Home 06: Scenes From A Broken Home

The landing was slow and easy. Erin kissed the inside of her thigh, her stomach, and her lips. A half smile formed on Rae's face and Erin gazed down at her. "I think that was worth the wait." Rae laughed softly but did not reply. She couldn't form a thought, anyway. Erin curled up to her and closed her eyes. Rae's fingers danced up and down the singer's arm and stared at the dark ceiling.

Valentine's Day. . .

The February air was cold, the threat of snow hanging in the atmosphere. Tara was wrapped in the warm coat that Rae had bought her Christmas before last. Clay Ashe was driving the car and had just treated her to a delicious candlelight dinner, but snuggled in the coat, her heart ached for her former lover. Most of the time, she could convince herself that they had made the best decision for everyone involved, but there were times her longing for Raegan Hall felt tangible.

She had dated Clay in high school and her mother had arranged for them to run into one another. Her mother had never accepted her relationship with Rae and practically forced Clay on her. They had been going out on a regular basis since Christmas. Tara did not love him. She could not imagine loving him. Even though he was attractive, she was not attracted to him. She had fought her attraction to women when she was in high school and when she was married to Billy Myers, but since she had given in to her desire with Rae, she couldn't ignore it.

It wasn't just her attraction to women that kept her from truly enjoying Clay's company. She had gone to Knoxville and visited a couple of the gay clubs since she had broken up with Rae, and there had been beautiful women there who had expressed interest. Those women had the same problem that Clay had. None of them were Raegan Hall.

Tara sighed softly, her breath fogging the window as she watched the street lights pass by. Across the dark car, Clay reached out to squeeze her hand. He held it for a moment, and then slipped his palm along her thigh. He slid it to the inside of her leg, pushing her skirt up as he moved. Tara calmly grabbed his wrist and moved it away. He jerked away and gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Where are the children tonight?" he asked through clenched teeth.

She turned her attention away from the window. He had asked that question as soon as he had arrived to pick her up. She had answered then, but she repeated the information for his benefit. "Billy's parents."

"Do you have to go pick them up?"

She shifted back to the window, her voice listless. "They are spending the night." She hated when Will and Rachel spent the night with their grandparents. Since Rae had left, the small apartment felt large and empty when the children were away. Beside her, Clay shifted and seemed to relax. Tara wondered where Rae was spending Valentine's Day. Last year, they had spent the day together. Tara had introduced Raegan to her mother. Perhaps last Valentine's Day had been the beginning of the end for them. Her parents' reaction to her relationship with Tara had opened her eyes to the way the world viewed homosexuals. Tara had thought that she was ready to deal with the world, but when Billy's parents had threatened to sue for custody of the children, she had frozen with fear.

She thought about calling Rae when Clay dropped her off and wondered how her ex would react. She could convince herself that Raegan would be home, even on Valentine's Day. She sat up a little in the car, a half smile forming on her lips as she imagined what she would say.

When Clay parked the car at her apartment complex, Tara jerked from her reprieve in surprise and sadness because she knew she couldn't call Rae. Telephoning Rae would only tease their emotions. They couldn't be together. Tara wouldn't do that to Rae's heart or her own. Clay walked around the car and opened the door for her. She allowed him to help her out of the car and walk her up the steps. At the door to her apartment, Rae still on her mind, she turned to face him. "I had a nice time tonight. Happy Valentine's Day."

He placed his hand on the door behind her, leaning into her. With his other hand, he played with the collar of her jacket, and then slid it up her neck to cup her cheek and jaw. He leaned in to kiss her, but just before his lips touched hers, she turned away. He threaded his fingers into her hair and clenched them into a fist, pulling her hair. "I'm tired of this game, Tara," he growled through clamped teeth. He grabbed her keys from her hand, unlocked the door, and pushed her inside. She stumbled and sprawled on the floor as he followed her inside. She scrambled backwards as he turned and locked the door and flipped the deadbolt.

"Clay," she gasped as he approached her. Her voice was filled with confusion and surprise. He reached down and pulled her to her feet, his grip biting into her upper arm. "Clay, what are you doing?"

"I'll tell you what I'm doing; I'm taking what I deserve. You have played coy with me and I have gotten little more than a peck on the cheek for two months. I'm through with it. You're going to spread your legs for me and beg me for more." He threw her against the couch where she slept.

Tara felt her heart pounding in fear as she watched his hands go to his fly. He advanced toward her and she attempted to escape, but he fell over her. He tore her blouse, the buttons popping as he jerked it open and slipped his hand inside. He roughly grabbed her breast and squeezed it. He pushed her bra aside and pinched her nipple, twisting it until she cried out. His fingers bit into her soft flesh. The more she twisted in an attempt to escape, the rougher his touch became.

He pulled her skirt to her waist and tugged her panties aside. He forced three fingers inside her and she flinched, trying to pull away as he violently thrust them in and out. He laid his arm across her throat and pressed down. Both of her hands went to his arm and tried to push him away, but she could not budge his strength. She couldn't breathe and began to panic, her body bucking as she tried to throw him off. Her head felt light and the room began to spin. Just as the room started to darken, he pulled away. She sucked oxygen into her lungs, not even noticing that he pulled out his fingers.

He pushed her legs open and knelt between them, pulling his cock out of his pants. The world came back to her as he thrust it inside her tight canal. Pain exploded inside of her as he tore her fragile walls. She had not had a man inside her since Rachel was conceived and hadn't had sex since Rae had left in August. He was thrusting, his hips slamming into her as he pushed himself deeper, oblivious to her reaction.

"Your pussy licking whore couldn't do this to you, could she? She couldn't really fuck you," he snapped as his hips bucked forcefully. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she bit her knuckle to keep from crying out at the hurt coursing through her. He slapped her face. The sound was so satisfying he grunted and slapped her again. Her cheek tingled where he had made contact.

His hips were moving more aggressively, slamming her body as he rocked in and out of her. He reached between them and began rubbing her clit with his finger. "You want to forget your cunt sucker? Come on, give yourself to me," he growled in her ear.

And then, her body betrayed her. The pain became less as wetness coated her walls and his movements became easier. Her clit tightened and waves of sensation radiated through the pit of her stomach. She gasped in surprise and he took the sound as encouragement, quickening his pace. His finger rotated faster, causing the spirals to increase. Her tears flowed freely, a sob caught in her throat. She placed her hands over her face, praying that he would finish soon and it would be over, even as a moan escaped from her lips.

"I knew you would like it," he snarled. His words were like ice, but her body was already too far gone. She was trembling, her nipples hard, as he continued grunting above her. "No matter what you say, you aren't a dyke. You'll never think about that lesbo again." He grunted again and arched, groaning low as he emptied into her.

He continued working his finger, rocking her clit, building her body's natural instincts until she jerked and spasmed. There was no pleasure in the orgasm. It simply happened because her body was manipulated.

She was panting and still crying, her sobs racking her body. He pulled out of her and buttoned his pants. She rolled away so that she faced the back of the couch. He patted her back and spoke in a patronizing tone. "There, there. I knew you would like it. You don't have to thank me."

"Get out," she hissed. "Get out of my house."

"You'll feel better tomorrow," he assured. "I'll call you then."

She heard the locks on the door click and then it opened and shut. Knowing she was alone, she cried harder.

In Nashville . . .

The phone ringing yanked Raegan Hall out of sleep. It wasn't a peaceful sleep. She hadn't truly slept well since August. Her heart pounding, she stared at the dark ceiling, aware of Erin McAllister's naked body curled beside her. The phone buzzed again and Rae sat up straight. She knew that ringtone. She untangled herself from the covers and fumbled through the dark for her jeans. She pulled them on as she took the phone out of her pocket. "Tara?" she whispered, the name stuck in her throat.

She heard crying first. "Hello. Tara?" Rae repeated.

"Do you still love me?" Tara asked.

Rae froze in her quest for her shirt, her brow crinkled. "What?"

"Do you still love me?"

"Rae?" Erin called from the bed.

"Because if you still love me, I want you to come get me," Tara continued.

"Rae? Who are you talking to?" Erin asked.

Rae looked over her shoulder at Erin and tried to silence her, but it was too late. "Oh my god," Tara said. "You are with someone. I. . .I'm so sorry. I feel like such a fool." With that, Tara hung up.

Rae cursed and pushed re-dial, finally locating her shirt. She slipped her arms into the sleeves as she walked into Erin's living room. Tara's phone rang and went to voicemail. "Tara, honey, answer the phone."

She hung up and grabbed her keys. "What's going on?" Erin's groggy voice asked. She was standing at the bedroom door wrapped in the comforter from the bed.

Rae looked at the young woman and talented singer and felt nothing. Her heart was frozen in panic for Tara. "I've got to go," she said, knowing any explanation she offered would not make any sense.

"Is everything all right?" Erin quizzed as she shuffled across the room. The tone of her voice was genuinely concerned and that made Rae hate herself even more.

"I don't know," Rae answered honestly. "I've got to go. I'll talk to you in a few days." Erin turned her face up expectantly for a kiss. Reluctantly, Rae bent and kissed the corner of Erin's mouth and then hurried out the door before her lover of the last two months could ask any more questions. She pushed re-dial again but Tara still did not answer. "Tara, call me back."

Rae knew Tara would not call back and as she slid behind the wheel of her car, she knew she didn't want her to return the call. Rae knew what she had to do if she was ever going to have a peaceful night again and she did not want Tara trying to talk her out of it.

The music executive pulled into a parking space at Tara's apartment building six hours later. She had stopped at her house long enough to take a shower and pack a bag. The sun had broken over the mountains as she had sped into East Tennessee. She stared at the building, afraid of what she might find when she walked up the steps. Tara's voice had carried such desperation when she had called last night that it had chilled Rae's blood. Furthermore, she didn't know how Tara would react to her showing up unannounced. She could only hope that the woman she loved truly meant her words last night.

Determined that sitting in the car would reveal no answers, she got out and walked up the steps, her heart thudding more painfully with every step. She started to knock on the door but did not want to wake the children. Her trembling hand took the key Tara had given her a year ago and never taken back. She clicked the lock and pushed open the door. It caught and she frowned as she realized that Tara had the door chained. She rapped lightly on it and called through the opening. "Tara, its Rae. Let me in. Tara? Please."

"Go away," Tara said.

"No. Let me in. Please, baby."

"I'm not your baby," Tara replied in a broken voice.

Rae could tell Tara's voice was closer so she took that as encouragement. "You didn't let me answer your question last night." She paused, listening for Tara to respond. The other woman remained silent. "I do still love you. I can't stop loving you."

"Who were you with last night?"

Rae started to say, "No one," but she didn't want to lie to Tara. She also wanted to say, "No one important," but she knew that would be a lie, too. "Someone who could never fill my heart the way you do," she finally answered. "Tara, open the door. Let me in. Please, I love you."

The door pushed to a close and Rae stepped back, trembling as she waited to see what Tara would do. Her heart soared when she heard the chain slide out of the bolt and the door reopened. She pushed through the moment she could and turned to take Tara into her arms. She folded her arms around Tara, pulling her lover close. After just a second's hesitation, Tara slid her arms around Rae's waist. She laid her cheek against Rae's shoulder and cried quietly.

And Rae, her heart full, cried, too.