Second Chances

"If it will get Karen a kidney, I'll be glad to sign." Michael started signing immediately. "You turned into a real asshole DAD."

"Since you show willing in sacrifice, why not start with you. If the rest of you could give me and Michael a moment alone." Confused, they shuffled out the door. Macy put her hand on Michael's shoulder in sympathy. She had a sense of what was coming in. He looked at her confused.

After they were all gone, he glared at me. "You always taught me to do the right thing. I guess it was just words to you."

"Considering how well my teachings seem to have been learned, I was a rotten teacher."

"It's a divorce. They happen. Sometimes bad shit happens and you got to suck it up, tough guy." The military had not been very good for his temper and attitude.

"I'm glad you feel that way. Bad shit DOES happen and it can be inflicted by outside parties. It's nice to know that that sort of thing is coming around the bend. Friends and family look out for each other. So, how do you reconcile your military teamwork attitude with what happened to me?"

"Mom asked us not to."

"How nice! So if one officer asked you to do something immoral and wrong, you'd be on board!" I had opened my valise and removed the vial, mirror and razor. "Let's play 'don't ask, don't tell'." I tapped out a small mound of white powder on the mirror and cut it into lines. "Here."

"And what do you expect me to do with that? I assume its cocaine."

"Assume away. It's the price you pay for my kidney."

He flipped the mirror over, spilling the contents onto the highly polished surface. "Fuck you. I won't do it. I don't believe you'll let her die."

"You'd be amazed at what I'm capable of these days," I said in cool tones. "And the guilt is on you. See, I AM going to save a life. YOU are choosing not to help your sister...as is your right. This really doesn't surprise me much since I know what family loyalty is worth to you. See, she isn't rich. She can't do anything for you. "

He looked like he wanted to lunge over the table at me. "FUCK YOU! I love my sister! But I'm not throwing away my career when I don't have to. Do you know how long I worked to get from the ranks to flight officer?"

"Yes...one third the time I spent keeping a family and marriage alive. Cry me a river 'tough guy'."

"Just...give her the kidney. It's...why are you making this so fucking hard? Why are you trying to hurt us?" I just stared at him. He looked down at the table with the powder spilled across its top.

"You're kind of funny, you know that? Here you are, some big bad fighter pilot. Did you ever think about what that really means? It means you're supposed to get into a jet and put your LIFE on the line for a bunch of strangers back home. You are supposed to be willing to DIE at the beck and call of other people. No...I don't think that aspect of the job occurred to you. You think it's only about the bad guys dying. Because you can't even RISK a sacrifice for a person whom you know personally. I guess it was all about the uniforms and picking up girls. Having people tell you you're wonderful."

"Fuck you! Mom was right to divorce you."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Me, I'm going to save a life. You, Mr. Big Bad Fighter Jock...now you get to make the hard call. You thought it might be shooting down an airliner. Maybe starting a war. No. You get to decide if a little girl dies when you could do something about it. No cheering crowds. No fellow officers congratulating you or commiserating with you. Just a simple act FOR someone besides yourself, you selfish prick. Except that the family will know. They'll know you had that choice and you wimped out. Because you love your pretty uniform more then you love your sister. Tell me. When you played with her when she was young...two...still developing speech...what did she call you?

I could see the break in his eyes. "Mic-...Mickey...she call....called me Mickey. Give me your goddamn poison. I'll...I'll do it." He gestured to the half empty vial.

"No." I said, leveling the coldest look I could muster. "Now you can lick it off the table."

**

Jason came in alone as I requested, an extremely guarded look on his face. He'd seen Michael when he left.

"Sit." I instructed. "You know...I'm the most disappointed in you. You had a wife and kids when you did this to me. You should have known better if you loved them." I paused. "You DO love them, don't you?" Best not to take this for granted.

"YES!" he hissed out.

"So you have an inkling how I felt. Or you should have."

"Dad..." At my glare, "Mr. Banks, mom was unhappy. She'd been unhappy for years."

I set the envelope on the table and scooted it back and forth between my hands. His eyes followed it. "So...were they the years she was fucking James Paxon behind my back or was it years before that? Do you think she communicated to me that she was unhappy? I knew she was down and different for a few months, but she never mentioned a thing. Don't you think you'd want Pamela to tell you if she was unhappy? Or let's say she didn't have the guts. Wouldn't you hope that your kids might give you a heads up before you were blindsided? If your wife was seeing a man when you weren't home, wouldn't you like your boy to mention it to you?"

"What do you want from me? An apology? I said I was sorry! I'm still sorry."

"Yes. You're sorry. An apology is just words." I flicked the envelope on the corner with my finger and it spiraled over to him, catching a bit of air as it hit an errant breeze. "That is what I want from you."

With trepidation, he opened the envelope. Inside, there was a keycard with the Quality Inn logo on it. "What's this?"

"A hotel room. Room 341. Inside, there is a nice attractive young lady, disease free, who would like to make your acquaintance. In fact, I think you should get to 'know' her in the Gideon Bible sense. In fact, I insist on it."

"And what exactly does that do? Why are you playing these stupid games instead of just..."

"Helping people who stabbed me in the back? Once upon a time, there was a young man, married mind you, who held his father's marriage in his hands. It wasn't a perfect marriage, but it was one the dad happened to value. Like most marriages, it was a work in progress. We know what kind of care that young man took of that marriage. Karma called. It's my turn to hold onto your marriage. If you love your sister, you'll make sure she lives. Even if I am an indescribable asshole and sent the video," he jerked at that, " to Pamela, you might fix things. You can explain what an incredible pain the ass I am. How I forced you to have sex with an incredibly sexy woman. That might not be the end of your marriage, particularly if you based it on trust and honesty. Does she trust you? Does she believe your word? You might fix it...but it won't be the same. Just like I'm not the same. You should have a lot of fun. Consider it a belated birthday gift."

I thought of something at the last minute. "Oh...give me your cell phone. See, I only...'rented'? Is 'rented the term? Hired. Yes, I only hired her for three hours. And just to give you a bit of incentive, since the charges against me have been dropped, I have my boat back. So...how much do you value your sister's life?"

I sat back and let the cursing start. After he started to wind down, I looked at my watch. "You have 2 hours and 25 minutes left. Send in Macy. And don't forget to leave your cell phone."

**

Macy came in looking like a whipped dog. "Dad...Mr. Banks. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never...I never put myself in your shoes. . You were always the strong one. The one who disciplined us and took the...hard knocks," she almost sobbed the words, "in stride. We thought you'd get over it quickly and you seemed to. You just started screaming and you disappeared and I figured you hated us"

"You got that last part right."

She winced. "But...I didn't think it would hurt. Not that much."

"It did and it does. Do you know the worst part for me? The very worst part about this entire situation?" She shook her head. "It's because you came back...YOU came back, not because you were sorry. Not because you missed me. Not because you thought you were wrong. But because you had to."

She sat there and looked down at her hands. "Is that why you scheduled the doctor's appointment for me with for an Essure Implant?" Essure was a non-reversible sterilization procedure. Two plugs were put in the fallopian tubes and they caused scarring which ensured that no eggs reached the womb.

"You took my future away from me. "

"That's not true." She whispered.

"Not technically. You took A future away from me. I am simply taking A future away from you. You'll meet someone. You'll make love. You'll have a career, hobbies, joys, and friends..."

"Just...just no children." She sobbed.

"No. Maybe you'll appreciate family a bit more. Maybe Karen can be your surrogate daughter."

She sat there silently, still not looking at me, watching her hands. "That's what this is all about. Sacrifice. The doctor...I was numb when she described the pro....procedure. She says I need a three day waiting period, to make sure I was serious. The doctor said..said...that I need a family member or loved one to drive me home afterward." Now she looked at me. Her face was bereft of all human emotion. Just this mask of features that used to look like my little girl. "I chose you instead. Father, I wish you'd take this cup from me, but your will, not mine, be done." Bitterness. Such bitterness.

**

Marion met me outside the room after Macy walked out like a zombie. "Are you enjoying destroying your family?" she asked me venomously.

"Excuse me. I was on a boat. I was going to Bermuda. I was physically thrown out of this family seven years ago, when each and every one of you took sides against me."

"So that justifies you using your own children horribly?"

"They aren't my children any more. You saw to that. I obviously did a terrible job raising them if they could do what they did to me. But I don't think they'll forget this lesson. Not. One. Bit."

"So this is vengeance?"

"Call it what you will." I felt suddenly tired. It was a terribly stressful day and I knew it would get worse before it got better. "Do you mind? I'm tired. Being an asshole takes a lot out of you." And it did.

"So is it our turn now?" She asked, glaring more at me.

"Sure. Why not finish this up." As if on cue, Jimmie boy came in, carrying two cups of coffee. He handed her one and she blew on it, giving him a smile which turned a knife in my guts. She had an entire life without me.

Mr. Hughes also came in with the notary. He set his folders down and sat next to me. It was my show.

"Would you like to know the difference between you and me, Marion?"

She took a sip of her coffee. "I have a soul?"

"Very nice. Still have that wit, I see. No sense of shame, but a soul."

"No...I was going to say that you still have all your good memories. You made the choices. You had the kids. Everything was just peachy for you. Meanwhile, I had all our prior memories shit on. I had to wonder about my relationships with all of you. You had Macy and Jason and Michael all supporting you. I got tossed overboard."

"Wallace, how many times can I say I'm sorry? And the last few years of our marriage didn't have many happy memories for me."

"No...you were saving all your happy memories for Jimmie boy. Didn't bother to save any happy times for me. You went from one set of happy memories to another." I could see James wanted to say something wise but he clenched his jaw instead. Maybe he was smart.

"That isn't...it doesn't matter. I can see from the faces of our kids that you want to do something awful to me, so let's get to it, shall we?"

I smiled but the expression didn't get to my eyes. "James...how's my wife? Having a lot of fun with her?" He stayed silent, waiting. "Want to know why everyone is attracted to married folks? If someone is at all attractive, they are looked at fondly by single people, James being a case in point."

"It's because married people have already rubbed off all the rough spots. People are like rocks that way. See, I'd already broken in Marion and you decided to take her, James. That's stealing. Theft. You saw a pretty thing and you took it."

"Are you saying you want her back?" James asked, shocked.

"Oh no. It's like a stick of chewing gum. Once someone's used it, you don't exactly want it back. Why would I want a faithless and deceptive slut back?" Marion paled a little at my description, but she said nothing. "You might want to keep that in mind for your future. I doubt she has 25 years left in her, but in 14 or so...just a word to the wise. Been there. Done that."

"Are the insults part of the package?" he asked.

"Nah. They're free. But back to my point. You didn't just help yourself to my wife. You took my entire life. What I had. What I expected. Past, present, future. You changed my entire life and you didn't even ask."

I took the two folders from Mr. Hughes. "These are quit claim deeds. One is for your house. You give it to me..."

Hughes interrupted me. "He made these out in case you wanted to give him a gift." I smiled and nodded.

"This other is a quit claim to all your chattel."

"What's chattel?" Marion asked.

Hughes stepped in. "That is the contents of your house. You are deeding him all the contents of your house, your boat, and your cars."

I continued "Your clothes...including the anniversary lingerie that you buy. The box with the baby outfits in it. The photo albums. The trophies and the diplomas. Your grandmother's cast iron frying pan Marion. Your favorite book. The bed you made sweet sweet love in. The backyard where you entertained with all your friends. All of it. I want it all. Here's how it works. You sign, we file the paperwork while you sit here, giving me the keys to all that stuff. A PI will watch the house taking video to make sure you don't sneak in and steal any of my stuff. I'm not heartless. I'll allow you to gather one suitcase of clothes each including Karen and any legal documents you might need such as birth certificates, passports and the life. No marriage licenses though. I have plans for that little document."

"So this IS about money!" Paxon snorted.

"Did I say anything about your 401k? Did I ask for your stocks or your cash? No. This is your memories. This is your life. You took my life. I get to take yours."

Marion just had a focused expression on her face while this interplay went on. Then she opened her purse and pulled out a pen. "Where do I sign this?" Hughes assistant had put down sticky pointers and she started to sign and date her name.

"Wait!" James said. "He's not allowed to do this! You can't sell a kidney. It's illegal."

"This isn't a sale. We make no promises." Hughes gave me a disgusted look. I think lawyers take on and appreciate scumbag clients just so they can occasionally feel morally superior to somebody. "This is a simple request without any quid pro quo being offered. Call it restitution for prior grievances."

"And if we report it to the police?" he blustered.

"Don't be an idiot Jim." Marion said. "Then he won't be allowed to donate the kidney or he'll be in jail and Karen will die. We already tried this once. " She gave me a look of disgust. "This time It's our turn over the barrel."

"The price is too high. We need to negotiate."

"I'm game." I interrupted Marion. What is the going price for a little girl's life? Just curious." I tapped the file folders with my finger. " But I know what my price is."

"Jim, sign the papers."

"I've had that house for 15 years! It has everything I've worked for my whole life."

"It's a house."

"It's everything we have."

"I KNOW! And it hurts. It hurts a lot. All her birthday pictures. All her clothes. My stuff. My jewelry..." she looked at me and reached behind her neck and undid her gold chain and slammed it on the paper. "Here." She started to twist rings off her fingers. "My rings too. Do you want my wedding rings too?"

I waved my hand languidly at her. "No thanks. I know exactly how much you value such things. " She actually growled at me.

He grabbed her head and turned her toward his face. "Marion, listen. He's just playing fucked up games. He isn't going to go through with this. We can't be weak here. He's just trying to rip us apart."

"Thank you Mr. Obvious! But there's nothing we can do about it."

"We can wait. We can hope he grows a conscious. We can see if we can get another match. We can't just throw everything away because of one..."

"You aren't throwing everything away." I interrupted. "You still have your health. You still have each other. You still have that oh so lucrative job that you used to lure my wife into adultery." Marion had the shame to blush and look away. " So you'll be fine. Just...the stuff will be gone."

"No deal!" James shouted at me. "You need to come up with another price. Marion he's bluffing. HE'S BLUFFING!" he screamed at me.

"Jim...he was sailing to Bermuda! He's full of hate and spite! Jim...we can't take that chance with our daughter!"

"She's not..." he started, but he stopped. There was a pregnant pause.

"I don't know what you're going to say but don't say it." She said in very precise tones, but her face was stricken. She turned to me with hate filled eyes. "I hope you're satisfied."

I sighed. "Yes and no. For years I told myself that you were a soulless tramp who threw everything away for some bucks and a younger stud. But that meant that the woman I thought you were was a total lie and I was a sucker for 24 years. That you were play acting. But...when you just picked up that pen and signed away everything...it reminded me of the woman I married. The one who made the right choices and cared heart and soul for her family. My judgment wasn't all off. So if a piece of that Marion survives...maybe I'm at fault, at least partly."

"But just a piece. When push came to shove, you didn't give me a chance to fight for my family. It doesn't change the fact that when offered the chance for stuff," my voice was filled with contempt, "and family, you made the right choice. The only good choice. But, and you need to live with this, that was a choice you denied me. I didn't want the house. I didn't want the car or the half of the retirement fund. I wanted my family. And I wasn't allowed to keep them because of you."

I checked my watch. "This has been fun and it looks like you two have a lot to discuss. Unfortunately, your other daughter has an appointment of her own and now I have to drive her to it. Mr. Hughes can represent me on this."

My work here was done with those two words from James Paxon.

**

It was a silent drive. I was running that entire last encounter through my head. Marion was not a total waste of space. She was willing to do the hard thing for her daughter. Was I a hate filled monster? Was I getting even, teaching them a lesson , exorcising my demons, or just indulging my sadism? There was plenty of room for all four theories, I'm sad to say. And only two of those motives were at all complimentary.

On my way to the doctor, my cell beeped a text. Jason paid his price. She also added he was crying like a little bitch. I sighed and recalled my days after the divorce. He had seven years of regret before we were near even. I hardened my heart.

It was a typical OB/GYN doctor's office. There were lots of magazines about pregnancy and pictures of mothers holding cherubic babies. The walls were painted nicely and one corner had some children's toys. Of course there were pregnant women there. Macy's face was drawn and her eyes kept flashing around the room, looking for a safe spot to look. Finally she just closed her eyes and curled in on herself.