Sarah's Diary - Entry 01-03

All parties involved in this story are 18 or over.

Entry 1: An Anonymous Question

I've had so many questions in such a short life so far, but none I ever struggled as much with an answer to. For almost two years now I've been involved in the most loving relationship of my life, but I can't tell almost anyone. It all started with that night, and a question on a Reddit forum. I didn't know where else to turn but the internet after my experience and then came my post. I shared about what had unfolded early that morning. That event changed the way I see my younger brother completely and I thought, just maybe I wanted to do something about it, but I didn't know where to start. We have always been best friends, only just over a year apart and without very many actual close friends we do everything together. Luckily we share very similar interests , both nerdy gamer types, avid movie and anime lovers and just generally like to be geeks together. We even joined a few of the after school programs in together.

I talk to him about everything and we share even intimate things, although neither of us had much experience in sexual situations at the time. Our dad is the really strict religious type so our sexual freedom was extremely limited. That night I was half asleep with my computer on playing my usual YouTube playlist for falling asleep to and I felt a warm splash on my cheek and my chin from the opposite side of my bed then another while I was freaking out and jumped up to turn my light on and I saw my younger brother standing there with his junk on full display dripping liquid white. His face was pale and he wanted to run clearly as I realized what had happened and our eyes met as I grabbed what I could of him by it and squeezed glaring at him.

I felt so many things, confused, violated, curious I only asked what the hell he was doing and he looked like he was about to freak out or cry. I repeated it a little softer asking him to please explain himself. He apologized and said he was sorry but he had always thought I was so sexy and couldn't help having thoughts about me every night, going on to say he thought about me a lot and he had a fantasy of finishing on me. My mind was racing quite frantically and I was trying to process. I'll still never really understand why part of me liked the attention, the care, despite it being like this. I'd never thought of myself as sexy at all but I was enough to make my brother , Mr. put together do this? Another part of me, darker and so very curious wondered what he was like down there. It was so dimly lit in my room but I did see the outline of his shrinking cock. I had only seen two other guys naked before and I wasn't sure if he was big or small at the time due to sever lack of sexual freedom, but I also couldn't believe I was having these thoughts.

I kicked him out of my room unable to handle the confusing experience, ultimately deciding not to tell our parents. I went to the bathroom to wash myself and I couldn't believe what a mess he'd made, I'd never seen a guy cum before besides porn and even that was hard because of how strict our dad is with my internet, but I knew this was a lot. My whole left cheek and chin were covered in white gunk and a lot of it was in my hair. I stared for a little before taking a quick shower, but while I was in there and even now I can't stop thinking about him. He's always had a nice body and now I'm thinking about him sexually. I've even gotten aroused thinking about him now and feel like maybe I was too hard on him for being sexually curious and now I'm afraid maybe I missed a chance at something great, I know he's interested and I think I'm interested too, how would I initiate something but still make sure it doesn't go too fast?

That small question, of what should I do? I couldn't tell anyone and didn't know where to ask. Had I never posed that question to the forum I had stumbled upon for support, I never would have gone through with something that has been the most amazing experience of my life. Sex wasn't a thought until extremely recently, I had never had it and never even had my first kiss. I had never felt what It was like to be wanted, desired, but this...I couldn't get it out of my head, and it escalated quicker than I could have imagined.

Entry 2: Our First Exploration

"Thank you all for the advice, it definitely helped knowing others have been in the situation and that many don't think I'm disgusting or weird for this." I posted onto the forum, responding to everyone that had helped with my thoughts. I was thinking about it a lot and wanted to make sure he actually liked me before I actually did anything and I wasn't just the sexual fixation of the night. Several days later of awkward mornings and glances I decided to talk to him before school and let him know I might be interested in exploring with him in a more open way. Our usual breakfast time was a little more awkward the day after this incident and he kept avoiding my gaze. Luckily our parents didn't notice anything too odd before they took off for work. I found it surprisingly easy to talk about some of these things but I think that's mainly because of how close we are but I was still a nervous wreck.

I took the opportunity to open up a little when we were completely alone. I told him I wasn't happy with how he'd done what he did and consent is the most important thing to get from any girl you're interested in. I didn't think it was intentionally bad as I told him I knew what he was going through. I always got so horny too and it was very rare to have a chance for sexual release in our house. It was really hard to masturbate when our parents were home thanks to our dads check ups at night. After a long silence and seeing him still looking like a ghost, I admitted seeing him naked and actual cum kind of had turned me on a little. I swallowed nervously my body shivering as I told him I was upset I didn't get to see much because of the dark and teased he owed me now that he'd done what he did. I also asked if he was sure he was really interested in me that way.

He started to reply but I told him to wait I wasn't quite finished and said that I'd always had dirty thoughts about doing things with guys but never have however I'd never thought of him in that way at all until that night and now I couldn't get it out of my head so if he promised to get my permission first and made sure I was into it we could try to learn some small things together because I hadn't done anything sexual and I wasn't going to jump into anything but that didn't stop his mood from changing to a brighter one .

As I let him talk for a bit he seemed really anxious and excited now and I felt my own heart racing. He knows I've never found myself to be attractive or sexy but he took the opportunity to explain how hot I was in his eyes and that he'd always fantasized about me since he saw me in a bikini at a friends pool party which was oddly flattering to hear from someone so close. I'm only about 5'2" , definitely too skinny at the time, with pale white skin and didn't have great curves, i have big eyes that I used to definitely be shy about and tried to wear my glasses instead of my contacts when I could because of it. I was about a 32 B cup and had a small but bubbly butt and long blonde curly hair at the time, heavily colored that I usually straighten or put in a ponytail.

He's always been the more attractive one and seeing him dressed in his usual body snug shirt now wasn't just the usual feelings of admiration but definitely lust as well, he had a swimmers body back then, about 5'9", well built but not too defined from his swimming, he's also got blonde hair but his is more dirty and short swept up, we have very similar eyes and the same full lips. I couldn't help but explore him with my eyes , his black polo was hugging every contour of his muscles and it definitely helped define his chest and arms. I wanted those arms to hold me, and take me but I didn't want him to know all of that just yet.

His face always looks cute especially with the stubble he has sometimes and I couldn't look away for a bit until I felt myself get wet thinking about his body. It wasn't easy to admit to myself and I found it harder to keep eye contact after but I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn't angry or upset about last night but that I was serious about consent. He gave a small smile and asked if he could tell me something I said of course and he admitted he'd thought about me touching him for a while, and he'd always wondered what it would be like with me in fantasies. My cheeks grew flush having to look away definitely blushing, which is pretty bad on me because I have really pale skin. I told him I was thinking about him and that night too now, a lot and especially later that night in the bedroom. He was looking at me intently before getting a little closer, my eyes darted a bit between his and his lips and I just softly breathed out "it's ok" as he kissed me. My first kiss! It was soft, warm and I felt a shudder go through my body, a tingle as I shook and giggled, unsure why. It was quick and I'd kissed cheeks before, but it had never felt like that.

He pulled back a bit and seemed to be looking at me like he wasn't sure. I figured I'd take the lead this time and pulled him in for another kiss, we weren't great at it, and he tried a little too hard to put his tongue between my lips before I stopped him and asked him if he's ever kissed a girl before. He said yeah but never anything serious and I definitely was excited I got to show him what I knew about kissing. (Not an amazing amount but I've had plenty of advice from my best friend Amy and learned about using tongue before so that was a plus) I gave him some suggestions to follow before we tried again and after a while of making out he was getting it, and I was so turned on.

His lips pressing into mine a bit firmer now, his tongue softly edging into my mouth that I massaged with mine, we kept our hands at our side awkwardly. I wanted desperately to grab him and pull him close but didn't want to let him know how bad I wanted this so I kept from doing so. I pulled away after what seemed like a good while and I asked him to come to my bedroom after school ended that day before we headed out. I was happy he always wore such form fitting shorts and pants because I could see the outline of his hard on walking outside, as we headed to the city bus to head to school. He was definitely into me, it's good he couldn't see how wet I was underneath.

I went back to my support forum, knowing they'd want to know, sharing about what had happened between us. "I told him we could never do anything when our parents were there and that I'm not sure I'm ready for sex as I've never done it but I like the idea of exploring with him if we kept everything between us. He's been awkwardly quiet since this morning but I think tonight I'm going to ask him if I can see him fully because I feel like last time I wasn't given a choice, and honestly I'd like to see him naked. I actually can't stop thinking about seeing his cock again. Would it be best to ask him straight out or try and hint at it somehow?"

Entry 3:Getting Into It

Yesterday afternoon I wanted things to escalate a little and when he came into my room later that day I didn't wait long to let him know. There was so many things I'd seen and I'd never tried that I wanted to, all of them naughty and wrong according to my upbringing and the thoughts were turning me on to no end. He walked in and we started talking about kissing in the morning and he asked if we could do it again. We talked for a little first about if we were both sure we wanted to do this eventually both agreeing we would just have a casual and fun time together at first and see where it goes from there.

He asked if he could kiss me now and I immediately nodded yes and pulled him in to me pressing my lips into his. They were so soft but firmly pressing back, like he wanted more and more of me and I loved that feeling. His arms wrapped around my back and pulled me into him. I loved being behind by those arms. My heart was racing and my breath was short like it usually is when I'm nervous but I pulled back and said I wanted to see him, for real this time no hiding in the dark. He looked anxious now and I couldn't help but let my eyes wander across his body, his erection was straining his athletic shorts pretty tightly and it looked quite uncomfortable but I wanted to see.

I'd never touched a guy in this way before but I tried to swallow my nerves and go with it and brushed my hand across the outline of him in his shorts as he let out a soft sigh. I tugged his shirt off and let it slip on to my floor brushing my hands across the skin taught over his faint muscle outlines. He was softer than I thought it would be but I could be feel the muscle under his thin frame, firm, rugged and definitely hot, I ran my hands across his flat tummy and made a comment about how sexy his body was then my attention focused on what I was actually curious about as my hands tugged his shorts down slowly.

As they came down his hard on came into full focus bouncing straight up to attention as it came out of his boxers and now that I could see it up close it looked very big for his body. I froze for a brief moment taking it in, it was swollen red and throbbing a bit up and down as it pulsed, the head was really fat and red and I could clearly see some strong looking veins going across. It had an interesting shape where it's head was really wide and the top half of the shaft was narrow and it got thicker and thicker towards the base. He had a thick tuft of hair around his shaft and a good bit more near his balls, but it didn't hide that they looked heavy and swollen too. I wanted to touch him but I asked if it was ok first. He nodded approvingly and my eyes couldn't stop their fixation.

It wasn't like the ones I'd seen in porn but it was definitely thick from what I could tell and pretty long, I wrapped my fingers around the bottom of his shaft and lightly moved them up and down. I'd never given a handjob before so I wanted to make sure it was ok, I made sure to tell him to let me know if I hurt him. He let out a moan while I knelt down wanting to see a bit better, I traced my gaze along every swelling inch and I knew I wanted to try and suck on him because I knew guys liked that, but wasn't sure about it. I was really worried about trying something like this because I didn't want to be awful at it but the thoughts just kept making me wetter and I had to try.

Gazing up at him as his eyes widened while he saw my lips open I placed the head in my mouth as best I could. It was really thick and I could feel it pressing my lips open as I took him inside and my tongue moved along the bottom of his cockhead. He made a really odd noise as he gasped and said to wait grasping my ponytail briefly as I looked up a bit confused and I felt him start to pulse hard in my mouth as hot liquid shot into the back of my throat causing me to choke and cough as I pulled him out. He shot a couple more strands across my face and i was too dazed momentarily to realize he'd finished.

I didn't think it would happen so quickly and I was still choking a bit on how much there was. I told him he should have let me know something like that was going to happen sooner as I went to the bathroom to clean up. He said he was sorry and he was just really hot from me doing what I did and he'd never had anything that felt like that before. I was half listening because part of me was actually tasting the cum he'd emptied inside and on me, it wasn't disgusting but it wasn't anything delicious either, I actually didn't mind taking it that way but I also didn't like choking. Still I did wipe some away from my face in the mirror and taste it, it wasn't easy to swallow but it wasn't terrible and watching myself lick cum off my finger was still turning me on. I came out to see him standing awkwardly still so hard and naked as I gave him a reaffirming smile and brought him into my room again.

He asked if he could see me and I agreed but a few minutes later our dad got home from work. We talked for a little scrambling for clothes and before our dad got inside, he said softly he wanted to take me on an actual date because I was his best friend and he would never meet a more amazing girl, and maybe next time I could let him try something on me. I was a little taken aback but I'm really thinking about it now, originally I was just interested in exploring my sexuality but now he's got my head spinning and it's not a bad feeling, it's euphoric.

I think I might actually be interested in him as a romantic partner and now I'm actually thinking about losing my virginity to him. I have a lot I'm worrying about too though, like the pain and what if he's too big for me, what if he doesn't want to go all the way and I embarrass myself, and what would this be like in the future. I'm not sure if we should just keep going or stop but most of me wants to go further, I want him to see me, touch me, taste me, I'm fantasizing about it all the time now, and isn't living a fantasy more fun?