Screwed Up Over Sex

Although neither being academically qualified nor totally understanding sex when it's presented for my immediate consumption – raw, red and pulsating – I regard sex as precisely divided into two sectors – recreational sex and procreative sex.

In this think piece we focus on recreational sex or taboo sex as some dickheads call it.

Believe me, if you think about it, recreational sex takes some understanding.

We have to jump the early years here in filing this piece – because presumably stomachs are not hard enough to tolerate pre-18 indulgence, and also the law has a granny attitudes to maintain until reformers get incumbents leigislators up to speed.

It would seem, to the normal well-adjusted and pragmatic adult that recreational sex is not unlike a cough; it you feel the urge to eject the cough sensation you maneuver to ejaculate.

If you buy that, we have established that having sex is little different to having a good cough. Either way, you'll probably feel drained.

Oh, that's so smug, so convenient. But imagine this: 18-year old high school graduate Amanda Tight Thighs goes to the graduation ball with the son of Pastor and Mrs Jones bearing the name Thomas Edward Jones alias (to many contemporaries) Eight Inch Tommy.

Virginal Amanda goes off to the ball in a $700 dressed donated by her adoring maternal grandmother for her finest few hours in living memory (she is only 18). Amanda sets out knowing it will be a disaster if she doesn't get shafted and at least a treble disaster if Tommy shafts her best friend instead of her and she's dumped in the street outside her home, still a virgin.

Aren't we a twisted society?

There is Amanda, with everything intact, prepared to allow her citadel of procreation battered and rammed at least four times if Tommy lives up to his reputation. What a sacrifice. And what is Tommy's sacrifice: four ejaculations of perhaps 30,000 he's allowed within his lifespan? Oh dear, how inequitable.

But isn't that what recreational sex is all about: males getting more than their share?

Originally guys in the village were prevented from dipping into every young woman in the village, plus a few mothers on the side, but they were permitted to go out a burn, pillage and rape. Consider how that has changed today: if a guy marries a female who has demurely kept her legs crossed during courting and he goes to enter on his wedding night and encounters a hymen, what happens? He panics and shouts, "What the hell is wrong with you; why have you been despised by guys dipping into anything that moves?" He then considers divorce or enlisting in the Army to hide his shame.

I blame mothers for this. They have redefined our culture that says every female must offer her vagina to every passing male who sniffs in her direction. Period (in the sense of full point).

This is terrible; there ought to be a tradition of personal decision-making. We know there is the occasional male who won't stick it up any skirt that stays within reach, but they are few. But we also know there are females who'd like the opportunity of saying "No!"

Er, perhaps "I'll think about it; give me five."

Okay, I'm a male, with means a bias. To me, intellectually, it seems a waste of resource for a female to preserve her sexual integrity based on the understanding that centuries of self-denial flagellation insists females say no except when it involves their husbands and except when it is during a favorable time in their reproductive cycle. The only time their female ancestors have gone soft on that edict is when they have passed child-bearing age and keep seeing their man masturbating needlessly.

Prostitution was sent along to span the difficulties right-thinking women were creating, but then women gave prostitution a bad name. So what is the solution?

A code of ethics could help and here are some sample inclusions:

-It's paramount the integrity of the citadel should be preserved.

-Pre-procreation attempts should not preclude path-finding visits through the gates of the citadel.

-Females should become more precise about their interpretation of the meaning, in the sexual context, of the word 'no'.

-Males should have a policy of being gentle and caring and helping to clean up afterwards.

-Women must take full responsibility for anti-conception measures until no longer required because (a) women have better discipline and better memories and (b) women have a gene that makes them want to avoid suffering in the hands of men.

-Males must realize that taking a sexually targeted woman out to entertainment and then on to dinner before sinking into organically favorable depths is in recognition of (a) the woman may agree to full-on tests of sexual compatibility and (b) she has taken full responsibility for anti-conception measures.

-Neither of the sexes have sex unless that are totally confident they are STD free.

-They only do it because they are totally consumed by the thought of sex and the thought of indulging in this novel way of exchanging fluids so agreeably.

Happy days of unstrained sex are all too few.

Remember that.

THE END