Saving Clara Ch. 05

"What troubles you my dear?"

If only it was so simple to just tell him, if I could just... I force a smile, "I am trying to concentrate on the steps my Lord."

His grip changes and suddenly my body is flush to his, I grip the curve of his shoulder in surprise, he easily twirls me across the floor, and somehow my feet keep pace, "As long as you follow me you will be quite alright my dear."

Again I hear an underlying meaning, "Why?" I can think of no other way to articulate the question and yet I need the answer.

He grins a secretive smile before he really starts moving so that I can barely keep up, let alone talk, the violin is paving a dangerous path but it is glorious and I revel in the dip and pull of Ander's movements. I find I can move easily with him, I know his body well enough to follow the slight ministrations, when the music comes to a halt he dips me dramatically. My hair coming dangerously close to the shimmering floor, he is breathing heavily and his stormy eyes are bright with excitement, I am breathing hard as I stare up at him, and for a moment all I want is to kiss him, pretend I am not his servant. Applause explode around us, they draw me back to reality and Ander reluctantly raises me upright, I blush wildly at the attention but Ander is smiling broadly. And I haven't the slightest idea what has made him so cheerful, before I have time to consider it the dance floor is filled with more guests.

Ander pulls me to the side, he snatches two glasses of wine and extends one to me, I tentatively grip the thin glass, "How are you enjoying the evening so far my dear?"

I stare up into those endless eyes and I am unbelievably frightened of him, at this very moment my heart is trembling in his hand, he need only say a sharp word to me and it would burst. I don't want to be afraid, I just want to stop whatever this is before I fall any further, I cannot do this, there is no way it will end happily, "Everything is quite lovely my Lord."

His eyes caress my face, Ander lifts the glass to his lips and suddenly my mind slips into what could have been, I could smile with him, dance with him every evening, sleep peacefully beside him... I blink away the thoughts and take a slow drink, "You are a much more elegant dancer than I imagined."

I take a deep breath, "I merely followed your lead my Lord."

His gaze sharpens, but I say nothing more, "Who knew you could still dance!?" The sound of that voice makes my blood run cold, I turn to see William grinning widely at Ander and for once Ander's tension seems to ease away. William looks at me and bows too low, "I offer my deepest apologies to you Clara." My grip tightens dangerously on the thin neck of the glass, I could snap it in half and stab him with it, and feel no remorse...

"William's behavior was my doing Clara."

I glance up at Ander to find his eyes dark with guilt, I look away from them both, "You can do no wrong by me my Lord."

There is a moment of endless silence before Ander sighs, "Clara."

I look up at him with a blatantly fake smile, "Yes my Lord?" I draw the lord through my teeth as if it is a curse and it is not lost on him, I am so angry with him right now, I am so angry that this stranger is staring between us, angry that he is apologizing as if I should forgive him. As if I could... But I forgave Ander...

The thoughts are raging like wildfire and I can't keep up with them, "Dinner is served!" The voice booms impossibly over the crowd, it startles me from my thoughts, William is staring at me his eyes full of thoughts I can't begin to know. He lowers his eyes and his face is somber as he backs away, "My most humble apologies Miss Clara." His voice sounds pinched but he strolls away without another word.

Ander doesn't move with the rest of the crowd, I study the wine to distract from what I know is coming, once the room is completely cleared he moves away from me and it is the first time all night that he isn't touching me in some way. The loss is unnerving, "He would not have hurt you Clara. Even if you had been willing he would not lie with you, I need you to understand that. William is my closest friend which is the only reason I entrusted him with the task, that and..." He hesitates before he sighs softly, "I cannot make it better Clara, as much as I would like to. If you are cross then it must start with me."

I stare up at him, mystified by him as I feel the anger ease from my heart, as if he has merely dusted it from my throbbing heart. His gray eyes search my face before he reaches forward and cups my cheek, "Ander I..."

"My Lady has asked that I find you my Lord, dinner is being served at this moment." The servant is a young girl, her eyes downcast as she relays her message, I blush at being caught in such an intimate moment. Ander rubs his thumb along my bottom lip, slowly, and I tremble at the thoughts that leap to mind, "My Lady has insisted that you sit with her, my Lord. If you would follow me."

Ander takes my arm and we walk leisurely behind the girl, my heart is in my throat when she shows us to an enormous dining hall, there has to be nearly a hundred guests. I see Amelia at the head of the table, with one empty seat beside her, I bristle at the sight but hide the irritation from my face. When we arrive beside her the servant moves the seat for Ander but he makes no move to sit beside her, instead he glances along the table before he smiles down at Amelia, "I suppose we must speak later, I shall not leave my dear Clara to the care of strangers."

He starts to pull me away when a gentleman rises, "She may have my seat my Lord." I study his pudgy cheeks and bright green eyes, his hair is thinning around his forehead but he looks so cheerful.

He winks at me, "You have my thanks Lord Taylor."

His smile expands, "Anything for a Lady that remembers my name, perhaps I will steal you away from that stuffy Lord and make you a proper lady."

Ander's grip tightens on my waist, "Not without a fight my Lord."

Taylor's laughter booms deep within his chest, he gives a nod to Ander before sauntering away, I glance at Amelia to find her eyes burning into me. Oh dear... I settle into the chair away from her but it doesn't draw her fiery gaze from me, Ander settles beside me but his presence does not make me feel safer. If anything, him waving me in front of her face is making me more nervous, but I cannot go back now.

My wine is bubbling in front of me, enticing me to drink, but I know a bit about alcohol and I know I cannot hold it well. I must be on my guard with this woman and that vile liquid will do nothing for me, "You have taught your charge how to dance very well, seems she has mastered the basics."

I look at Amelia and give her a small smile, Ander speaks before I can, "It seems she has a natural talent for it then, I taught her nothing of the sort."

Amelia's smile does not reach her eyes, "Oh. That is a lovely discovery then."

I could laugh in her face, she is losing and it is a glorious sight but we are here for an unknown amount of time so I don't push my luck. Before she can think of more biting dialogue the food is placed before us, a small salad, dressed with wedges of tomatoes and crisp cucumber. Once everyone is served they look to Amelia before eating, she stands and I am met with her glorious figure again which makes my stomach turn, "I am ever pleased to invite all of your lovely faces to my home, business partners and friends alike, I have had a prosperous year and wished to share it with those who made it possible. To new partners in business and in life." She is staring at Ander when she says it and I can feel him stiffen beside me, his tension showing in the line of his jaw, "Clara, would you lead us in prayer?"

Of course, I take a shallow breath to ease my irritation with her, "It would be my honor my Lady." I shouldn't know prayer, she is trying to embarrass me, but I am in no mood for it. I bow my head and clasp my hands, "Praise God, from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below, Praise Him above, ye heavenly Host, Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. All creatures that on earth do dwell. Sing, to the Lord, with cheerful voice. Him serve with mirth, his praise forth tell. Come ye before Him , and rejoice. The Lord ye know is God, indeed, without our aid He did us make. We are His flock, He doth us feed, and, for His sheep He doth us take. Dear Lord, thank you for this food. Bless the hands that prepared it. Bless it to our use and us to your service, and make us ever mindful of the needs of others. Through Christ our Lord we pray. Amen."

The resounding Amen sounds like my mother's voice, I look up to convince myself I am not at home, I blink away the surreal feeling and smile softly. Amelia is staring at me with a wistful smile, "Such an elegant prayer, who taught you?"

She isn't playing by the rules any more, she is angry her ploy didn't work, "My mother taught me when I was very young my Lady."

Amelia smiles sinisterly, "Oh? And how did she come to know it?"

She is probing too far, "I never came to ask her my Lady."

Her eyes glitter, "May I ask what happened?"

Her venom is barely veiled at this point, Ander places his hand on mine before he speaks, "That is quite enough Amelia." His tone is low and unbelievably cold, I keep my face carefully guarded but leave the smile.

Her eyes burn with intrigue, "Please enjoy the meal my dear girl."

The first course passes in relative peace, idle conversation drums around us and I am glad for anyone's voice that isn't hers. Once the second course is brought out she seems to have regained her nerve, "How were you able to gain the attentions of Lord Ander Clara? Truly I must hear this epic tale."

There are so many directions I could take this, I am careful with my next words, "Upon one of my Lord's rare parties a guest attempted to take advantage of my virtue, by chance I was saved by my Master, and I do not assume to know why he retains interest in me, but I aim to please my Lord."

It is the closest to the truth that I am willing to say, Ander chuckles beside me, drawing my gaze to him, "Yes, I broke Marquis Barnett's hand defending her honor, it was quite exciting."

"You broke the Marquis' hand defending a servant?" Amelia's voice is high with surprise, her eyes are large as saucers and the sight is quite entertaining.

Ander blinks at her before responding, his tone even and deadly, "I should have broken his neck for what he attempted, and I should have protected her more thoroughly, she is my servant, yes. But do not speak of her as if she is an object, because she is not, her value exceeds that of anyone I have met. Servant or no."

I stare at him incredulously, my heart is swelling in my chest and it frightens me, yes, oh God yes I should have stayed at the manor, this was a horrible mistake, "Brave words Lord Ander."

Amelia's voice is distant to my ears because I don't care about anyone else at this point, I am so frightened of him, I do not understand where all of this is coming from. Why is he suddenly so open about me in front of them? Unless... I look down at my plate as the dark thought clouds the sun in my heart, perhaps it is a ploy to convince her to abandon romantic advances, I take a deep breath before I force away any happiness that still remains from the words, "And what think you on your Master Clara?"

I look up at her, and I see a bit of uncertainty in her gaze, "Lord Ander has graced me with much more than I deserve, my station should award me none of his graces, and yet he finds me worthy of them. I pray only that I do not displease him my Lady."

Amelia studies me for a long moment before she looks away, her face is pensive as she stabs at her meal. The rest of the evening passes in relative peace, Ander does not speak to me and I am glad for it, I don't think I can handle much more of this treacherous game. Amelia finally extends her conversation to her other guests so I am left to stew in my own thoughts, once dinner is cleared away I am exhausted.

Ander touches my hand, startling me from my thoughts, "Amelia I would be grateful if you could have Clara shown to our room for the evening. We can discuss business now if you wish."

She seems to perk at the words, she will be alone with him, my scalp prickles but I keep my mouth shut. It is none of my business what he decides to do with this venomous shrew, and if he does sleep with her... I chill at the thought, "She will show you to your room, have a pleasant sleep dear."

Her smile is cold, I excuse myself from the table and bow to Amelia, "It was a most pleasant evening my Lady, thank you."

The servant is the same shy girl from earlier, once away from the gaze of the others I relax slightly, "Your room is just here my Lady."

I stare at her as she opens the door, "I am not a lady ma'am."

She looks at me and laughs, "Yes, well I am not a ma'am. You are well aware but I am unaware how to address you."

I study her and she seems quite young, possibly fifteen, "My name is Clara, as far as I am aware Mistresses are meant to be called by their names."

She frowns, "I am Jess, so your Master took you as a Mistress? Is he entirely unkind?"

I know better than to divulge too much to servants because of the habit of gossiping but it is nice to be around someone who isn't judging me, "No, he is quite kind. Thank you for showing me to my room, I am sure I will see you tomorrow."

I give her a soft smile and she takes the cue gracefully, "Sleep well Miss Clara."

Once closed in the room I lean against the door, my heart is shuddering in my chest, beating so hard I am certain it will fail me. Why must he confuse me so? If I had any warning of this it would have been easier hearing such sweet lies but now I haven't the slightest idea if it was true or not... I close my eyes against the rising tide of fear, he is alone with her, the auburn beauty, the woman who has a right to speak to him, a right to bed him... I slide to the floor near the fireplace and hug my knees to my chest, I am unbelievably tired but I cannot bear to sleep knowing he is with her...

I will never be able to tell him the truth, if he asks me to tell him how I learned to dance I cannot begin to explain it to him. My mother swims into my mind and I want to scream, she fell in love and it created me, it ruined her life... The mere thought of my father leaves me paralyzed with hatred, no, I will never tell anyone what happened. I can never trust him with that, this is the one promise I cannot break, because if he betrays me I will be dragged back into a darkness I remember all too well.