Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 16

Chapter 19*

Alex walked into the condo with a happy step. She had gone to the bank to deposit her check and now her bank account seemingly breathed a sigh of relief! Never before had her checkbook possessed the number it now had. She even opened a savings account. Just because she had the money to do so!

Turning the corner she stopped in her tracks. There were boxes neatly packed and stacked in the middle of the floor. Each one tightly shut with tape. She saw the names on the side. Kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and other descriptions were written in Gavin's handwriting in black marker.

"Gavin!" she called out staring at the boxes. She went to the bedroom, the bed was made and there was nobody in the room. "Elizabeth!" she called out but she received no reply. They weren't home.

She went back to the living room and the boxes. Her heart began to race in her chest as she thought about what the boxes meant for her. Was Elizabeth done? Was the fight last night for the lies so bad that this is the result? Part of her was cautiously happy. Happy that the fear that had been built in her that Elizabeth leaving wasn't the forgone conclusion Gavin said it was. Part shamed that Elizabeth had brought her into this world and she owed her some measure of loyalty.

Pulling out her phone she hit the speed dial for Gavin but the slamming of the front door made her realize she didn't need to. Gavin came around the corner and stopped when he saw Alex in the living room. His face hard and angry. Part of both melted away upon seeing her there.

"What's going on?" Alex asked after taking a deep swallow. The moment of elation now gone from her banking visit.

"Elizabeth is moving out," Gavin said harshly his eyes flashing danger.

"What?" Alex asked. "Why?"

"Because she would rather do heroin than be with me," he barked angrily. She could see he was trying to keep from yelling it, but only half managed.

"Oh my God baby!" She said softly coming to him. "I'm so sorry!"

"Why?" he barked pushing her hands away from him. Not wanting her soothing embrace. Not wanting to let go of the anger. He needed it to steel himself from being slammed with pain of regret. If he was angry, he wasn't thinking of the pain of Carla. Or the pain of Elizabeth. Alex touching him would break down the anger. Break down the hate. Rip through the steel wall. She would break him.

His moving away from her at the same time brought her worst fears into play now. Any happiness she had was drowned in the fear that Gavin would do what Pavel said and push her away. She could feel the invisible slap at her from the tone of his voice and the way he moved away from her.

"Don't do this," Alex argued softly. Pavel's words came flooding back to her mind. That he would try to push her away. Would this be it? To keep from being hurt by anyone.

"Do what?" Gavin asked closing his eyes. Alex saw through it. She knew that he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Push me away," she said softly as she finally got her arms around him. He sighed deeply and put his arms around her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her hair. "I'm so angry right now."

"I know," she whispered pulling him tighter. "You can't stop her from making a mistake. You can only counsel her that she is making one!"

"She leaving me for drugs and Royce!" Gavin growled.

"No," Alex said taking his face in her hands. "She is leaving because she is a fool!"

"She is leaving because of drugs and Royce," Gavin repeated.

"Which makes her a fool!" Alex said with a disbelieving laugh. "If she can't see what I see, she doesn't deserve you." She guided him to the couch and sat him down. She then maneuvered herself in behind him and straddled him with her legs. She began a massage on his tense shoulders.

"What are you doing?" he asked her looking over his shoulder and taking her hand to stop her.

"Go with it," she ordered him. "You take care of everybody else, let me take care of you for right now!" She saw the fire in his eyes. He didn't like being spoken to that way and she could tell he was thinking of ending everything to protect himself. So she was really pushing her luck.

"It would please me, Sir," she said softly. He smiled a tired smile and let go of her hand. "Thank you." He nodded.

"You can only protect those who let you," Alex said softly. "You have done that with her up till now. Now she needs to learn the lesson. Sometimes the only way to learn it is the hard way."

"And if it kills her?" Gavin asked bluntly. The tear that fell, Alex saw, but said nothing. She wondered if that tear was for Elizabeth or Carla.

"You have done all you can," she whispered pulling him in tighter. "You can't make her let you protect her!"

"Where is she?" Alex asked carefully.

"I needed her gone," Gavin whispered. "So I got her a place in Chicago, I can't go down the road she is going down....not again. So I got her a place fast, just to get her the hell out of here. I was up all night packing her stuff. She is there now signing the papers. I've also checked her into a hotel until she gets her furniture bought and delivered."

Gavin leaned forward and put his face in his hands and blew out another breath. He was exhausted and she could see it. She continued to knead his tight back. Starting at his shoulders, then working her way down to the small of his back.

Then back up to his neck. She traveled slowly down his spine making rivets of goosebumps wash across his skin. He looked back at her over his shoulder with a half grin. One she figured was the best he could muster given the circumstances.

"What is that grin for?" she asked him kissing his back and wrapping her arms around his chest as she laid her head on his back and listened to his heartbeat.

"You really are good with your hands," he told her.

"See," she smiled against his back. "You should let me use my hands more often!"

"Something to consider," he said rubbing her forearms as they stretched around him.

"Really?" she asked.

"Absolutely not," he chuckled. "I like driving you crazy by not letting you use your hands. One of my petty tortures."

"What goes around, comes around my love," she smiled. Then she thought about what came from her lips so easily. My love.

Alex coaxed Gavin from the couch and led him by the hand into the bedroom. He shook his head as she pulled him to the bed. Pulling back the covers she pushed him to a seated position and he plopped with a bounce on the bed.

She knelt at his feet and untied his shoes and pulled them from his feet. She guided them up into the bed and he let her. A soft smile on his face with the way she was pampering him. A return of what he did for her. Something he normally didn't allow. Something that Alex seemed to get away with. Something he couldn't understand why.

She pulled the covers over him and kissed his temple.

"Sleep," she whispered into his ear. "You are exhausted."

She started to move away from him but he stopped her by taking her hand. She looked back at him with a smile.

"Thank you," he said with a frown. "I'm embarrassed."

"Why?"

"Because you have to see me this way," he said softly. "I hate my weakness."

"You can call it whatever you want," she said kneeling at the bed near his face. She rested her head on her arms as she peered into his eyes. "You can call it an arrangement. You can call it submission. You can call it a friendship. But it's a hard thing to get over when you spend day in and day out with someone for a year."

"Our life isn't like that," Gavin whispered. "I don't love her."

"Bullshit," Alex told him as softly. "You do. Not enough to marry her as you have built up this wall around you to keep you from being hurt again. But make no mistake. You love her. You don't spend that much time with someone without falling in love to some degree."

Alex began to stroke his finger with hers. He seemed so vulnerable right now and that in itself made her excited. She was seeing another side of Gavin. A softer side. A side that wasn't the façade of being a Dom. It clicked. This world he had immersed himself in was a form of insulation. Protecting him.

All the girls in his world were from the life. They were all aware of the arrangement. Maybe that is why he is so confounded by her, she thought as she drowned in his eyes. Maybe that is why he is so taken with her. She could see that he didn't treat her like Elizabeth. She could see that he talked to her differently as well. She hoped that what they had going wasn't an arrangement.

"I can't go down that road again," Gavin whispered as he closed his eyes. She stroked his hair and it soothed him.

"You may not have a choice," Alex whispered. He opened his eyes to her. "I'm sorry, but there is no way you can shut off that desire to protect her."

"I won't go," he said firmly.

"Yes you will," Alex whispered. "It's who you are."

Gavin closed his eyes. She stroked his hair and watched him fall asleep under her soft touches. Her protection.

"But you won't have to do it alone," Alex whispered as she kissed his lips when she knew he was asleep. "You won't be able to push me away!"

Alex was laying on the couch now, her feet pulled up on it as she used her legs for a desk while she laid on her back. She was sketching various designs. Ideas to present to Gabby. None were any good so as soon as she was done she would rip it from her book and toss it haphazardly to the coffee table and start again. She was drawing a blank. Nothing helped her.

Now she was staring at the ceiling trying to come up with one idea. Just one worthy of the Expo. One worthy of thousands of people. One worthy to be talked about for months. Nothing was coming.

The scent of Gavin's cologne wafted around her and brought her from her frustration. She used her head to arch herself on one of the cushions on the couch and peered at him from an upside down cock of her head. She smiled at him as he sat there, his hand propped up on the arm and his face in his fingers as he watched her.

"How long have you been sitting there?" she asked him with a smile.

"A while," he said still watching her. It was as if he was both undressing her and devouring her at the same time with his eyes. It made her stomach butterfly.

"I love the way you look at me," she smiled turning over on her stomach and dropping her sketchbook to the floor.

"I love the concentration you have when you draw," he smiled back. "Any ideas?"

"Several," she smiled wickedly. "But nothing that the Expo could see." He nodded appreciatively.

"I see the movers came," he said with a nod to where the boxes once sat.

"Yes," she nodded, her smile dimming. "About an hour ago."

"For the best," he told her. Again she nodded as she pushed herself off the couch and went to him in the chair. She crawled into his lap like a cat, her legs draped over the edge of the arm of the chair. Her head resting just to the side of his chin on his chest.

"Thank you," he whispered as he placed a kiss on her forehead as she closed her eyes and inhaled his magnificent scent.

"I just opened the doors," she told him softly. "I didn't carry any boxes!"

"I'm not talking about the movers," he said into her hair.

"I know," she smiled under his lips. "I'm going to tell you something. Something you already know but I'm going to say it aloud so there is no chance at misunderstanding." She pulled her head out and looked at him.

"I'm a stubborn bitch," she said without a smile. "You won't be able to push me away. I know that is what you do, to protect yourself from your past. But you try that with me, I'm going full on stage-five cling on!" This got him to chuckle at the threat. "I'm talking rabbits in boiling water type stuff here." She smiled alluding to the movieFatal Attraction.

"You know nothing of my past," he said to her. He then looked deep in her eyes and saw something that made his stomach flop. "What did Pavel tell you?"

To lie or to tell the truth. That's what Alex needed to decide right now. If she lied and he found out that would be bad. To tell the truth could be worse. Would he become furious? Would it be the atomic bomb that Pavy warned her about? Would it destroy what she was falling for?

To lie or to tell the truth? To lie to the Jedi?

"Everything," she whispered.

"Everything?" he repeated. The sound of his voice was strained. She couldn't tell if it was anger or regret. She got a taste of both.

"Everything," she repeated with her head down. She heard his heart speed up. His breathing increased. His body tensed under her cheek. Oppenheimer was right. He became the destroyer of worlds with his invention. This was going to level her. But he had been lied to enough. She wouldn't do that. Trust.

"I see so much of her in Elizabeth," Gavin whispered. "So much so that it scares me."

"Elizabeth is not Carla," Alex lied. She knew better. Elizabeth was traveling down a road Gavin had seen. If he was this worked up about it she knew he knew better.

"It's going to happen," Gavin said after getting his breath back from the way Alex hit him with the name. Like a baseball bat.

"That's not something you can control," Alex whispered. "As much as you want to, you can't control people." She lifted her head. "This is why you hide in the illusion of BDSM. You think you are in control. But you said it yourself. You don't have control, unless I give it to you. Therefore your illusion is based on my control."

Gavin tilted his head at her.

"Oh my," Alex gasped. She realized he had believed the lie. The illusion. "Sweetheart," she shook her head. "The sub gives you that control. I give it to you willingly. Open eyed. Freely. But I decided when it ends."

She leaned into his lips.

"I surrender my control to you," she whispered against his lips. "I submit to your will. Your demands. I submit to your control. Freely. Willingly. Lovingly."

"I accept that responsibility," he whispered back as his lips brushed against hers. "I will protect you. I will care for you. I will provide for you." She let her tongue slide into his lips and traced the inside of his mouth. Pulling his top lip into her mouth and sucking on it.

"I own you," he said at last.

"I accept," she whispered. "Gratefully!"

She adjusted her collar in the mirror. It's soft blue lace matched her eyes. The pendant lock that dangled on the end she played with as she adjusted it to make sure it was centered. In full view for everybody to see. She was owned.

Gavin's form filled the doorway and her eyes drifted to him as she bit her lip to control her giddiness. He was dressed in a black shirt and charcoal pants. His collar open. No tie tonight which surprised her. Semi relaxed like with Pavel. Semi Dom.

"I wish I could wear this all the time," she smiled at him holding the lock on the lace.

"Why?" he asked her.

"So everybody knows," she said turning to him and leaning against the counter.

"Everybody already knows," he said coming to her.

He pressed his body to hers and moved millimeters from her lips with his. His breath on her. She felt him against her hip. His hand moving to her face as his magical fingers gently brushed against her skin. Her body began to tremble with excitement as his fingers moved lower. Down the side of her red dress.

"Take hold of the counter top," he whispered with a smile.

"No hands," she smiled as she gripped it as instructed.

"No hands," he repeated as he lowered to his knees.

"Fuck," she gasped as he lifted her dress and put his lips to her sex through her undies.

"Later," he chuckled. "Now I need a snack."

He pulled her panties to the side and let his tongue trace the outside of her hood protecting her clit. The feel of his soft, hot tongue on her caused her leg to shake as he had put one over his shoulder and the other now held her up.

He recognized this and lifted her up with his hands gripping her ass and setting her on the counter. He then returned to his knees and pulled the panties aside unveiling her sex to him again.

He ran his fingers over it lightly causing her body to quiver under his soft touch. He just sat admiring it for a while. Watching his fingers trace the outside. Watching her body react to his light touch. A jolt every now and then as his fingers hit her most sensitive spot bringing a smile to his face. One of loving reverence.

Looking up at her as he lowered his head to her, his mouth just a scant distance where his lips just barely touched her. She held her breath and that made him smile wickedly. He let his tongue come out slowly. Letting her see it. His eyes locked on her face so he could revel in her expression when he finally gave her what her eyes were begging for.

He waited. That drove her mad and she wanted to move her hips to his mouth but she willed herself not to. Enjoying this maddening torture he was giving her. The moment when she knew he was going to satisfy her, but when he was ready.

Then his tongue was on her. Softy there. Right on her clit. Gently flicking at it causing her to gasp. Her eyes fluttered closed, her head dropped back as she felt like she could cum right then. That joyous rapture of elation that he was touching her most intimate of intimates.

His tongue moved about her sex slowly. Tracing the outline of her lips, before running up the center causing her to jump when he hit her super sensitive bud. Down slowly on the outside, then back up the other. Then down the center once more, down to her spot in between her sex and her anus. That sensitive area being flicked at by the tip of his tongue. She gasped each and every time his tongue hit her.

Back up he went, up the center and on top of her clit. Her body began to shake. Her muscles straining to keep herself in check. He loved it. Her attempt to control herself.

His fingers came into play now. Gently pulling her apart to reveal more of her to his tongue.

"Thank you sir," she whispered.

"For what?" he smiled.

"For making me cum," she smiled. "Just in case you make me forget myself!"

"You're welcome," he whispered as he kissed her lips. Down there.

He began to work her lower lips like he did with her mouth. Kissing and probing with his tongue like he was French kissing his lover in a passionate kiss. Finishing with a suck of her lips that pulled them out.

His tongue probed in her, the feel of it caused her legs to shake on his shoulders. He suckled her clit with his mouth. Sucking in the soft piece of flesh, holding it there with his suction while flicking at it with his tongue while it was in his mouth. She gasped as she began to rotate her hips to his mouth. Gently fucking it with her slow grind.

Her hand pulled on his head as she lost herself in her budding orgasm. It was building in her and she wanted to hurry him along.

"Uh hmm," he said softly never moving him mouth from her causing the vibrations from his voice to ripple through her sex. Her eyes flickered open and she looked down at him and saw her hand in his hair. She didn't even know she had let go of the counter! She quickly removed her hand and gripped the counter again with a naughty smile.

"Sort of sorry," she gasped as he continued to work on her. Never stopping his gentle mouth loving of her sex.

"You and your hands," he whispered sending hot breath across her wet sex causing her to shiver uncontrollably. She said nothing, lost in his manipulations. Her hips beginning to rock on his mouth. Her orgasm building in the pit of her stomach. Slowly building, like an old fashioned tea pot.

Her face reddening under the pressure that was building. Her body beginning to shake as her orgasm gained total control of her. Or maybe Gavin was being the puppet master. Guiding her to her orgasm so easily with his mouth.