Sehnsucht Ch. 05: The Master

The agony of my lust for the stranger stayed with me throughout the day. Wandering around the house performing my duties, every object became a potential candidate for entry into my stirring loins. The candelabra never looked so magnificent as it did so today. I took extra care in polishing the coat rack so it stood more proudly, and I carried the kindling lower on my person than usual. A couple of times the staff would look at me in a curious way, but I paid no mind because I was the favored maid delighting in a secret with the handsome stranger.

Lost in a daydream I come to a start when my mistress enters the kitchen. This is not something she is known to do. The entire staff becomes quiet. "I have an announcement to share with the entire staff," she says while inspecting the kitchen with scrutiny. "We are sending you off to our summer cottage for a much deserved holiday."

The kitchen maid looks perplexed and says, "Mistress, will you and the master be joining us?"

The mistress smiles, "Eventually we will join you. I trust that you can manage without our authority. Blythe, how about I appoint you as being in charge of the group? Everything will be provided for and you know your way around that home better than anyone."

"Why Mistress, I would be honored," Blythe says blushing. "When do we leave Paris?"

"A car will be coming to fetch you tomorrow morning after breakfast," the mistress says looking at me wickedly. She turns her reptilian body abruptly and slowly slinks away down the corridor.

The entire staff in the kitchen is jovial but me. I feel confused, cut off, and completely dejected. I don't want to spend a holiday with these wretched people. What for? What will I do with myself out in the country with country-folk?

What began as a tantalizing day lost in daydreams of lust, became a dreadful haze of sadness and regret. I did all my tasks as quickly as possible so that I could begin packing my belongings and weep undisturbed.

Just as I was about to go upstairs to pack, the maid bell rings for me. I'm imagining that the mistress wants to take her afternoon tea. I head down to the tea room and see that she is seated with a familiar looking lady wearing a big floppy hat.

Mistress says politely, "Have tea made for two and have Blythe prepare the items you acquired from the market this morning." I suddenly realize that the lady in the hat is the woman I saw in the window at Rue de La Liberte and I wonder if she recognizes me.

I take leave and get things prepared. When I re-enter the room and arrange the tea service the lady is observing me closely. "Excuse me Mademoiselle. What is your name?" the lady inquires in a British accent.

I am taken back by this because not a soul has asked me my name since I became employed here one month ago. "My name is Felice Veniste, Madam."

"Remarkable," she says sizing me up. "It has a pleasant ring to it. Iberian or Catalonian descent?" she inquires politely.

"The origin is uncertain Madam since my parents are deceased. I only have my sister now," I say regretfully.

She looks at me with a flicker of compassion in her expression. I feel my face flush with embarrassment for my mistress, who is incapable of praise and empathy. I bow for the lady and take leave of the room. As the door is closing I hear the lady say behind the sound of spoons stirring, "Felice stays."

I believe that today my emotions have been through some extreme highs and lows. My body is fatigued and all I want to curl up on my bed in a fetal position. Maybe I heard wrong, but I could have sworn I heard the lady say "Felice stays." That doesn't mean that the mistress is going to obey her. If I am to stay here alone, without any of the staff, how are things to get done? Nothing is making any sense.

Both gentlemen have left for the day, and so I check on their rooms once more. I have neglected the other gentleman's room today partly due to my tryst with the stranger earlier. The other gentleman's room is wide open and in disarray. I spend at least an hour cleaning and organizing, noticing the contrast from the strangers room.

This man has vast a collection of books, and it appears that he spends his time writing from all the scribbled papers I find in the waste-bin. On the side-table I notice a leather bound book with a strap of black leather going across and around it that looks like a gift meant to be opened. I carefully begin to untie the leather straps when I notice embossed in gold leaf, the word "Sehnsucht."

"Strange," I think to myself. I open the book and see what looks like a roster. A list of first names with a surname initial, then some sort of title with some in nonsense verse, and then a column that shows an amount. Curiously, I look for my Master's name and it reads as such:

◦ Benoit M.Benefactor 500,000 francs


Again I'm filled with more questions than answers. All I can hope for is that things will unfold and reveal themselves to me.

I am summoned again. This time the Mistress wants to see me in her chambers. I really am in no mood for her but I must go. I enter her room and see her standing by the window as if pre-occupied. "I am sending the staff away for some time but it appears your presence has been requested here. If I allow you to stay, you will have additional duties to perform. It's also imperative that you keep this information to yourself, and not share it with the staff before they leave in the morning," the mistress says still looking out the window.

"Mistress, I am very pleased to be allowed to stay and continue to be of service to this household," I say thankful that she is turned to the window and not privy to my celebratory expression.

"Here he comes," the mistress says leaving the window. I look out the window and see the masters car. Soon after, loud footsteps running up the staircase.

"What are you thinking my love?" my master yells while entering the room in a disheveled state.

My mistress gestures for me to remain. "Benoit, calm yourself," my mistress commands.

"Are you letting the entire staff go?" he asks.

"Why no Benoit. Not entirely," my mistress says while turning to look at me. The master comprehends and starts laughing while falling into the chair. Meanwhile I want to run. I don't need to be here caught in a quarrel between a husband and wife.

My mistress goes to her husband and gets on her knees in front of him before the master says. "You promised me that this wouldn't happen again. I can only take so much!"

"I know what's bothering you Benoit. I implore you to calm your frustrations. I'm going to release you right now," my mistress says coyly.

My master looks both to her and me in a panicked state. My mistress walks across the room to her vanity and proceeds to go through some drawers until she finds a chain with a key hanging off of it.

"Stand up Benoit!" commands the mistress.

He gets up reluctantly and my mistress unbuttons and pulls down his trousers. I can't believe my eyes. My master is wearing a horrifying iron cage against his organs that wears like an undergarment. I want to look away but I am fascinated by this display. Not only does the contraption look cruel, but it looks foolish on a full grown man like my master. I'm afraid that I may never be able to look at him the same.

"I'm going to unlock you now, but not for very long. I want to show the maid why you are being kept chaste. I want her to know why my husband is forbidden to touch his nasty thing," my mistress says.

She unlocks the device and sets the master free.

I wake to a pungent aroma of something resembling cleaning products and rotten food, and find myself looking face-to-face with the other gentleman. "Where am I?" I whisper.

"You are in your mistress's chambers. You fainted," the other gentleman says putting away his smelling salts.

I begin to sit up and adjust my attire, when the mistress appears to me and says, "Your absence downstairs is being duly noted. I advise you to go down and make as if you are preparing for a holiday like everyone else."

"Yes Mistress," I say.

I can't seem to remember what happened to cause me collapse in the Mistress's chambers. I head to the kitchen and chat with the staff about the next day's journey. It's very hard for me to pretend, but very easy for me to head to my room and mimic packing. When I get to my room, I find a simple rectangular garment box on my bed. I make sure my door is locked and open the box. There is a note on top of some tissue and I read it first.

Tomorrow morning you are to stay in your chambers pretending to be ill. Open your door for no one. After 9am come down to the kitchen wearing your new uniform. Discard this note into the fire.

I cannot tell who wrote the note but I do notice the same insignia on the card as I saw on the strangers forbidden leather bag, as well as the door at Rue de la Liberte.

I tear open the tissue carefully and see an intricate uniform with a short ruffled skirt and a high collar and bow accompanied with silk stockings, a new lace bonnet, and black satin undergarments with lace garters. I imagine myself looking very fetching in this, but I can also imagine how embarrassed I will be when I present myself to the kitchen in the morning.

While putting away my new uniform, I start to recall details about what may have prompted my swoon earlier. After my mistress removed the iron cage from my masters private area, I became witness to possibly the most meager display of male genitalia I have ever seen. Granted, I have not seen many naked men at my age, but I do know what a normal size pecker should resemble. If it was not for his pubic hair, I could easily mistake his willy for a child's. It was cruel for my mistress to humiliate him in-front of me. I will have to do my best to avoid any quarrels between my mistress and master in the future.

I'm much too tired to pretend to pack, so instead I set out to write a letter to my dear sister. So much has happened and I feel like a bad sibling for not having written since I obtained employment here.

Dear my beloved sister Talia

First, let me apologize for not writing sooner. Working as a domestic servant in Paris has been very different. The people here take tea late, eat 5 course meals into the eleventh-hour, and are very lessee fair about cleanliness.

My employment here began as very monotonous work, and now it has evolved into something else entirely (which I hope someday to divulge). The master and mistress of this house seemed pretty modest and not overly indulgent in their tastes, but I'm discovering that not to be true. It's strange how one can make assumptions about people so early. I have learned that I should probably distrust my own judgement.

My mistress is beautiful and elegant, but she is very cold. There are times where I feel she enjoys hurting and humiliating the staff. Luckily I've escaped her wrath and appear to be one of the more favored maids. The master is seldom seen.

Two gentlemen have come to stay here as guests and I find myself very fascinated by them. One of them in particular is alarmingly handsome and has been very kind to me. They just arrived two days ago so I cannot tell you their names.

Tomorrow the entire staff, except for myself, are going on holiday. I still don't understand why they are keeping me here, but I will not complain because they have just given me a beautiful new maid's uniform.

All I know is that nothing appears as it seems. I miss you terribly. Big hugs and kisses.

Love, Felice.