tagHumor & SatireSanta's Beard

Santa's Beard


I send you the results of my research about why Santa has such a big beard. I asked myself this question for many years. Now I know and would like to share my knowledge with you. It actually depends entirely on Mother Christmas! You see that reality is not always as easy as it looks! There is a legitimate reason for him to have this huge beard all year despite the itching and all that gets stuck. As long as Mother Christmas rules her man there is nothing else for him to do but to go along. He keeps a small opening for food and to be able to speak the famous words: "Are there any good children here?"

Over the years the old man's ability to perform marital duties has been limited. The old man has become too old which has led to an inability to get to the point and this is where his beard has an incredibly important task!

It is not only because of age and strength. The desire has also decreased with time. Father Christmas is actually over 150 years old! This has not discouraged Mother Christmas quite the contrary! Each forest has only one old man to choose from. It is important for her to keep the old man satisfied because an unsatisfied Mother Christmas is like a burning hell for the whole section of the forest. She has tried with resin in the porridge, minced leaves on the bread and dried cones to the beer but nothing has given any noticeable effect on Father Christmas. The only result is that life has become unbearable for her but worse for the children and the old man!

The thing is that the high age has led to that Father Christmas only wants to eat and once a year goes to all the houses around to give kids their long awaited Christmas presents. This is the only time when the old man sparkles. She could hide in the carriage during his journey among the presents. She would probably get more than what she wanted and it would be sufficient for the whole year. The tradition puts a stop to such vagaries. The sled is only for Father Christmas and nobody else!

So what is there to do? Mother Christmas is a wise woman who realizes that she has to think long and hard. Can you imagine how she finds on the solution? She thinks that what you can do with a long feather you can also do with a bushy beard. Father Christmas is supposed to have his porridge served with blueberries every morning. This has happened since ancient times and it should happen in the future. Here she has her chance.

While the old man sits with his porridge she climbs up smoothly on the table without he notices something. He is almost hidden behind his beard and has an appetite like never before. She pulls up her skirt and slides in front of the old man as he sits leaning over his plate. Quiet and agile as a cat she puts her legs on either side of the plate to reach the silky beard without interrupting him. It touches her yearning sex along with his chewing and gives her the stimulus that he is unable to give otherwise.

His crunching gets his beard to slide back and forth between her legs. This ignites the fire that she so desperately desires to burn. The longer he eats the hotter her body gets. Without being aware of the effect Father Christmas licks around his mouth every now and then. The touch from his tongue makes Mother Christmas moan with pleasure and with glossy eyes she enters a world of pink clouds.

When he has eaten his porridge he emits a burp that makes the animals around the cabin hide among the trees. The Mother Christmas explodes in the sweetest of all emotions at the same time. She twists and turns and it is a mystery that she in this explosive condition avoided hitting the container with the foaming beer. By squeezing her legs over the edge of the table she controlled he movements. Thanks to his powerful burp even her ecstatic moans disappears because of this loud sound.

Father Christmas is completely unaware of the pleasure he had given his old woman. He just devours his beer and tries to find his mouth again so he can wipe away the foam that is about to smother him by closing the hole in his beard! Each time since Mother Christmas began this exercise he has said with the same enthusiasm that the jam has got a taste like never before and asks her to never forget the recipe.

After a while the same phrase came again. Why in God's name must he have this damn beard and why can't he get rid of this outfit? Every time he gets the same answer from Mother Christmas. The tradition demands that Father Christmas has his beard. Children need their Santa and Santa needs his beard or else he would be no real Santa Claus. Father Christmas says something inaudible to himself but realizes that she is right. Father Christmas must have a big white beard because that's the way it is!

Now you have learned something about Santa's beard and was this not a good research?

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