Santa Baby

It was the last Friday night before Christmas, and the pub was packed with office workers intent on celebrating the Christmas spirit by getting as drunk as they could manage. Slade were belting out 'Merry Xmas Everybody' over the speakers and the whole pub was raucously joining in with the chorus. People were kissing under pieces of plastic mistletoe and more than one office romance would begin, and probably end, that evening.

The group that had grabbed a table to the side of the bar were typical of the customers in the pub. Working at one of the companies in the neighbouring office block, they were doing what such groups do; trying to chat up the new girl in accounts, telling dirty stories that were now banned in the office, complaining about their boss and grumbling about their salaries. The ringleader was a large man; just the wrong side of 30, hair beginning to grey at the temples, carrying a bit more weight than he should, but with a seemingly inexhaustible fund of jokes. The table was rocking with laughter after one of his stories, when he announced he had to go to the toilet.

'Just going to take the weight off my mind,' he yelled, and fought his way through the crowd to the toilet. By the time he emerged, Chris Rea was singing 'Driving Home For Christmas' and he felt a pang as he remembered he wouldn't be driving home for Christmas this year, following the death of his widowed mother earlier in the year. He reached the table just as Wham started singing 'Last Christmas', and he felt another small stab of regret as he remembered that last Christmas, he and Adele were still together.

'Time for another one, what's left in the kitty?' he asked. He gathered up the remaining notes and coins from the glass which had held the money they had all chipped in, and headed for the bar. Elbowing his way to the front, he found himself next to a girl who seemed to be having a hard time getting the barman's attention. He looked at her from the side and he thought she looked nice; blonde shoulder length hair, a pretty face, and lovely lips. He said to her, 'You have to grab their attention somehow, they won't notice you otherwise.'

She turned to him and said, 'What did you say? The music is so loud.' He was startled by her piercing blue eyes.

He bent his head closer to her just as 'Do They Know It's Christmas' started up.

'I said, you have to ..., never mind, can I buy you a drink?'

She shook her head, 'No, it's OK, I can get my own, thanks.'

He waved at one of the harassed barmen and shouted, 'Three pints of lager, two Guinness, two bitter, two white wines.'

The barman started to pour the beers, and the man turned to the girl, 'I'm in the chair now, what would you like?.'

She hesitated and then said, 'OK, a white wine please, but I'll give you the money.'

'Make that three white wines, mate.' he yelled at the barman, who nodded. He turned back to the girl and grinned, 'Sorry love, your money's no good here.'

'No, please let me pay.' she said over Tina Turner growling through 'Merry Christmas Baby.'

'What's your name?' he asked her.

'Chrissy.'

'Luke,' he said, 'Pleased to meet you Chrissy.'

The barman had finished the order and found him a tray to carry the drinks on. He gave her one of the glasses of white wine and said, 'Merry Christmas, Chrissy.'

'You too, Luke, won't you let me pay for my drink?'

'Nah, it's on us, by the way, you've got lovely eyes.'

She went pink and ducked her head away. Luke smiled to himself and thought, just my luck, somewhere else, some other time, I would have asked her out. He watched as Chrissy moved away from the bar and he lost sight of her in the crowd. He managed to carry the tray back to the table without spilling too much, and everybody grabbed their drinks and sang along with the Jackson 5's 'Santa Claus is Comin' To Town.'

Over at the bar a barman rang a bell and yelled, 'Last orders, if you please.'

Luke looked at his watch and decided it was time to get going. He had ordered a minicab for 11 o'clock and he didn't want to miss it. Shaking hands with the guys, and kissing the girls' on the cheek, he said 'Merry Christmas' to everyone and pushed through the crowd to the door. He was surprised to see that snow had started to fall whilst they had been in the pub. He thought it had been a good idea to book a minicab for tonight, as it would be impossible to find a taxi tonight. He pulled his coat tight around him, looked for his cab and spotted it across the road. He ran over to it and gratefully jumped into the back seat.

As the cab began to move away, he spotted a girl trying to hail a taxi and he thought he recognised her. He asked the driver to stop and yelled 'Chrissy, is that you?' through the open window, 'it's me, Luke, where are you going?'

She turned and recognised him, 'I'm getting a taxi.'

'You'll be lucky tonight, and at this time and with this snow. Where are you heading?'

She looked around, hoping a taxi would materialise out of the snow.

'I'm going to Twickenham.'

'Hey, I'm going to Kingston, let me give you a lift, it's right on the way.'

She looked around one more time and the snow was coming down harder.

The driver said, 'I've got to go now, I have another fare to pick up soon.'

'Just give me a minute, will you?' Luke said. 'Come on, Chrissy, you're freezing out there. Let me give you a lift.'

She did feel cold, and it was clear the snow was getting much heavier, 'OK, that's so kind of you. Thank you.'

Luke leaned over and opened the other passenger door and Chrissy climbed inside, carrying what looked like a duffle bag with her.

She gave the driver her address, and he said to Luke, 'That will cost you extra.'

'It's OK, don't worry, let's go.'

Chrissy turned to Luke and said, 'Let me give you some money for the cab, please?'

'It's on expenses tonight, so don't worry.'

'Thank you. Luke, wasn't it?'

'Yep, Luke the Duke, that's me.'

He stuck his hand out and Chrissy leaned over to shake it. She thought how small and light her hand felt in Luke's massive paw. She had noticed how large he was in the pub, but here in the back seat of the cab, wrapped up in his coat, he reminded her of a big brown bear. Elton John's 'Step Into Christmas', was playing softly on the radio and with the snow outside, it did feel like that. She was grateful for the lift as she didn't know how she would have got home otherwise. The weather forecast had been completely wrong as usual, claiming that London wouldn't get any snow.

'So, Chrissy, what were you doing at the pub tonight?'

'Oh, I had arranged to meet a girlfriend there, but she didn't turn up, something else came up,' she said. She wasn't going to tell him the truth, of course.

'That's a shame, Chrissy, what do you do?'

'I'm an actress, well, a wannabe actress to be honest. I'm taking acting and dancing classes right now, and go for some auditions, but maybe, one day, I'll be a proper actress. I do pub work to pay my way.' She thought, well the last bit is sort of true.

'That sounds great. Me, I dance like an ox. Some people say I act like an ox, too.'

She laughed, 'That's not true.'

'What? That I don't dance like an ox, or don't act like one?'

She looked at him more closely and she thought he looked pretty good. He was a bit older than guys she normally liked and could do with losing a few pounds, but he was a good looker in a slightly crumpled way. She had already seen there was no ring in his finger, and he had a slightly lonely air about himself, but she had him pegged as a genuine guy.

'Neither, I would say. I know plenty of big blokes who are light on their feet, and I don't think you look like an ox either.'

'Good answer, Chrissy.'

Bing Crosby began to croon 'White Christmas' in the background as Chrissy spoke, 'What took you to the pub, Luke?'

'Christmas drinks with the guys from work. We're in the office block behind the pub. We're a regional office for an indian telecoms company. Pretty boring really.'

Chrissy said, 'Oh, I love India.' She giggled, 'Well, I love Bollywood, to be honest. The dancing, the songs, the colours, it's wonderful.'

Luke smiled at the enthusiasm, 'Have you ever been there? To India. I mean.'

'No, but I would love to, it's a dream of mine.'

'I've been to Delhi, and Mumbai a couple of times with work. It's so different from here, I like it, I must admit.'

Chrissy looked out of the window and recognised they were close to her street.

'Here is just fine, driver.' she said and he began to slow down.

'Chrissy, I know this sounds corny, but can I have you phone number? I mean, we might go for a drink sometime?'

Chrissy froze, she didn't want to brush the guy off, he was nice and had given her the lift home, so she rattled off a number and said, 'Thanks again, Luke, for the lift, it was really nice of you.' On an impulse, she leant across and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

'Bye, Luke,' she said, pulled her duffel out of the cab and quickly vanished into the snow and darkness.

Luke settled back in the seat and smiled, at least I got her phone number. The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl sang 'Fairytale Of New York' to him all the way home.

Luke woke late the next morning, but it was Saturday so, who cared? He had the predictable hangover and bad stomach, which he self medicated with aspirin and a bacon sandwich. He groaned to himself when he remembered he had the rugby club Christmas Gentlemen's Evening to attend later on. He knew it would be a heavy session and he wondered if it was still worth going. He had played for the club until a couple of seasons ago, when a dislocated shoulder needed surgery and the surgeon convinced him he should finally give up. That was when he started to put on some weight, and he realised he would have to do something about it soon.

He went to watch them a few times, but it was playing, not watching, that interested him. He always bought a ticket for the Christmas event, primarily to keep in touch with people he'd played with. It was always a sadly predictable affair; black tie, men only, a three course dinner - probably steak and chips, a couple of blue comedians, strippers and some kind of novelty act. Everyone would get supremely drunk and declare it a great night. For the first time Luke wondered if he was really up for it. He decided to wait until later to make up his mind.

Chrissy woke early; she had a class to go in the morning, and a lunchtime audition. She would then have time to get ready for the show tonight. she thought back to last night and how nice Luke had been to offer her the lift. A lot of people wouldn't have bothered to do that. He was good looking and even if the offer of a drink had been clumsy, she had known far worse approaches. She wondered if she had been right to give him the number, but it was too late now to undo anything. She spent a long time to get ready, and, as she headed off, she asked herself if she had the energy to do the class, the audition and then the show tonight. She decided to make her mind up later on, after the audition.

Luke had written Chrissy's number down as soon as he got home. He had a knack for remembering numbers so he knew he would keep it in his head for a while, but didn't trust his memory to last until the next day. He thought, should I call her? Is it too pushy to ring straight away? Would she think I was desperate? He picked up and put down the phone several times before he finally decided to call. He heard the dialling tone and then, 'The number you have dialled is not recognised...' He must have misdialed, he thought. He tried again, and got the same message. He knew he had remembered the number correctly, and so, when it happened for a third time, he realised she had given him a fake number.

His face burned at how stupid he had been. How could he have been so dumb to believe she would have given him her real number. She had played him after he had given her the lift, what a cow. In frustration, he tore up the slip of paper with the number on and, he decided to go tonight and get steamed and forget last night's embarrassment.

Chrissy got home from the audition feeling exhausted. It hadn't gone well and she had nearly thumped the pig of a casting director when he called her too scraggy for the part. She dumped her bag on the sofa and slammed her fist into the arm. Not for the first time she thought she should give it all up, go home to Norfolk and give her family the pleasure of saying 'I told you so.' She wearily got up, looked at her reflection in the mirror, and said out loud, 'Fuck you all, I'm not going to be beaten.' She would do the show tonight, because that's what you needed to do in this business when you got knocked down, get straight back up, so you can get knocked down again.

Luke dragged his tux out of the wardrobe. He hadn't worn it for a few months and it was a little tighter than he remembered. He could still fit into it though, and damn it if he didn't still look good in it. He called a cab and then made himself a gin and tonic to while away the time until the cab arrived.

Chrissy did her makeup carefully. It was for the show, so everything was a bit more dramatic than usual. She sighed as she thought that it wouldn't really matter because nobody would be looking at her makeup anyway. She dressed in her usual casual clothes, put her show outfit in her duffle and headed out the door to get her cab.

Luke arrived at the club just in time to have a beer before the dinner and immediately bumped into a group of his ex teammates. He decided he was glad he had come, it was good to catch up and have some beers with the guys. The dinner was as he had predicted, steak and chips, but it was served rare, as he liked it, so it wasn't all bad. The entertainment started with a comedian who Luke had seen once or twice on TV, but the material tonight would never have been able to be shown on TV, post watershed or not. The audience was roaring though, and he finished to a standing ovation. A pair of strippers were next, and it was traditional for the youngest first team player there to be part of the entertainment. He wasn't keen but to back out would have meant a lot of ribbing and worse from the other players. The girls had his clothes off fast and the lad gamely played his part and left the stage with his hands over his groin to loud applause.

The MC walked onto the stage and asked for quiet. 'Please put your hands together for an amazing act, Miss Santa.' The sound of Eartha Kitt singing 'Santa Baby' came from the speakers and and a girl in a red Father Christmas outfit danced onto the stage. She began to dance and writhe around an imaginary pole on stage and began to take off the suit bit by bit. So far so ordinary, Luke thought. One of Luke's old teammates came up behind him and whispered if he was interested in a game in a couple of weeks time. Luke said, thanks but no thanks, to him and so when he turned back, the girl was down to her scarlet knickers and was facing away from the audience. On the very last beat of Santa Baby she turned round and whipped off her knickers, to reveal a large cock. There was a howl of disbelief and good natured laughter from the audience as they realised what it was. Luke laughed too, and then as he looked at the girl's face and saw a pair of piercing blue eyes, he realised, with a jolt that hit him like an electric shock, that it was Chrissy.

Chrissy stood there smiling as the laughter and applause washed over her. She was glad it had gone well, as these evenings could go one way or the other. There had been nights when the crowd had turned ugly when they realised what she was. She didn't like doing these shows, but they, and the drag nights she did in pubs, paid enough for her acting classes and the rent on her small flat. She casually scanned the audience and then she thought, 'Shit, that's Luke from last night. Fuck, it can't be.' But she knew it was, she couldn't mistake him, it was really Luke, and by the look on his face, he had recognised her too.

Her heart rate jumped and she told herself to calm down, so what if he did recognise her? That was just a coincidence, no harm done, we'll never meet again, so there's nothing to worry about. She gathered up her gear and walked off the stage. If the reaction from the crowd was good, she would stay and mingle afterwards to try to get some tips. If it wasn't good she would shoot off straight away. Tonight, the reaction had been so good she decided to stay. If she met Luke, that would be OK, she guessed he wouldn't cause a fuss here. She put her knickers and heels back on, tucked herself and waited for the acts to finish. When it was over, the strippers and her would circulate amongst the audience at the bar and often enough, notes would be pushed into the top of their knickers. The strippers would always get more, but she got a surprising amount as well on a good night.

She knew she would get touched up as well, but again, not as badly as the strippers. She smiled as she thought her breasts were as good as the strippers, and in the case of some of the older girls, a good deal better. She was doing well tonight, five pound notes and even a twenty from some guy who was so drunk, he probably thought it was a fiver. She was about to go when she heard from behind her, 'So we meet again, Chrissy, or is it Miss Santa?

She turned slowly, expecting to get some abuse, but she was astounded to see Luke with a broad smile on his face. She realised how big he was when she had to crick her neck to look up at his face. She also thought the tax he was wearing made him look good enough to to eat, and there was a lot to eat.

'Er, Hi, Luke, nice to see you.' she could see a couple of guys looking curiously at Luke as he spoke to her.

'It's good to see you too, Chrissy, although I didn't think we would meet again quite so soon.'

'No, me neither.' she said, nervously.

'Nice trick with the phone number, though, had me fooled.'

'Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, but you know... there was something you didn't know about me and I thought it was for the best.'

Luke smiled and Chrissy thought he had a really nice smile. In the background, Brenda Lee was 'Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree.'

'Yes, I for sure didn't know that you were an exotic actress and dancer.'

'No, that's not what I mea...'

He grinned and she realised he was teasing her.

'Look Luke, if you don't mind, I would like to get dressed and get on my way, it was nice to see you.'

'The thing is, Chrissy, I would still like to have that drink with you sometime, if that's possible.'

'What? Are you taking the piss?' she said angrily.

'No. I'm not joking. Just meet me for a drink. Nothing more, I promise. You choose the place and time.'

'Why?'

'To tell you the truth, I'm not sure myself. I would just like to get to know you a little.'

'And if I don't want to?'

'It's your choice, Chrissy. I would be sad if you didn't, but it that's what you want.'

Luke turned to go. Chrissy grabbed him by the arm, took a deep breath and said, 'Wait, I didn't say no. How about one o'clock tomorrow, the Anglers, by Teddington Lock.'

'OK. I know it, one o'clock tomorrow, see you then.'

Luke turned and went back to the bar, to be questioned closely by the guys there. Chrissy wondered how he would deal with that. She also wondered why she had said yes to meeting him. She liked him, that's for sure and he was very good looking she had decided; but why did he want to meet her? To get his own back? Maybe he wouldn't show tomorrow and be at home having a good laugh at her. Maybe that's what he was telling his mates now, how he was getting his own back on her for the trick she had played on him. Somehow, she didn't believe it, or want to believe it, perhaps. Somewhere behind her, Elvis was kicking off 'Blue Christmas'.