tagHumor & SatireSave The Earth. The End Is Near.

Save The Earth. The End Is Near.


Earth Day message to help save the planet.

Earth Day message to help save the planet with conservationism and ecological efforts changes from help and hope to doom and gloom.

"Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near!"

Charlie proudly and resolutely held up his signs, while marching back and forth, as if on strike, and shouting his slogans at passing people. His personal protest, his way of doing something about the deplorable state of the planet, he stopped and spoke with anyone, who'd stop to listen to his Earth Day message.

"Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near!"

Back and forth and back and forth he paced, while waving his signs and shouting his slogans. From the sight of him, a one man planetary preserver, he looked determined to make a difference by getting his message across. If nothing else, he received some good, along with some bad, attention from people anxious to get by him on the busy sidewalk.

From across a busy street, the protestor caught Larry's attention and he stopped to stare. Believing that he recognized him, actually knew who he was, he watched him from the crosswalk trying to better see his identity. Too far away to get a good look at him, albeit sounding and looking a bit more than familiar, still not sure if it was him or not, Larry waited for the light to change, before crossing to the other side of the street to confront, who he believed was his friend and neighbor.

"Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near!"

Now certain that it was him, Larry watch his friend march back and forth, while waving his signs and shouting his message. Charlie had an unmistakable posture. Hunched over from not wanting to be singled out in school, as a kid, he'd be a really tall man, if he was to stand up straight, but by leaning forward for so long, he put a permanent curve in his spine and was shorter than he'd would have been by a few inches. Finally crossing the street, more enjoying the show knowing that it was Charlie, he watched the one man repetitive parade, before approaching him.

"Charlie? Is that you?"

Charlie stopped his protesting to watch Larry walk nearer. Coming closer, Larry approached Charlie with as much caution and concern, as he had confusion and curiosity.

"Oh, hi, Larry. What are you doing here? I never expected to see you in this part of town," said Charlie stopping his pacing and putting his signs down by his side. He looked a bit uncomfortably embarrassed. "How are you?"

"I'm good, Charlie, and you," said Larry looking like he was chomping at the bit with curiosity to know what his friend and neighbor was doing walking back and forth on the busy street corner, while holding signs and yelling his protest slogans at people who passed. "Actually, I couldn't be better, now that the Winter is over and my favorite season is here. I just love Spring," said Larry, while eying the pretty women, who passed by him. "Women wear less clothes," he said staring at a pretty woman in a short skirt and sheer blouse.

"Oh, you know, same old thing," said Charlie. "I'm good though and I'm glad that Winter is over, too. I hate the cold."

"Protesting, huh," said Larry staring up at his tall friend. "What about?"

With a look of dreadful fear, Charlie stared at Larry with panic, wondering, no doubt, by his sudden look of paranoia, if he had been spying on him and had followed him here. Looking a bit uncomfortable, Charlie smiled at his friend. He ignored Larry's question to ask one of his own.

"So, what are you doing here, clear across town?"

"Oh, I have a client here and finished early. With the sun shining, the birds singing, and the women wearing their short skirts without hiding their legs beneath long, Winter coats, it's so beautiful out that I thought I'd walk around and enjoy the sights of the day, before stopping for lunch somewhere and heading back to the office," said Larry.

"Yeah," said Charlie, "it's a nice day to be out and about." He looked from Larry to raise up his protest signs and confront people walking by him. "Save the Earth! The end is near! You still have time! It's not too late!"

"Do you want to grab a bite to eat? My treat. I have an expense account. I can say that I took out a potential client. They'll never know. They don't check that closely, especially for an extra cheeseburger for lunch," said Larry.

"No, thank you," said Charlie. "With the lunch crowd out and about, this is the perfect time to protest."

"I see," said Larry. "So, what's the protest about?"

Again, Charlie ignored Larry's question to catch a few people walking towards him.

"Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near! It's not too late. You still have time."

"Why are you protesting?"

"Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near! Save the Earth! The end is near!"

Again, Charlie stepped away from his friend to wave his signs in the face of a group of people approaching him.

"What are you doing standing on this busy street corner holding those signs?" Larry persevered for an answer to his unanswered question. He reread the signs, before looking at his friend with curiosity. "Save the Earth? The End Is Near?" Larry gave his friend a laugh.

"I'm trying to save the planet, Larry," said Charlie appearing annoyed that he had to explain his all too obvious signs.

"Save the planet? What the Hell is that all about? Is this a joke? Did our mutual friend, Bill, ut you up to this? Crazy Bill, he's always doing some kind of self-promotion and advertising for someone or something." Larry laughed, "I remember when he talked you into wearing that chicken suit to advertise the grand opening of his new fried chicken takeout restaurant and those kids threw eggs at you."

"Joke? No, this is no joke and Bill didn't put me up to this, Larry," said Charlie looking a bit annoyed. "For your information, I dressed up as a chicken as a favor to my friend. Besides, he gave me a hundred bucks and free takeout food for a month to do it," said Charlie with one eye to the people walking by him and staring. "Save the Earth," said Charlie shouting and holding up one sign, before holding up the other sign to people passing him by on the busy sidewalk. "The end is near. It's not too late. You still have time."

"If the end is near, Charlie," said Larry with a laugh, "why bother trying to save the planet? We're just a couple of working stiffs. What can we possibly do to stop anything from happening? We can't control something that is fated to happen, anyway," said Larry with a shrug and a chuckle.

"Fated to happen? Nothing is fated to happen. Although we can't reverse the damage we've done, we can always make a positive change to slow, stop even, the effects of global warming," said Charlie giving Larry a tired look. "That's typical of you to say that, Larry," said Charlie delaying his pacing to confront his friend.

"Typical?" Larry gave Charlie a smug laugh.

"Yeah, you've always had a negative attitude about volunteering your time for the good of others. You're a bit selfish in that regard," said Charlie having summed up his friend with a disconcerted look.

"Do you want me to say something really typical? How's this? Let's just party and get drunk later tonight," said Larry with a laugh. "What do you say? A know a couple of hot blondes, who will do anything and I mean anything, after a fun night on the town, especially if they know they're going to die anyway with the rest of us." He looked at Charlie's signs. "Bring the signs with you. We'll scare them into giving us an end of the world sex that we'll never forget."

"Listen to you, Larry. Just listen to you," said Charlie. "All you care about is getting laid and having a good time. There are more important things than having sex and getting drunk, you know. Matter of fact, it's because of all the good times we've already had that the Earth is in such a shambles. It's because of people like you, Larry, those who mirror your nonchalant attitude, about not trying to help save the Earth and being reckless with the planet, is the reason why I'm here trying to do something about it."

"Hey, don't put that guilt trip on me, pal. I'm just an average guy, who is powerless to do anything, other than to go along for the ride. If you must put the blame on someone, blame those who are really responsible for screwing up this planet, oil companies, car companies, banks, big companies, mega factories that pollute the air and the water, and politicians and lobbyists, who push their personal agendas with their greedy hands out, instead of helping the people, who elected and hired them to get them jobs and affordable healthcare."

"Change starts with a protest of one, Larry. I'm hoping that others will join me. Together we can make a positive change that will make a difference in the quality of our lives."

"Bullshit, Charlie. Other than to get your picture in the newspaper and your story on the nightly news, there's nothing that any of us can do, even if you had a million protestors marching back and forth with you. Besides, I like getting drunk and having sex with a hot blonde," said Larry with a laugh. "What's wrong with that? You make it sound criminal to have sex with a beautiful blonde and have a few drinks. It's the American way, after all, right up there with Mom, apple pie, and baseball."

"Yeah, well, it's the American way that is polluting and destroying the planet. The reason why this world is in such a terrible state of chaos, Larry, is because of people like you," he said giving his friend a long look of distain. "You have no idea what's going on, do you?"

"I do know what's going on, actually, Charlie," said Larry with a smug laugh. "I know that you're standing on a street corner acting crazy and making a fool of yourself, while I'm acting like a red blooded, American, testosterone filled guy, who wants to sow some wild oats, before he gets married and has children. What's so wrong with that?"

"Yeah, well, there won't be a world left to have children, never mind a world left to leave to your children. Maybe if you had a better attitude about doing your fair share to help the planet to survive, Larry, we'd turn this world around. If we all banded together, average Joes and Janes like you and me, we could influence change for the better," said Charlie puffing up his chest, before shooting his friend a sour look. "Do you even know what day this is?"

"What day this is? Of course, I know what day it is. It's Thursday," said Larry with a smug laugh. "April 22, 2010. What do you think I have Alzheimer's or something? Hey, I haven't started drinking, yet," said Larry, "but I may have a couple of beers during my lunch. Then, later tonight, when with those two, hot blondes give me all that I want and all that I need, once I really start drinking, I may not remember what day it is," he said laughing.

"It's Earth Day, Larry, Earth Day. Today is Earth Day. It's the one day that we all stop to honor the planet. Matter of fact, it's the fortieth anniversary of the celebration of Earth Days that started back in 1970."

"Earth Day? Really? No kidding. I didn't know that. Fortieth anniversary, huh? I had no idea. I didn't even know we celebrated the Earth with a special day of its own. Well, happy Earth Day to you, Charlie," said Larry. "I'm sorry I didn't buy you a gift, but I didn't know you celebrated this holiday," said Larry laughing.

"Laugh as much as you want, Larry. Make fun of a dire situation, if that makes you feel better, but you just proved my point. You're no better than the rest of them. You didn't even know what day it was. You never even heard of Earth Day, until I told you," he said giving his friend a look of self-satisfaction and puffing up his chest with self-importance. "This is why I'm out here, Larry. This is why. I'm hoping to educate people and engage and enrage the masses, so that we'll all band together to take action to help save the planet."

"Earth Day must be one of those foolish holidays that no one pays any attention to like Arbor Day, May Day, and Flag Day, huh? No one really cares about a holiday that doesn't give them the day off from work," he said looking at his friend, while ignoring the rest of his planetary preservationist dialogue. "Speaking of work, Earth Day isn't a paid holiday. Is it? Shouldn't you be at work and working?"

"Oh, uhm, yeah, well, I took the day off. I called in sick," said Charlie with a look of chagrinned trepidation. "To be honest with you, I had to make a stand. Warning people to save the Earth and that the end is near is more important than working my stupid job."

"That kind of attitude will get you fired, Charlie. In this recession, you're lucky to have a job, stupid or otherwise. There are a lot of people out of work, who'd gladly do your job for half of what you earn," said Larry. "Still Charlie, even though your concern about the planet and your desire to help save it is commendable, seriously, if the end is near, no matter if we all banded together or not, whether as a group or as individuals, there's little we can do about it. When the time comes for the Earth to explode, or implode, or whatever the Hell will happen to it, what can any of us possibly do to save the planet, other than to hold onto our loved ones, pray, and watch and wait for it happen?"

"God, you're so damn dense, Larry. Read my lips. My message reads," said Charlie looking up at his signs, before looking back at his friend. "If we don't save the Earth, the end will be near. Duh," said Charlie holding up and flashing both signs in Larry's face.

"Okay, Charlie, I get it. Calm down," said Larry pushing Charlie's signs from out of his face. "I understand. You can lower your assault weapons and stand at ease," he said giving his friend a curious look, before shooting his mouth off, again with a smug laugh. "You're not going to hug a tree naked are you? That's something I wouldn't want to see on the nightly news, not with your skinny body."

"No, I'm not a tree hugger, but I would be, if I didn't have a job and lived closer to the rainforest. Don't get me started on that. What they are doing to the rainforests around the world by leveling them to build malls and planned housing is just deplorable."

"Yeah, well, it's a good thing there's no rainforests here in the city, otherwise you'd be screaming your protest messages, while swinging from a vine," said Larry laughing at his friend.

"Everything was put on this Earth for a purpose, Larry. By eradicating the rainforests and making those species of flora and fauna that thrive there extinct, things we haven't even discovered, cataloged, and realized their purpose, yet, is irresponsible. Once those things that we didn't even know we needed to make the medications we may need to survive as a species, one day, by destroying the rainforests, we may be responsible for our own demise."

"Actually, now that you mention our own demise and for your information, you do have a point, Charlie. I have it on good authority that, you're right."

"What do you mean, Larry? I'm surprised you agree with me about anything. What am I right about? I'm right about what?"

"The end is near, Charlie, very near, actually, nearer than even you may think, I dare say."

"What do you mean, the end is nearer than I think? What are you talking about, Larry? You're not making any sense." Waiting for him to reply, Charlie looked at his friend with curious interest, before giving in to a forced grin. When Larry didn't answer, he continued. "You don't know what you're talking about, do you? You're just making that shit up and trying to steal some of my thunder, aren't you? I know your game, you're just having some fun with me, is all," he said with a shoulder shrug. "This is your way of throwing eggs at me."

"Nope, not making it up at all, old chum and even though you always suspected me, it wasn't me, who threw those eggs at you, while you were dressed in that chicken suit."

"Yeah, well, I didn't think you threw the eggs. I saw the kids running away."

"Only and unfortunately," persisted Larry, "as you refuse to believe, there's no saving the world. There's nothing that any of us can do to save this world, the least of which is to name a day after the Earth, Earth Day, on the pretense that we have any hope, whatsoever, of saving this doomed planet. We don't. If anything, Earth Day is just another day that Madison Avenue marketed for businesses to make money by selling t-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, and coffee mugs."

"That's not true, Larry. If we all walked with a smaller carbon footprint, if we all conserved and recycled, if we all took a stand in the way that I'm taking today, we'd--"

"Now who is the one not making any sense," said Larry. "Listen to yourself. Whether we conserve or recycle or care for, protect, and preserve the ecology or not, it's over, done, and finished. There's absolutely nothing that any of us can do. Nothing. We're toast, Charlie, toast. All of us will soon be burnt to a crisp, incinerated, before being obliterated, dust to dust, into billions of specks smaller than the eye can see. Everything we know and everyone we know will be gone forever, at the same exact instant. No one will know any of us were even here. Fortunately, death will come too quickly for any of us to realize what has happened to feel anything."

"You're not making any sense and," said Charlie taking a step back from his friend. "You're scaring me."

"I apologize for scaring you. That's not my intention. I'm just stating the facts, as I know them. Besides, by you standing here on the corner and holding these signs, I figured you already knew all of this information. I figured that's what all of this was about," said Larry looking at his friend, before pointing up to the sky. "I figured you were just reinforcing what everyone already knows. Honestly, I thought you were just having some fun at the expense of everyone, while hoping to meet a cute woman."

"What information? What does everyone already know that I don't? I don't know what the Hell you're talking about, Larry," said Charlie looking at his friend with a flushed face full of sudden fear. "Tell me."

"It's already been read in the stars that we're all going to die a horrible death, my friend. The end is not near. The end is here. It's already here, Charlie, the end is here. We're already out of time and it's too late to do anything about it. There's nothing that anyone can do to stop it. I thought you already knew that," said Larry looking at his friend with a sad but wry smile.

"The end is here? What do you mean the end is here?"

"I'll see you around, Charlie. Enjoy the last of your days, however you can. For me, I plan on getting drunk with a couple of hot blondes and having wild sex. The end will come before you know it and much sooner than you think. There's no sense annoying people by shoving those signs in their faces. All you're going to do is to make people mad. Everyone already knows that the world is coming to an end. It's over, Charlie."

"Wait! Stop! Hold on. Don't go," he said grabbing at Larry's arm. "Seriously? The end is here? What do you mean by saying that, the end is here?" Charlie looked hard at his friend and dropped his arms and the signs by his side. "I don't know any such thing. I didn't hear any such thing. Tell me."

"Allow me to enlighten you, then. Yes, Charlie. The end is here."

"Where'd you hear all of that? Who told you that? Or are you just making fun of me and trying to get my goat by making a fool of me," he said glaring at his friend. "You can't just say that, Larry, and walk away. You can't be scaring people like that by saying the end is here and then just leave. That's just so wrong. What's wrong with you? How dare you?"

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