Santa's Naughty Aunts Ch. 01

"We should," I agreed. I don't know if I agreed because I enjoyed my Aunt's company or her breasts, but I don't think she was looking for my motivation. "Maybe after Christmas?"

"Maybe before. You really didn't give me any hints about what to get you. But maybe I can figure that out for myself," she said, and she gave me a good-bye kiss on the cheek. We left the restaurant, and as she turned to walk down the avenue to her office she said, "When do you play Santa for your mother's church group?"

"Um, this Friday."

"I think I'll stop in. I'd love to see you playing St. Nick. Is that OK?"

OK? Aunt Billie and Aunt Jess in the same room, and the latter expecting a ride on Santa's lap? "Sure, that would be great," I squeaked. I couldn't think of what else to say.

"I'll see you then, honey." She walked down the street and I watched her walk. I cursed my Uncle Carl and my Uncle Don. Why couldn't they have stayed married to their first wives? Even though I remembered my first set of Aunts as mean, vindictive, shrewish creatures, they at least didn't cause ME much turmoil. Unlike these two. I had a bad feeling that Friday night was not going to be a sleigh ride in the park.

*****

On that Thursday night I got home in such an evil mood about the whole Christmas season that Ebenezer Scrooge himself would have said, "Whoa, dude, chill out!" I'd done my first Santa gig of the year at a mall near my house, and the kids had been appalling. First of all, a baby pissed on me. Take it back-her parents set her on my lap KNOWING she was wet. Then all the other kids kept saying, "Ugh, Santa, did you pee your pants?" The smell wasn't too good either. And then some little brat tore into me because LAST year he told me he wanted a puppy, and I hadn't brought him a puppy, and HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS LISTENING NOW, BECAUSE IF HE DIDN'T GET A PUPPY THIS YEAR HE WAS GOING TO BE REALLY, REALLY MAD!!!

I got home, threw the soiled suit in the washer, and grabbed three beers out of the fridge. "Damn capitalism," I muttered. "Takes a holiday celebrating love and goodwill and turns it into a shopping marathon. Everyone's going to hell..." I popped the top off my first beer, turned on ESPN, and collapsed on the couch, utterly fried.

I barely had two swigs down my gullet when the phone rang. I resisted the temptation to scream, "WHAT!?" into the receiver.

"Hello?" I chirped like a crazy person.

"I'm gonna suck your dick, Santa. I'm going to put your cock in my mouth until you promise to give me everything on my list. And then I'm going to sit on you like your own little ho, ho, ho."

"That sounds very, very nice," I said in my booming Santa-voice. "Will there be cookies and milk too?"

"You want cookies and milk?" Aunt Jess shrieked.

"Santa always get cookies and milk!" I thundered back.

"Well, this year Santa gets his dick sucked! Got a problem with that?"

"Hmm..." I rumbled, "I guess I get enough milk and cookies at the other houses..."

She laughed. "I bet you do." She lowered her voice, "Timmy, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow."

"Are you sure, totally SURE, that we'll be alone?"

"I'm positive, don't you worry. Everything will be fine."

"Good. Um, there's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

This was the part I dreaded. "Well, Aunt Billie will be there tomorrow too."

There was a pause. "Will she?" Aunt Jess said, her voice so chilly a skin of ice formed in my beer. "And how did she find out about it?"

I told about my lunch date with Aunt Billie, excising all the talk about her breasts. Not that it mattered. "What did her tits look like?" Aunt Jess asked.

"What?"

"Her tits, I know you know that she had her tits done. How did they look?"

"She's my Aunt, I didn't look at her breasts!"

"Timmy, I'm your Aunt, and you've licked my pussy, come in my mouth, and fucked my brains out. So don't get dainty on me."

I swallowed. "I don't know, I guess they looked OK."

"Not freakish?"

"No."

"I'll bet you got all riled up looking at her titties, didn't you?" she said, and she didn't sound happy.

I took the offensive. "I'll tell you this much-they weren't as nice as yours."

It worked. "Really?" she cooed.

It was a bit of a lie, but just a bit. Aunt Jess has big, round, heavy breasts, and if they sag just a bit, well, all that does is excite me even more. She has fucking fantabulous breasts. But Aunt Billie has PERFECT breasts, and even though I know that nature had less to do with it than modern plastic surgery, well, I'm not strong enough to object.

I spoke in my Santa voice. "I hope tomorrow when Santa kisses your beautiful breasts you won't think his beard tickles too much."

"I love the way your beard tickles my nipples," she said, her voice smoldering. "Tomorrow, Santa, I'm going to make you a very, very merry."

After we hung up I got out of my suit, laid on my bed, and started jacking off, just for something to do. I was troubled by the fact that, as my fist flew and my fantasies flashed before my eyes, that I was thinking about Aunt Billie as much as Aunt Jess. I was troubled enough that I stopped my hand. It was normal for me to be respond to Aunt Billie, but I had to get this under control. I had problems enough with Aunt Jess, and I didn't want this year's family scandal to be how Timmy couldn't stop staring at Billie's breasts. Even though that scandal was nothing compared to what other secrets might get out.

I threw the suit in the dryer, and when the buzzer sounded I got it out and tried it on, making double sure that it hadn't shrunk at all. It hadn't-it still looked as though the suit was tailor-made for me. Put on the beard and cap, and my own mother wouldn't know who it was behind the beard. As, indeed, my Aunt Jess had not known that it was her nephew she screwed that night two years before.

"Ho ho ho!" I said to my reflection. I sighed, and looked to the heavens. "Just get me through tomorrow, Lord," I prayed. "I promise, I'll repent, and do no wrong. I just need a little more time." I felt apprehensive as I stripped off the red suit. Gonna be a rough night tomorrow.