remembered Sabine's surprise call. You never knew. I lifted the receiver.

"Hello?"

A torrent of Dutch burst forth. I couldn't understand a word.

"I'm sorry, I don't speak Dutch—just English and some German," I apologized.

"Oh. I am very sorry. I am Jan's brother. May I speak with him?"

"Oh hello. I'm Kate—I'm living with them for a little while. I'm sorry, but they just left for the airport."

"Oh! Great! Er. Do you know what time they are arriving to Rotterdam? I am to pick them up." After consulting my array of schedules, I found the answer.

"Yes I do. Their schedule says they arrive Rotterdam at 7:45 PM."

"Thanks so much. Have a beautiful Christmas."

"You too. Bye." I hung up.

I would have a beautiful Christmas, I thought, if I didn't die of horniness before it got here. I was still raging with desire, half-naked, my nipples insanely erect. My hands would not stay away from them; I had scarcely set the phone down before I went at it again.

I caressed, squeezed and pulled on them, sending waves of pleasure through my body. My ass clenched and released and I thrust my hips forward and back, as though fucking the air. I squatted, feeling the pressure of my genitals against my jeans.

I knew I had to get a grip on myself.

No, not like that, I scolded my hand as it clutched my groin. But squeezing my pussy did offer enough relief that reason could take hold for a moment. I realized that I could spend the next four days masturbating non-stop and still be crazy. I lusted for Sabine. Just getting off wasn't what I needed. I needed her. I needed her to touch me.

My mind clouded over again. Masturbating might not be the answer, but a couple dozen orgasms couldn't hurt, right? Somehow, my pants had fallen off. I was now completely naked.

I had never stimulated my nipples and clitoris at the same time. I wondered what that might do. Since I was going to be getting more active sexually, I should learn more about my body, I told myself. That seemed sensible. Reasonable.

I heard myself moan out loud. I just needed to finish myself off. To orgasm. Come. I groaned again, gasping for breath. Reasonable? What the fuck? There was no reason involved anymore. My pussy was in control.

I squeezed my nipples hard, then sent one hand downward, exploring. I had found my clitoris easily a few nights ago. Was that just beginners luck? It seemed to have vanished.

Where was the damn thing? Maybe up here...YES! Holy Fucking Christ it was amazing!

I stood there, masturbating like a pro for about 30 seconds, then my legs buckled and I dropped awkwardly to the floor in a half-squatting, half-kneeling position. I sheepishly acknowledged that I still hadn't worked out all the kinks, but I was getting the hang of this masturbation thing quickly. I knew I could make myself come in a couple of minutes.

I looked at the clock to see the time, curious about how just how quickly I could come. But then I started to wonder out how many hours before Sabine returned. I could do a countdown. That might be fun. My brow furrowed as I tried to do the math in my head, temporarily distracting me from my pulsating genitals.

The phone rang again. Dammit.

I again hesitated—but maybe it was another question about Jan and Janneke's travel. It might be important. And the Guinness world record for world's fastest orgasm would only be delayed for another couple of minutes. That activity was now front and center in the day's agenda. I was going to come, the only questions were when, how quickly, and how many times.

"Hello?" The sound of a loudspeaker blaring some odd language filled the phone.

"Hallo to you. What are you doing later tonight?"

My heart stopped. It was Sabine.

"Oh my God! I'm so glad you called." I almost burst into tears. "Later tonight I will be wishing that I was in your arms."

"Well, you will be. My plane lands at 9:00. And I will want some dinner. Would you like to have a late dinner with me?"

"How? Where are you—I mean. YES! I want to have dinner with you. Anytime. Midnight. I don't care. Then I want hug you. But. Um. You're not supposed to be coming back yet." The words tripped over themselves coming out of my mouth. I was still breathless from being on the brink of climax.

"I know, but I got my work done as fast as I could so I could leave early. I had to fly standby from Helsinki via Tallinn and Warsaw. One more hellish flight on fucking Aeroflot and I will be back with you."

I couldn't speak.

"Kate?" Sabine asked. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm crying, I'm so happy!" I exclaimed. "Yes everything is all right. Just as long as you get back to me."

"Ok. Not even the fucking Russians will stop me. I will call you when I get to my apartment, ok? I love you."

"Oh God, I love you too," I cried. "I love you so much, Sabine."

After we hung up I began scrambling around like a lunatic, trying to pick out what to wear, grabbing stuff for my shower, figuring out what to do. The idea of masturbating now seemed absurd. It would just delay my getting ready to see Sabine.

Then I got a grip on myself and looked at the clock. 4:45. I realized that I had hours before she arrived. Sabine wouldn't be at her place until 9:30 at the earliest—then it would take me 20 minutes to get there...

I immediately decided not to wait for her call. I'd just plan to arrive at her house at 9:30 and wait there. What was I going to do except go crazy anyway? I was hyperventilating.

I showered carefully, and put on her favorite outfit: jeans, the blue t-shirt, pink button-down and green hoodie—all freshly ironed. And the silver chain that she said was sexy.

After taking time to be as perfect as possible for her, I looked at the clock. 6:00. Fuck it. I laced up my boots, grabbed the pack of cigarettes and headed out, unable to stay still any longer.

As I opened the door and turned out the light I felt a sudden urge to pray. I closed the door and knelt.

"Dear Heavenly Father, please guide my steps tonight. Please help me to be your faithful servant always. Please watch over me. And please, Dear Lord, bring my Sabine home safely. In your name. Amen."

In the evening gloom, the dark stairwell seemed ominous and creepy. As I descended, weird, demonic shadows played on the walls—the perfect atmosphere for a sinner's descent into Hell. I heard distant doors banging and the clash of the metal gate of the elevator. I broke into a cold sweat and hurried down, as though Satan himself were at my heels. I fled down the entry hall and burst open the door.

And emerged into Magical Vienna. Snowflakes twinkled down, and the brightly lit streets were filled with people laughing and celebrating. Oh, beautiful, wonderful Vienna!

I ran through the streets, filled with joy and feeling light as a feather. I stopped in front of the opera house, then ran around catching snowflakes on my tongue, giddy with the knowledge that I was going to see Sabine—and that I was not cringing from the idea of her touch.