Save The Earth. The End Is Near.

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andtheend
andtheend
797 Followers

"Aren't you doing the same, Charlie, scaring people by telling them to save the Earth and that the end is near?"

"No, I'm not doing that. Certainly not. What I'm doing is different, much different than what you're doing by saying what you said. My message of reclamation is not the same as your fatalistic message because, I'm just giving them a friendly warning, a reminder, a wakeup call, is all. I'm not telling them we're all going to die. Actually, no matter, we'll all die, anyway, from natural causes, sickness, and accidents. Eventually, we may even die from global warming, that is, if we don't do our part and work to reverse it," said Charlie with a sad expression on his face. "I'm only asking them to change their wasteful ways and to help save the planet through conservationism, preservation, and ecology and to live a better and cleaner life, so as to leave a better world to our children and grandchildren."

"In the end, Charlie, what does it really matter? It doesn't matter what we do now because there's nothing that we can do to save ourselves. Both messages are the same, unfortunately. I'm sorry you don't understand that. Listen, if we're all going to die eventually, anyway, what's the difference between my message and your message? They are both fatalistic messages with your message promising false hope that any of us can, actually, do anything to save the planet. We can't. There's nothing that any of us can do. It's over."

"Stop saying that! God, you're so negative. It's not over and there's a lot of things that we can start doing now to reverse things," said Charlie impatiently and looking like he was growing weary trying to convince his friend otherwise. "My message is asking people to help save the planet and doesn't profess immediate and undeniable death and destruction, if we don't, as does your message. Your message is doom and gloom, where my message is help and hope," said Charlie leering at his friend.

"Sorry, Charlie, but I'm just saying it like it is? Do you think that I like the bleak future? I don't and I'd change my fate, if I could, but I can't. Don't you think that I'd like to live longer, if I could? So, why even bother?"

"You're just another negative doomsday naysayer. You don't see the glass as half full or half empty. You see the glass as smashed against the wall," he said with a laugh. "Besides, and not to mention," said Charlie pointing a stiff index finger in his friend's chest. "You don't have any facts to support your allegations, when I'm armed with an arsenal of information, as to how we're destroying this planet with global warming, by not conserving, nor recycling with everyone walking with too big of a carbon footprint."

"Calm down, Charlie. Chill. People are starting to stare. You're making a spectacle of yourself. I'm just stating the facts, Charlie, that's all. Do you want a fact? Here's the fact for you. December 21, 2012 is, indeed, the end of the world. It has been written. The end is not only near, the end is here."

"December 21, 2012? Rubbish. What are you talking about? I never heard of such a thing. Who said? Who told you that? Where is it written? Who came up with that date, December 21, 2012? There's nothing in the Bible about that date, as being the end of the world. I would have remembered that date, after reading it in the Bible. I read the Bible all the time, every day. That's absurd," he said leering at his friend. "Tell me! I demand you explain your preposterous self."

"I'll tell you when you calm the fuck down."

"Okay, okay," said Charlie taking a big breath of air and releasing it. "I'm calm. I'm relaxed. I'm listening. Now, tell me."

"The Incas wrote in their--"

"The Incas? I should have known you were full of shit by quoting an ancient civilization of savages."

"If you allow me to continue to explain, I'll enlighten you, Charlie, I will, so that even you will understand."

"Okay, sorry, go ahead," said Charlie with a smirk and a disbelieving shake of his head. "Go ahead, I'll let you have your say and I won't interrupt."

"The Incas more than 5,000 years ago recorded that the end of the world will happen on December 21, 2012. I guess they knew something we didn't know. Two thousand and twelve is the last year of the Mayan Mesoamerican, 5,125 year, long count calendar and December 21st is the last day. Moreover, thousands of years later, first by Nostradamus, then by Sir Isaac Newton, and later by the Hopi Indians, they all came up with strong evidence to support their claims of the end of the Earth within only a few years of one another."

"The Incas my ass. The only thing that is documented is that the Incas, Nostradamus, Sir Isaac Newton, and the Hopi Indians all used psychedelic drugs, mind altering mushrooms to see their drug induced, misconstrued, and misinterpreted visions. They were all crazed out of their minds with drugs, no doubt, when they came up with their ridiculous theories. I should have known you'd say something idiotic like that to try and rain on my parade and make me look foolish because I'm standing here on the street corner trying to do something about saving the planet, while you're out getting drunk and laid," he said glaring at his friend.

"It's all true, Charlie. It's all going to end. To say the least, they'll be no more Earth Days because they'll be no more Earth. There's nothing that any of us can do."

"How do any of them know that December 21, 2012 is the end of the world? Where did the Incas Indians come up with that date? How could a bunch of savages, without computers, without being formally trained in mathematics, or science, or astronomy, or in anything, determine that date as the end of the world?" Charlie stared at his friend waiting for him to respond, but interrupted him, again, before he could continue. "The same holds true for Nostradamus, Newton, and the Hopi Indians. They all had no way of telling the weather for the next day, never mind forecasting the end of the world, so far off in the distance."

"Yeah, well, our weathermen, with all their advanced degrees and Doppler radar, aren't that much better in forecasting the weather either, for that matter, Charlie. Yet, what the Incas did is different than what modern day scientists do today. In tuned with the universe, they read the stars, Charlie. It was all there, right over their heads. They got the information right from Heaven. With all the lights and illumination we have going on in the city, we can't even see the stars, never mind read them. Besides, people today look down, instead of looking up."

"Stars my ass. No one can read the stars to determine the end of the Earth," said Charlie looking at his friend with trepidation. "Can they?"

"I dunno, maybe, they had some help. Maybe, back then, God walked on the Earth and told them. Maybe there were Alien visitors who crashed their ship on Earth, couldn't return to their universe, and they told them, before dying here. Maybe, much like someone picking their lucky numbers and hitting and winning the lottery today, they got lucky and guessed." Larry looked at his friend and laughed. "I swear to you. It's all true."

"You're just having some fun with me. You're just making all this up, Larry, admit it. Aren't you?"

"It is written, Charlie, it's fact. Just as there are doubters and detractors, there are many reputable scientists, astrologers, and astronomers, who publically concur that, on December 21, 2012, an apocalyptic, cataclysmic, massive solar storm will flip the magnetic poles, causing unprecedented earthquakes, tsunamis, and super explosive volcanoes the world over and all at the same time."

"Bullshit! I don't believe you," said Charlie looking as if he was about to faint. "You're lying. You're just having your fun with me at my expense. Well, fuck you, Larry. Fuck you!"

"Charlie, I'm not making up this stuff. It's all true. There was even a movie made and there are thousands of web sites on the Internet about the day that the world will end. Even the Discovery Channel did a big program, recently, about December 21, 2012 being the end of the world," he said looking at his unconvinced friend. "Hey, if you don't believe me, just Google the date and read all the information that appears for yourself. Don't take my word for it, make your own decision."

"I don't understand. How can that happen, Larry? I can't believe we're all going to die. This is terrible, just terrible. I just bought a new car, a Toyota Prius and paid extra for the extended warranty. I ordered solar panels for my house and already gave the guy a deposit. Wasted money, I'll never get that back. He said I'd be off the grid in ten years. No one will even be around in ten years," said Charlie looking at his friend with a crushed spirit. "How can this happen?"

"Listen, because of the galactic alignment of planets, something that doesn't happen for eons and eons, all of that will happen on the very day, December 21, 2012, during a time when the sun will be at its hottest and most magnetically active. Finally, dramatically, and explosively, the end of the world will include the Earth's collision with either a passing planet or all the planets of our solar system. Some even say that the Milky Way will be eaten by a massive black hole. They've already identified the black hole. It's out there in the middle of space, right in our own galaxy, just waiting to devour us."

"Oh, that's all just a bunch of bull. Now, you're making up more shit, just to scare me. Black hole, my ass. There's no black hole big enough and close enough to eat our entire galaxy," said Charlie, looking at his friend with disbelief. "Is there? Nah, I don't believe you. Now, you're really pulling my leg. Ha, ha, very funny. April Fool was three weeks ago and I'm nobody's fool."

"I'm sorry to say, but it's all true, Charlie. Seriously, if you don't believe me, Google the date and you'll see for yourself."

"They said the same crap about the millennium, the year two thousand, Y2K. D'ya remember that? They said that all the computers were going to crash all at once because of the date changing on December 31st from 1999 to 2000 and none of the computers were programmed for that date. Everyone was in a panic because they said that the nuclear reactors would have a melt down and explode. Even the doubters believed it so much that, with programmers working around the clock, the world spent billions of dollars writing emergency software," said Charlie giving his friend a big Cheshire cat smile. "We're still here, Larry. We're all still here. The year 2000 came and went without the world coming to an end."

"What I do know is, if I were you, Charlie, I'd do your Christmas shopping early that year and don't bother making reservations for New Year's Eve because there won't be any," said Larry, finally walking away from his friend.

"You can't be scaring people like that, Larry," said Charlie calling after him. "That's just wrong. You're a mean son of a bitch, Larry, a dirty bastard, that's what you are, a dirty bastard. You're an asshole, Larry, for saying all those lies. A real asshole for trying to scare me like that. I don't believe you."

"I'll see you around, Charlie," said Larry with a wave of his hand, while continuing to walk away from his enraged friend without turning around to acknowledge him.

Charlie returned to his personal protest, while thinking about all that Larry had said and while wondering if it was all true.

"Save the Earth. The end is near. Save the Earth. The end is near. It's not too late. We still have time."

Only, his heart was no longer in it. Back and forth he walked, while thinking about all that Larry said. It could be true. What if it is true? He broke for lunch and had a sandwich and coffee at the Internet Cafe, where he used the Internet to Google the date. Only, when he returned, he returned with new signs.

"Fuck Earth Day. Don't bother trying to save the Earth. Woe is me. We're all doomed. The end, December 21, 2012, is here. It's every man and women for themselves," shouted Charlie for everyone to hear his message. "Sex and drinking are the answer. Get drunk and have sex, lots of sex, until the very end.

andtheend
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4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Don't bother getting your car washed

Crazy Al Gore made millions selling this "End Is Near" bullpucky!!

BenLongBenLongabout 14 years ago
Hee hee hee

Gotta love it, what a crack up!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
A point of fact

Great story, very funny.

Actually, the author is correct. He or she did mention that it was a Mayan calendar. Also, as a point of fact, both the Incas and the Mayans came up with the doomsday date of 2012.

AzPilotAzPilotabout 14 years ago
Thanks for the hearty laughs.

I enjoyed the story even if it was the Mayans that didn't extend their calendar. My kind of philosophy- eat, drink and make Mary. If she objects, jump for Joy.

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