Sappho's Legacy

"We should go back to Mithymna," I whispered to Agnetha.

"You go, I'll look after Lisa," Agnetha replied, kissing her gently on the forehead.

When I reached the door and looked back at Agnetha cradling Lisa in her arms as she slept I knew then that I had lost her forever. Lisa had found her retreat, her refuge. Here she didn't need to pretend, she could be who she was, being gay was expected, almost compulsory. She'd left the real world behind to reside in an oasis where everyone was as she was. I didn't expect her to return to London with me, and so it proved.

When I returned to Agnetha's apartment that evening I had Lisa's belongings in the trunk of the car. I knocked gently at the door but got no reply. I tried the handle, it was unlocked. I entered and saw Lisa, her head buried between Agnetha's legs, Agnetha between hers. They seemed oblivious to me as I watched them, sucking and licking on each other, moans and groans filled the air. Little wonder they didn't hear me.

I left and wandered down to the Aqua taverna and waited. An hour later they walked in, hand in hand, as we used to do. There was no real greeting as we met, Lisa just said, "I'm staying here . . . with Agnetha."

I nodded. I'd decided not to make a scene, it would be pointless, so I didn't.

"Your stuff is in the car," I said, as dispassionately as possible.

I think most people would find it strange that I let her go so easily but I loved her too much to stand in her way. To drag her back to a life of deception and deceit would be too much to bear for either of us. I handed her the keys to the car and watched her leave. Agnetha sat down along side me.

"You should stay too," she said.

I shook my head, but didn't answer.

"I'll look after her," Agnetha continued, "you know I will."

"I'm sure," I said, but to be honest, I wasn't.

I believe then, as now, that Lisa was someone that Agnetha could look after, somebody to 'mother', until the next small, vulnerable girl came along.

Lisa returned with her cases and I stood and kissed her gently, and left. No words were exchanged and no tears shed.

I drove back to our apartment and packed, taking the first available flight home.

I had known that Lesbos has a reputation for ensnaring the girls who felt that they had found a place that they could belong, where no one would judge them or criticise their lifestyle but I had hoped that going there together would prevent that from happening. I was wrong. Lisa in a few hours had fallen in love with Eressos and its way of life and I had lost her as much to the island as to Agnetha.

It was almost ten years later that I found out that Agnetha had returned to Sweden and Lisa was working in a 'women only' small hotel on the outskirts of the village. After finding out I was tempted, on several occasions, to seek out Lisa but I knew that things between us could never be the same again. I wouldn't want to immerse myself in the culture of Eressos and I doubted that she would ever leave. London was my home and leaving permanently was never an option for me but I sometimes wonder if by challenging the 'norms of society' I have found myself isolated from it. I now struggle, alone, to be accepted for what I am in a community populated mainly by 'straights' who feel that anyone out of the ordinary should be shunned or ridiculed, but it's a choice I have made. Maybe later I'll try to find her if the struggle becomes too much and I tire of it. Even though I still love Lisa I don't feel that now is the time for us to try to rekindle our relationship, but who knows what the future will bring.

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