Saying Stay Ch. 11

I stood there in the hall for a long moment after Dawn ran away. I thought about running after her and trying to offer some sort of comfort, but I didn't even know what was wrong. And I was, after all, still in my underwear, with a naked girl waiting for me in the next room. So I got those wet naps and brought them back to April's room.

As we cleaned up the mess accumulated on the bed and each other, I said to April "Hey, do you know if Dawn is upset with you for... you know, being with me?"

April blinked repeatedly. "Dawn? You must be kidding me. She must have texted me daily for the past two months about how fun everyone here was to sleep with, and telling me I had to get involved. She particularly spoke highly of your performance."

"Well, I just found her outside the room, and she looked pretty miserable."

April frowned. "Really? That sounds so unlike her. You'd think if she had a problem, she'd let everyone know."

"She's always been so excited about me having other lovers before," I said, wiping up a trail of half-dried cum from April's stomach.

She bit her lip. "I hate to break it to you hon, but I don't think Dawn's being possessive of you."

"What is it then?"

"Well, Dawn and I weren't all that forthcoming about our previous relationship." April stared a hole in the soiled bedsheets. "We weren't just friends from college. We actually met in high school. And we dated for about three years."

"Was this before..." I trailed off, not sure which words to choose.

"Before I transitioned? Yeah. I was a shy, dysphoric teenager. Dawn was shy too, as hard as it may be to believe. She was bullied a lot because of her weight, and because her family didn't have a lot of money. So we just kind of stuck to each other. We felt safe around each other. And when we wanted to experiment with sex, well, we were safe partners for that as well."

April put her nightgown on before continuing the story. "Our parents were sure we were going to get married. But I think, even when we were lovers, we were always friends first and foremost. Anyway, we went to university, and figured out that I was a woman and she was a slut - and I mean that in the most admiring way possible."

"Of course."

"At some point, it just didn't make sense for us to be together any more. I was going through a lot, with transitioning and dealing with my family and everything else. Dawn understood. But she always kept in touch with me, and always wanted me to take part in her various adventures. It just took me a little longer to be ready for that."

I took a moment to think about all this new information. "Why didn't you tell us all about this earlier?"

"Dawn wanted to downplay our relationship," said April. "She said it would make things awkward."

"Do you think..." I knew I had to pick my words carefully. "Do you think that Dawn wasn't as ready to let go of your relationship as you were?"

April didn't reply for a while. "Maybe. But even when we were together, we had an open relationship. It was Dawn's idea - she was reading these websites about polyamory and getting all excited. It's not like her to be jealous."

She was right. Dawn and jealousy were two words that seemed to violently repel one another in my mind. Hell, if I hadn't just seen it, it would be hard to imagine Dawn experiencing any kind of unhappiness. I had seen her bored, of course, and sometimes uncomfortable, but whenever I thought of her it was as a bundle of happiness and energy.

"You should talk to her," I said.

"You're the one giving me advice now?" said April, teasing.

"It's the same advice you gave me," I said. "Don't be afraid of having those hard conversations about what you want."

She smiled faintly. "I guess I don't follow my own advice."

"Does anyone?"

I left her room shortly after that. Suddenly, it didn't seem right to sleep in the same bed as April two nights in a row. I didn't want it to seem like I was monopolizing her, after all. That was another thing I would have to consider to make the whole strange arrangement of the house work.

--

The next morning the house was as frenetic as ever. It was easy to forget the melancholy way the last night had ended. Ellie was at the table in a suit, vacuuming down a bowl of granola before heading out to work. Josh and Simon leaned on the counter, arguing about some video game I hadn't heard of. Julia sat cross-legged on the floor, laptop balanced on her knees. There was barely enough room for all of us in the kitchen, but we moved gracefully around each other without even having to mention it.

Dawn set her now-empty bowl aside and cleared her throat. "Hey Mike? Can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure," I said, sitting down next to her.

"I'm going to have a custody hearing next week," she said. "I'm trying to get back some visitations from the kids."

"That's great." I remembered the anger on Craig's face as he stormed out of the house, and the misery on hers. It was becoming clearer to me how much this part of her life had hurt her. It was like a wound that was barely scabbed over, and could still gush blood at the slightest nick.

"Obviously, he's not thrilled about it," Ellie said. "And my lawyer says that our living conditions might be a dealbreaker. So he wants as many of you guys as possible to come to the hearing. You can show them that you're not a bunch of sex-crazed deviants."

"But we are," said Julia without looking up.

"I'm not even sure if you'll have to testify," Ellie said. "Just... be there. It'll help me feel better, if nothing else."

"Of course," I said, trying to remember if I had any nice clothes.

Josh grabbed a cup and started pouring himself some water. "Normally I'd have work on that day," he said. "But I'm sure I can convince Stepan to - hey, what happened?" The tap had spat out a glob of brown water, and then stopped. Josh lowered his head to inspect it, almost certainly without any idea of what he was doing.

Naturally, a few seconds later the kitchen sink blew up in his face. The faucet snapped up into the air, and a gush of water sprang up. Josh expertly dodged the flying piece of metal, but still got totally soaked. So did Simon, who just stood there against the counter, disbelief on his face.

Ellie looked on with shock. Julia moved her computer away and then came back to laugh at Josh. For me, it was just one more problem on the pile.

"We should call the landlord, right?" I said, watching the geyser. It was still spurting hard. Most of the water was landing on the sink, but puddles were already beginning to form on the floor.

"The landlord doesn't know that half you guys live here," said Julia. "We've kind of been doing things under the table."

"It's okay," said Simon, still placidly getting wet. "I know a guy."

"A guy?" said Josh. "It sounds like we need a plumber."

Simon rolled his eyes. "A guy who is a plumber, Josh."

Ellie looked at the spurting water, endlessly splattering down onto our floor. "This seems symbolic of something, but I'm not sure what"

--

Simon's "guy" got there a half hour later. Ellie and Josh had already gone to work. Simon, Julia and I had set up a barricade of pots and buckets along the kitchen floor to catch the water. When one filled up, we would rush it to the first-floor washroom to dump it out into the bathtub. This became very tedious after the second trip or so, and we all began to desperately hope that this guy would be able to fix the problem quickly.

On one of these bucket-emptying trips, I ran into Dawn and April. They were huddled together in one of the house's little alcoves, talking quietly. I hesitantly approached them.

"Hey guys," I said.

They both turned to me with surprise, as if they had been completely unaware of their surroundings. "Mike, now is not a good time," April said.

"Actually, I should tell you something," Dawn said. "I'm sorry about that whole scene last night. I... I was just being dumb."

April put a hand on Dawn's shoulder. "Sweetie. Don't apologize for your feelings."

"I guess I should have been more honest about me and April," Dawn said. "I... I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, Mike."

Seeing Dawn like this, apologetic and once again on the verge of tears, was such an affront to everything I had understood about her. I reached out to rub her cheek. "Hey. Don't worry about me. I just want to make sure you're doing okay."

April stepped between us. "Like I said, Dawn and I have a lot of stuff to talk over between the two of us."

I didn't need to be told a third time. Bucket in hand, I returned to the kitchen. As I walked away, I could hear the two of them going back to their quiet, conspiratorial talk.

I did hear one thing Dawn said. She said, "I love you." She sounded very upset about it.

Bailing out our flooding kitchen was a nice distraction from all the emotional turmoil. That was, of course, complicated when Simon's "guy" arrived.

"This is Troy," Simon said, as he ushered the newcomer into the disaster zone. He was a tall, thick man with a bushy brown beard. He looked to be in his late twenties, which wasn't that much older than me and about the same age at Simon, but somehow, he felt intimidating. Like a man amongst boys.

Troy wrapped his flannel-clad arms around Simon's waist. "Nice wet t-shirt, Simon." The closeness between his mouth and Simon's ear told us all that this was not just a professional relationship.

Julia raised an eyebrow. "Fucking the plumber. We really are living in a porno, aren't we?"

"Technically, I fucked him before I started plumbing," said Troy. He looked over the mess. "Geez, we've really got a gusher here, eh?"

He shed his flannel and undershirt, ostensibly because they wouldn't get wet. I had first thought Troy was husky, but he was thick with muscle. As the water fell over his broad shoulders and his well-defined abs, I couldn't help but lick my lips. He also seemed to make a point of sticking his tight ass in the air as he rummaged underneath the sink. Sadly, he did not have the traditional plumber's crack. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Simon and Julia standing still and enjoying the show as much as I was.

Within a few minutes, the spewing water came to an abrupt halt. A dripping Troy came back out from under the sink. He said some stuff about the pipes, but I was just paying attention to his pecs. I think the gist of it was that he would be able to fix things with a few hours work.

"Great," said Julia. "How much will it cost us?"

"Don't worry about that," said Troy. He winked at Simon. "I'm just helping out a friend."

Julia shook her head. "A sexy plumber. I don't fucking believe you, Simon."

"Thanks for the compliment, girl," said Troy. "But you're barking up the wrong tree."

Julia sighed. "I had a feeling that was the case. Well, you guys enjoy working on those pipes."

Troy got back to work shortly thereafter, and Julia and Josh went to their rooms. Simon stayed to chat, and I hung around, mostly just listening to the two of them. I gathered that they had known each other for a while, and that Troy was now working as a handyman for a big apartment building, and willing to do work for his friends gratis. They talked a lot about people I didn't know and old times I wasn't around for, stuff that was evidently very funny. I probably should have politely excused myself, but for some reason I wanted to stick around Troy. Compared to the swirl of uncertain relationships and emotions that I had been dealing with in the last few days, he seemed so straightforward and uncomplicated. A guy's guy, in more ways than one.

Finally, Troy wrenched a section of pipe back into place and crawled back out from under the sink. "That should fix the problem. I still have to put the faucet back on, but it should be fairly easy. You guys up for a smoke?"

"Fuck yes," said Simon.

I nodded my assent as I followed the other two outside. I wasn't really a smoker, but I would do it socially, and now seemed like one of those times.

Troy handed me a cigarette and offered me a light. It was only when he stood close to me that I realized how much bigger he was than me. My face was level with his chest, and his broad shoulders made his body wide enough to envelop me whole. With a strange shiver, I realized that I might enjoy that.

"So Simon," said Troy, gesturing at me. "Is this the guy you were telling me about?"

"Uh, yeah."

Troy smiled, looking down at me. "Nice to meet you, Mike. I know my man Simon was looking for a boytoy in this whole house set-up you have here."

So he knew all about me and Simon. I flushed with embarrassment. "Well, who's to say that he's not my boytoy?"

Troy laughed, a big burly exertion. "I like you, Mike. So how long have you known you're gay?"

The words caused an involuntary flashback to middle school taunting. It took me a moment to realize that Troy meant it as an honest question. "I'm not gay."

"You're just a straight guy who likes cock? Funny, I've met a lot of those."

I bristled at that, but it was true that I had never really settled on a sexual identity. Before I met Simon, I had been pretty sure I was straight, but now that was all up in the air. "I guess I'm bi."

Troy shook his head. "See, why do you have to separate yourself from other men who like men? To me, saying that you're bi is just trying to hedge your bets. The people that hate you are still going to hate you if you tell them that you're not like those other queers."

"Um... I didn't mean to offend you," I said. "It's just, I still really like women too."

"Don't mind Troy," Simon said. "This is just a fixation of his."

Troy took a long drag off his cigarette. "I'm serious. It's like my first boyfriend said: back in the day, half the guys had wives, but they were all gay. They were part of the same community, suffered from the same problems, went through it all together."

"I should note here that Troy's first boyfriend was forty-five," said Simon.

"You always do," said Troy. "But see, you're bringing in these hetero values and norms where there always has to be a power differential. I don't regret that relationship at all."

"I'm, well, not really part of any community," I said. "Simon and I are just... well, I'm figuring things out."

"Well, maybe you should be part of the community." Troy leaned over me again, and I could feel the smoky heat of his breath. "It can be very rewarding."

He pressed something hard and sharp into my hand. It was a business card, but there was an additional phone number scrawled in pen across the bottom. I slipped it into my pocket.

Simon slugged Troy on the shoulder. "Always trying to score, this guy. You can throw that thing in the trash if you want, Mike."

"He can make his own decisions," Troy said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a faucet to fix." He threw his cigarette butt into the dirt and ground it underneath his boot.

I thought about whether I would really call Troy. There were things about him I found attractive (not least of them his body), and things I found irritating, and still others that were intimidating. More than that, I became acutely aware that while sleeping with Simon had opened me up to the appeals of a whole other half of the human race, he remained the only man I had ever slept with. What would another male body, another cock, be like? Would they be as kind and accepting of my inexperience as Simon had been?

I decided to leave Troy's card on my nightstand and decide later. There was too much else to think about right now.

--

The week crawled by. I put in a double shift at the store that almost killed me. (Who would have thought that staring at dildos and porno covers all day could be so boring?) When Ellie wasn't working, she headed straight for her room to prepare for the court hearing. I sometimes heard her pacing in her room, practicing a speech under her breath. Dawn and April were also suddenly hard to find. I wasn't sure if they were spending a lot of time talking to each other or just avoiding each other. Either way, I was faced with a sudden and unexpected lack of female attention.

There was still Julia, but after one spirited and angry session she had been frosty to my advances. She said something about hating that she was my last resort, but Simon privately told me that she was on her period and a little sensitive about the subject.

So it was just me and Simon those nights. I fucked him the first night, and he fucked me on the third, but most of the time it was just lying in bed letting our hands and lips roam until we were satisfied. We couldn't get enough of each others' hard, masculine bodies. Maybe it was Troy's visit that had stirred something up in us. I was certainly guilty of imagining what it would be like to have Troy's chest pressed to mine, or what his cock would feel like nestled half-hard between my thighs like Simon's presently was.

But I didn't call Troy. Something in me hesitated. I had slept with a half-dozen girls since moving into the house, but only one man. I knew Simon wouldn't mind, but nonetheless I was nervous about stepping out into the unknown.

The drought of feminine attention broke on a rainy Thursday night. It was the day before Ellie's court date, and she was even more of a whirlwind than usual. I could hear the frantic creaks in the floorboard, and decided to drop in on her. Even if she didn't want my company, Ellie at least deserved to know she was supported.

She quickly answered my knock on the door and ushered me in. "What do you think?" Ellie said, casting a hand over her outfit. She was wearing a white blouse and a light pink skirt that hung down past her knees. It looked a bit like she was headed to an Amish wedding. "Is it maternal enough?"

"It doesn't suit you," I said.

"Well thanks Tim Gunn," she said, turning back to the mirror. "But I'm not exactly worried about my own style. I just want to convince the judge I'm not a heartless, kid-stealing career woman."

"Relax," I said. "I'm sure you've prepared everything you need. Now you just need to get a good night's rest."

Ellie snorted. "I doubt that."

"Do you want a shoulder rub or something?"

Ellie didn't look too thrilled at the idea, but she sat down cross-legged on the floor as I settled on the bed behind her. I didn't really know what I was doing, and just gently rubbed at her shoulders. It seemed to relax her.

"What I'm really afraid of," she said quietly, "is that Craig's right."

I dug my thumbs into her shoulders. "Your ex? No way. I only met that guy once, but he seemed like an asshole."

"He's not an ass - I mean, he's not a bad guy," Ellie said. "Craig's just... passionate. I used to love that about him."

"But he's not right. You deserve to see your kids, and they deserve to see you, regardless of whether you get back together with him."

Ellie got tense again beneath my fingers. "What if I told you that when I first moved in here I was so happy that I wouldn't have to deal with my kids again? That the idea of abandoning all those motherly duties thrilled me as much as the idea of no-consequences sex?"

I replied quickly. "Everybody thinks about getting rid of the stresses in their lives. Hell, I've fantasized about quitting my job like a hundred times this week. After all those years, I don't blame you for wanting a break."

Ellie sighed. "You don't understand. You're just a kid, Mike. When you have a baby, everything changes. You're completely responsible for another life - a fragile, defenseless life. And I abandoned that responsibility. I'm not sure if it's something I can take back."

"Well," I said. "If you were my mom, I would want you to do whatever you needed to be happy. Of course, if you were, that would make us sleeping together kind of weird."

Ellie leaned back, resting her warm head on my crotch. "You feel like getting incestuous tonight?"