Sailing To Survive

"So I would have a chance with you?" I could hear a certain eagerness in her voice.

"Let me put it this way; of all of the women I have met since I got out of the Navy, you would rank in the top five."

"What happened to the other four?"

"Three were married and one got screwed over and moved far away."

"So you dated married women?"

"No; at least I have not knowingly dated a married woman. I said that I have known three women who I got to know well enough to decide that they would fit with me but they were already married. I don't know if I fit their image because we never talked about it."

"And the other one?"

"She was special. We didn't work together directly but did work together on several projects and were very compatible. We had dinner a couple of times. But then, she got caught in an odd situation and got burned. When she complained, she got run out of town. She landed on her feet but she still has a problem trusting people."

"When was the last time you talked to her?"

"I saw her four days ago for about twenty minutes."

"Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Feelings of friendship and support, yes; we never got beyond that point and I doubt that we ever will."

"That is a shame. It sounds like you and she might have had a chance."

"Maybe; maybe not. It is really hard to look at some one and predict what the future might bring. All you can really see is what today will bring; tomorrow is always a leap of faith. I learned that in the military."

"So where are you going and what are you going to do now?"

"You ask a lot of questions for a snoopy little girl."

"I'm not a little girl; I am a young woman who is curious. That's all." She blushed lightly as she defended herself.

"I can't give you a firm answer. I decided to take some time off and figure that out. That is why I bought this boat. I want to see the Mississippi River and maybe go down the Texas coast. Somewhere along the way, I hope I can figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Maybe I'll be a country western singer or a town drunk somewhere. That's about the best answer I can give you." I couldn't tell her that most of that was basically to just let people forget that I exist since I could be a problem to them.

"You wouldn't make a good town drunk and I don't know how well you can sing but I can't see you dressed up in a loud shirt strumming a guitar and wailing about lost love or cheating girlfriends."

"You are probably right. Now Miss Navigator, do you want to look at the map and find a place for us to park for the night? I don't recall a town or marina along this stretch of the river."

"You are right. There is a place about fifteen miles ahead about here I think. We anchored there on the way down and it is a protected bay and has a nice beach."

"That sounds perfect. I'll let you know when we get close and show you how to anchor this dude for the night."

She leaned over and kissed me before she went back down and into the galley. As I sat there alone, I reflected on the events of today and our talk. I felt a funny, mixed set of feelings that I didn't understand. On the one hand, I was with a woman who made me feel really good about myself and showed me that a future like I had described was possible. She was untainted by some of dark things in life like sliding down a rope at dawn in a strange land and not knowing if the meal you had eaten two hours before was going to be your last one. She didn't yet know that some people in powerful places could become so sterile that the only thing important was to keep a non-human entity alive and throbbing through constant infusions of other people's sweat and money. She didn't realize that the man she was teasing wasn't who he said he was and was running to find a place to hide.

When I put it that way, I felt the dark feelings creep over me again. I needed to take her back to her safe life and not expose her to these dark things. She would find her own terrors in time. But she would hopefully never know the eyes. They never left me alone for long. I could see them as clearly today and I did ten years ago. Those smirking and laughing eyes that dared me to challenge his power and authority. Today, those eyes had been transformed onto a young white face rather than on a darkly tanned and bearded one. I realized that I had seen the same look just this morning on the face of a young idiot who didn't even know how to wipe his ass yet. But the eyes were the same and showed the same mocking and disdain for me and everyone else. The face changed but the eyes didn't. They belonged to a soulless man with too much power and too much control and he would wreak just as much havoc and destruction in his own way as the bearded one in Afghanistan had. I shuddered at the thought and just hoped that Emily would find a safe refuge from the likes of the Jefferson Martin the Thirds of the future.

I began shaking and knew that it would take more than a couple of scotches to calm me down tonight and that thought kept me unsettled. An hour later, I had calmed a little when Emily came back up and handed me a scotch. "It is about time for us to get to the place. So tell me, my Captain, how to park this beast."

I couldn't help but grin. She had the ability to make me forget the dark things for awhile. "We have about a mile before we get there. I don't know what we will be coming into but we need to end up facing the wind for the night. If the water is deeper than two or three feet, we can get as close to shore as we want and maybe tie off to a tree or something. If not, then we need to stay farther away from shore and drop the front anchor and let it catch and hold us. Then I will drop the stern anchor and maybe a mid-ship anchor if the wind is up. So which way is the wind blowing from?"

"It is coming from the west. So, we need to enter the bay and turn to the west. How can we tell how deep the water is?"

I looked at the map and it didn't say. "We will enter the bay very slowly and I will see what the color of the water is. If it is light, it is probably too shallow; if it is darker, then we are probably deep enough. We can try it if we are slow. That way, if we hit the sand or mud, we won't get stuck and can back our way out. If we go faster, we could get stuck too hard to back out. A lot of this is just getting comfortable with the different local environment. You just learn over time."

"Here is the entrance; are we going too fast?"

"No; this is about right. Where did you anchor the other night?"

"He just pulled into the center of the bay and dropped anchor."

"That figures. It is probably lucky that he got stuck on the bar. If he had kept going, he would probably have wrecked his daddy's boat. Make for the far shore there and make a loop around the bay while I check it out." She turned the boat in an arc around the bay while I surveyed the shore and the water. It appeared that the central part with the beach was shallow but both sides were deeper and were somewhat protected by the sand bars that created the small bay. I pointed out a spot for her to go to on the south side and told her to reverse the engine to stop our forward motion. Then I went forward to drop the anchor. It held quickly and I threw out the stern anchor and it took hold quickly too.

I yelled for her to shut off the engine and we were surrounded by silence which felt terribly good at the moment. I took a line and waded to the shore and tied it off on a large tree of shore. She stood at the side gunwale and watched what I was doing. "Why did you do that? I thought that you were going to use a side anchor."

"This is just a safety line. Right now we are pointed into the wind and as long as it hold steady, the anchors will hold and we will be stable. But if the wind shifts to the southwest which it often does down here in the spring and summer, we could be pushed towards the center of the bay if one or both of the anchors aren't set really firmly. This line will keep us pretty close to this spot regardless of what the wind does. But we need to watch or listen to the weather to see what the forecast is going to be."

"That seems to be a lot to remember and think about."

"It's not really. Once you learn about sailing on a river, you can do it almost anywhere in the world. Rivers are very similar. They all go downhill towards the ocean. Almost everywhere, the prevailing winds are generally the same during each season. So what you are trying to do is to keep the lowest profile of the boat into the wind and minimize the wind hitting the side or the big areas. Then you are trying to put the anchors where they are most likely to hold and then add a protective line like this in case things change. All of the other major problems on a river are usually marked like rapids and waterfalls and stuff. The Mississippi is notorious because it keeps changing and creating and moving sand bars around. You have to keep a close eye while sailing on it. Some of this applies to ocean sailing but it is different because of variable currents and changing weather and tides. The main thing is to check the weather frequently and know when to expect problems to blow through."

"You make it seem so simple."

"Basically, it is. Well, it's not simple but it is common sense and a little knowledge. You will learn."

"I hope so."

"Do you want to come ashore and walk the beach?"

"Let me get my shoes and..."

"No, come on. I'll carry you. You aren't that heavy."

She grinned, "For that compliment, I'll let you but if you drop me in the water, your ass is grass and I am the weed whacker."

"I am so scared of you, I am shaking." Actually, I was shaking a little but it was at the thought of holding her firm body in my arms even if it was for little more than five feet. She stepped onto the rear platform and I carefully scooped her into my arms. Her arms went around my neck and for the next three steps, I felt like she belonged right where she was, nestled into my arms. I didn't want to put her down but felt that I should so I let her feet down. She touched the ground but didn't let go of my neck.

She kissed my cheek and said, "Thank you kind sir" and released my neck but took my hand as we started to walk along the narrow beach. The difference between a river beach and an ocean beach is that the river shore usually only has washed up trash on it rather than the potential for exotic flotsam from the ocean's depth and this beach was no different. It appeared that his little bay had been carved out of the bank for boaters to enjoy. We walked past several burned out campfire sites and several garbage piles that featured mostly empty beer cans. In spite of the litter, I felt very comfortable walking beside Emily as we talked about her school and her ambitions. They all sounded so basically uncomplicated yet profoundly important. The optimist inside me hoped that she would fulfill her dreams as she perceived them. The cynic inside me wondered when the pulsing drama of the economically driven world would rear its head and turn her dreams into tedium and boredom. But right now, I preferred to bathe in the warm glow of her youthful enthusiasm.

As we returned to the boat, I asked "So are you going to carry me to the boat this time?"

"I liked it better when you swept me off my feet and carried me off into the sunset."

"Oh, so this time I should throw you over my shoulder and carry you to the boat so you can cook dinner."

"I just love the romantic inside you. When are you going to let it out?"

"It is just a scared little puppy hiding in a box."

"Bull shit. Carry me like you mean it."

I swept her up into my arms and planted the biggest kiss I could come up with directly on her lips and then took the three steps to the boat and set her on the platform again. She got her balance with her arms still around my neck and looked at me and said, "Yes, just like that." She pulled me to her so she could return the kiss. Then she stepped back into the cockpit and walked towards the cabin. As I pulled myself up onto the platform, I admired her cute ass swaying as she walked away from me and in spite of what I felt, I knew that this was the way it needed to be. She needed to walk away from me and I needed to turn the boat south and motor away. I could feel the eyes searching already.

By the time I got to the cabin, she had a scotch waiting for me as she turned to the galley to make dinner. I wanted to just look at her as she worked but knew better and turned on the television to see if I could catch the weather reports. I was satisfied because there was little likelihood of a major change for at least a week. That would give me time to get her back to St. Louis and start heading south.

Soon after that, she brought is each a plate of chicken with rice and green olives that tasted wonderful. She said that she had tasted something similar to this in a Moroccan restaurant once and had loved it. She played around with ingredients until she had found something similar. I was glad she had as I could stand this on a regular basis. After we ate, we watched the movie of the evening which was the Harrison Ford version of "The Fugitive." She chose to sit in my lap cuddled in my arms to watch it which felt tremendously good. But in spite of those feelings the content of the movie brought back the chill inside me as the "good guys' were relentlessly pursued the "bad guy." I had two more scotches and knew that tonight was going to be a restless night for sleep.

When the movie was over, she kissed me lightly on the lips and said, "It is time to go to bed, Captain. Turn on some gentle music and I'll get the bed ready."

"Emily, I...I have a feeling that I am not going to sleep very well tonight. Perhaps it would be better if I just slept out here and not bother you all night."

"Nonsense! You will sleep in your bed tonight. You protected me from the storm last night; I will protect you from the boogie man tonight. Come on. Don't argue with me." She stood up and pulled me up. There was something about her that I couldn't refuse; so I followed her to the sleeping berth. In spite of my concerns, she cajoled me into taking off my clothes except my underpants and getting into bed. I couldn't let myself watch her undress, so I just closed my eyes. As soon as I did, I saw the eyes again and started shaking. I barely felt her body slide in next to mine and her arm moved under my neck and her other arm slid around my chest as she spooned behind me.

I spent I don't know how long that night sweating and moaning and perhaps even crying out. I saw the eyes, the smirk. I saw the line of young girls. I heard the explosions and the gunfire but I always came back to the eyes. They haunted me and they taunted me. They searched for me and wouldn't stop until they found me again. At some point, I must have finally just fallen asleep.

The next sensation I was aware of was when the sun came through the porthole and caught my eye. I started to roll away from it when I became aware that I was caught in Emily's arms. "You aren't going anywhere, baby; I'm protecting you." Her hand caressed my chest and she pulled me onto my side and closer to her where her lips gently touched mine.

"Emily, I...I'm sorry. I should have slept on the cot or someplace else."

"No; you were right where you needed to be. I don't know what you were reliving but it must have been terrible. I guess it was something from Afghanistan the way you were talking and screaming. It's all right now. I was with you and kept you safe."

"I'm not sure that I will ever be truly safe again."

"You haven't had someone to cover your back before; but you do now."

"Emily, I..."

"Shut up. We have things to do." I felt her hand slip down my chest and into my underpants. Her hand found my cock and it quickly became aroused. I started to say something but her mouth covered mine and her lips made sure that I wouldn't talk. A moment later, her lips were replaced by her breast and I sought nourishment and new life from her as she gasped and pulled me tighter against her. I don't know how long we stayed that way but then I found myself on my back and I was inside her and she was slowly riding me, coaxing me to release the stress that was filling my body. I wasn't the one in control of what we were doing; she was and she seemed to know exactly what she was doing and what I needed. I felt the eyes trying to find me but they couldn't because a greater power controlled me and protected me. With a scream, I exploded inside her warm and protective body and then I cried. Tears rolled down my face and she was kissing them away as they ran. Finally, we were still.

"Em...Emily, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used you that way."

She lifted her head and looked me in the eyes, "Just how do you think you used me, Captain?"

"I...I guess I lost control and...hell, I don't know."

"Well, I damn sure do. You didn't use me; I took things in my own hands and made love to you since you have been fighting yourself to keep from touching me. As for using me; I rode you hard and it was wonderful. I came three times and the most any other man has been able to get me off has been once. I may be young and not as experienced as you are but I think I understand you better than you understand me. Later when you make love to me again, I want your full attention on me this time. I know that you were distracted by your demons but from now on, I am your demon when we are in bed and don't you forget that." Then she kissed me passionately. "Now, what were you saying?"

"I think you understand more of what is going on than I do. You explain."

"I don't know anything more about you than what you have told me. All I know is that you have a past and I am not part of it. I am your present and want to be part of that until you don't want me anymore. You said that I was one of the top five women you felt really good about. For now, I want you to know that I am the best piece of ass you have ever had. It is that simple." I swatted her ass firmly. "What was that for, asshole?"

"You are not now or ever will be a piece of ass to me. If you want me as your lover until whenever, I will accept you for what you are which is a wonderful woman who I enjoy being with immensely. Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it. Now, we need to get going but I expect you to make love to me every night and every morning and any other time you want me until we get to St. Louis. We will work out after that when we get there. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like a dream come true for me but I don't know what you will be getting out of it."

"You men really don't have a clue, do you? Besides fantastic sex, I will get to know a fascinating man who can teach me a lot in a hurry. Besides that, he makes me feel good about myself and makes me feel safe. There are only two other men who I feel as safe as I do with you and those are my father and uncle. Now are you going to make love to me again or get this boat on the river?"

"Choices, choices; always a decision to make." I rolled her onto her back and we made love for another hour. She screamed out three times in passion and I wasn't bothered by the eyes at all. All I cared about was this woman in my arms who what writhing in passion. Making her happy and fulfilled was all I wanted to do.

As she lay there glowing when we finished, she whispered something that I didn't understand. "Repeat."

She pulled me down so that my ear was next to her mouth and she said loudly, "Don't you dare repeat this to anyone. I love you. Did you hear that, Captain?"

"Yes ma'am, I did; very clearly."

"Good. Now don't you dare repeat that back to me until you are damn sure that you mean it. Go get us out of this swamp; I'll bring you breakfast."