Saving Clara Ch. 08

"If you took him in there without a confession she would have known Jess told you, or him, or me, and she would have been punished. There would have been no way to prove it, perhaps she would have brought more lies and convinced Lord Ander I did it to myself, since he is so inclined to distrust me I do not doubt he would have tested me in some other fashion to sate his curiosity my Lord." My voice pitches tightly, sounding inhuman, the emotions are bundled so tightly that none is allowed to enter my voice but I am trembling, my hands are tight in my lap and it does nothing to quell the shaking.

"He would not have brought you if he didn't trust you."

I smile and it feels like I am breaking inside, "You will forgive me if I tell you I do not believe that for an instant my Lord."

William shakes his head, "Why are you with him if you do not trust him?"

I frown as I sink into the carriage, "A few weeks of kindness does not surpass years of fear my Lord, but I was trying to allow a chance because..." I shake my head, "But I cannot bear it. Especially not now..." I close my eyes and press a hand to my abdomen, the fear swirls somewhere distant, but I cannot let it in yet, if I do I will go mad.

"This is a surprisingly calm reaction..."

I look up at him, anger flaring inside me burning away all other emotions for an instant, "Imagine what I have been through to manage such a feat my Lord, now please leave me be."

William watches me, I am sure he is studying my stoic form, but my emotions are securely locked away, I cannot make myself care if he thinks I am manipulative, perhaps he imagines my reaction is calculated. The resistance is, but my fear is clamoring for attention at the forefront of my mind, in the darkest corner of my mind I hope Ander slits Amelia's porcelain throat, though my biggest fear is that he is ravishing her at this very moment while I worry on the fate of my first child. If there is a child inside me... I shake my head, I cannot bear to think on it, I am sure Ander will decide what will be done, though the very idea of losing my first child because he doesn't want one, or even managing to kill it before it enters the world. My stomach knots uncomfortably, my heart pulsing loudly in my ears as the thoughts begin to overpower my reality.

"Clara?" I look up slowly, my eyes ache with the strain of focusing, "Your nose..." I wipe my fingers across my upper lip and stare at my bright red fingers through blurry eyes, it reminds me of the roses, my stomach clenches and the world washes away.