tagRomanceSaving Clara Ch. 10

Saving Clara Ch. 10


Hello my lovely readers. I have to, once again, apologize to you for the long delay. I have no reason for it this time. I do feel annoyed with myself that I failed you. But this is the final chapter and from now on I think I will focus on shorter stories or even one chapter stories. I get caught up in other ideas and when the well runs dry for those I sort of move on to something exciting.

I hope this chapter is everything you hoped for.

As always, happy reading.



How long has it been since I have heard those words? No one has said that to me since my mother burned me, even the man that risked his life to save me had never said much, and now here it is. This moment of emotion that I cannot bear to reciprocate, and I don't know how to make him understand why I cannot allow myself the luxury. Before I can say anything he turns and strides toward the house, "We should not make the doctor wait, come my dear." I trail behind him silently, my mind whirring with every excuse to push him away.

The walk back to the house doesn't take nearly as long as it did when we left it, before I know it I am standing in front of the doctor, his eyes cut through me and I drop my eyes, "I am sorry to have left in such a terrible way, sir." He huffs but wastes no time getting to work jabbing me with all manner of instruments, with no amount of gentleness, and then before I know it he moves away from me and talks to Ander.

I keep my eyes down, my mind turning with every thought I shouldn't have, like how wonderful it would be to fall into Ander's world and let the fantasy become my reality. But for how long? One day it will fall apart, that much I can be certain of, in every possible future I imagine, he leaves me or I leave him. There is no way I can trust him enough to let this happen. I sigh, the world is full of far too many options, of that much I am certain, and I have made too many mistakes to trust him. Right now I need to break this before he manages to fix it, if there is a God, he will allow me that much. Ander motions me toward him, "I had a bath drawn for you."

With that he turns back to the doctor, I roll my eyes at the implication that I cannot be informed on my own condition at the moment, but I'm sure Ander will tell me soon enough. My heart lurches between wanting him to never leave me, and trying to plan a way to escape his clutches. I leave them to their conversation and make my way to Ander's room, the house is quiet, but I can see the other servants tossing curious glances at me. I'm certain they know everything, even the bit about Amelia might be something they gleaned somehow, possibly from the driver. The way they are looking at me, I am certain they know something, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I should have accepted this part of the relationship the first night I slept with Ander, this was always a part of it; the sideways glances, the judgmental whispers, and the separation from what I used to be and what I could never be.

I want to continue with this partial relationship, but how long can I actually do that? I enter Ander's bedchamber and slip into the bathing room to be met with a steaming bath, the familiar red robe draped on the door, but no fresh clothes. Once I am in the comforting embrace of the water I allow my thoughts to wash over me. When I think about it logically I know I have to make a choice, I either tell him or I go back to the way things were. Which would be more painful? Not knowing if he would accept me or not seems the most painful, but to admit the truth and know he would betray me seems just as bad. Then again, how can I give up on him when I want him so desperately... I wish, for the first time in years, that I had a friend to confide in at this moment. I sigh and dip low under the water, comforted by the way it silences everything except my own heartbeat. The heart that betrayed me and fell in love with a man that is still, essentially, a stranger.

The warmth in my chest has no concept of time though, it doesn't matter that it has only been a little over a month, I know I want to be with him. Deep down, I know I cannot live without trying, and if he betrays me then I will die knowing I tried. I rise out of the water, feeling reinvigorated and clear in what I want to do. Fear has been a useful tool to me thus far, but it hasn't been working with Ander, so I think I will try to be honest with him. Completely and utterly honest. If that doesn't work... My heart squeezes in my chest but I brush it away, it won't matter at that point, nothing will.

With this newfound determination I get out of the bath and dry off, I feel lighter knowing I will soon be free of my secrets and I can finally know if this is real or not. I wrap the robe around my warm skin and the scent of Ander in it is comforting as I step out of the room, ready to face my fear.

Ander doesn't return immediately, I pace for a time before I give up and curl up in the window sill watching everyone moving about their work. Once in a while they stop to gossip to one another, every once in a while someone glances up to the window. I narrow my eyes as I imagine what they must be saying. What sort of filter has their gossip gone through to become something of this great of interest? Then again, it doesn't need to be interesting to be interesting; a servant's life is quite boring after all. Knowing some crippled servant is laying with a Lord of Ander's status must be quite the toast of the town. I move away from the window, I want to go to the library but I'm worried about what the doctor has told Ander, I want to know as soon as possible what is to be done. I won't allow anything to happen to the child, if, in fact, there is one growing within me. Of that I am quite resolute, I am certain I would not make a terrible mother. I collapse on his bed and stare up at the ceiling as my thoughts swirl endlessly. "What should I do mother?" I sigh and drape my arm over my eyes, "I wish you were here, it was so much easier when I wasn't alone, so much easier to suffer, and so much easier to know what to do. I've spent so long being afraid, and this is more terrifying than anything else... I miss you so much."

I open my eyes blearily to find the room darkened, a soft light coming from the fireplace, and the soft glow of moonlight teasing the edge of the drapes. I sit up slowly rubbing my gritty eyes as I do, I'm still alone in the room. I double-check to be sure but Ander is nowhere to be seen. I bite my lip, wondering if the doctor's news really was so terrible he couldn't face me... I scoot out of the bed, noticing that I am under the covers now. He must have been here, no one else would touch me while I slept. I find my clothes and get dressed quickly. The first place I check is the library, but that room is dark and eerily silent, his office is just as quiet. I stop in the room and take a moment to think, with the thought of my pregnancy...

The forest looks surreal in the moonlight, like a painting, as I make my way along the path Ander took me on earlier. As I near his old home I can hear sobbing, I slow my pace and stop completely when I see Ander crouched with his hands pressed against that last stone, his son's stone. I'm not sure what to do, but I can't leave him alone like this so I walk up to him quietly, "Ander..."

He jumps and looks up at me, his eyes blurred with tears, "You came."

I stare at him dumbfounded for a moment, "Have you been drinking?"

Ander stands clumsily and grabs my shoulders tightly as if to support himself, "Sorry, thought you would sleep through the night."

His eyes are bloodshot and blurred with the tears that keep leaking out, "Why are you crying?"

He smiles that frightening ghost of a smile then backs away from me and collapses on the bench, "I loved my son, I still love my son, but if I have a child with you..." His voice trails off as he stares at the ruins of his previous home, "Feels like a betrayal to move on..."

I hesitate then sit beside him, "I won't pretend to know how you feel Ander, but I think your son would want you to be happy. Because the people you love and love you always want the best and happiest life for you. You don't have to feel guilty all the time because you are alive, you can keep his memory alive and be happy at the same time. That's allowed."

Ander sighs softly, "How are you so kind Clara?"

I glance at him to find him wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands, "Because I love you." The words are soft as a spring breeze, he instantly stiffens then glances at me with newly sharpened eyes. My stomach twists in knots as the reality of what I've done washes over me. I stand quickly and move away from him, Ander unsteadily gets to his feet but he is still faster than me as I try to turn away he wraps his arms around me and pulls my back firmly against his chest.

"Say it again." He whispers in my ear and I shiver.


"Say it Clara." His voice is pleading, my heart pounds in my throat desperate to be with him.

"I love you." His soft laugh warms me down to my toes and I laugh with him, "I love you Ander."

"Sweet Clara, I love you!" He turns me to face him and lifts me up into his arms, he stumbles momentarily but catches himself and kisses me desperately.

I get swept into his kiss, into the moment of bliss that I almost forget my decision to tell the truth, that I nearly let everything slip into an unsteady peace but I yank away from him. Staring up at him I want to tell him the truth, but not like this. I want him to understand what I'm saying to him and remember it, but right now I'm not sure he will. My heart thunders in my ears, making the world blur as adrenaline pumps through my very bones.

"I want you Clara. I want you screaming under me every night, I want you tied up and begging for my cock, I want you saying my name breathlessly. I want you telling me all your pain, I want your smile and laughter, I want your wit and sharp tongue, I want your anger and dedication. I want all of you, just as you are, just like this. I want you right now and forever." The words send delicious shivers cascading through me and I stare up into those hypnotic grey eyes, "You have brought me more joy than I thought I could ever feel again."

"Ander..." He covers my mouth with his and I succumb to the moment this time, reveling in the bitterness of the alcohol on his lips, the tender lips pressed insistently against mine and his slick tongue dancing with mine. I tremble in his arms and raise my hands to his neck feeling the jagged scars along his neck and the silky hair just above it. When he finally pulls his mouth from mine I am breathless, he pulls at the front of my dress and a small voice whispers for me to stop him. I shiver as his clumsy fingers reveal my breasts to the night air and I feel the flood of heat between my legs. As badly as I don't want to get caught I also don't want him to stop, I don't want to be fighting myself all the time any more. Ander lowers his head to my breast, suckling the hardening nipple into his ravenous mouth. I moan as tendrils of electric excitement spark through me directly to my pussy, "Ander!" I yelp when his teeth nip at the sensitive bud.

He pulls away and smiles down at me, "As much as I would love to fuck you outside, it is too cold." I had barely noticed the chill in the air I had been so preoccupied with him, but now that he mentioned it I realize I am shivering more from cold than excitement.

I laugh softly as I pull my blouse closed, "The one time I wasn't going to try to stop you." I murmur and Ander smiles down at me.

"You can't fight me off my dear."

I shiver at the implication and look up at him from under my lashes, "Promise?"

Ander groans, "Don't tempt me my love." He kisses me once more, this time tenderly and quickly before pulling away, "Don't worry, I'll fuck your cunt properly tonight."

Warmth pools in my abdomen, I feel light-headed as he releases his grip on me, "Fuck me hard my Lord." I whisper staring up into those wondrous eyes I was captivated by the instant I saw him, I watch as his eyes widen in momentary shock and smile mischievously.

Ander's eyes seem to go out of focus for a moment then he grabs my hand and drags me behind him toward the house. I walk happily beside him, high on the excitement of exciting him I don't even mind sounding like a trollop. If he likes it when I am honest then why should I hide what I want. Before long the house comes into view and in a moment we are inside. Ander turns sharply inside the door, surprising me as he pulls me into the coat closet, "Ander!" I hiss under my breath but he yanks open my blouse in the darkness and before I can stop him, his mouth is on my breast, "Ander wait, wait not here..."

Ander pulls away from me momentarily and I breathe a sigh of relief but I can hear the shuffling of clothing and realize he is getting undressed, I try to move away from him but I run into the wall. Searching for the door handle I manage to find it but it is directly behind Ander's now naked body, "I thought you weren't going to stop me."

There is laughter in his voice and I groan, "We're in the coat closet, people will definitely hear us in here!" I snap irritably, "Please let's just go to the room."

Ander grabs my arms and shoves me back against the wall, "Now now, don't get all modest on me again. Plus everyone hears you in the room too."

My cheeks burn red hot and I look away, even though he can't see me I feel dreadfully embarrassed, "That's not the point..."

"Would you like me to shove something in your mouth to keep you quiet?"

I open my mouth to protest then snap it closed and stare directly ahead, "I'll be quiet..."

"See now that wasn't so hard, now take off your clothes for me." I untie the remaining ribbon on my dress, as I am doing so Ander steps closer so his body is almost completely flush with mine, I have to slide my body against his to manuever out of my clothes. My breasts press hard against him as I shimmy out of the dress then bend my knee up to remove my shoe caressing my thigh against his, my hand gripping his shoulder to steady myself.

When I am naked I glare up where I think his face is, "You are a cruel master."

Ander chuckles low in his throat and grabs my waist pulling me tightly against him, "You love it. You want me to dominate you, you want me to hold you down and fuck you without mercy. Don't you?"

I run my hands along the bulge of his biceps then trail my fingers along the scarred texture along the back of his arms, "Is that what you like about me my Lord?"

Ander wraps his hand in my hair and yanks my head, his breath bathes my neck in warmth as he leans over me, "Tsk, tsk. Are you looking to be punished my love?"

I moan as his tongue dances across my earlobe, "Please..."

His teeth nip playfully at my ear, "Please what Clara?"

I whimper and slide my hands down his body, I have to curve my hips back hard against the wall but I manage to make enough room for my hand to grip his iron-like cock, "Please put your cock in me."

Ander kisses me gently, "You've really become my little slut haven't you?"

A blush blankets over my flesh causing my nipples to harden painfully, "It's easier in the dark." I whisper as if trying to excuse myself.

"I'll teach you to be this way all the time." He whispers against my lips, I wrap my fingers around his cock tightly and tug at him. Ander groans, "Turn around."

The animalistic quality of his voice makes me gush, I can feel the slickness of my cunt coating my thighs generously in preparation for him. I turn quickly and don't resist when he pulls my hips out until I am half-bent over. Ander touches my pussy gently and groans when he feels the sloppy slickness waiting for him, two fingers slam into me and I jump in surprise. I spread my legs and he rewards me by flicking my clit with his thumb as he fucks my juicy cunt with his long fingers. I was already close from excitement so it doesn't take long for me to come to the precipice, Ander pulls his fingers away and I whimper my disappointment.

The sudden thrust of his cock into me makes me grunt, I press my palms into the wall to try to absorb some of the shock. I have to bite my lip hard to keep from moaning as the wave crashes over me, the vibrating ecstasy sending shock waves through my cunt down my legs until I am blinded with a pleasure so beautifully intense I can feel no other thought outside this moment. I bury my face in the curve of my arm as the pleasure rockets through me, "I love you Ander." The words are murmured against flesh so I am certain he doesn't hear me but it feels good to say the words freely.

"Clara. Fuck!" Ander yanks away from me suddenly, leaving me cold and bewildered for a moment.

After a breathless second I can hear him yanking on his clothes, "What's wrong?" I whisper trying to keep the absolute fear out of my voice.

"We can't do this. Jesus!" He says sharply and I flinch away from him, "Sorry, I don't mean it like that." He sighs deeply, "Clara, I can't cum in you like I usually do because you definitely aren't protected right now, and I can't give you the tea until we know you aren't pregnant. There are ways around it. But you feel too damn good for me to trust myself."

I release the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, "Oh, is that all?" I whisper breathlessly then sit heavily on the ground, "You frightened me."

A silent moment then Ander sits beside me after an awkward moment of feeling around, he drags me back into his chest and pulls me onto his lap, "Apologies my dear."

I rest my head against his chest, "What did the doctor say?"

"We won't know until it is time for your monthly and after that he said we are okay. He did say that you are far too stressed and that is what caused you to pass out. Why are you so stressed my love?"

I sit silently for a long time, "I would rather tell you when you haven't had so much to drink..."

"I didn't have that much to drink." Ander chuckles, when I remain silent he sighs, "Any excuse to keep your secrets?"

"No!" I snap indignantly, "That is not... I just want you to actually remember what I said in the morning!"

"You think I could forget anything that has happened tonight Clara?" I bite my lip and try to pull away from him but he tightens his arm around my chest keeping me pinned against him, "Do you?"

"I don't know." I mutter as I stop struggling, "I will tell you soon, I promise... I just need a little time to figure out how to word it."

"Get dressed I want to show you something." Ander gets up and then helps me to my feet, we spend a brief moment scraping the floor to find my clothes before Ander decides to just leave and get a candle to save the trouble. Once dressed he leads me to his office, it takes him a few moments to light enough candles that the room doesn't look dreary and frightening. He rummages through his desk momentarily then finds the paper he wants and pushes it toward me on the desk.

I stare down at the paper for a long time before the words piece together, I recognize my name and my old master's name, and Ander's name. They are my slave papers, beside them is a seal, the one every slave dreams of, freedom... I sit heavily in a chair, "When?"

"Right after we were together I wanted to find out more, when you told me your story it confirmed what I found so I went to your... I went to Hodge and got your papers then put him under my surveillance so no one else can be tormented in the same way."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask tearfully, trying to wipe at my eyes before the traitorous things can escape.

Ander sits slowly and looks out the window into the moonlit yard, "I wanted you to tell me, I thought it would put less stress on you if you were allowed to do it yourself. I think you wanted to but there is too much betrayal for you to do it yourself, there is too much fear of what has happened that you can only see one outcome, and I wanted to get past that. I know it wasn't fair to do it, I just thought you would feel better if you were allowed to make that choice. I never intended to do anything behind your back, but I became more and more certain something horrible happened and I needed to protect you."

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