Savage Desire Ch. 06

byadjoaq©

But Ryan was weeping so hard he didn't even hear Jeremy's whispered plea. "You could have saved yourself." Gut-wrenching sobs racked his body. "I c...can't sur...survive this, Jer."

"You'll be okay." Jeremy choked.

"How do you expect me to be okay when...when you're going through so much pain? Do you think that little of me? Strip me of all this supernatural crap and I'd still go crazy at the thought of you in pain. So don't you dare tell me I'll be okay 'cause I won't."

"I'm an alpha, Ryan." Jeremy didn't even feel the wetness on his own face. "What kind of example would I be setting if I don't accept punishment when I make mistakes?"

"But it wasn't you." Ryan felt as if his heart was breaking. "Everyone who knows about it knows it was not your fault. Didn't you think about your pack at all? Don't you think your pack needs you? How about me? How am I to live without you? What have I done to you to deserve this Jeremy? Please let me know and I'll apologize. What wrong have I..." Ryan was sobbing so hard he couldn't even speak again. He just bawled his eyes out.

Seeing his mate break down so completely and pitifully in his arms was Jeremy's undoing. "You've done noth..." He started to say shakily but the words got stuck in his throat. The alpha couldn't hold back anymore.

And right there, in the conference room, in front of his three best friends, his mother and Joel, the alpha collapsed onto his knees with his sobbing mate in his arms and wept like never before. Gloria, Joel and Paige sobbed too. Stan had his forehead against a pillar, with his body so tensed up it looked as if he was about to explode. Philip just stared at his best friend and alpha with undisguised helplessness, his eyes red from unshed tears. The beta obviously didn't know what to do as he'd never seen Jeremy in that state before.

After what seemed like hours, Joel went to pull Jeremy up. The alpha's arms remained around Ryan who kept taking deep breaths to try and bring down his heart rate.

"You have to go home son." The elderly man urged. "I'm sure Philip, Stan and Paige can handle things here. Come on, I'll take you."

Jeremy could only nod. He wiped his and Ryan's faces with tissues that Philip gave him and then turned to follow Joel out of the conference room. In the car and on the elevator ride, Jeremy didn't remove his arms from around Ryan even once. And when they got out of the elevator, they automatically turned towards Jeremy's suite. At the door, Jeremy programmed Ryan's thumbprint into the system to enable him enter his suite whenever he wanted to. And inside the suite, the two men stripped to their boxer briefs and got into bed where they just held and breathed each other in. There was so much each man wanted to tell the other but neither said anything for hours.

"Hungry?" Jeremy finally asked but Ryan shook his head, no. "You still owe me a run." He croaked. "We had a date remember?" Ryan nodded. "We were to go yesterday but you picked my mother over me."

"I'm sorry." Ryan finally whispered. He hadn't known the day before that he was going to go for years without Jeremy. He'd taken him for granted. And now... Ryan started crying again. "I'm so so sorry Jer."

"Hey, come on." Jeremy crooned, pressing a kiss to Ryan's forehead. "I didn't mean to upset you. You can pick that old woman over me any day."

Ryan tried to laugh but what came out was a sob. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."

"This is not your fault, baby." Jeremy said softly. "And I will be very angry if you blame yourself. I disrespected Luna and in effect, sealed my fate." He said quietly.

"No, you don't understand." Ryan said shakily. "You accepted that punishment because you're on a guilt trip. And I put you there..."

"Ryan..."

"I'm so sorry Jeremy." Ryan wept quietly. He was convinced that in a way he'd pushed Jeremy to accept that punishment. Reminding Jeremy of how badly he'd treated him any opportunity he got, and never really making any effort to forgive him would easily make Jeremy want to atone for his sins. "I tried not to. I really did. But..."

"Hey, listen to me." Jeremy took hold of Ryan's chin and tilted his head back to see his face. "I know what's right and what's wrong. So I know I deserve to be punished. This is on me, not you. Never think it's your fault. How about that run?" Jeremy asked softly and waited till Ryan gave a shaky nod, then he got off the bed and went to the closet to pull on shorts and t-shirt. He took same to Ryan who had his head buried under a pillow, sobbing quietly. "Come here Ryan." Jeremy pulled his sniveling mate to him and quickly dressed him up.

Then the alpha and his mate finally went on their planned first date.

***

'Isn't there any other way?' Ryan's wolf murmured, snuggling closer to the alpha.

The alpha and his mate were enjoying the peace and fresh air near a stream after running, hunting and running some more. The red wolf sighed and licked at the muzzle of his mate. He didn't have to ask what his mate was talking about.

'I have to do this Ryan.' Jeremy prayed his mate would understand.

'I'll miss you.' Ryan whined. 'I'll more than miss you, Jer. I don't know how I'm going to endure your absence.'

'You'll be fine.' Jeremy closed his eyes, hiding the pain he knew was reflected in there. He wanted to spare Ryan that. 'You have Gloria...and all the others who have access to my suite.' He tried to be humorous but failed.

'Jeremy...'

'Don't think about it.' Jeremy whispered nuzzling Ryan's cheek with his wet nose. 'We have the rest of today and the whole of tomorrow. Let's make the most of it. No negative thoughts. Promise me.'

'I can't promise that.' Ryan growled.

'Listen baby,' Jeremy began softly, 'my whole stay at the Fort is going to be filled with painful memories. Now, if we try and enjoy being with each other, maybe...just maybe, I'll get lucky and enjoy snippets of these memories at some points. Please Ryan. I know it's going to be difficult not to think about what's coming but...let's try.' He whispered. 'Can you do that for me?'

But instead of answering that question, the white wolf let out a loud pitiful howl which forced a painful growl from the alpha. The alpha felt a physical pain within his chest at his mate's sad howl but didn't stop him. He knew that the wolf needed that. It needed to somehow let out its misery. And the best way for a wolf to do that was howl its pain to the world. There were answering howls from three wolves who although were with them in the woods, maintained a respectful distance. Jeremy was grateful to know his friend were there for them despite the fact that they virtually had a war on their hands. They were the best. They were hurting just as Ryan was. If it weren't for his mate, Jeremy would have been with Philip, Stan and Paige at that miserable point in his life. But he knew his friends understood. The alpha cuddled even closer to his beautiful howling mate, waiting patiently for those sad howls to end.

When Ryan eventually quieted down, he turned to face Jeremy and asked shakily; 'Is there any...witchery...magic...spell that can be done to put me to sleep? So that I wouldn't feel your absence?'

Jeremy's breath hitched in his throat at that question. 'Ryan... There's no such spell. And even if there was, you can't put your life on hold for me.'

'I don't have a life without you.' Ryan growled, suddenly angry. 'Can't you understand that?' He stood up and began to walk away. 'I can't do this. I can't...' And with those anguished words, Ryan began to shift back into human. Then he just collapsed onto the ground and began to sob uncontrollably.

The alpha immediately shifted and went to cover Ryan with his body, making sure he didn't put his full weight on him. He held Ryan as he sobbed, feeling his own heart break. Did he do the right thing by accepting his punishment, Jeremy asked himself as he rocked Ryan. Should he have simply pleaded his case and promised not to question Luna again? Should he have insisted on another form of punishment which wouldn't have taken him away from his mate? Over the years, he'd come to know just how much his being an Alpha with Ojah powers pleased Luna. Hell, it had been said in numerous circles how Luna saw him as her best creation yet. Yes, Luna would have listened to him if he'd asked to be spared. But Jeremy knew it wasn't right. As alpha and leader of his people, he had to do the right thing. The fact that his pack didn't know what he'd done didn't really matter. It was honorable to accept one's punishment no matter how bad it was. Especially so when that individual knew he deserved to be punished. Jeremy knew that there was a high probability that he was going to die but as far as he was concerned, Luna had in fact been lenient with him. It was rather unfortunate that Ryan had to go through all that sadness but...if even he, wanted him dead at a point for what he'd done to him, then how much more Luna, who he'd disrespected with his actions. She was a god for fuck's sake. She should have smote him months ago.

Ryan must have cried for about thirty minutes straight. Jeremy just held and rocked him, not knowing what to say. Somehow nothing sounded appropriate. They were so much locked up in their grief they didn't even know what was going on around them. They didn't feel the danger when a stubborn lover managed to escape her family and came into the woods to challenge Ryan. Neither did they see how Paige's wolf tore out the challenger's throat without blinking. The alpha and his mate were in a world of their own...a world filled with anguish and misery.

"Can we go back please?" Ryan finally asked shakily.

Jeremy turned him onto his back and stared down at him. He could feel the calmness within Ryan. It was good he'd allowed him to let out his emotions for as long as he wanted.

"Tell me you're okay?" Jeremy whispered, rubbing at Ryan's cheeks.

Ryan let out a shaky breath. "I can never be okay." He sighed. "But I feel a little better."

"How's your wolf?"

"Going crazy." Ryan sighed. "Better than before though."

"Good." Jeremy got to his feet and pulled up a drained Ryan. "Let's go take a hot shower."

***

"What now?" Ryan asked quietly, his voice still weak and broken from crying so much.

They were lying naked on the plush white rug in Jeremy's suite. Ryan played absentmindedly with the hairs around Jeremy's nipples. They'd taken a long hot shower, bathing each other's bodies till they felt refreshed. Then they'd decided to relax on the rug in the living area instead of getting into bed. All the lights had been turned off in the suite. The only source of light came from the sixty-four inch LED on the wall, which had been left on a music channel, with the sound very low.

"Now, I mark you." Jeremy said softly.

"You mean you carry out your wish." Ryan muttered with a slight frown.

"Hey." Jeremy whispered, moving to lean over Ryan. "At least Luna granted me a wish." He gently combed his fingers through Ryan's hair. "Why don't you grant me one too? By ignoring everything and just...being with me. I'd really love that." Jeremy leaned down and captured Ryan's lips in a sweet kiss. "Very much." He murmured against his lips when he released them.

"You really think I can do that?" Ryan murmured.

"I know it will be difficult but I'd be grateful if you could." Jeremy dropped a kiss on the tip of Ryan's nose. "You see...apart from the fact that I hate seeing you sad, seeing you miserable...especially after I mark you, will mess me up." He kissed each eye. "I just might rebel when it's time to go, if I think you're in too much pain. It won't be pretty."

"You're not going to cause any chaos." Ryan said softly. "I won't let you."

"Oh baby, I won't even get the chance." Jeremy's chuckle was without humour. "It won't even get there. Luna will..." He gave a deep sign. "Let's just say I'll be history."

"She wouldn't dare..." Ryan gasped.

"No one defies Luna, baby."

"The bitch." Ryan hissed.

"Hey, don't." Jeremy chastised Ryan with a slight shake of his head, always the alpha. "Don't be angry at her. This is all my fault. I fucked up. And I'm so sorry."

"Alright, alright...no negativity." Ryan sighed. "Let's just...enjoy the time left." He rolled his eyes, making Jeremy laugh. "But you have to make me a promise." Ryan said quietly.

"Anything." Jeremy's gaze locked on his mate's.

"Promise me you're going to survive this." Ryan had never sounded more serious. He clearly remembered Gloria saying that people didn't usually survive the Fort.

Jeremy's eyes widened. Yes, he was determined to survive but he couldn't promise that. He definitely didn't want to promise his mate and then break the promise. Two years was an awful long time for anyone to survive the fort. He had to be real. The alpha gave a deep sigh.

"I promise to try." Jeremy whispered.

"Not good enough." Ryan growled. "Swear it! Give me your oath."

"Ryan..."

"It's the only thing I'm asking of you, Jeremy." Ryan's eyes flashed. "Let me know you have the will. You owe me that." He growled, a myriad of emotions swirling in his eyes...desperation, frustration and anger.

"I promise Ryan." Jeremy kept his voice low and soothing, using his best calming tone. Ryan was getting worked up and he didn't want that. "I promise to come back to you." The alpha vowed. "I promise on my soul. Okay?"

Ryan could tell from the look in Jeremy's eyes that he meant what he'd said. In order to survive anything, a person first of all, needed to have the strong will to survive. And that was all Ryan wanted from his mate. He felt himself instantly calm down.

Ryan nodded. "Thank you." He murmured and then leaned up to take Jeremy's lips in a hot kiss.

Ryan told himself not to think about what was coming as he kissed his mate senseless. He needed to give his mate what he'd asked for. He could do that, Ryan told himself. With that resolution made, he threw himself into the kiss. He couldn't get enough of Jeremy's sexy mouth. Ryan couldn't believe he was going to be deprived of their sweetness for two whole years. Well, he had them now didn't he? He kissed Jeremy as though it were his last time. By the time the two came up for a much needed air, Jeremy was on top of Ryan, and both were rock hard.

"Shit." Jeremy groaned as he rubbed his hardness against Ryan's in a wickedly slow grind. "You feel so fucking good." He moaned, staring down at Ryan with glazed eyes. "Your lips are so soft." He whispered. "I love your eyes. Their colour makes me go crazy for you. Fuck, we have to stop this." Jeremy groaned, leaning his forehead against Ryan's. But his hips didn't stop their movement against Ryan for even a second. "I'm only supposed to mark you and nothing more." He took Ryan's mouth again before he could respond.

Ryan was in another realm. He slid his legs around Jeremy and twined his ankles together on his lower back. In that position, Jeremy's heavy balls rubbed against his exposed hole with every movement of his hips. Ryan gasped into the kiss, his face flushed with arousal.

"Fuck..." Jeremy tore his mouth away with a whimper and buried his face against Ryan's neck. "Ryan please..." The alpha pleaded brokenly, his whole body trembling with the intensity of his need. "We can't..."

"Yes, we can." Ryan breathed, pushing Jeremy's head up to gaze into his dazed blue eyes with his own lust-filled ones. "I only get to be marked once. I want this to be as memorable as it can be." He licked at the corner of Jeremy's mouth, drawing a tortured moan from the alpha. "Since we're granting wishes, why don't you grant mine?" He licked from Jeremy's mouth to his ear.

"Ryan..." But Jeremy lost his train of thought when Ryan began to swirl his wet tongue along the shell of his ear. "Oh God... Listen to me Ryan..."

"No, you listen to me." Ryan growled as he rolled them so that he was on top of Jeremy.

If it had been any other person, Jeremy would have been pissed off because it was a clear challenge. But the sexy man looking down at him was his mate. And Jeremy loved how in control he was that very moment.

"Gloria told me you were going to mark me during sex..."

"That's during the ceremo..."

"Shut up Jeremy." Ryan said dryly. "Sorry to bring this up now but the last time you bit me...let's just say I'd rather forget." He ignored Jeremy's mortified groan. The alpha's eyes fluttered close. He was obviously trying to hide his shame. "Look at me Jeremy." Ryan said softly and waited till his mate opened his eyes. Then he leaned down and gave him a quick kiss. "As I was saying...and got rudely interrupted..." Ryan loved the smile that appeared on his mate's handsome face at his words. "Gloria told me how good that bite is going to be when you give it to me during..."

"I can still make it good even if we don't..."

"Did I tell you to speak?" Ryan growled and almost laughed at the amused but admiring look on Jeremy's face. "The way your mother described it... God, she has a way with words." He gasped, and then grinned when Jeremy rolled his eyes. That was so weird but adorable. "Well, I want it. I want what she described. I'm not going to allow you to mark me any other way Jer. I want to feel everything. Call me selfish but...that's how it's gonna go. You get your wish by granting mine." Ryan watched as a shocked and obviously speechless Jeremy looked up at him. "What? Cat got your tongue?" He purred.

"Are you insane?" Jeremy growled. He hadn't thought Ryan was serious till he'd given that condition. "I have to follow the rules!"

"Fuck the rules." Ryan snapped. "It's not like you always follow them anyway." He drawled. "Listen, he that is down needs fear no fall, right?" He grinned. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"I know what you're trying to do." Jeremy said quietly.

"And what's that?"

"You want to send me off with a...something nice. Sex. But you don't have to. Really."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ryan's eyes lowered to lock on Jeremy's mouth. "I want you Jeremy. Not once have I ever looked at you and not wanted to jump your bones. You know that." He murmured but his mate read right through him.

"I know you want me Ryan." Jeremy's voice softened. "But just wanting me, wouldn't make you offer yourself to me as you're doing now. If I go ahead and have sex with you, you might regret it later. And that will crash me Ryan." Jeremy let out a deep breath. "Listen, I know you try to tolerate me because of the mate pull. You can't fight that. I know. But I'll be a fool not to know how much you hate me deep down. It's only natural, taking into consideration how badly I've treated you. I understand. You don't have to do this."

"I don't hate you Jeremy." Ryan said quietly. "Don't get me wrong. I'm still sickened by what you did. And I did hate you. God knows I did." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened them. "When I was a little boy..."

"Are you seriously going to tell me a story right now?" Jeremy looked incredulous.

"Will you just listen?" Ryan groaned. "When I was a little boy, I screamed for hours because my mum killed a spider on my bed. I thought that was cruel. I thought everything deserved life. Till I met you. I wanted you dead. You made me go to a place that I'd never known. A place of rage and darkness." Ryan rubbed his knuckles soothingly against Jeremy's cheek when he felt him tense up against him. "I hope I never go to that place again. So yes, I hated you with a passion. I remember telling you too. So believe me, when I say I don't anymore. I wouldn't be this devastated at what's happening if I hated you as much as you think and you know it." Ryan said, getting off Jeremy. "I want you to mark me whilst you're making love to me, Jeremy...as you're supposed to." He said as he moved towards the bed area. "And I'm not taking no for an answer." He pulled open the bedside drawer.

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